Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I think I made a nice offer and he is being greedy to ask for more~~ I just thought of something

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Me and my ex have a child together, he pays $750 and makes $3600 a month, this is according to the child support enforcement guidelines. We are both married to other people and have other children, I have 4 other children, he has 2 with one on the way.

He called me and told me that he might have a problem with paying his child support for a while because his wife lost her job. She used to be able to work primarily from home, now she can't and with 2 kids at home and one of the way, daycare would be really expensive so, for now at least, she will be staying at home.

I said that I didn't see how that would make a difference in child support because child support is based on what he makes, it has nothing to do with her income. Then he said that his hours will be getting cut at work as well so he will no longer be able to work overtime, well I pointed out that child support isn't based on him working overtime.

He said that he wanted to talk to me first because he was planning on talking to his attorney about getting a child support decreased but wanted to see if I would be willing to make an agreement on our own. I told him that since child support is based on what he is currently making, not overtime and not his wife's income, there is no reason that the judge would lower child support. I know some states will lower child support if the payer has more children but the state I live in does not.

I asked him what kind of break he was looking for and he said he wanted me to give him 6 months to a year off of the child support. I told him that I can't give him that much of a break but I can let him take $150 off per month for the next year and he doesn't have to pay me back until he stops paying child support when she graduated from high school. He told me that I that's not enough. I told him take it or leave it because that is what I can do. He said that am being heartless and that with him about to have 3 kids to support, he is trying to make something work. This pissed me off because apparently, his "way" to support them is to stop supporting our DD.

Added:

I just thought of something while I was typing. I told someone that child support is based on income and percentage of overnights, I had a feeling that I forgot something. I checked my order, child support is based on him having her 6 weeks a year, not 3 (he decided that he only wanted her 3 weeks a year) and yes, the change is in writing. So if he takes me back to court, he is going to owe me more money because he has her less time then the child support order says he does. Granted, it wouldn't be much, probably $45 a month but still, he would look like an ass.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:47 AM
Replies (301-310):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 26 on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:08 PM
I am a step-mother. My DH pays his Child Support, but his Child Support is reasonable.

I am also a mother who was a single mom for a very long. My ex was a military man who has never paid a dime in child support. I worked my ass of while pregnant working 14hr days while he was sleeping with whoever he wanted. Saved money for daycare and took necessary time off after birth and then went back to work for the hours I could, and supported my own child. Sure working the long hrs sucked while pregnant, but it helped me support my child.

Now I believe a parent deserves child support because that man helped make the baby too. I'm the one that choses not to bother with my ex because its such a waste of a humungous headache and I can and did afford my child on my own. There's no reason for me to take his money if I don't need it. My son has and had everything he needs. I'm now married and my man married me and my son. Our money that we work for covers OUR children, meaning my son, his son, and our daughter.

I know what it costs to raise a child. $750 a month (plus her end of supporting the child) is BEYOOOOOND enough for one dang child.

If I lost my job right now, WE as a family would have a hard time affording what we pay now for our 3 children, no we wouldn't lower support because what my husband pays is actually fully used as a normal support, but we would have struggles paying it because in our marriage our money is our money.

Now its not her fault the exs gf/wife lost her job, but NORMAL human beings understand life and struggles and she should be considerate enough to SEE that she gets more than necessary to raise that one child.

If my DH's sons mother lost her job, we would give her some extra money to help pay for things NEEDED for the child because we understand things happen.

Sad so many people are selfish and money hungry and can't see struggle.

Like I said to OP, I hope her and her DH never lose their job and see what struggle truely is.
Quoting kngarber:

 This is why I hate anon because I don't know who the hell I am even talking to anymore.  Anyway, to sit there and say oh poor dad poor dad and then basically screw the custodial parent they will just cry to get more money - which I assure you is NOT how it works.  It's an insensitive and stupid thing to say.  So, sorry if I mis quoted you big babies who are hiding behind anon.  Anyway, I work full time.  After insurace, transportation, rent, childcare, food, clothes, and everything else in between yeah it cost a bit more than the 10 cents you assholes seem to think it costs.  My CS doesn't even cover daycare not even close actually.  If you women who aren't step mothers ever separate from your husbands you will want financial help.  That child is owed that financial help.  To those of you who are step mothers being cry baby bithces about it maybe you should have used your head and not gotten in a situation where another child was involoved since most of you can't seem to see past your own selfish personal needs.  No one seems to give a shit about the CHILD. 


Quoting Anonymous:

Actually I did not make the first comment, but I do agree with her!

