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We can't bring it up. If I talk about it he is leaving me.... Third update added

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Ok so Monday a little before noon I got an email from AT&T. It was the second time I received this same email! So I took a little more notice. It said that there was an unusually high volume of texts coming from one of our four lines. They wanted to make sure my line had not been crossed with another. So I start looking online at the bill. BIG FUCK UP ON MY PART! Turns out it was the hubby's phone. Now mind you on Monday while I was looking at the bill I didn't suspect anything! We just had a baby 2 weeks ago and he had been home with me for over 2 weeks. He wasn't acting any stranger than usual or anything.







So looking at the bill I do see ALOT of texts between him and one number in particular. However I thought it was a friend of ours. A male friend. Him and his wife have been in our lives for over a year now. So I ignored THAT number and kept going. Writing down every number I didn't recognize so I could ask him about them. Well after noticing a pattern of Monday-Friday 7am-11am and 12pm-4pm and nights after about 9 I started getting confused.







So I put the number into my phone. ANOTHER BIG MISTAKE! Her name came up. Not her husbands.







A little history here: Hubby and him worked together. in July he moved in with us for a month because they were having problems. It only lasted a month because he started missing her and wanting to see his daughter more and so on and so on. I encouraged him to give it another try with her. Well he did and it worked out for the better. GREAT! Well then he switched jobs. So he wasn't coming over nearly as much. She never really came over. The only time I would see him was on lunch and when he was waiting for her to get off of work. Well about 6 weeks ago I was put in the hospital. I was 33 weeks pregnant and my preeclampsia got really bad. I was transferred to another hospital 2 hours away because they thought we would have to deliver early. Well out of the blue she starts texting me. And I was weirded out by it because we had never really talked and I don't get along with females that great. A have bad experiences. Well I said something to hubbs about it and he was like oh just give her a chance. Maybe she is worried about you. Blah blah blah. So I talked to her occasionally. Well then I had ds2 on the first. While I was in the hospital my other 2 kiddos were sick and no one was wanting to deal with them. At least that's the story I got so he had to come home with the kids while I was in the hospital after having a very difficult labor that resulted in having an emergency c section. Baby's heart rate dropped really low my blood pressure dropped had to have blood transfusions just all kinds of crap. Now he was there for all of that but left about an hour after I had the baby.







Now back to Monday: I was instantly losing my mind. So I called him. MISTAKE #3. First I calmly asked if he was talking to her. He asked who told me that! WTF REALLY! So I blew up! And he told me that they had been fighting and she ha been asking for advice and shit! BULLSHIT! So I asked if her husband knew. And he says of course he knows I wouldn't go behind my friends back blah blah blah. Ok yeah BUH-BYE! And I called her. No mistake here. And I asked her why the fuck she was talking to MY husband. And I get the same answer. Oh they are having problems and she thought hubbs could talk to him and yeah. So i ask her. Does your husband know. Yeah he knows. Why wouldn't he know! Ok BUH-BYE! I instantly calle him!! Wanted to make sure they didn't have time to call him. He answered not knowing who I was. After I told him he was like hang on she is calling I said no dot answer I have something to ask you before she has time to lie to you. Caught his attention!! I asked if he knew they were talking. No. Are you sure? Well was it just a text or 2? So I told him about the email, took a picture of the computer screen so he could see. So on and so on. So we get off the phone and hubbs calls me back and asks if I called her husband. YEAH! DUH! And he goes off why did you tell him he's gonna kick my ass why would you do that I can't believe this. And then he says he has to go. That's it. Well I start looking more into the phone bills.







MISTAKE #4: So I am looking at the phone bill from oct 8th to Nov 7th. They talked NONSTOP! And 1 night in particular. The first. The night I was alone in the hospital. Well I asked his sister about not wanting to watch my kids. She said well I didn't say I wouldn't watch them I just told my brother they were fussing and I wanted to know what kind if meds to give them. And he came and got them. Well there was 16 picture messages and about 300 texts between them from the time he left the hospital and about 3 in the morning.







I think that's the part that hurts the most.







Continuing on through the bills. The beginning of oct he was on a job (oilfield worker) an he supposedly didn't have any service. Lets just say we didn't talk much for those 5 days. He talked to her nonstop.







And moving on further. They have been talking since her husband moved out!! And I fended for the dirty bitch! Ugh!







Ok well let me say I love my husband. I have a new baby and 2 toddlers. I am a stay at home mom. And have severe depression. There is no way in hell I can do it alone. Plain and simple. And I don't want to do it alone. We have been together for 5 years. I don't want that to just go down the drain. I don't want to lose something I love. I love my life. All of it. My husband. My kids. My shitty house. My car that will crap out soon. The fact that we aren't rich but we have everything we need. Maybe not all we want. But certainly everything we need. It's amazing that with him, I haven't had to take meds for my depression. I mean there are days where I get frustrated and a little bit distracted but I haven't had to take meds! It's an awesome feeling.







