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I think I made a nice offer and he is being greedy to ask for more~~ I just thought of something

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Me and my ex have a child together, he pays $750 and makes $3600 a month, this is according to the child support enforcement guidelines. We are both married to other people and have other children, I have 4 other children, he has 2 with one on the way.

He called me and told me that he might have a problem with paying his child support for a while because his wife lost her job. She used to be able to work primarily from home, now she can't and with 2 kids at home and one of the way, daycare would be really expensive so, for now at least, she will be staying at home.

I said that I didn't see how that would make a difference in child support because child support is based on what he makes, it has nothing to do with her income. Then he said that his hours will be getting cut at work as well so he will no longer be able to work overtime, well I pointed out that child support isn't based on him working overtime.

He said that he wanted to talk to me first because he was planning on talking to his attorney about getting a child support decreased but wanted to see if I would be willing to make an agreement on our own. I told him that since child support is based on what he is currently making, not overtime and not his wife's income, there is no reason that the judge would lower child support. I know some states will lower child support if the payer has more children but the state I live in does not.

I asked him what kind of break he was looking for and he said he wanted me to give him 6 months to a year off of the child support. I told him that I can't give him that much of a break but I can let him take $150 off per month for the next year and he doesn't have to pay me back until he stops paying child support when she graduated from high school. He told me that I that's not enough. I told him take it or leave it because that is what I can do. He said that am being heartless and that with him about to have 3 kids to support, he is trying to make something work. This pissed me off because apparently, his "way" to support them is to stop supporting our DD.

Added:

I just thought of something while I was typing. I told someone that child support is based on income and percentage of overnights, I had a feeling that I forgot something. I checked my order, child support is based on him having her 6 weeks a year, not 3 (he decided that he only wanted her 3 weeks a year) and yes, the change is in writing. So if he takes me back to court, he is going to owe me more money because he has her less time then the child support order says he does. Granted, it wouldn't be much, probably $45 a month but still, he would look like an ass.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:47 AM
Replies (331-340):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 49 on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:11 PM

Ask him to sign over his rights to you and have your current DH adopt her. Since he obviously doesn't give a shit about taking care of your DD. 

DaiTilley
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:12 PM
1 mom liked this
But the CS determination never included his wife's income, so whether OP can afford things without CS is a moot point; her ex's family is supposed to be affording their lifestyle on their household income minus CS. If they can't afford what they're doing without her working, then she needs to work or they need to make adjustments to their lifestyle.


Quoting Anonymous:

If you cannot afford those things without the support, then you cannot afford them to begin with. Support is not a guarantee and if he doesn't have the money he doesn't have it. What then, put him in jail? He still won't have the money and you still wouldn't be able to afford those things.

He had a baby when he thought life was secure, just as I'm sure you did. Whether you like it or not,  she IS part of his family and can be affected by hardships in that family 


Quoting Anonymous:

I have already explained how I pay over $500 a month for tuition, I keep her on my health insurance and pay all the copays. Yes, in FAMILIES stuff happens, decisions are made that mean that their lifestyle has to change. Me and my ex are not a family, he made these decisions (having another baby, his wife staying at home) with her (as he should have since she is his wife). However, since I was not a part of  these decisions, I shouldn't be expected to make the cut backs needed to provide for them. If my DH lost his job, would you expect my ex to pay significantly MORE? Of course not.


Quoting Anonymous:

I honestly think you sound greedy. This is all about the money for you. Why do you need $750 a month for one child? Shit happens all the time with families that they can no longer afford to support their current lifestyle and have to make adjustments accordingly. Your daughter is no exception to this rule and  that is what I don't  get. Yeah, it might suck for you but he does have other children who will suffer. Just like if your  husband lost his job, your other children would suffer. Stuff like this breeds resentment, hatred and some nasty things said about one another. 

I don't think he should stop paying, but I do think you should be willing to cut the support in half or something better then 150 off for the time being - that is still plenty enough to support one child. 




Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:12 PM

That's extreme.