Not sure how those comments make me a bitch. Everyone here can pretty much agree, $750 for one child a month is outrageous and OP does not need that much to support her. Specially considering that's to HELP support her. So OP needs over $1,000 a month to support just one single child alone?!

Gimme a freakin break! SELFISH.

...and yeah this site alone full of sickening mothers who lose their job and go cry to the courthouse to get a raise in CS backs up the statement I did say.


Quoting kngarber:


 Says the woman who says



"I just have a heart for people that are poor and struggling being ripped off by people who dont need it"



and then:



"Oh PLEASE. if the custodial parent lost their job they would go get some PA and cry back to court to get the CS raised."



You're a bitch.



 


 


 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:28 AM

Child support isn't just for basic needs it's for keeping the child at as close to the same level the would have lived at if their parents had stayed together since children deserve the benefit both parents have to offer. So yes, I get more then what I need to cover basic needs for my child but how many parents who make a combined total of $6600 a month (my in come and ex's income) give their child only the basic needs? I am sure your DH would give his ex more money if she lost her job because HIS CHILD lives there, my child doesn't live in my ex's house, see the difference.

Quoting Anonymous:

I am a step-mother. My DH pays his Child Support, but his Child Support is reasonable.

I am also a mother who was a single mom for a very long. My ex was a military man who has never paid a dime in child support. I worked my ass of while pregnant working 14hr days while he was sleeping with whoever he wanted. Saved money for daycare and took necessary time off after birth and then went back to work for the hours I could, and supported my own child. Sure working the long hrs sucked while pregnant, but it helped me support my child.

Now I believe a parent deserves child support because that man helped make the baby too. I'm the one that choses not to bother with my ex because its such a waste of a humungous headache and I can and did afford my child on my own. There's no reason for me to take his money if I don't need it. My son has and had everything he needs. I'm now married and my man married me and my son. Our money that we work for covers OUR children, meaning my son, his son, and our daughter.

I know what it costs to raise a child. $750 a month (plus her end of supporting the child) is BEYOOOOOND enough for one dang child.

If I lost my job right now, WE as a family would have a hard time affording what we pay now for our 3 children, no we wouldn't lower support because what my husband pays is actually fully used as a normal support, but we would have struggles paying it because in our marriage our money is our money.

Now its not her fault the exs gf/wife lost her job, but NORMAL human beings understand life and struggles and she should be considerate enough to SEE that she gets more than necessary to raise that one child.

If my DH's sons mother lost her job, we would give her some extra money to help pay for things NEEDED for the child because we understand things happen.

Sad so many people are selfish and money hungry and can't see struggle.

Like I said to OP, I hope her and her DH never lose their job and see what struggle truely is.
Quoting kngarber:

 This is why I hate anon because I don't know who the hell I am even talking to anymore.  Anyway, to sit there and say oh poor dad poor dad and then basically screw the custodial parent they will just cry to get more money - which I assure you is NOT how it works.  It's an insensitive and stupid thing to say.  So, sorry if I mis quoted you big babies who are hiding behind anon.  Anyway, I work full time.  After insurace, transportation, rent, childcare, food, clothes, and everything else in between yeah it cost a bit more than the 10 cents you assholes seem to think it costs.  My CS doesn't even cover daycare not even close actually.  If you women who aren't step mothers ever separate from your husbands you will want financial help.  That child is owed that financial help.  To those of you who are step mothers being cry baby bithces about it maybe you should have used your head and not gotten in a situation where another child was involoved since most of you can't seem to see past your own selfish personal needs.  No one seems to give a shit about the CHILD. 


Quoting Anonymous:

Actually I did not make the first comment, but I do agree with her!

Not sure how those comments make me a bitch. Everyone here can pretty much agree, $750 for one child a month is outrageous and OP does not need that much to support her. Specially considering that's to HELP support her. So OP needs over $1,000 a month to support just one single child alone?!

Gimme a freakin break! SELFISH.

...and yeah this site alone full of sickening mothers who lose their job and go cry to the courthouse to get a raise in CS backs up the statement I did say.


Quoting kngarber:


 Says the woman who says



"I just have a heart for people that are poor and struggling being ripped off by people who dont need it"



and then:



"Oh PLEASE. if the custodial parent lost their job they would go get some PA and cry back to court to get the CS raised."



You're a bitch.



