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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Advice needed Son hurting other children in class.........Update in red...

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:27 AM
  • 79 Replies

Our son is 6 years old he will be 7 in Feb.He has been hitting,smacking and pushing other kids at school.The teacher told me it started a little over a week ago.Well today when he came home there was a note in his planner.It said that he had been acting out in class and hurting other children.When I called the school and talked to the principle about it she told me he had choked one child and hit another.She told him that if he continued that he would no longer get to go into that class anymore.I told her that he has a doctor's appt in the morning to get a refill on his adhd medicine.But he has not been off of it at all since school started.I have been setting punishments here at home and sticking to them.I have tried taking away the tv,toy's,game systems,making him stand in the corner even a spanking.Nothing really works because he will find some other way to entertain him self.Well my neighbor has a paddle like the ones that are used in schools,I asked her to bring it over today.I showed it to him and told him if he continues with the bad behavior at school I will ask her to bring it over and that I would use it.I hate for it to come down to having to use a paddle on him but nothing else has worked.I did sign for them to paddle him at school this year if they have to because of what happend last year.Last year he hit a little girl over the head with a camera when I was called up to the school,it was either he got paddled or 3 day suspended.So I had to paddle him in front of his teacher and the principle it did work though.He was good for the rest of the year after that. He is in special ed first grade and when I talked to his teacher.He told me that some of the other children has been acting out too.I told my husband I feel like he is doing what he is seeing in the class room.They don't punish children in there except for telling them to stop and going on with what they was doing.What the principle means by him not getting to go into the other class is.Were trying to get him out of special ed and into regular kindergarten.The reason is so that he can catch up and learn what he needs to for regular first grade next year.The reason I had them put him back in kindergarten is because we feel he didn't learn what he needed to know last year at all.At the end of the year he didn't know his numbers or letters but is getting way better with it and learning more everyday. Any advice would be great.Thanks in advance sorry it's kinda long wanted to make sure I covered everything....


Yes he is in public school.I don't believe there is a behavior specialist there.The reason I say that is because if there was,they would have already got in touch with them.To help resolve the problems.Recently they have added and removed somethings from his IEP goals he has met.We have set up a meeting for the 27th of this month. With both teacher's and the school board to go over it.As far as his needs go the only thing they have told us is that he has a developmental delay.They really haven't given much information about it.I know he is having trouble learning things at school.But he can do anything you ask or tell him to here at home.Dressing him self,taking a bath,picking up toys,eating,I mean really the only true problem we are seeing is with him learning at school.I have looked up developmental delay on the net but can't find much info on it.I am going to make an appointment with his doctor to see about sending him to some specialistTo have him checked out and tested and to give us more information on it.We are trying to get him in the regular ed room for a few reason's.One we feel that he could do the work if he was pushed and challenged.Two in the special ed room it is constantly loud and noisey in there.Everytime I call up there I hear kids running around yelling it sounds like there is no control in the class room.We have went up to the school to pick him up and they are doing what they want.The way the class is set up is it's all special ed in one room.By that I mean kids with down syndrom autisim you name it there in there.I have no problem with children that has special needs.But they have cut out the extra class's for the children that needs more one on one attention and stuck them all together.They also have it set up that the child is in there for three year's meaning.They are in there for kindergarten first and second.Then when they hit third grade if they can't go into a regular class then the child has to switch school's.So yeah the school system here is really messed up.Also he has no communication issue's at all he usually gets along well with other children.I talked to his teacher's and principal they said they feel he is trying to be a bully to the other kids and we agree.He does try to boss both the teachers and other children.We did take him to the dr last week,they uped his medicine so hopefully that helps.The teacher said he is still trying to boss the other kids but maybe as it gets in his system he will get better.Also we do not allow him to watch or play anything that has violence in it.Anything he does watch or play his dad or I is in the room with him.If it's something new we watch or play it first to make sure it is ok.He has sevral movies and games and even shows on tv that I allow him to watch and playthat does not have violence in it.His dad and I do not argue around him or his sister.If we do not agree on something we either take it out of the room,or it is talked about later in private.So if an arguement comes up they are not around to hear it.Also he does see a councler at the center where he gets his adhd medicine too....