Quoting Anonymous:

Ask him to sign over his rights to you and have your current DH adopt her. Since he obviously doesn't give a shit about taking care of your DD. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:14 PM

Dh has asked in the past when ex compalined about CS since he barely sees her anyway. He said no so then he needs to help support her

Quoting Anonymous:

Ask him to sign over his rights to you and have your current DH adopt her. Since he obviously doesn't give a shit about taking care of your DD. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 47 on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:16 PM

So instead of both families trying to work this out, you would rather be bitter and uncaring. Boo hoo if you both have to make some cuts - its for the better of everyone.

Quoting Anonymous:

We CAN afford these things without child support, we would just have to make cuts other places, cuts I am not willing to make so that my ex doesn't have to make cuts to provide for his decisions. Child support is a court order, we can't MAKE him pay but if he doesn't it will put him in an even worse situation, like yes, jail.

Quoting Anonymous:

If you cannot afford those things without the support, then you cannot afford them to begin with. Support is not a guarantee and if he doesn't have the money he doesn't have it. What then, put him in jail? He still won't have the money and you still wouldn't be able to afford those things.

He had a baby when he thought life was secure, just as I'm sure you did. Whether you like it or not,  she IS part of his family and can be affected by hardships in that family 

Quoting Anonymous:

I have already explained how I pay over $500 a month for tuition, I keep her on my health insurance and pay all the copays. Yes, in FAMILIES stuff happens, decisions are made that mean that their lifestyle has to change. Me and my ex are not a family, he made these decisions (having another baby, his wife staying at home) with her (as he should have since she is his wife). However, since I was not a part of  these decisions, I shouldn't be expected to make the cut backs needed to provide for them. If my DH lost his job, would you expect my ex to pay significantly MORE? Of course not.

Quoting Anonymous:

I honestly think you sound greedy. This is all about the money for you. Why do you need $750 a month for one child? Shit happens all the time with families that they can no longer afford to support their current lifestyle and have to make adjustments accordingly. Your daughter is no exception to this rule and  that is what I don't  get. Yeah, it might suck for you but he does have other children who will suffer. Just like if your  husband lost his job, your other children would suffer. Stuff like this breeds resentment, hatred and some nasty things said about one another. 

I don't think he should stop paying, but I do think you should be willing to cut the support in half or something better then 150 off for the time being - that is still plenty enough to support one child. 





Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:22 PM

No, I would rather take care of my family who did not have say in the decisions that led to my ex being in this place, Offering $150 a month break is not being uncaring, I offered what I could without hurting my own family. Us making cuts is the best for his family, not for mine so it is not for the better of everyone

Quoting Anonymous:

So instead of both families trying to work this out, you would rather be bitter and uncaring. Boo hoo if you both have to make some cuts - its for the better of everyone.

Quoting Anonymous:

We CAN afford these things without child support, we would just have to make cuts other places, cuts I am not willing to make so that my ex doesn't have to make cuts to provide for his decisions. Child support is a court order, we can't MAKE him pay but if he doesn't it will put him in an even worse situation, like yes, jail.

Quoting Anonymous:

If you cannot afford those things without the support, then you cannot afford them to begin with. Support is not a guarantee and if he doesn't have the money he doesn't have it. What then, put him in jail? He still won't have the money and you still wouldn't be able to afford those things.

He had a baby when he thought life was secure, just as I'm sure you did. Whether you like it or not,  she IS part of his family and can be affected by hardships in that family 

Quoting Anonymous:

I have already explained how I pay over $500 a month for tuition, I keep her on my health insurance and pay all the copays. Yes, in FAMILIES stuff happens, decisions are made that mean that their lifestyle has to change. Me and my ex are not a family, he made these decisions (having another baby, his wife staying at home) with her (as he should have since she is his wife). However, since I was not a part of  these decisions, I shouldn't be expected to make the cut backs needed to provide for them. If my DH lost his job, would you expect my ex to pay significantly MORE? Of course not.

Quoting Anonymous:

I honestly think you sound greedy. This is all about the money for you. Why do you need $750 a month for one child? Shit happens all the time with families that they can no longer afford to support their current lifestyle and have to make adjustments accordingly. Your daughter is no exception to this rule and  that is what I don't  get. Yeah, it might suck for you but he does have other children who will suffer. Just like if your  husband lost his job, your other children would suffer. Stuff like this breeds resentment, hatred and some nasty things said about one another. 