 


 


 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:34 AM

I pay over $500 a month for her private school(12 months a year, not just during the school  year), I have her on my insurance (health, dental and vision), I pay all co pays plus she lives with us all the time so on top of that, we pay for give her the things she needs: roof over her head, food, electricity, clothes. So how exactly is $750 not going to her?

Quoting Anonymous:

I am pretty sure you use that money elsewhere as seen your other children as well. you can say no but I know that thats a lie.


Quoting Anonymous:

No. Im sure its not just used on her. So.. It is baby mama support




Quoting Anonymous:

What? She is financially my responsibility because I am now married? It's child support, not baby mama support so whether I am married or not doesn't matter.



Quoting Anonymous:

Honestly, you have a husband now and the children are .. Primarily.. Your responsibility. You both have other children. I dont ask my DD's father for CS simply because I feel like Im married, have another child. I shouldnt be bumming him for money. I really doubt you spend all that money on your kid. Highly doubt actually.





Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:37 AM

Again, what gives you the right to say what is a "fair" amount? Most of the child support I get goes directly to her school. He pays 20% of his earnings for child support so that means that the other 80% is going to household where he has his other 2 kids.

Quoting mommytothree07:


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting mommytothree07:

That's. a lot of money which state are you in? He pays way to much

He pays according to the child support guidlines in Fl, where we live. You don't have the authority to determine what is too much.

You are right I do not have the authority, but what he makes and the children he has just is not fair, but of course you are not going to see it like that..


kngarber
by Katie on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:44 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry I'm just failing to see how 1500 a month is so off the wall to some people. I pay $7800 a year for one child on daycare alone. That doesn't include medicines, clothes, shoes, extra curricular activities (which I understand aren't mandatory) and the list goes on and on and on. It's always something. I'm lucky ,as I said in a previous post, that my ex or family would help me out. Not everyone is. She is offering a reduction. She's not unreasonable. People are bei.g downright VICIOUS to the OP for fighting for what her child deserves. You can take whatever road you choose, but legally he is financially responsible for his child.

Quoting Anonymous:

I am a step-mother. My DH pays his Child Support, but his Child Support is reasonable.

I am also a mother who was a single mom for a very long. My ex was a military man who has never paid a dime in child support. I worked my ass of while pregnant working 14hr days while he was sleeping with whoever he wanted. Saved money for daycare and took necessary time off after birth and then went back to work for the hours I could, and supported my own child. Sure working the long hrs sucked while pregnant, but it helped me support my child.

Now I believe a parent deserves child support because that man helped make the baby too. I'm the one that choses not to bother with my ex because its such a waste of a humungous headache and I can and did afford my child on my own. There's no reason for me to take his money if I don't need it. My son has and had everything he needs. I'm now married and my man married me and my son. Our money that we work for covers OUR children, meaning my son, his son, and our daughter.

I know what it costs to raise a child. $750 a month (plus her end of supporting the child) is BEYOOOOOND enough for one dang child.

If I lost my job right now, WE as a family would have a hard time affording what we pay now for our 3 children, no we wouldn't lower support because what my husband pays is actually fully used as a normal support, but we would have struggles paying it because in our marriage our money is our money.

Now its not her fault the exs gf/wife lost her job, but NORMAL human beings understand life and struggles and she should be considerate enough to SEE that she gets more than necessary to raise that one child.

If my DH's sons mother lost her job, we would give her some extra money to help pay for things NEEDED for the child because we understand things happen.

Sad so many people are selfish and money hungry and can't see struggle.

Like I said to OP, I hope her and her DH never lose their job and see what struggle truely is.
Quoting kngarber:

 This is why I hate anon because I don't know who the hell I am even talking to anymore.  Anyway, to sit there and say oh poor dad poor dad and then basically screw the custodial parent they will just cry to get more money - which I assure you is NOT how it works.  It's an insensitive and stupid thing to say.  So, sorry if I mis quoted you big babies who are hiding behind anon.  Anyway, I work full time.  After insurace, transportation, rent, childcare, food, clothes, and everything else in between yeah it cost a bit more than the 10 cents you assholes seem to think it costs.  My CS doesn't even cover daycare not even close actually.  If you women who aren't step mothers ever separate from your husbands you will want financial help.  That child is owed that financial help.  To those of you who are step mothers being cry baby bithces about it maybe you should have used your head and not gotten in a situation where another child was involoved since most of you can't seem to see past your own selfish personal needs.  No one seems to give a shit about the CHILD. 


Quoting Anonymous:

Actually I did not make the first comment, but I do agree with her!

