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I don't think I am being unreasonable, what do you think?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

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Question: What do you think?

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reasonable

unreasonable


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Total Votes: 117

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I have 2 girls with my ex. He has them every other weekend from Friday after school till Monday morning, This means he has them a total of 78 nights a year, or 20% of the time with me having them the rest of the time. He was paying me about $190 a month for both girls (I make almost twice what he was making).

Recently, he lost his job and filed to amend the child support. I will now be paying him $471 for children that he has about 1/5 of the time while I have them the rest of the time. But whatever, I will deal with it.

However, he and his wife have a 3 bedroom home, she has 3 boys from a previous marriage who are with them about 1/3 of the time. While my girls are there, they sleep in the family room which I never really liked but I just figured it won't hurt them. But now that I am paying him child support, especially since it's that much, I feel my girls should have their own room there, they can have one room, her kids can have one room. So I requested while we were having the child support amended, that my girls have their own room (one room to share). The judge granted it. My my ex has a bug up his ass about it because his step sons now have to share 3 to a room. I think it is pretty reasonable for my girls to have their own room in a home that I am contributing about 1/4 of the income to (ex gets about $1000 a month in unemployment and his wife gets about $500 a month in child support.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 17, 2012 at 5:08 PM
Replies (41-50):
sheramom4
by Ruby Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:12 PM


Quoting gma12.1:

 I don't understand about you having to pay CS. I've never heard of that before. When my step dad lost his job his ex was making more than enough to support the kids and pay rent on a large 3 bedroom house he got his kids eow but when he went back to have the cs reduced it was never raised by the judge his lawyer or anything that she pay him anything.


I had to pay my ex-husband even though I had primary custody (we now have chared custody) because I had a degree and he didn't, therefore I was more marketable and my earning potential was higher.

schatzi869
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:12 PM
When we were kids and my dad moved in with my stepmom (they were engaged and she had bought it years before she met my dad) it only had one bedroom. They remodeled the attic so we had the upstairs to ourselves. We shared a room but it was cool.
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valdezmama
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:12 PM
1 mom liked this
I dont agree with it at all. No way in hell would I pay child support for children I support. Youre basically supporting the step children because he didnt care enough to have reasonable accommodations for your children to begin with. I would have rather given him a break and let him not pay child support for awhile rather than pay him. That just sounds ridiculous.
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bellaamore
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:15 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

Treating them that they should have a place in their father's home?

Quoting bellaamore:

And this is why you are unreasonable.

Youre kind of a bitch, too. I feel sorry for your kids, and not for sleeping on a couch, but for what you are teaching them.

Quoting Anonymous:

What does it say to my DDs that they literally, don't have a place in dad's house? I never liked the fact that they were on the couch but there wasn't much I could do about it, now there is. The fact is, my money is now going to pay bills in that household when my children are hardly even there, on top of that, my ex no longer has to pay child support to me so at the very least, I am going to make sure that my girls FINALLY get what they deserve, a place of their own in their dad's home.

Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous:

So then they wouldn't have their own room, they would be sleeping in one of their step brother's rooms. I pay almost as much child support for my 2 as the boys dad pays for his 3 and mine aren't there eating and running up the utilities as much so yeah, there is no reason why one of the bedrooms shouldn't be for them

Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous:

But then that wouldn't be "their room". I think that as his bio children AND as I am now paying so much support, it is reasonable to expect that they have their own room (not get to use one of the rooms but one of the rooms belonging to them)

Quoting smurfbitebug:

Oh yes, I know. But there are creative ways to do so and still have it be the boys room while they are not there. For instance, the girls could have the closet and the boys a standing armoire. The girls, pretty pink bunk beds (were there two or three? Plus a twin if three) for the boys, Murphy beds they put up when the girls are there. There are ways.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh no, the idea is that the room is for the girl's use only. This way they can keep their own stuff there instead of having to bring everything back and forth. I also told him that he can use some of the child support to buy them some clothes to keep at his house (which he was really already supposed to have anyway)


Quoting smurfbitebug:

Hey, if it's court ordered, it is what it is! While I am sure three boys to a room can get hectic, he could come up with creative ways to deal with it.
Seeing as he only has the girls every other weekend, he could totally get creative with it and make it so that the boys only share the room every other weekend and kind of make the room interchangeable between the girls and the boys. Just an idea. Which you don't need to tell him. He is an* adult.. he needs to stop complaining and figure it out.



Until you said this I thought you were being reasonable. To insist the room remains empty for 26 days out of the month IS unreasonable. Yes the girls should have their own room to sleep inwhen they are there-yes they should have their own stuff in that room-but to insist it remain empty the other 26 days? unreasonable.


Yep you are being unreasonable. And frankly kind of mean. making them leave the room empty for 26 days every month. Shame on you-what are you teaching your daughters?  The one with the money can make the choices? How will this make their step siblings feel towards them?