On another note I don't feel that paddling or spanking is abuse.Like is said in my first post at least 89 to 90% of the time taking a privlage away does work.But when he is hitting children at school or has tried to hit us and even his sister and I take something away,it dosen't work.If I have to give a spanking here at home or go to the school and paddle him.I will we are not going to have him grow up thinking it is ok to do the things he is doing and not get into trouble for it.Alot of my friends never really had there parents around when they was growing up and if they did something they didn't get in trouble by there parent's.So by the time they was a teenager they was in court or being sent off I will not have that with our son he will be taught to mind or be punished how we see fit.Thanks too the ones that did give advice because I asked for advice.I didn't ask to be told I was a bad mother for spanking my son or made feel like I am.I know that I am not a bad mother and will continue with what I am doing.

Sorry so long but wanted to make sure I included everything I wanted to say.

Thanks.

by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:31 AM
2 moms liked this
Introduce him to a spoon and a naked bum. He will stop
JenB1983
by Platinum Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:32 AM
1 mom liked this
Your school still uses a paddle? O.o
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angel1437
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:37 AM
2 moms liked this
Quoting JenB1983:

Your school still uses a paddle? O.o

Yes they do and it worked on him last year and if we have to it will work this year.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:40 AM
5 moms liked this

Is this a public school?

They should have a behavior specialist who helps children work through their behavior issues in a positive way. What's in his IEP? What are his needs? Advocate for your child to be integrated into a regular ed first grade class with academic support, behavior support, and OT, PT and Speech if he needs it. Depending on his needs, he may be having a hard time if the classroom is too overstimulating or too boring. Are the other kids in his class similar to him or are their needs significantly different from his? Can he communicate well? He could be acting out do to frustration if communication is an issue.

I can't really tell from your post, but it doesn't sound like your school is doing a very good job with special education if they are bouncing him from first grade to kindergarten, and paddling him to keep him in line.

I know it is frustrtating, but find out first what is going on with him before you resort to physically punishing him. 

Come up with a plan, clear and consistent. Do not allow him to hurt other children, but don't hurt him, either. Find out the root of the problem if you really want it solved. 

Candymonster
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:43 AM
1 mom liked this

._. don't fucking use the paddle on your 7 year old...that's my advice *for you


wtf keyboard, lol

AnnaNonamus
by Spanky Pants :) on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:47 AM
4 moms liked this

Holy Christ. In many areas, using an object to spank your child is considered abuse. It isn't a good form of punishment in the least.


My advice? Get a new doctor, and a child psychiatrist. He sounds like hewas a lot more going on than just ADHD. Kids with ADHD are not violent. Of course, if he's being taught at home and school that paddling is the response to misbehaving, then I suppose he is being taught that violence is all right. See what I mean? He's practicing what y'all are teaching. 


*eta: kids with ADHD are not violent as a result of their condition. It's not a symptom of ADHD. It could be his meds, but it is much more likely something else going on. A lot of disorders are initially diagnosed as ADHD erroneously. 

stickyfingers
by Platinum Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:49 AM
wtf really? they still do that shit in school? its not 1950! i suggest YOU go and help out in his classroom a few times a week and see whats really going on! dont let anyone spank your kid...there is more to this. amd if this is your first child please understand that teachers will do what is easiest for THEM to get your child to behave.
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rnmom4lif
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:52 AM

 have u tried a sort of behavior chart? mine is alittle younger but i did a chart and he would get to put a sticker on it each day he was well behavred (ie not hitting, etc.) at the end of the week if he had X amount of stickers he would get a reward. i found for me- my son responded much better to the prospect of a positive reward then to the threat of punishment.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:56 AM
She gave them permission to. It sounds like it was her idea.

Quoting stickyfingers:

wtf really? they still do that shit in school? its not 1950! i suggest YOU go and help out in his classroom a few times a week and see whats really going on! dont let anyone spank your kid...there is more to this. amd if this is your first child please understand that teachers will do what is easiest for THEM to get your child to behave.
stickyfingers
by Platinum Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 6:01 AM
i cant believe its even offered in school!


Quoting Anonymous:

She gave them permission to. It sounds like it was her idea.



Quoting stickyfingers:

wtf really? they still do that shit in school? its not 1950! i suggest YOU go and help out in his classroom a few times a week and see whats really going on! dont let anyone spank your kid...there is more to this. amd if this is your first child please understand that teachers will do what is easiest for THEM to get your child to behave.

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