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Do you Borrow Money From SO?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

So I haven't worked since having our daughter in March, I've been living off my tax return to pay my bills and such. I'm running out and just got hired for a job but haven't started. (2 more weeks!)

So today I ask SO if he could spare twenty bucks ($20) for gas he says "yes, till when"?  As in when will I be paying him back?

I really didn't think it was that big a deal asking for a little money till I get a pay check. Am I wrong for not expecting to OWE him the money? I know he pays all the bills in the house, but the only reason I wasn't working for so long was becasue he switched his job shift (claiming that he would get more hours so he would have more money) making it harder for me to find a job around the kids.

I got a job and haven't started yet. I'm not lazy and sit around the house, I go to school online, cook clean and run errands for him. I don't ask for money generally. Hell yesterday I had to super glue my sneakers back together. My skin peeled for 2 weeks before I could get money to  get the proper lotion. I just feel that I shouldn't OWE him anything as far as the $20. Am I wrong?

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:25 PM
Replies (41-50):
kjsaes
by Bronze Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 10:37 AM

my SO  and i have a joint account for bills that we place our own share of our bills money into only, then i have my own account and he has his own account. Its more like does he borrow money from me. i manage my money so i have enough for two weeks, since i get paid bi weekly. He on the other hand gets paid every monday. But somehow by friday or saturday he doesnt have money. so of course i give him money why wouldnt i. no i do not expect him to pay me back, nor do i ever ask him to but usually he does in some way. Paying for all the groceries, if i take my vehicle somewhere and i need gas before we go he usually will fill it up, if my daughter needs money for school and i dont have the cash and he does he will give it to me to send with her. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:18 AM

No not married ( I can't picture him buying me a ring). We'll be celebrating our 4th christmas together we've live together for about 3 years.

He doesn't really buy me things. Like he buys food for all of us, he'll buy the one kind of beer I like (which honestly I could do without). Once he bought me flowers. the last few Christmas/birthday gifts were DVD's, but that was a couple years ago.

Not sure what you mean by "controlling with finances". He's the only one working and bringing in a check, so natuarally he controls all the money since he has it all. He pays all his bills plus the house bils/ rent. I show him a list of what we need from the market and he'll take me.

I'm not a "spender". We don't talk about money. I try to but he just sits there in silence. I've ask about getting a joint savings account to strat saving for a house. He said he'd rather get his own, he's not a fan of joint accounts. I don't feel like we're "building a life together". He only wants his name on the morgage. I refuse to move into "his" house. Think maybe its time to move on.

Quoting CoolRelax:

You refer to him in the post as SO.  Does that mean you are not married?  How strong is the relationship?  I would take it as a bad/weird sign if my hubs was hesitant to give me $20, even if the relationship wasn't on the marriage track at the time.  Does he never spend money on you?  Has he been controlling with finances since you haven't been bringing in a paycheck?  

You have to decide if "borrowing" money is going to be ok with you in your relationship, especially since you are going to work as well.  Have a talk with him about finances, and figure out what his feelings are and how you will combine and distribute your funds.  The quick answer is "his is mine and mine is his" but that doesn't work for every single couple, especially if you have different spending habits.  I'm the "spender" in my marriage, and I have less access to all the money than my hubs.  Someone else might be upset about that, but I understand it's one of the reasons that we still have a home and our bills are paid, lol.  Figure out what works for the 2 of you. 


UgtaBkdnMe
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:18 AM

That's very odd.

kzuehlk
by Platinum Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:21 AM
I work and he's a SAHD, so I don't get to borrow any money! Any money that comes into the house is "ours"
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Crazy-Steph
by Ruby Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:22 AM
1 mom liked this

Our money has been "our" money since we moved in together.  I cannot imagine having to borrow money from someone with whom I live with and have created a child.  You are a family.

MountieMama
by Gold Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:23 AM
I don't understand this way of doing things. We've had one accout way before we were married.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:23 AM

tell me about it, and over 20 little dollars!

I already feel like one of his kids. The other day after handling raw meat, he felt a need to tell me "make sure you wash your hands after". Seriously?!?! Everyone here thinks that its shitty, I'm thinking its time to pack my bags.

Quoting boshs1andonly:

even when dh and I weren't married, we shared money like we did. I think it's pretty crappy that the first thing out of his mouth is "until when" . 


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:24 AM

I'm married. We have a joint checking account. Its our money. If my dh ever asked when I could pay him back, even when we were first dating ,that would have been a big fat fuck you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:28 AM
You shouldn't have to owe him money back. I don't think I would like it if my husband did that to me. I stay home with the kids. If I have money left over from the money I get from my husband I will let him have some of it if he has no cash on him and he doesn't want to go to the ATM. Also I am giving my husband 90% of the money I am getting from my settle ebt from my car accident. I just ask him to leave me x amount of money for me to us on what I need. I will give him the rest to pay bills with.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:31 AM
um barrowing means you intend to give it back soooo no i just ask for it and he gives it to me
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