Not sure how those comments make me a bitch. Everyone here can pretty much agree, $750 for one child a month is outrageous and OP does not need that much to support her. Specially considering that's to HELP support her. So OP needs over $1,000 a month to support just one single child alone?!

Gimme a freakin break! SELFISH.

...and yeah this site alone full of sickening mothers who lose their job and go cry to the courthouse to get a raise in CS backs up the statement I did say.


Quoting kngarber:


 Says the woman who says



"I just have a heart for people that are poor and struggling being ripped off by people who dont need it"



and then:



"Oh PLEASE. if the custodial parent lost their job they would go get some PA and cry back to court to get the CS raised."



You're a bitch.



 


 


 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kngarber
by Katie on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:50 AM
And sometimes I really hate the internet bc the comment of normal human beings understanding life and so on is just such a hateful statement. Maybe you dont mean it the way it came across. I know struggle. I've lost everything before. I've always worked. I really understand struggle, but children come first and I would do whatever I had to do to get them whatever they needed.

Quoting Anonymous:

I am a step-mother. My DH pays his Child Support, but his Child Support is reasonable.

I am also a mother who was a single mom for a very long. My ex was a military man who has never paid a dime in child support. I worked my ass of while pregnant working 14hr days while he was sleeping with whoever he wanted. Saved money for daycare and took necessary time off after birth and then went back to work for the hours I could, and supported my own child. Sure working the long hrs sucked while pregnant, but it helped me support my child.

Now I believe a parent deserves child support because that man helped make the baby too. I'm the one that choses not to bother with my ex because its such a waste of a humungous headache and I can and did afford my child on my own. There's no reason for me to take his money if I don't need it. My son has and had everything he needs. I'm now married and my man married me and my son. Our money that we work for covers OUR children, meaning my son, his son, and our daughter.

I know what it costs to raise a child. $750 a month (plus her end of supporting the child) is BEYOOOOOND enough for one dang child.

If I lost my job right now, WE as a family would have a hard time affording what we pay now for our 3 children, no we wouldn't lower support because what my husband pays is actually fully used as a normal support, but we would have struggles paying it because in our marriage our money is our money.

Now its not her fault the exs gf/wife lost her job, but NORMAL human beings understand life and struggles and she should be considerate enough to SEE that she gets more than necessary to raise that one child.

If my DH's sons mother lost her job, we would give her some extra money to help pay for things NEEDED for the child because we understand things happen.

Sad so many people are selfish and money hungry and can't see struggle.

Like I said to OP, I hope her and her DH never lose their job and see what struggle truely is.
Quoting kngarber:

 This is why I hate anon because I don't know who the hell I am even talking to anymore.  Anyway, to sit there and say oh poor dad poor dad and then basically screw the custodial parent they will just cry to get more money - which I assure you is NOT how it works.  It's an insensitive and stupid thing to say.  So, sorry if I mis quoted you big babies who are hiding behind anon.  Anyway, I work full time.  After insurace, transportation, rent, childcare, food, clothes, and everything else in between yeah it cost a bit more than the 10 cents you assholes seem to think it costs.  My CS doesn't even cover daycare not even close actually.  If you women who aren't step mothers ever separate from your husbands you will want financial help.  That child is owed that financial help.  To those of you who are step mothers being cry baby bithces about it maybe you should have used your head and not gotten in a situation where another child was involoved since most of you can't seem to see past your own selfish personal needs.  No one seems to give a shit about the CHILD. 


Quoting Anonymous:

Actually I did not make the first comment, but I do agree with her!

Not sure how those comments make me a bitch. Everyone here can pretty much agree, $750 for one child a month is outrageous and OP does not need that much to support her. Specially considering that's to HELP support her. So OP needs over $1,000 a month to support just one single child alone?!

Gimme a freakin break! SELFISH.

...and yeah this site alone full of sickening mothers who lose their job and go cry to the courthouse to get a raise in CS backs up the statement I did say.


Quoting kngarber:


 Says the woman who says



"I just have a heart for people that are poor and struggling being ripped off by people who dont need it"



and then:



"Oh PLEASE. if the custodial parent lost their job they would go get some PA and cry back to court to get the CS raised."



You're a bitch.



 


 


 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 45 on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:52 AM
2 moms liked this

Oh please people!

