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I don't think I am being unreasonable, what do you think?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

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Question: What do you think?

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reasonable

unreasonable


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Total Votes: 117

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I have 2 girls with my ex. He has them every other weekend from Friday after school till Monday morning, This means he has them a total of 78 nights a year, or 20% of the time with me having them the rest of the time. He was paying me about $190 a month for both girls (I make almost twice what he was making).

Recently, he lost his job and filed to amend the child support. I will now be paying him $471 for children that he has about 1/5 of the time while I have them the rest of the time. But whatever, I will deal with it.

However, he and his wife have a 3 bedroom home, she has 3 boys from a previous marriage who are with them about 1/3 of the time. While my girls are there, they sleep in the family room which I never really liked but I just figured it won't hurt them. But now that I am paying him child support, especially since it's that much, I feel my girls should have their own room there, they can have one room, her kids can have one room. So I requested while we were having the child support amended, that my girls have their own room (one room to share). The judge granted it. My my ex has a bug up his ass about it because his step sons now have to share 3 to a room. I think it is pretty reasonable for my girls to have their own room in a home that I am contributing about 1/4 of the income to (ex gets about $1000 a month in unemployment and his wife gets about $500 a month in child support.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 17, 2012 at 5:08 PM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 17, 2012 at 5:56 PM


Quoting bellaamore:

Just because you pay something, doesnt mean you get a say in how things go in their home.

He paid you, no matter the amount, and you had them most of the time, correct? How would you feel if he made it to where he had say over something in your house ?

Your daughters dont live there, they are mostly with you, and if it doesnt hurt them, i dobt see why its your business. 

It's my business because they are my children and I pay money into that household, a redicous amount of money for them to not be there that much. I mean if you don't count part of the mortage, really, what is that money going to? Food for 2 days?

littlesippycup
by Ruby Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 5:56 PM
1 mom liked this

That's just insane that you have to pay him child support. I'm glad they will have their own space and things there though. That's important to kids.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 17, 2012 at 5:57 PM

And I am not dictating anything, I requested something in court and the judge ordered it. Also, if it doesn't hurt my girls to sleep in a living room then surely, it wouldn't hurt his step kids to share a bedroom.

Quoting bellaamore:

Just because you pay something, doesnt mean you get a say in how things go in their home.

He paid you, no matter the amount, and you had them most of the time, correct? How would you feel if he made it to where he had say over something in your house ?

Your daughters dont live there, they are mostly with you, and if it doesnt hurt them, i dobt see why its your business. 


Elyce225
by Emerald Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 5:59 PM
1 mom liked this
Holy shit, you shouldn't be paying him a dime. And they sound have had their own room from the beginning.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:00 PM

What does it say to my DDs that they literally, don't have a place in dad's house? I never liked the fact that they were on the couch but there wasn't much I could do about it, now there is. The fact is, my money is now going to pay bills in that household when my children are hardly even there, on top of that, my ex no longer has to pay child support to me so at the very least, I am going to make sure that my girls FINALLY get what they deserve, a place of their own in their dad's home.

Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous:

So then they wouldn't have their own room, they would be sleeping in one of their step brother's rooms. I pay almost as much child support for my 2 as the boys dad pays for his 3 and mine aren't there eating and running up the utilities as much so yeah, there is no reason why one of the bedrooms shouldn't be for them

Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous:

But then that wouldn't be "their room". I think that as his bio children AND as I am now paying so much support, it is reasonable to expect that they have their own room (not get to use one of the rooms but one of the rooms belonging to them)

Quoting smurfbitebug:

Oh yes, I know. But there are creative ways to do so and still have it be the boys room while they are not there. For instance, the girls could have the closet and the boys a standing armoire. The girls, pretty pink bunk beds (were there two or three? Plus a twin if three) for the boys, Murphy beds they put up when the girls are there. There are ways.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh no, the idea is that the room is for the girl's use only. This way they can keep their own stuff there instead of having to bring everything back and forth. I also told him that he can use some of the child support to buy them some clothes to keep at his house (which he was really already supposed to have anyway)


Quoting smurfbitebug:

Hey, if it's court ordered, it is what it is! While I am sure three boys to a room can get hectic, he could come up with creative ways to deal with it.
Seeing as he only has the girls every other weekend, he could totally get creative with it and make it so that the boys only share the room every other weekend and kind of make the room interchangeable between the girls and the boys. Just an idea. Which you don't need to tell him. He is an* adult.. he needs to stop complaining and figure it out.



Until you said this I thought you were being reasonable. To insist the room remains empty for 26 days out of the month IS unreasonable. Yes the girls should have their own room to sleep inwhen they are there-yes they should have their own stuff in that room-but to insist it remain empty the other 26 days? unreasonable.


