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We can't bring it up. If I talk about it he is leaving me.... Third update added

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Ok so Monday a little before noon I got an email from AT&T. It was the second time I received this same email! So I took a little more notice. It said that there was an unusually high volume of texts coming from one of our four lines. They wanted to make sure my line had not been crossed with another. So I start looking online at the bill. BIG FUCK UP ON MY PART! Turns out it was the hubby's phone. Now mind you on Monday while I was looking at the bill I didn't suspect anything! We just had a baby 2 weeks ago and he had been home with me for over 2 weeks. He wasn't acting any stranger than usual or anything.

So looking at the bill I do see ALOT of texts between him and one number in particular. However I thought it was a friend of ours. A male friend. Him and his wife have been in our lives for over a year now. So I ignored THAT number and kept going. Writing down every number I didn't recognize so I could ask him about them. Well after noticing a pattern of Monday-Friday 7am-11am and 12pm-4pm and nights after about 9 I started getting confused.

So I put the number into my phone. ANOTHER BIG MISTAKE! Her name came up. Not her husbands.

A little history here: Hubby and him worked together. in July he moved in with us for a month because they were having problems. It only lasted a month because he started missing her and wanting to see his daughter more and so on and so on. I encouraged him to give it another try with her. Well he did and it worked out for the better. GREAT! Well then he switched jobs. So he wasn't coming over nearly as much. She never really came over. The only time I would see him was on lunch and when he was waiting for her to get off of work. Well about 6 weeks ago I was put in the hospital. I was 33 weeks pregnant and my preeclampsia got really bad. I was transferred to another hospital 2 hours away because they thought we would have to deliver early. Well out of the blue she starts texting me. And I was weirded out by it because we had never really talked and I don't get along with females that great. A have bad experiences. Well I said something to hubbs about it and he was like oh just give her a chance. Maybe she is worried about you. Blah blah blah. So I talked to her occasionally. Well then I had ds2 on the first. While I was in the hospital my other 2 kiddos were sick and no one was wanting to deal with them. At least that's the story I got so he had to come home with the kids while I was in the hospital after having a very difficult labor that resulted in having an emergency c section. Baby's heart rate dropped really low my blood pressure dropped had to have blood transfusions just all kinds of crap. Now he was there for all of that but left about an hour after I had the baby.

Now back to Monday: I was instantly losing my mind. So I called him. MISTAKE #3. First I calmly asked if he was talking to her. He asked who told me that! WTF REALLY! So I blew up! And he told me that they had been fighting and she ha been asking for advice and shit! BULLSHIT! So I asked if her husband knew. And he says of course he knows I wouldn't go behind my friends back blah blah blah. Ok yeah BUH-BYE! And I called her. No mistake here. And I asked her why the fuck she was talking to MY husband. And I get the same answer. Oh they are having problems and she thought hubbs could talk to him and yeah. So i ask her. Does your husband know. Yeah he knows. Why wouldn't he know! Ok BUH-BYE! I instantly calle him!! Wanted to make sure they didn't have time to call him. He answered not knowing who I was. After I told him he was like hang on she is calling I said no dot answer I have something to ask you before she has time to lie to you. Caught his attention!! I asked if he knew they were talking. No. Are you sure? Well was it just a text or 2? So I told him about the email, took a picture of the computer screen so he could see. So on and so on. So we get off the phone and hubbs calls me back and asks if I called her husband. YEAH! DUH! And he goes off why did you tell him he's gonna kick my ass why would you do that I can't believe this. And then he says he has to go. That's it. Well I start looking more into the phone bills.

MISTAKE #4: So I am looking at the phone bill from oct 8th to Nov 7th. They talked NONSTOP! And 1 night in particular. The first. The night I was alone in the hospital. Well I asked his sister about not wanting to watch my kids. She said well I didn't say I wouldn't watch them I just told my brother they were fussing and I wanted to know what kind if meds to give them. And he came and got them. Well there was 16 picture messages and about 300 texts between them from the time he left the hospital and about 3 in the morning.

I think that's the part that hurts the most.

Continuing on through the bills. The beginning of oct he was on a job (oilfield worker) an he supposedly didn't have any service. Lets just say we didn't talk much for those 5 days. He talked to her nonstop.

And moving on further. They have been talking since her husband moved out!! And I fended for the dirty bitch! Ugh!

Ok well let me say I love my husband. I have a new baby and 2 toddlers. I am a stay at home mom. And have severe depression. There is no way in hell I can do it alone. Plain and simple. And I don't want to do it alone. We have been together for 5 years. I don't want that to just go down the drain. I don't want to lose something I love. I love my life. All of it. My husband. My kids. My shitty house. My car that will crap out soon. The fact that we aren't rich but we have everything we need. Maybe not all we want. But certainly everything we need. It's amazing that with him, I haven't had to take meds for my depression. I mean there are days where I get frustrated and a little bit distracted but I haven't had to take meds! It's an awesome feeling.

