And it is really depressing me.
But I can't really believe in those things anymore... It's black and white, there is just no way there is anyone "out there" watching us, there is no "white light, better place" we are going... Sorry, it just doesnt exist.
But I wish I still believed it, then maybe I wouldnt be so terrified of thoughts of dying... so terrified at the idea my existence is just going to stop, blink out like a blown light bulb.