Yep you are being unreasonable. And frankly kind of mean. making them leave the room empty for 26 days every month. Shame on you-what are you teaching your daughters?  The one with the money can make the choices? How will this make their step siblings feel towards them?

It would piss me off, because it isn't reasonable.


bellaamore
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:01 PM


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting bellaamore:

Just because you pay something, doesnt mean you get a say in how things go in their home.

He paid you, no matter the amount, and you had them most of the time, correct? How would you feel if he made it to where he had say over something in your house ?

Your daughters dont live there, they are mostly with you, and if it doesnt hurt them, i dobt see why its your business. 

It's my business because they are my children and I pay money into that household, a redicous amount of money for them to not be there that much. I mean if you don't count part of the mortage, really, what is that money going to? Food for 2 days?

S if it changes back, and he pays you, can he dictate how many rooms you give your children? No. Because it isnt his business.


'i get say because i pay support' is not how you feel. If it was, he would have been able to dictate shit in your house. 

They dont live there, you dont want anyone else to be able to use the room, so y want ther to be a room that isnt used 80% of the time, and have other children that do live there more cramped into one room. Thats fair. Lol

bellaamore
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:04 PM

And this is why you are unreasonable.

Youre kind of a bitch, too. I feel sorry for your kids, and not for sleeping on a couch, but for what you are teaching them.

Quoting Anonymous:

What does it say to my DDs that they literally, don't have a place in dad's house? I never liked the fact that they were on the couch but there wasn't much I could do about it, now there is. The fact is, my money is now going to pay bills in that household when my children are hardly even there, on top of that, my ex no longer has to pay child support to me so at the very least, I am going to make sure that my girls FINALLY get what they deserve, a place of their own in their dad's home.

Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous:

So then they wouldn't have their own room, they would be sleeping in one of their step brother's rooms. I pay almost as much child support for my 2 as the boys dad pays for his 3 and mine aren't there eating and running up the utilities as much so yeah, there is no reason why one of the bedrooms shouldn't be for them

Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous:

But then that wouldn't be "their room". I think that as his bio children AND as I am now paying so much support, it is reasonable to expect that they have their own room (not get to use one of the rooms but one of the rooms belonging to them)

Quoting smurfbitebug:

Oh yes, I know. But there are creative ways to do so and still have it be the boys room while they are not there. For instance, the girls could have the closet and the boys a standing armoire. The girls, pretty pink bunk beds (were there two or three? Plus a twin if three) for the boys, Murphy beds they put up when the girls are there. There are ways.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh no, the idea is that the room is for the girl's use only. This way they can keep their own stuff there instead of having to bring everything back and forth. I also told him that he can use some of the child support to buy them some clothes to keep at his house (which he was really already supposed to have anyway)


Quoting smurfbitebug:

Hey, if it's court ordered, it is what it is! While I am sure three boys to a room can get hectic, he could come up with creative ways to deal with it.
Seeing as he only has the girls every other weekend, he could totally get creative with it and make it so that the boys only share the room every other weekend and kind of make the room interchangeable between the girls and the boys. Just an idea. Which you don't need to tell him. He is an* adult.. he needs to stop complaining and figure it out.



Until you said this I thought you were being reasonable. To insist the room remains empty for 26 days out of the month IS unreasonable. Yes the girls should have their own room to sleep inwhen they are there-yes they should have their own stuff in that room-but to insist it remain empty the other 26 days? unreasonable.


Yep you are being unreasonable. And frankly kind of mean. making them leave the room empty for 26 days every month. Shame on you-what are you teaching your daughters?  The one with the money can make the choices? How will this make their step siblings feel towards them?

It would piss me off, because it isn't reasonable.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:06 PM


Quoting bellaamore:


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting bellaamore:

Just because you pay something, doesnt mean you get a say in how things go in their home.

He paid you, no matter the amount, and you had them most of the time, correct? How would you feel if he made it to where he had say over something in your house ?

Your daughters dont live there, they are mostly with you, and if it doesnt hurt them, i dobt see why its your business. 

It's my business because they are my children and I pay money into that household, a redicous amount of money for them to not be there that much. I mean if you don't count part of the mortage, really, what is that money going to? Food for 2 days?

S if it changes back, and he pays you, can he dictate how many rooms you give your children? No. Because it isnt his business.


'i get say because i pay support' is not how you feel. If it was, he would have been able to dictate shit in your house. 