So I am instantly drawn into that familiar depression. And I don't want anyone to know because I have worked hard on the image we portray. The couple that never fights. Now don't get me wrong it's not often but I hate when couples let everyone know all of their business ya know. So anyways. I text him and told him I wanted to work things out. That I don't want this to be the end. That if he was ok we would get through it.

So he gets off and I messed up again. MISTAKE #5. I said I wanted to work it out but I couldn't help myself. I started asking questions. And I mean I really want to know but I guess I should t have gone off about it like I did. And I guess it kinda hit him he was crying and stuff. I don't know. I don't know if I care. It's like you hurt me and here I am still worried that I am hurting you. But he wouldn't answer any of my questions. Except when I asked him if they had sex. He said no. And I asked if he loved her. He said no. He wouldn't answer me when I asked if he cared about her. Or is he going to miss not talking to her. He just kept saying I don't know. I don't know. I hate that!

I will tell the rest in a few I need to be a mom for a little bit!!

First added extra comments page 1

Second add comments page 5
Third add comments page 7
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 14, 2012 at 3:42 PM
Replies (91-100):
by Platinum Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 6:16 PM
1 mom liked this

1st your grandmother will understand and if you work it out will forgive him. Old people are awesome like the

2nd Why were you packing the kids clothes?  You are the mom, you are keeping the kids, the kids need stability, ergo he better hope he can find somewhere to stay. 

Take control!!

Quoting Anonymous:

So I didn't know whether or not to believe him about them not having sex. So I kinda tested him a little. I didn't tell him that I had looked that far into the bills. And I asked him how long they had been talking. He answered truthfully. I asked about the big job when he was gone a whole week. I aske about the night we had the baby. He was honest about all of it. Really uncomfortable talking about it but honest.

Then he said it. He wanted to take 'time.'

I instantly am shocked. Does he want her? Does he not want me? Does he not love me? Does he love her and he just isn't admitting it?

And I calmly told him that if he didn't stay and try to work things out with me it was over. I understand he made a mistake but I'm not gonna give him a chance to see if he has feelings for her.

So I start packing some clothes for the kids. Thinking what an i gonna do? do i mean it? it was spur of the moment. I love him. Why is he doin this to me? how the hell am I gonna tell my grandma that me and my husband aren't together? Is this really the end? Is it because he wants her?

by Platinum Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 6:24 PM

Here is the thing,  you can't keep this from everyone who cares about you and knows you. You need to talk to somebody who is involved in your life who you trust. A night of good sex does not fix anything and the fact that you can't even talk to him about it means that you are on your way to a really bad depression. I know, I've been there and done that. My ex didn't like me to talk to anyone if we were having problems and wouldn't let me see people who he thought I had talk to about him, he even said that he wasn't comfortable around my mom because she knew too much about our lives. I only made good choices after I chose to get perspective from people I love and trust. Magically the depression left too. 

Quoting Anonymous:

So Monday night: we drop it. He had this thing he had to do but he asked if I wanted to go. He said he would find a babysitter and we could just have a couple of hours to be us without the kids. Ok! So his sister watches all 3 of the kids and we had 4 hours to ourselves. An honestly the whole time was awesome. We had dinner and then did his thing. And then on the way home. It got quiet. An the horrible 'depression thought' kicked in. Just thinking and over thinking and rethinking. And I started to stare off into space and a few tears rolled down the side if my face. And he asks what's wrong. Snaps me back to reality but then I just want to slap him. Are you serious. What's wrong? Are you stupid? Wtf do you think is wrong with me?

So of course I said 'Nothing! Why?' And he just said ok.

Well yesterday I had my 2 week check up to check on my incision and to make sure I was doing ok. My OB instantly knew and asked which pills I wanted a prescription for. And I said is it really that noticeable. And she flat out told me she has known me since I was pregnant with my first child. And in the past nine months we have seen alot of each other. She said it might not be so easy for everyone else to see, but I can see it and I know you have a history.

Well right after the dr hubbs is ready to be picked up for lunch. So I go for him. We go pick up my older to and then head to the pharmacy. No meds. They don't have any until tomorrow. Ugh really.

Well between Monday night and last night I guess I had went off to dream land and started crying several times because I kept getting startled by him asking what's wrong.

And as long as we are doing something, or talking, or I am paying attention to something else I am ok. It's when I start to think.

So laying in bed last night I felt myself start to think so I started talking to him. I simply told him that when he saw me start to do it just hold my hand or give me a hug. Something to kinda jolt my mind but not to ask me what's wrong because he knows what's wrong with me! He said ok.

Well we had sex. And we took a shower together. And we had sex again. And it was awesome. The fact that I had a sex drive. I wasn't just having sex to please him. It was FOR ME! Being touched, feeling him against me, it was just surreal to say the least. And we feel asleep cuddling. I haven't been able to cuddle since I got pregnant. I was always tossing and turning and uncomfortable and then right after having the baby the incision was hurting. But it was amazing. It didn't hurt which was to my surprise.