It would piss me off, because it isn't reasonable.




You are being vindictive, and teaching them to do the same. He who hold the money makes the rules isnt such a grand game when you end up on the short end of the stick.

In reality, you are going to make their life harderr. Their step siblings are going to resemt them andtreat them differrently because of the situation you forced them into. Their step other is going to feel differently about them because her children are being treated differrently just because your kids visit. There is going to be more fighting and it will be more hectic between the kids and parents that live there, and when your kids are there, it will be felt.


Hell, maybe dad will resent that you are making his homelife harder. 

Then, sure, they have a physical place there, but they will have no one there for them emotionally anymore.


But, you know, if that is worth it to you, go ahead and teach your kids this lesson. They matter above anyone else, and always should. No one else gets comfort as long as they are around. And when it backfires, i hope their dad laughs in your face.

valdezmama
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:22 PM
I get about $1000/mo in cs... and every six months or so DS dad and his gf get these ideas that thet can start saying crap and bossing me around like Im the help. Theyll say my kid needs new stuff (which he doesnt) and finally Ill get the "well what does my cs money go to then??"

To which I nicely reply "its none of your fucking business" and they get pissed and dont come see my son or pick him up.

So i have to agree its not your place to dictate what happens at his house just cause you have power panties on and are paying cs.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:28 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you are being unreasonable because it seems like how you feel about them having their own room is directly tied to you having to pay child support. It was ok before, but now it seems you are pissed that you have to pay (which I would be too) so now you are making it an issue.

I get that your children should have their own space, but to demand that one of the two rooms stay empty 80% of the time so it can be "theirs" seems pretty petty to me. I think that a more reasonable solution would be that you put two sets of bunk beds in it and make half of one of the rooms theirs.

How would you feel if you married a man with kids, and a room in your home when you had limited space had to remain empty 80% of the time so they could sleep in it while your three kids were all sleeping in one room?

TranquilMind
by Ruby Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:30 PM
2 moms liked this

Doesn't anyone get married and stay married to the person with whom they had children anymore?   Solves all these problems.

roardiva
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:34 PM

this is correct 100% all hes dong is begrudgingly giving them a room to sleep in. hes not supporting his kids at all you are.

Quoting Princesitamoni:

Imo i think it's reasonable and you shouldn't be paying child support. It's like your paying for your kids 100%. And he's not supporting them anymore. I can't believe he'd make his OWN kids sleep on the couch so that his stepkids can have a room.


">I am a hard nosed, tell you like it is, loud music, hard rocking, curse word using, pro choice politically pro life personally, CIO is BS and so is picking up your child for every lil cry, dont give a shit if you're BFing or FFing so long as the baby is getting fed, non smoking, non drinking mom! 
If you have a problem with that you can just step the fuck off cuz i dont care about your opinion.
opal10161973
by Ruby Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:37 PM

I can see why though.  Who knows what the boys would do to their stuff, while they aren't there?  If the room remains empty, without someone using it even to sleep in, then the chances of their things getting lost or broken on accident, decreases.  If he wants it to be their home, too, then he needs to do it to make them feel welcome, not like visitors in their father's home. 

Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous:

But then that wouldn't be "their room". I think that as his bio children AND as I am now paying so much support, it is reasonable to expect that they have their own room (not get to use one of the rooms but one of the rooms belonging to them)

Quoting smurfbitebug:

Oh yes, I know. But there are creative ways to do so and still have it be the boys room while they are not there. For instance, the girls could have the closet and the boys a standing armoire. The girls, pretty pink bunk beds (were there two or three? Plus a twin if three) for the boys, Murphy beds they put up when the girls are there. There are ways.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh no, the idea is that the room is for the girl's use only. This way they can keep their own stuff there instead of having to bring everything back and forth. I also told him that he can use some of the child support to buy them some clothes to keep at his house (which he was really already supposed to have anyway)


Quoting smurfbitebug:

Hey, if it's court ordered, it is what it is! While I am sure three boys to a room can get hectic, he could come up with creative ways to deal with it.
Seeing as he only has the girls every other weekend, he could totally get creative with it and make it so that the boys only share the room every other weekend and kind of make the room interchangeable between the girls and the boys. Just an idea. Which you don't need to tell him. He is an* adult.. he needs to stop complaining and figure it out.



Until you said this I thought you were being reasonable. To insist the room remains empty for 26 days out of the month IS unreasonable. Yes the girls should have their own room to sleep inwhen they are there-yes they should have their own stuff in that room-but to insist it remain empty the other 26 days? unreasonable.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:39 PM

I'm sorry, but I don't believe you. A non custosial parent collecting support from the custodial parent? I have NEVER heard of such a thing.

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