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I don't think I am being unreasonable, what do you think?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

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Question: What do you think?

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reasonable

unreasonable


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Total Votes: 117

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I have 2 girls with my ex. He has them every other weekend from Friday after school till Monday morning, This means he has them a total of 78 nights a year, or 20% of the time with me having them the rest of the time. He was paying me about $190 a month for both girls (I make almost twice what he was making).

Recently, he lost his job and filed to amend the child support. I will now be paying him $471 for children that he has about 1/5 of the time while I have them the rest of the time. But whatever, I will deal with it.

However, he and his wife have a 3 bedroom home, she has 3 boys from a previous marriage who are with them about 1/3 of the time. While my girls are there, they sleep in the family room which I never really liked but I just figured it won't hurt them. But now that I am paying him child support, especially since it's that much, I feel my girls should have their own room there, they can have one room, her kids can have one room. So I requested while we were having the child support amended, that my girls have their own room (one room to share). The judge granted it. My my ex has a bug up his ass about it because his step sons now have to share 3 to a room. I think it is pretty reasonable for my girls to have their own room in a home that I am contributing about 1/4 of the income to (ex gets about $1000 a month in unemployment and his wife gets about $500 a month in child support.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 17, 2012 at 5:08 PM
Replies (61-70):
Nunyabusiness
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 7:19 PM


Quoting wkukid:

I don't think they should have been sleeping in a family room to begin with. If they didn't have space for the kids he shouldn't have took them.

this

amomynous_j
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 7:19 PM

completely reasonable from the get-go.

what isn't reasonable is you paying child support to someone that doesn't even have them more than you. that's jacked up.

IWantOneMorePlz
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 7:22 PM


Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous:

So then they wouldn't have their own room, they would be sleeping in one of their step brother's rooms. I pay almost as much child support for my 2 as the boys dad pays for his 3 and mine aren't there eating and running up the utilities as much so yeah, there is no reason why one of the bedrooms shouldn't be for them

Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous:

But then that wouldn't be "their room". I think that as his bio children AND as I am now paying so much support, it is reasonable to expect that they have their own room (not get to use one of the rooms but one of the rooms belonging to them)

Quoting smurfbitebug:

Oh yes, I know. But there are creative ways to do so and still have it be the boys room while they are not there. For instance, the girls could have the closet and the boys a standing armoire. The girls, pretty pink bunk beds (were there two or three? Plus a twin if three) for the boys, Murphy beds they put up when the girls are there. There are ways.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh no, the idea is that the room is for the girl's use only. This way they can keep their own stuff there instead of having to bring everything back and forth. I also told him that he can use some of the child support to buy them some clothes to keep at his house (which he was really already supposed to have anyway)


Quoting smurfbitebug:

Hey, if it's court ordered, it is what it is! While I am sure three boys to a room can get hectic, he could come up with creative ways to deal with it.
Seeing as he only has the girls every other weekend, he could totally get creative with it and make it so that the boys only share the room every other weekend and kind of make the room interchangeable between the girls and the boys. Just an idea. Which you don't need to tell him. He is an* adult.. he needs to stop complaining and figure it out.



Until you said this I thought you were being reasonable. To insist the room remains empty for 26 days out of the month IS unreasonable. Yes the girls should have their own room to sleep inwhen they are there-yes they should have their own stuff in that room-but to insist it remain empty the other 26 days? unreasonable.


Yep you are being unreasonable. And frankly kind of mean. making them leave the room empty for 26 days every month. Shame on you-what are you teaching your daughters?  The one with the money can make the choices? How will this make their step siblings feel towards them?

It would piss me off, because it isn't reasonable.

So, step sons are more important than HIS daughters?  

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 17, 2012 at 7:23 PM

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 

Quoting bellaamore:

Just because you pay something, doesnt mean you get a say in how things go in their home.

He paid you, no matter the amount, and you had them most of the time, correct? How would you feel if he made it to where he had say over something in your house ?

Your daughters dont live there, they are mostly with you, and if it doesnt hurt them, i dobt see why its your business. 

It's my business because they are my children and I pay money into that household, a redicous amount of money for them to not be there that much. I mean if you don't count part of the mortage, really, what is that money going to? Food for 2 days?

 You had me until you started making statements such as this. Your ex had no say in how you spent the CS he was paying you. He didn't dictate how you ran things in your home. This is not how it works with CS honey. You pay it because the court ordered it so, you get no say in how it is spent or how they run their home when your children are there.

I agree that the girls should have had a bedroom to sleep in while they are there, but to say that only the girls can use that bedroom is absurd, especially when they only live there EOWE. You my dear are being ridiculous and VERY unreasonable.

This is how we end up with kids who feel entitled. You are teaching your kids that they should be catered to because mommy pays daddy money.