I didn't have any bad dreams cuddling with him and when I woke up to feed the baby at 2 the bad thoughts didn't come.

Well I kinda woke up in the mood again at 5:30 so I scooted closer into him and started rubbing in him and we went at it again. And he went to take a shower and that was that.

And the thoughts didn't come. Until he left for work. And I'm depressed again.

So this is to help me kinda talk through my feelings without anyone in my life knowing what's going on. I feel a little bit better. I might read through some of the comments later. But I am sure 90% of them will be telling me to leave his sorry ass. And ya know before this happened to me I would have said the same thing. But it's his first mess up and yeah it was a big one being that we JUST had a baby. But I love my husband and I am willing to forgive him. I have faith that he loves me to and that he is truly sorry. And I really don't want my kids growing up living in 2 houses. Having 2 rooms because mom didn't give their dad another shot. I can't say what will happen if there is a next time. And I won't know until it comes to that. I pray that it never will but I will do everything in my power to make sure I take care of our marriage as best as I can. And I will be taking my meds to keep the thoughts from coming back.

by Anonymous 21 on Nov. 14, 2012 at 6:29 PM
Hope you woman up! At least leave for a couple days, make him sweat.
by Anonymous 22 on Nov. 14, 2012 at 6:31 PM

Time to kick his ass to the curb

by Ruby Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 6:31 PM
Why in the hell is HE getting to make the stipulations here? He should be kissing your ass, not making demands of YOU when he fucked up.
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by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 6:36 PM
Not to be mean but he is cheating on you. I have been through this..afraid to leave, I have 3 kids also. I tried to work it out,went to therapy and everything. He never changed. I finally kicked him out and we are getting divorced. Best decision I ever made! Sure it's scary and I have crappy days but it's better than being with someone I don't trust and have to question constantly. You either need to into therapy with him and work it out or tell him to leave. You are going to make yourself sick over me. Good luck to you, I hope everything works out for you:)
by Anonymous 23 on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:03 PM

I stayed with my dh after he cheated so I'm the last person to say once a cheater, always a cheater. But the way a person reacts when confronted with it, says a lot. that he had the nerve to tell you not to talk about it because it would stress him out, is the biggest load of bs i've ever heard. if you stay thats up to you, its your marriage. but if you let him get away with it this time, he will do it again and just get better at hiding it. because he knows you'll stay. dh jumped through a lot of hoops to get my trust back but at least i saw him fighting for our marriage. your husband is a tool for using your lack of sex as an excuse (if you had a medical condition that prevented it) then to let you have sex knowing you shouldn't be, because he guilted you into it wtf? there's just all sorts of red flags here

by Ruby Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:21 PM
wwhhewww girl id rip his ass a new kne!!.First K had a 28wker and the fact the enxt day he takes off and leaves is low.Its clear he is cheating and to.take hdr over your new child.Tell that bitch here is some marriage advice.Want to.stop hBi g problems in.your marriage quit cheating.Yea i would be DONE!!!His ass would be out the door or sleeping in the car
I get you love him I do.But he dont even have balls to.admit takes 2to make a marriage work.It would be different if he came out and said I cheated blah blah Can we work on things And is wilking to do counseling and the whole 9yards but he isnt even able
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by Ruby Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:37 PM

If he does this over a few months of no sex, he isnt worth it. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Well he walks into the kids room behind me and told me that he loves me. He said I know I have hurt you. It hurts me to know. He said there where times when he realized it needed to be stopped he just didn't know how to say it. And I know he is a people pleaser and there are times where I have had to step up and be the man because he can't bring him self to piss people off. Regardless it's no excuse. He told me he didn't want things to be over between us. That since the middle or so of my pregnancy he has just been unhappy. The middle of my pregnancy is when the preeclampsia started and we hadn't really had a sexual life since then. That was back in the beggining of June. And I understand that. I had felt him a little disconnected. Getting frustrated quickly. Just little stuff. But I figured it would pass as soon as we had the baby and our life got back to normal.

I love my husband.

He says he does want to work things through. But I am overwhelming him with the questions. And he doesn't know what to say. So he says that we can talk. But he doesn't want to talk about her. Anything about her. If I keep bringing it up he isn't gonna be able to handle the stress. And it's a mistake he wishes he could take back.

I think about it for a second. Can I handle these stipulations? Do I want to be with him? Do I think it is gonna happen again? So I told him that I was ok with it BUT he had to earn my trust back. I told him I was going to keep checking the phone bills. I was gonna check his Facebook, I want him to be ok with that. And he said ok. He said he is positive I won't find anything ever again so I could check all I want as long as I didn't tell him when I was doing it or anything about it!

So yeah I am ok with that. I get to keep my husband, I am still going to check the bills, I will check his phone for Facebook and other things and I won't bring it up.

I'll add more soon.

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:39 PM
He obviously wants her.

If he comes back to you it's because she isn't willing to leave her husband for him.
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