If the OP would have came on here and said, "I am having a baby with my new dh, and we can't afford three kids in day care, so we decided for me to stay home, do you think my ex-DH is being greedy because he wont pay me an extra 750 dollars a month in child support?" Every single one of you would say that the OP and her current DH need to figure it out. Why should the OP go a year without child support because her ex-husband's wife wants to be a SAHM? If my dh or I lost one of our jobs, we would have to figure it out, not supporting our kid would not be an option. The OP didn't tell her ex, "Fuck you" She told him he could pay 150 a month less a month for a year, to me that is pretty generous. Why should the OP have to cut corners to pay for her dd's private school or what not because her ex doesn't (cant) pay child support? Why doesn't her ex get a second job so he can support ALL of his children?

750 dollars a month is not bad for child support. That is what the OP was ordered, she does not make the laws, and it doesn't make her a greedy bitch for accepting the child support either. I paid 700 dollars a month for child care before my child started school. 200 a month for her health care. The difference between a 1 and 2 bedroom apartment is about 300 a month. That doesn't even begin to include food, clothing, and even wants the custodial parent spends on the child.

I can't call my landlord and say, "Hey can I live here for a year without paying rent so I can be a SAHM?" He would laugh in my face. Why should the ex-dh go a year without contributing to the financial well being of the child? If I stopped feeding my kid that lives with me, I would go to jail, but let's all feel sorry for this man, none of us know, because he has to help support his kid. I don't blame the man for asking, but I don't feel the OP has a responsibilty to say, "Of course you can go without paying, no problem, we will make cuts on our end too!"

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:23 AM

A far conversation about this is no conversation at all. What is fair is him to pay his chld support wihtout complaint. However I offered a break, that was being more then fair. My child is a child, she deserves to be supported, she is not a financial burden. If her relationship with her father is strained by this then he is no father at all anyway. As far as what your DH does, this is a different situation, I get child support, that is it, I have to do everything else without his help (health care, schooling)

Quoting lullabylily:

I think you had a bitter divorce with your ex so you have no compassion or what so ever toward him and his family. I feel sorry for your poor child for being a financial burden on you and your ex. I hope her relationship with her father is not strained by this situation.
Shame on you both!

Why cant you have a fair and friendly discussion with your ex about his situation? it seems like you dont communicate well with him. FYI. My DH's pays CS for his 2 kids as accordingly to the court, but he and his ex are able to share the expenses and talk it through who pays for which or what can be split in half. Like the kids' education, DH pays half and ex pays half, insurance and co-pay are split in half too.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:26 AM

Our state calculates overtime too, it's just that when we went to court, he wasn't working overtime. Then he started but I didn't bother taking him back to court to get an increase. So  child support is based on what he is making right now (not with the overtime). If he takes me back to court though, child support will be increased because child support is also based on how much time the NCP has the child and our order says he has her 6 weeks a year when he only has her 3 weeks a year (his choice)

Quoting LiliM:

*shrug*  In our state, overtime is calculated.  And if he is not working OT, and is having less hours, he may not owe as much, even with overnights.   

Since you don't want to deal, his best bet is to go to court. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:35 AM

Wow, is this my ex's wife? You sound like you have a personal stake in it. If this is her either find a way to support your new baby or maybe you should think about adoption because it's not fair to just not support one child so that you can support another. And BTW I was married when I had DD so she is not a bastard, thanks. If he chooses to pay nothing then he will go to jail and then his wife can figure out how to support all her kids alone while he is in jail making nothing and he will still owe child support for my DD. My kid is the first, he could have chosen not to have more if he couldn't afford to, my DD shouldn't go without because he chose not to think about that. Yes, I am working and so does my DH but my ex, as her father, is responsible for helping to support her. My DH has asked several times to adopt her (when ex was complaining about child support) but ex always refused so he needs to help support her. Yes, she has love and emotional support (from me and DH since her father moved out of state and only has her 3 weeks a year instead of the 6 he should have her) but she also needs financial support

Quoting Anonymous:

OP IS A GREEDY SELFISH BITCH THAT NEEDS TO HAVE SOME COMPASSION, U MAKE WOMEN LOOK BAD I PRAY HE PAYS NOTHING FOR YOUR BASTARD CHILD, F**K YOU, YOU GREEDY BITCH! YOUR KID IS NOT THE ONLY ONE AND THE OTHERS SHOULDN'T SUFFER BECAUSE OF HER. I AM PRETTY SURE YOU DH GIVES HER WHAT SHE NEEDS AND WANTS UNLESS HE'S AN ASSHOLE. AND SHE IS WORKING? MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING THAT NOT WHAT SHE'S GONNA REMEMBER WHEN SHE GETS OLDER, IT'S THE LOVE AND EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)