I don't think he should stop paying, but I do think you should be willing to cut the support in half or something better then 150 off for the time being - that is still plenty enough to support one child. 






Anonymous
by Anonymous 47 on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:24 PM

This is all my opinion. I think child support is very flawed and need reworked. Both parents have moved on and started new lives. I highly doubt she doesn't include her new husbands income in her lifestyle, as much as he includes his wife's income in his lifestyle. That is how most families work. Not only is the new wife without a job, but the husband is no longer getting overtime.  Yeah, they need some time to figure there shit out.

Are you telling me that instead of both families  working together to come to an agreement that doesn't hurt any of the kids is an unacceptable solution? Instead one family should have to suffer entirely? No it isn't her fault the other woman was fired, but I'm sure they weren't planning on that happening either.  Split families need to work as a unit instead of acting so uncaring for hardships that befall the other family unit. Nothing good comes out of it.

Quoting DaiTilley:

But the CS determination never included his wife's income, so whether OP can afford things without CS is a moot point; her ex's family is supposed to be affording their lifestyle on their household income minus CS. If they can't afford what they're doing without her working, then she needs to work or they need to make adjustments to their lifestyle.


Quoting Anonymous:

If you cannot afford those things without the support, then you cannot afford them to begin with. Support is not a guarantee and if he doesn't have the money he doesn't have it. What then, put him in jail? He still won't have the money and you still wouldn't be able to afford those things.

He had a baby when he thought life was secure, just as I'm sure you did. Whether you like it or not,  she IS part of his family and can be affected by hardships in that family 


Quoting Anonymous:

I have already explained how I pay over $500 a month for tuition, I keep her on my health insurance and pay all the copays. Yes, in FAMILIES stuff happens, decisions are made that mean that their lifestyle has to change. Me and my ex are not a family, he made these decisions (having another baby, his wife staying at home) with her (as he should have since she is his wife). However, since I was not a part of  these decisions, I shouldn't be expected to make the cut backs needed to provide for them. If my DH lost his job, would you expect my ex to pay significantly MORE? Of course not.


Quoting Anonymous:

I honestly think you sound greedy. This is all about the money for you. Why do you need $750 a month for one child? Shit happens all the time with families that they can no longer afford to support their current lifestyle and have to make adjustments accordingly. Your daughter is no exception to this rule and  that is what I don't  get. Yeah, it might suck for you but he does have other children who will suffer. Just like if your  husband lost his job, your other children would suffer. Stuff like this breeds resentment, hatred and some nasty things said about one another. 

I don't think he should stop paying, but I do think you should be willing to cut the support in half or something better then 150 off for the time being - that is still plenty enough to support one child. 





Anonymous
by Anonymous 47 on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:27 PM

I think both families should be making cuts. But it doesn't matter because it doesn't affect me. It's both families that will suffer because of the emotional tension and strain.

Quoting Anonymous:

No, I would rather take care of my family who did not have say in the decisions that led to my ex being in this place, Offering $150 a month break is not being uncaring, I offered what I could without hurting my own family. Us making cuts is the best for his family, not for mine so it is not for the better of everyone

Quoting Anonymous:

So instead of both families trying to work this out, you would rather be bitter and uncaring. Boo hoo if you both have to make some cuts - its for the better of everyone.

Quoting Anonymous:

We CAN afford these things without child support, we would just have to make cuts other places, cuts I am not willing to make so that my ex doesn't have to make cuts to provide for his decisions. Child support is a court order, we can't MAKE him pay but if he doesn't it will put him in an even worse situation, like yes, jail.

Quoting Anonymous:

If you cannot afford those things without the support, then you cannot afford them to begin with. Support is not a guarantee and if he doesn't have the money he doesn't have it. What then, put him in jail? He still won't have the money and you still wouldn't be able to afford those things.