They dont live there, you dont want anyone else to be able to use the room, so y want ther to be a room that isnt used 80% of the time, and have other children that do live there more cramped into one room. Thats fair. Lol

He can make requests to the judge and if the judge agrees, then it will be ordered. Though as it happens, my girls  have their own bedrooms at my house. My job isn't about what's fair to his step kids, my job is to see the my children's best interests are being considered. Heck, is it fair that I am contributing 25% of the household income when my children are only there 6 nights a month? Really, his wife doesn't work so if they can't afford a place with room for all of them, his step kids should go live with their dad. That isnt' my place to say that though, so I don't, I am only conserned with my own children.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:07 PM

Treating them that they should have a place in their father's home?

Quoting bellaamore:

And this is why you are unreasonable.

Youre kind of a bitch, too. I feel sorry for your kids, and not for sleeping on a couch, but for what you are teaching them.

Quoting Anonymous:

What does it say to my DDs that they literally, don't have a place in dad's house? I never liked the fact that they were on the couch but there wasn't much I could do about it, now there is. The fact is, my money is now going to pay bills in that household when my children are hardly even there, on top of that, my ex no longer has to pay child support to me so at the very least, I am going to make sure that my girls FINALLY get what they deserve, a place of their own in their dad's home.

Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous:

So then they wouldn't have their own room, they would be sleeping in one of their step brother's rooms. I pay almost as much child support for my 2 as the boys dad pays for his 3 and mine aren't there eating and running up the utilities as much so yeah, there is no reason why one of the bedrooms shouldn't be for them

Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous:

But then that wouldn't be "their room". I think that as his bio children AND as I am now paying so much support, it is reasonable to expect that they have their own room (not get to use one of the rooms but one of the rooms belonging to them)

Quoting smurfbitebug:

Oh yes, I know. But there are creative ways to do so and still have it be the boys room while they are not there. For instance, the girls could have the closet and the boys a standing armoire. The girls, pretty pink bunk beds (were there two or three? Plus a twin if three) for the boys, Murphy beds they put up when the girls are there. There are ways.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh no, the idea is that the room is for the girl's use only. This way they can keep their own stuff there instead of having to bring everything back and forth. I also told him that he can use some of the child support to buy them some clothes to keep at his house (which he was really already supposed to have anyway)


Quoting smurfbitebug:

Hey, if it's court ordered, it is what it is! While I am sure three boys to a room can get hectic, he could come up with creative ways to deal with it.
Seeing as he only has the girls every other weekend, he could totally get creative with it and make it so that the boys only share the room every other weekend and kind of make the room interchangeable between the girls and the boys. Just an idea. Which you don't need to tell him. He is an* adult.. he needs to stop complaining and figure it out.



Until you said this I thought you were being reasonable. To insist the room remains empty for 26 days out of the month IS unreasonable. Yes the girls should have their own room to sleep inwhen they are there-yes they should have their own stuff in that room-but to insist it remain empty the other 26 days? unreasonable.


Yep you are being unreasonable. And frankly kind of mean. making them leave the room empty for 26 days every month. Shame on you-what are you teaching your daughters?  The one with the money can make the choices? How will this make their step siblings feel towards them?

It would piss me off, because it isn't reasonable.




smurfbitebug
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:09 PM
I didn't mean it like that. No need to get defensive. We just see things differently.

Quoting Anonymous:

My girls knowing that they have their own space at their dad's home is not a waste of space. Anyway, without the child support I am now going to have to pay, they wouldn't be able to afford the mortgage anyway


Quoting smurfbitebug:

Meh... maybe I just see it differently. I'm not saying you are being unreasonable but I see it as all the siblings sharing rooms in a different way so that one room doesn't stand empty 80% of the time. Which, IMO is wasted space in a household full of kids.



Quoting Anonymous:

But then that wouldn't be "their room". I think that as his bio children AND as I am now paying so much support, it is reasonable to expect that they have their own room (not get to use one of the rooms but one of the rooms belonging to them)



Quoting smurfbitebug:

Oh yes, I know. But there are creative ways to do so and still have it be the boys room while they are not there. For instance, the girls could have the closet and the boys a standing armoire. The girls, pretty pink bunk beds (were there two or three? Plus a twin if three) for the boys, Murphy beds they put up when the girls are there. There are ways.





Quoting Anonymous:

Oh no, the idea is that the room is for the girl's use only. This way they can keep their own stuff there instead of having to bring everything back and forth. I also told him that he can use some of the child support to buy them some clothes to keep at his house (which he was really already supposed to have anyway)




Quoting smurfbitebug:

Hey, if it's court ordered, it is what it is! While I am sure three boys to a room can get hectic, he could come up with creative ways to deal with it.
Seeing as he only has the girls every other weekend, he could totally get creative with it and make it so that the boys only share the room every other weekend and kind of make the room interchangeable between the girls and the boys. Just an idea. Which you don't need to tell him. He is an* adult.. he needs to stop complaining and figure it out.




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