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Moms, Why dont (some) of you have custody of your kids? ETA

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

How could you give them up so easily?


ETA: I'm being asked why this is directed toward women. Well lets see, men aren't allowed on this website and women are the ones that carry their babies in their wombs and give birth. Women will always have a deeper connection than a Father no matter what. Its the truth. 

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 17, 2012 at 9:48 AM
Replies (41-50):
sweetmissy_05
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 11:18 AM

Go ahead and bash I don't care......it doesn't bother me.....I know that everyone's situation is different and I don't judge other people.....and if you want to stoop low and claim anonymous go ahead...see if I care.  Your words aren't going to hurt me.  Besides this is Cafemom.

Quoting Anonymous:

Piss poor excuses.


Quoting Anonymous:

It wasn't that easy.....my oldest is a huge daddy's boy and the school system here isn't the greatest and he wanted to go live with daddy so he could stay in hockey and all that..he comes home a lot...he's only 40 miles away.

My 7 year old at the time I couldn't take care of him and he was very sick and my living arrangements wasn't the greatest and he was just a baby so I let him go stay with his dads.....his dad and I decided that it would be best if he stayed there, plus he's a daddy's boy and he has his school and friends there and I didn't think it was the best interest to pull him away from that. 




Anonymous
by Anonymous 15 on Nov. 17, 2012 at 11:38 AM

Good luck getting custody but I'm gonna tell you right now how hard it is for a BD to take custody from a BM who already has custody and who is not abusing or neglecting the kids or strung out on drugs. Just because she lives in an apartment with 15 other people and doesn't have a job doesn't mean she isn't taking care of the kids. I'm not a paralegal, but I'm someone who has been through exactly this.

When my SD was born, she lived in a 2 bedroom house with SD, BM's stepdad, her stepbrother, and her stepbrother's girlfriend. BM shared a room with SD and the stepbrother and his girlfriend slept on a blow-up mattress in the laundry room. She didn't have a job and refused to get one that she kept longer than a month or 2. DH didn't get custody the first time he took her to court (this was the absolute first time, to get his rights determined and custody set as they had never been married or together, this was not taking her to court for full custody...even though he asked he had no expectation of getting it, requesting full custody was a standard procedure). The second time he took her to court it was for full custody. She moved out of her stepdad's house shortly after the first custody hearing and moved in with a guy she was gonna marry. That lasted for 8 months, SD got attached, started calling him Daddy and shit was gravy. Then she broke up with him, moved in with another, and was pregnant all within a month. SD started calling this dude Daddy within a week. She didn't have a job, didn't want to enroll SD in preschool, didn't do much of anything. DH took her back for full custody and didn't get it. He did get more visitation time though, every other week. DH paid CS and all school costs, as she was ordered to put SD in school.

Fast forward another year. BM and her new baby daddy had broken up, she moved in with another guy, wasn't taking SD to school, SD was not thriving in school on the weeks we had her based on the differences between the homes, wasn't keeping a job, was neglecting SD by leaving her home alone (at age 5), allegations of drug use had come up. DH took her back to court again and won.

Point is, unless there is provable abuse, neglect, drug use, etc, don't think that you're going to waltz into court and just take custody. I don't know your situation but I've been in a situation like the one you are describing. It's damn near impossible to take a kid from a mom based only on the fact that she doesn't have a job and doesn't have her own place with bedrooms for each of her kids. Best you can hope for just with that is more custody time and less child support.

Quoting Anonymous:

they are twin 6 yr olds and an 8 year old and I'm sure they do not want to be away from their mother but it is whats best for them. she has no job (and hasnt had one since before they were born) and refuses to get one. she lives in a two bedroom apartment with her cousin, her cousins three kids, her, and her three kids...not that we think things will go any certain way but if the law knows what they are doing it will. We also will not take away all of her custody, she will have visitation because unlike her we have no reason to alienate her the way she did to their father.

Quoting Anonymous:

I have seen this kind of situation several times (I am a paralegal and I work for an attorney who does nothing but family law). Chances are, things are NOT going to happen the way you think they are. How do the kids feel about this? Do you think THEY want to be away from their mom? How old are they?

Quoting Anonymous:

BM will not have custody of skids in the next month, because she is a shitty parent who refuses to do anything to support her children and tried to hide them from DH...its been a long time comming but DH and his children will finally be reunited :)

 



Anonymous
by Anonymous 19 on Nov. 17, 2012 at 11:39 AM
1 mom liked this
Well, I have joint custody and am very happy with it.

I'm considering giving their dad full physical custody while I finish my pharmacy degree, which requires me to travel throughout the state for a year.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
CodenameDuchess
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 11:56 AM
2 moms liked this
I can think of lots of valid reasons why a mom wouldn't have full physical custody of their child(ren).

Not every woman suffers from Golden Uterus Syndrome.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 20 on Nov. 17, 2012 at 12:03 PM
I don't believe that...
I was just at a cps court hearing for my neice a few months ago her mom tried to say there's no money for a,lawyer the judge looked right at her and laughed and said u do NOT need a lawyer to petition court for custody. You said you don't even know where they are I'm sure you could have done some thing sorry that's just my thought I know alot about cps and the way they work


Quoting Anonymous:

Hmmmm. Very judgemental, who said it was easy?? My abusive ex TOOK my kid years ago. Cops wouldn't do squat because they don't "get involved", tried cps, I'll add that i was very young, I was just a young teenager. I was told I would Have to get a lawyer. No lawyer $$$. He has had him for yrs. I have not seen him. I have not spoke to him. I have NO CLUE where they live to even serve anything if I wanted to. I am now in a different state with my Dh and our Dd. Easy? Definitely not. 


AubreeGrace17
by Platinum Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 12:04 PM
Because some of them suck at parenting.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
BUFFIE.the.BODY
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 12:04 PM
Idk. I have my DS
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AllofFive19
by Ruby Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 12:09 PM
1 mom liked this

Some fathers don't have a choice. There are good mothers, and there are good fathers. Likewise there are bad mothers and bad fathers. There are also good parents who (for some reason or another) feel that the child would be better off with the other parent. Instead of being insulted by the OP they should be commended for thinking of the best situation for their children.

Quoting beautiful.GIRL1:

I dont think this should be directed at just moms. Fathers give up there kids all the time.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 21 on Nov. 17, 2012 at 12:11 PM
its crazy that you can just start a whole new life and basically just forget about your other kid because of the excuse of money. you should have been sterilized. the kid sounds better off without a crappy "mom" in his life anyway.


Quoting Anonymous:

Hmmmm. Very judgemental, who said it was easy?? My abusive ex TOOK my kid years ago. Cops wouldn't do squat because they don't "get involved", tried cps, I'll add that i was very young, I was just a young teenager. I was told I would Have to get a lawyer. No lawyer $$$. He has had him for yrs. I have not seen him. I have not spoke to him. I have NO CLUE where they live to even serve anything if I wanted to. I am now in a different state with my Dh and our Dd. Easy? Definitely not. 


tapies2324
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 12:15 PM

I am in a similar situation. Messege me if you ever need to vent to some who REALY understands. None of my friends have ever been where I am emotionally....know what I mean??


Quoting Anonymous:

Hmmmm. Very judgemental, who said it was easy?? My abusive ex TOOK my kid years ago. Cops wouldn't do squat because they don't "get involved", tried cps, I'll add that i was very young, I was just a young teenager. I was told I would Have to get a lawyer. No lawyer $$$. He has had him for yrs. I have not seen him. I have not spoke to him. I have NO CLUE where they live to even serve anything if I wanted to. I am now in a different state with my Dh and our Dd. Easy? Definitely not. 


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