 

 

Tea4Tas
by Ruby Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 7:27 PM


Quoting IWantOneMorePlz:


Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous:

So then they wouldn't have their own room, they would be sleeping in one of their step brother's rooms. I pay almost as much child support for my 2 as the boys dad pays for his 3 and mine aren't there eating and running up the utilities as much so yeah, there is no reason why one of the bedrooms shouldn't be for them

Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous:

But then that wouldn't be "their room". I think that as his bio children AND as I am now paying so much support, it is reasonable to expect that they have their own room (not get to use one of the rooms but one of the rooms belonging to them)

Quoting smurfbitebug:

Oh yes, I know. But there are creative ways to do so and still have it be the boys room while they are not there. For instance, the girls could have the closet and the boys a standing armoire. The girls, pretty pink bunk beds (were there two or three? Plus a twin if three) for the boys, Murphy beds they put up when the girls are there. There are ways.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh no, the idea is that the room is for the girl's use only. This way they can keep their own stuff there instead of having to bring everything back and forth. I also told him that he can use some of the child support to buy them some clothes to keep at his house (which he was really already supposed to have anyway)


Quoting smurfbitebug:

Hey, if it's court ordered, it is what it is! While I am sure three boys to a room can get hectic, he could come up with creative ways to deal with it.
Seeing as he only has the girls every other weekend, he could totally get creative with it and make it so that the boys only share the room every other weekend and kind of make the room interchangeable between the girls and the boys. Just an idea. Which you don't need to tell him. He is an* adult.. he needs to stop complaining and figure it out.



Until you said this I thought you were being reasonable. To insist the room remains empty for 26 days out of the month IS unreasonable. Yes the girls should have their own room to sleep inwhen they are there-yes they should have their own stuff in that room-but to insist it remain empty the other 26 days? unreasonable.


Yep you are being unreasonable. And frankly kind of mean. making them leave the room empty for 26 days every month. Shame on you-what are you teaching your daughters?  The one with the money can make the choices? How will this make their step siblings feel towards them?

It would piss me off, because it isn't reasonable.

So, step sons are more important than HIS daughters?  

Who said that? but the fact is that the room will sit EMPTY for 26 days out of every month. While the boys are crammed 3 to a room. How is that reasonable? REASONABLE (once again) is having some of thei rown stuff there ( room in the closet) and a neutral decor-or even neutral decor with  2 sets of girly sheets for when the girls are there.

Reasonable is NOT an empty bedroom for 26 days.

IWantOneMorePlz
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 7:30 PM


Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting IWantOneMorePlz:


Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous:

So then they wouldn't have their own room, they would be sleeping in one of their step brother's rooms. I pay almost as much child support for my 2 as the boys dad pays for his 3 and mine aren't there eating and running up the utilities as much so yeah, there is no reason why one of the bedrooms shouldn't be for them

Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous:

But then that wouldn't be "their room". I think that as his bio children AND as I am now paying so much support, it is reasonable to expect that they have their own room (not get to use one of the rooms but one of the rooms belonging to them)

Quoting smurfbitebug:

Oh yes, I know. But there are creative ways to do so and still have it be the boys room while they are not there. For instance, the girls could have the closet and the boys a standing armoire. The girls, pretty pink bunk beds (were there two or three? Plus a twin if three) for the boys, Murphy beds they put up when the girls are there. There are ways.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh no, the idea is that the room is for the girl's use only. This way they can keep their own stuff there instead of having to bring everything back and forth. I also told him that he can use some of the child support to buy them some clothes to keep at his house (which he was really already supposed to have anyway)


Quoting smurfbitebug:

Hey, if it's court ordered, it is what it is! While I am sure three boys to a room can get hectic, he could come up with creative ways to deal with it.
Seeing as he only has the girls every other weekend, he could totally get creative with it and make it so that the boys only share the room every other weekend and kind of make the room interchangeable between the girls and the boys. Just an idea. Which you don't need to tell him. He is an* adult.. he needs to stop complaining and figure it out.



Until you said this I thought you were being reasonable. To insist the room remains empty for 26 days out of the month IS unreasonable. Yes the girls should have their own room to sleep inwhen they are there-yes they should have their own stuff in that room-but to insist it remain empty the other 26 days? unreasonable.


Yep you are being unreasonable. And frankly kind of mean. making them leave the room empty for 26 days every month. Shame on you-what are you teaching your daughters?  The one with the money can make the choices? How will this make their step siblings feel towards them?

It would piss me off, because it isn't reasonable.

So, step sons are more important than HIS daughters?  

Who said that? but the fact is that the room will sit EMPTY for 26 days out of every month. While the boys are crammed 3 to a room. How is that reasonable? REASONABLE (once again) is having some of thei rown stuff there ( room in the closet) and a neutral decor-or even neutral decor with  2 sets of girly sheets for when the girls are there.

Reasonable is NOT an empty bedroom for 26 days.

