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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Finally

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies
I have been married for 2.5 years now. The past 1.5 of it has been trying. Well, Dh has a bad temper and has gotten physical in the past. I stayed even though I knew I should have grabbed the kids and left. Well, the past 6 months I have felt nothing for dh. I love him but not like I did before. Now it seems like a friendship rather than a relationship. The last big fight we had broke my heart (again). Since then I have been trying to keep things normal but deep down I want nothing to do with him. I hate his touch, kisses and want nothing to do with sex from him. I try to avoid it at all cost. The last 2 times he was not to penetrate and promised he wouldn't. Well he did and I wanyed to cry each time. It felt like I was being raped all over again. He is hurt at the fact I want nothing sexual between us or even want him touching me. He is starting to realize I don't want him like before.


I just wanted to vent.
Thanks for listening
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:03 PM

Maybe it is time for divorce or marriage counseling? 

How come you are physical with him at all of you don't want to? Simply say no.

momof2boy2girl
by Valerie on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:04 PM

Get away from him. my ex husband was almost the same. He attacked me 8 months after I left him. He is now in prison.

Jblaac57
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:06 PM

you should probably leave if you dont want anything to do with him that way you can both find someone who will make you happy

notjstanothrmom
by Ruby Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:07 PM
Why are you sticking around then?
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:14 PM
He wanted to work things out. I wanted to as well but didn't at the same time. I thought maybe it was from stress or something like that. After thinking about it and with him I just don't know what to do. Things are great but I'm just waiting for them to be bad once again.

Quoting notjstanothrmom:

Why are you sticking around then?
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:55 PM
I have actually been thinking about divorce for about a year now. I am just now realizing that it won't just effect me but the kids and his dad. I am going to be talking to my aunt who is a lawyer about divorce when I see her next week. I will get the papers ready but won't have dh sign them or know about them until I'm absolutly sure this is what I want.

Quoting Anonymous:

Maybe it is time for divorce or marriage counseling? 

How come you are physical with him at all of you don't want to? Simply say no.

xtwistedxlovex
by Platinum Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 3:01 PM
"The last 2 times he was not to penetrate and promised he wouldn't. Well he did and I wanyed to cry each time. It felt like I was being raped all over again."

That's because you WERE being raped. It doesn't matter that you're married to him, no means no.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 18, 2012 at 3:47 PM
I am starting to understand that. I always gave in to him wanting sex because I thought it was an obligation.

Quoting xtwistedxlovex:

"The last 2 times he was not to penetrate and promised he wouldn't. Well he did and I wanyed to cry each time. It felt like I was being raped all over again."

That's because you WERE being raped. It doesn't matter that you're married to him, no means no.
xtwistedxlovex
by Platinum Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 7:30 PM
You're obliged, but not obligated. It's more of a favor than a requirement and should never be done at the cost of either partner's emotional health. It's no more important in a relationship than respect (which he does not seem to be giving you), and in my opinion is actually less important; respect is the foundation of any good relationship, upon which you add the building blocks of trust, loyalty, love, and so on. If your foundation is missing your relationship will be unstable and eventually fall apart.

You can fix it, but you both have to really want it. You need to learn to forgive him for his past transgressions, for which he needs to admit how he has wronged you and be truly sorry. It's a long, hard road few see the end of and if either of you is unwilling to put forth the effort required it would be best for all involved (yes, including the kids) to just move on. Whatever you decide, I hope you are able to find the happiness you deserve.


Quoting Anonymous:

I am starting to understand that. I always gave in to him wanting sex because I thought it was an obligation.



Quoting xtwistedxlovex:

"The last 2 times he was not to penetrate and promised he wouldn't. Well he did and I wanyed to cry each time. It felt like I was being raped all over again."

That's because you WERE being raped. It doesn't matter that you're married to him, no means no.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 5:24 PM
We decided to work things out. Even though he wasn't really trying at the beginning of our marriage, he is trying now. I should try as well before I decide anything. You should never give up before trying

Quoting xtwistedxlovex:

You're obliged, but not obligated. It's more of a favor than a requirement and should never be done at the cost of either partner's emotional health. It's no more important in a relationship than respect (which he does not seem to be giving you), and in my opinion is actually less important; respect is the foundation of any good relationship, upon which you add the building blocks of trust, loyalty, love, and so on. If your foundation is missing your relationship will be unstable and eventually fall apart.



You can fix it, but you both have to really want it. You need to learn to forgive him for his past transgressions, for which he needs to admit how he has wronged you and be truly sorry. It's a long, hard road few see the end of and if either of you is unwilling to put forth the effort required it would be best for all involved (yes, including the kids) to just move on. Whatever you decide, I hope you are able to find the happiness you deserve.




Quoting Anonymous:

I am starting to understand that. I always gave in to him wanting sex because I thought it was an obligation.





Quoting xtwistedxlovex:

"The last 2 times he was not to penetrate and promised he wouldn't. Well he did and I wanyed to cry each time. It felt like I was being raped all over again."

That's because you WERE being raped. It doesn't matter that you're married to him, no means no.
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