So I am instantly drawn into that familiar depression. And I don't want anyone to know because I have worked hard on the image we portray. The couple that never fights. Now don't get me wrong it's not often but I hate when couples let everyone know all of their business ya know. So anyways. I text him and told him I wanted to work things out. That I don't want this to be the end. That if he was ok we would get through it.







So he gets off and I messed up again. MISTAKE #5. I said I wanted to work it out but I couldn't help myself. I started asking questions. And I mean I really want to know but I guess I should t have gone off about it like I did. And I guess it kinda hit him he was crying and stuff. I don't know. I don't know if I care. It's like you hurt me and here I am still worried that I am hurting you. But he wouldn't answer any of my questions. Except when I asked him if they had sex. He said no. And I asked if he loved her. He said no. He wouldn't answer me when I asked if he cared about her. Or is he going to miss not talking to her. He just kept saying I don't know. I don't know. I hate that!







I will tell the rest in a few I need to be a mom for a little bit!!





First added extra comments page 1

Second add comments page 5
Third add comments page 7
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 14, 2012 at 3:42 PM
Replies (71-80):
chalisa0
by Platinum Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:16 PM

I agree.  It's like the ultimate betrayal.  Cheating is bad enough-but cheating immediately after giving birth is just callous.  

Quoting Litlmama87:

You had a baby, HIS baby, and before you could finish counting fingers and toes, he was out the door, focusing on this other woman.

That's what sticks out to me the most in all of this. My stomach dropped.


mommy_me
by ~The Three B's~ on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:25 PM

 Time to find a job and leave his cheating ass

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:26 PM
What ever works for you. It is not hard to get a new fb or a new phone though so checking those is not going to stop him. As for not asking questions he is hiding something. He doesn't want to tell you. I think that you are making a huge mistake. I think you are lying to yourself and staying for all the wrong reasons. I really wish people would not delude themselves into thinking their cheating spouses will change when that spouse can't even be honest and give all the facts or the whole story. I really hope you get it figured out, truly I do but my heart is breaking for you because I don't think he is going to change.


Quoting Anonymous:

Well he walks into the kids room behind me and told me that he loves me. He said I know I have hurt you. It hurts me to know. He said there where times when he realized it needed to be stopped he just didn't know how to say it. And I know he is a people pleaser and there are times where I have had to step up and be the man because he can't bring him self to piss people off. Regardless it's no excuse. He told me he didn't want things to be over between us. That since the middle or so of my pregnancy he has just been unhappy. The middle of my pregnancy is when the preeclampsia started and we hadn't really had a sexual life since then. That was back in the beggining of June. And I understand that. I had felt him a little disconnected. Getting frustrated quickly. Just little stuff. But I figured it would pass as soon as we had the baby and our life got back to normal.



I love my husband.



He says he does want to work things through. But I am overwhelming him with the questions. And he doesn't know what to say. So he says that we can talk. But he doesn't want to talk about her. Anything about her. If I keep bringing it up he isn't gonna be able to handle the stress. And it's a mistake he wishes he could take back.



I think about it for a second. Can I handle these stipulations? Do I want to be with him? Do I think it is gonna happen again? So I told him that I was ok with it BUT he had to earn my trust back. I told him I was going to keep checking the phone bills. I was gonna check his Facebook, I want him to be ok with that. And he said ok. He said he is positive I won't find anything ever again so I could check all I want as long as I didn't tell him when I was doing it or anything about it!



So yeah I am ok with that. I get to keep my husband, I am still going to check the bills, I will check his phone for Facebook and other things and I won't bring it up.



I'll add more soon.

wittyscreenname
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:31 PM
1 mom liked this

Not everyone just gives up their marriage at the first sign of problems. I don't think she's looking for sympathy, I think she's looking for someone to talk to. And I didn't see her begging him to stay. I think you need to not be such a bitch and maybe have a heart.

Quoting AVSpecWife4:

No sympathy from me. You want to put up with his shit, then that's on you. If you want people so sympathize, make him understand that shit is wrong, but you begging him to stay with you after that shit just disgusts me. Grow a spine. Leave him.


twinmommy27
by Ruby Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:31 PM
1 mom liked this
Just want to offer Hugs, big ones!!
I don't know if I could do it...but if you feel it's right for your family I truly hope everything works out!
Good luck with everything!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:32 PM
Immediately after a birth that her life was obviously at risk. F that. Id be gone for that alone.

Quoting chalisa0:

I agree.  It's like the ultimate betrayal.  Cheating is bad enough-but cheating immediately after giving birth is just callous.  

Quoting Litlmama87:

You had a baby, HIS baby, and before you could finish counting fingers and toes, he was out the door, focusing on this other woman.