He had a baby when he thought life was secure, just as I'm sure you did. Whether you like it or not,  she IS part of his family and can be affected by hardships in that family 

Quoting Anonymous:

I have already explained how I pay over $500 a month for tuition, I keep her on my health insurance and pay all the copays. Yes, in FAMILIES stuff happens, decisions are made that mean that their lifestyle has to change. Me and my ex are not a family, he made these decisions (having another baby, his wife staying at home) with her (as he should have since she is his wife). However, since I was not a part of  these decisions, I shouldn't be expected to make the cut backs needed to provide for them. If my DH lost his job, would you expect my ex to pay significantly MORE? Of course not.

Quoting Anonymous:

I honestly think you sound greedy. This is all about the money for you. Why do you need $750 a month for one child? Shit happens all the time with families that they can no longer afford to support their current lifestyle and have to make adjustments accordingly. Your daughter is no exception to this rule and  that is what I don't  get. Yeah, it might suck for you but he does have other children who will suffer. Just like if your  husband lost his job, your other children would suffer. Stuff like this breeds resentment, hatred and some nasty things said about one another. 

I don't think he should stop paying, but I do think you should be willing to cut the support in half or something better then 150 off for the time being - that is still plenty enough to support one child. 







Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:28 PM
2 moms liked this

The people who made the decisions that led to this situation (my ex and his wife) should be the ones to deal with it, not me and my family. She can get a new job, he can work a second one but no, they want her to stay at home and he doesn't want to work a second job to support his family so they can figure it out themselves. We don't work as a unit, we are 2 families that happen to share 1 child. They make life decisions and so do we, we don't expect them to pay for ours and we will not pay for theirs

Quoting Anonymous:

This is all my opinion. I think child support is very flawed and need reworked. Both parents have moved on and started new lives. I highly doubt she doesn't include her new husbands income in her lifestyle, as much as he includes his wife's income in his lifestyle. That is how most families work. Not only is the new wife without a job, but the husband is no longer getting overtime.  Yeah, they need some time to figure there shit out.

Are you telling me that instead of both families  working together to come to an agreement that doesn't hurt any of the kids is an unacceptable solution? Instead one family should have to suffer entirely? No it isn't her fault the other woman was fired, but I'm sure they weren't planning on that happening either.  Split families need to work as a unit instead of acting so uncaring for hardships that befall the other family unit. Nothing good comes out of it.

Quoting DaiTilley:

But the CS determination never included his wife's income, so whether OP can afford things without CS is a moot point; her ex's family is supposed to be affording their lifestyle on their household income minus CS. If they can't afford what they're doing without her working, then she needs to work or they need to make adjustments to their lifestyle.


Quoting Anonymous:

If you cannot afford those things without the support, then you cannot afford them to begin with. Support is not a guarantee and if he doesn't have the money he doesn't have it. What then, put him in jail? He still won't have the money and you still wouldn't be able to afford those things.

He had a baby when he thought life was secure, just as I'm sure you did. Whether you like it or not,  she IS part of his family and can be affected by hardships in that family 


Quoting Anonymous:

I have already explained how I pay over $500 a month for tuition, I keep her on my health insurance and pay all the copays. Yes, in FAMILIES stuff happens, decisions are made that mean that their lifestyle has to change. Me and my ex are not a family, he made these decisions (having another baby, his wife staying at home) with her (as he should have since she is his wife). However, since I was not a part of  these decisions, I shouldn't be expected to make the cut backs needed to provide for them. If my DH lost his job, would you expect my ex to pay significantly MORE? Of course not.


Quoting Anonymous:

I honestly think you sound greedy. This is all about the money for you. Why do you need $750 a month for one child? Shit happens all the time with families that they can no longer afford to support their current lifestyle and have to make adjustments accordingly. Your daughter is no exception to this rule and  that is what I don't  get. Yeah, it might suck for you but he does have other children who will suffer. Just like if your  husband lost his job, your other children would suffer. Stuff like this breeds resentment, hatred and some nasty things said about one another. 

I don't think he should stop paying, but I do think you should be willing to cut the support in half or something better then 150 off for the time being - that is still plenty enough to support one child. 






UgtaBkdnMe
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:29 PM

He's an ass.

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