Reasonable would be having their OWN ROOM that is THEIR'S.  Otherwise, they are visitors, they don't belong there.  So, with their own room, they belong.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 17, 2012 at 7:31 PM
1 mom liked this
If the father cared more he could take her to see them more and it wouldn't be empty that many days in a month.
Quoting Tea4Tas:



Quoting IWantOneMorePlz:



Quoting Tea4Tas:



Quoting Anonymous:

So then they wouldn't have their own room, they would be sleeping in one of their step brother's rooms. I pay almost as much child support for my 2 as the boys dad pays for his 3 and mine aren't there eating and running up the utilities as much so yeah, there is no reason why one of the bedrooms shouldn't be for them


Quoting Tea4Tas:



Quoting Anonymous:

But then that wouldn't be "their room". I think that as his bio children AND as I am now paying so much support, it is reasonable to expect that they have their own room (not get to use one of the rooms but one of the rooms belonging to them)


Quoting smurfbitebug:

Oh yes, I know. But there are creative ways to do so and still have it be the boys room while they are not there. For instance, the girls could have the closet and the boys a standing armoire. The girls, pretty pink bunk beds (were there two or three? Plus a twin if three) for the boys, Murphy beds they put up when the girls are there. There are ways.



Quoting Anonymous:

Oh no, the idea is that the room is for the girl's use only. This way they can keep their own stuff there instead of having to bring everything back and forth. I also told him that he can use some of the child support to buy them some clothes to keep at his house (which he was really already supposed to have anyway)





Quoting smurfbitebug:

Hey, if it's court ordered, it is what it is! While I am sure three boys to a room can get hectic, he could come up with creative ways to deal with it.
Seeing as he only has the girls every other weekend, he could totally get creative with it and make it so that the boys only share the room every other weekend and kind of make the room interchangeable between the girls and the boys. Just an idea. Which you don't need to tell him. He is an* adult.. he needs to stop complaining and figure it out.



Until you said this I thought you were being reasonable. To insist the room remains empty for 26 days out of the month IS unreasonable. Yes the girls should have their own room to sleep inwhen they are there-yes they should have their own stuff in that room-but to insist it remain empty the other 26 days? unreasonable.


Yep you are being unreasonable. And frankly kind of mean. making them leave the room empty for 26 days every month. Shame on you-what are you teaching your daughters?  The one with the money can make the choices? How will this make their step siblings feel towards them?

It would piss me off, because it isn't reasonable.

So, step sons are more important than HIS daughters?  

Who said that? but the fact is that the room will sit EMPTY for 26 days out of every month. While the boys are crammed 3 to a room. How is that reasonable? REASONABLE (once again) is having some of thei rown stuff there ( room in the closet) and a neutral decor-or even neutral decor with  2 sets of girly sheets for when the girls are there.

Reasonable is NOT an empty bedroom for 26 days.

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the4mutts
by Bronze Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 7:49 PM
Completely reasonable. My ex lived with his sister for a while whe we split up. When I found out that it was a 3 bedroom place, *we have 2 girls & a boy together* meaning my 3 kids shared a room, while dad had his own room, I had a fit. I do not let 2 girls & a boy share a room. They were changing together, and sleeping together because there was ONE full sized bed...
No way, not going to happen, that was way too much, IMO.

I told him he couldn't have them overnight again until he moved back into our old place *which was sitting vacant* or got himself a new one. We had no court order, so I could do that.
Luckily, He cared more about them being able to stay the night, and bought a new house. He's a great dad that while he's dense and doesn't think a lot of things through, he loves them so much. When I pointed out what was wrong with the situation, he imediately went "well shit I didn't even think of it that way" and fixed it.

My point, been in your similar shoes, so I know what you mean, and I agree with you. Mine just happened to work out better because my ex husband is a great dad.
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scperdomo
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 7:52 PM
I've read through 7 pages of replies and I have to say, OP, I completely agree with you.
First, it is completely asinine that you have been ordered to pay support when you are the custodial parent.
It is even more ridiculous that you had to request that your children have some personal space at their own dad's house.

Also, people seem to be making a big deal about this room sitting empty part of the time while the boys are "crammed" in this other room, but didn't you say that the boys are only there part time as well?

Either way, you are NOT being unreasonable.
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the4mutts
by Bronze Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 7:59 PM
As far as the 3 step sons, well tough crap. They're not her kids, not her concern, and its their MOTHER'S job to figure something out. Like maybe convert the family room into a large bedroom so that even though they share, its not cramped.
I started seeing my current s/o 4.5 years ago, after my ex & I split up. He has a 16 y/o son, who refuses to come visit since he was 13. Why? Because he had to share a room with MY son. He had his own bed, own storage space, own side of the closet, just like if they were real brothers. Oh, and HIS storage, had locks on it. My sn couldn't touch his stuff when he was gone.
He didn't like that I treated him like one of my own, instead of a special guest in the house. In his mind, my son should have left the room every weekend, and slept in my room, or his sister's room.
So, I learned then and there that my top priority would be MY kids, step son or no step son. I told my s/o he could compromise with his son, and I would abide by whatever decision they came to, as long as my son would not be forced from his room each weekend.
The kid said fuck that and never came back. Maybe its my fault, maybe not, but my son was 6 at the time. Very impressionable. *shrug* oh well. I did my best.
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