That's what sticks out to me the most in all of this. My stomach dropped.


AVSpecWife4
by Ruby Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:36 PM
I still have no sympathy for someone willing to roll over and accept such sad one sided stipulations. Ill act like a bitch because maybe that's what she needs. I stand by my first response

Quoting wittyscreenname:

Not everyone just gives up their marriage at the first sign of problems. I don't think she's looking for sympathy, I think she's looking for someone to talk to. And I didn't see her begging him to stay. I think you need to not be such a bitch and maybe have a heart.

Quoting AVSpecWife4:

No sympathy from me. You want to put up with his shit, then that's on you. If you want people so sympathize, make him understand that shit is wrong, but you begging him to stay with you after that shit just disgusts me. Grow a spine. Leave him.


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wittyscreenname
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:39 PM

Gosh, I feel bad for your husband then, if you will just drop him without trying to work things out. That's a little sad if you ask me.

Quoting AVSpecWife4:

I still have no sympathy for someone willing to roll over and accept such sad one sided stipulations. Ill act like a bitch because maybe that's what she needs. I stand by my first response

Quoting wittyscreenname:

Not everyone just gives up their marriage at the first sign of problems. I don't think she's looking for sympathy, I think she's looking for someone to talk to. And I didn't see her begging him to stay. I think you need to not be such a bitch and maybe have a heart.

Quoting AVSpecWife4:

No sympathy from me. You want to put up with his shit, then that's on you. If you want people so sympathize, make him understand that shit is wrong, but you begging him to stay with you after that shit just disgusts me. Grow a spine. Leave him.



RaynesMommy07
by Platinum Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:39 PM
I would leave. The utter disrespect of leaving you in the hospital one HOUR after you gave birth to his child after bring sick for months IMO is unforgivable.
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Heather_309
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:39 PM
1 mom liked this
Exactly!

Keep in mind also that even though he is saying it's okay for you to check the bills, there are ways he can sneak around that.
He could get a prepaid phone and if he's desperate enough an alias Facebook page. I'm hoping he really did learn his lesson, but you need your P.I. (Private Investigator) eyes on this. Which means him buying a prepaid phone to talk to this homewrecker is likely. Especially since he refuses to talk about her, because it "stresses him out". BS! The person it is stressing out is YOU!

Had you NEVER caught him he would still be doing it! Think about it that way.

I'm so sorry to you and those babies, but don't be so dependent on him. It pains me to see women in this situation, and are so dependent on their husbands. You can do it, I did it with no help, several thousand other moms do too. You need to respect yourself enough to demand answers and if he doesn't give them have the strength to walk away. Remember: YOU deserve better and so do your kids!


Quoting LuLuThatsWho:

When you betray your spouse and seek forgiveness, you don't get to make the rules any longer.  Why are you the one needing to adhere to his stipulations?  Is this a joke?  He needs to man up, or you need to leave.  I'm sorry, but things will NEVER get better if you don't have closure.  You can't forgive him.  You don't even know what you are forgiving.  You need to know what happened so that you can make an educated decision.  You need to know:


1. Was there any physical contact?


2. Does he have feelings for her?


3. Did he ever tell her he loves her?


4. What were the photos exchanged?


There are probably more, but these are the ones that come to mind.  You can't make a decision to forgive someone when you don't know what they have done!


Quoting Anonymous:

Well he walks into the kids room behind me and told me that he loves me. He said I know I have hurt you. It hurts me to know. He said there where times when he realized it needed to be stopped he just didn't know how to say it. And I know he is a people pleaser and there are times where I have had to step up and be the man because he can't bring him self to piss people off. Regardless it's no excuse. He told me he didn't want things to be over between us. That since the middle or so of my pregnancy he has just been unhappy. The middle of my pregnancy is when the preeclampsia started and we hadn't really had a sexual life since then. That was back in the beggining of June. And I understand that. I had felt him a little disconnected. Getting frustrated quickly. Just little stuff. But I figured it would pass as soon as we had the baby and our life got back to normal.

I love my husband.

He says he does want to work things through. But I am overwhelming him with the questions. And he doesn't know what to say. So he says that we can talk. But he doesn't want to talk about her. Anything about her. If I keep bringing it up he isn't gonna be able to handle the stress. And it's a mistake he wishes he could take back.

I think about it for a second. Can I handle these stipulations? Do I want to be with him? Do I think it is gonna happen again? So I told him that I was ok with it BUT he had to earn my trust back. I told him I was going to keep checking the phone bills. I was gonna check his Facebook, I want him to be ok with that. And he said ok. He said he is positive I won't find anything ever again so I could check all I want as long as I didn't tell him when I was doing it or anything about it!

So yeah I am ok with that. I get to keep my husband, I am still going to check the bills, I will check his phone for Facebook and other things and I won't bring it up.

I'll add more soon.



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