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Anyone else married to a selfish pig?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Whatever my husband can do to put himself first is what he does. Day after day I give him the benefit of the doubt and day after day I am disappointed. He spends the majority of his time at home on his Ipad playing stupid childish games. He never thanks me or tells me he appreciates me. I am always telling him thank you and how much I appreciate him. Even if he does something like take out the trash (on rare occasions) I am there to tell him thank you. I've talked to him about it and he tells me he has a hard time sharing his feelings. Well, come on, after 7 years of marriage you'd think he'd catch on and grow up a little bit. He's still the same person he was when he was 25 and he's now 32. I take care of the house, the kids, go to school, and did work full time until I had our son 10 weeks ago. He works for a cable company in our area, knocking on doors or standing in walmart selling cable. He is so damn lazy, does hardly a thing around the house when he's home and expects to be catered to. I am so sick of it. I am sick of being his last priority. Here's an example, a few nights in a row I gave him a back rub with lotion for half an hour at a time. Last night I hinted a few times until he said, "Come sit in front of me, I'll give you a back rub" but rather than just giving me one, he's got his Ipad on his lap and continually stops to poke at it and play his games. Heres another example: yesterday after noon he tells the kids he's going to play bean bag toss with them after lunch, next thing you know he's on the phone....for an hour!. Day before: I find a sitter and ask him if he wants to go out to dinner, I want to go somewhere romantic, intimate, so we can be close and talk and just have a good time. He wants to go to...Old Country Buffet! Thats where we end up. As soon as we get home, I"m thinking we can spend some time together, hang out, maybe play a game or something. He turns on the TV and turns on a show he knows I don't like! WTF??I have tried being extra nice, I have tried subtle hints, I've tried ignoring him to see how he feels, I've tried being blunt about. He always gets defensive and won't talk to me. Acts like its my fault. Well, now I'm at the point where I just want to get through this holiday season and then hand him divorce papers. I'd rather be alone and happy than married and miserable. I don't think he'll ever come around. I don't think I ask too much, but he sure seems to think so. Sorry so long. I'm just so frustrated!

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 19, 2012 at 2:32 PM
Replies (31-40):
svolkov
by Emerald Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:09 PM
This. But my ex was a selfish controlling pig. I divorced him


Quoting emeraldangel2.0:

tell him what you told us.

how is he supposed to know what you want if you dont tell him?

men are stupid. they cant pick up on hints, you have to be straight with them


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:10 PM

How do you suggest I stop him from playing on his Ipad? Take it away from him? Turn off the TV? I am definitely not playing the martyr. Apparently you didn't read my whole post, or any of the conversation that has gone on during the post. I have done plenty to try and change it, like I said...kill him with kindness, subtle hints, bluntly. He is too thick headed to get it. He thinks going to work and stopping for groceries on occasion is enough.

Quoting wineisfine:

 You are good at playing the martyr, how about instead of complaining to a bunch of women you get his butt in gear. The reason he acts the way he does is because you allow it, if you put your foot down and stop the behavior he can't do it. I feel no sympathy for women who play the victim, but do nothing to change it!


junebaby11
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:11 PM
Nope mine is great he gets grumpy sometimes but its,usually the nicotine talking lol other than that he is an amazing man who does everything he can for me im so lucky because im pretty selfish between me and him i hate to say that but i am i do show,my love im not mean selfish



Communication seems to be a problem with u guys u need to tell hin how u really feel and explain men dont always underdtand it
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:11 PM

Yeah, he's not controlling and he's not abusive at all. Just selfish. Always putting himself first. Always.

Quoting svolkov:

This. But my ex was a selfish controlling pig. I divorced him


Quoting emeraldangel2.0:

tell him what you told us.

how is he supposed to know what you want if you dont tell him?

men are stupid. they cant pick up on hints, you have to be straight with them



Luna091306
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:11 PM

 Nope. My dh has his flaws but for the most part he works very hard for our family.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:12 PM
Man, I'm lucky mine treats me like a queen.

Sorry about your oinker hubs
auntietotty
by Ruby Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:14 PM
1 mom liked this

Posts like these always prove to me that a lot of you ladies have no idea what you are marrying. So why marry it?

And you tell him all the time you appreciate him? Appreciate him for what? There's more to being married than him just going to work every day or taking the trash out occasionally.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:15 PM

You are right, I did say that. But it's not exactly how I meant it. I just meant he's got the same mindset, he's young still, he still has the same job, works the same amount, doesn't strive to become a better person. In the last 7 years we have had 3 kids and things need to change. We had time to make ourselves a priority when we got married, we don't know. Marriage and family is about sacrifice and changing to suit the situation. He doesn't get that. I have carried and birthed 3 children, had 3 different jobs, each one making more and more money with better hours, and am in my last quarter of a 2 years of college. I want more for me, my family, my future, and he's happy just barely getting by.

Quoting PiNkIsPuNk:

You said he is still the same person he was when he was 25 and is now 32 and that you have been married for 7 years. SO you must have known how he was but still married him.

Quoting Anonymous:

Like I said, he wasn't like this when we got married! It wasn't until a couple years ago he became this bad! He used to be sweet, thoughtful, romantic, caring, generous, fun. I think he switched himself with his selfish twin!


Quoting PiNkIsPuNk:

You married him.



wineisfine
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:15 PM

 Stop doing anything for him, do for you and your children. Let him know that if things do not improve that you will be gone, if he is willing to work on it then work with him. If he is unwilling to see his behavior then leave, we allow people to treat us the way you do and whether you like it or not he does these things because you let him. Do not be his doormat anymore, or just walk away because life is too short to be someones slave. A real man will build you up, not stomp on you like you are shit on the bottom of his foot.

Quoting armstrong7984:

my dh is also very very lazy when it comes to doing anything around the house. I ask him to do things and he forgets or puts it off then i do it, then he gets mad at me for doing it, but says that he hates when i nag. I dont know what to do so any suggestions would be great. I do all cleaning, cooking, taking care of our dogs and cat, you name it i do it all then he gets mad at me for doing it all but he doesnt do it. one time he said dont touch the garbage well it sat literally for three days in the kitchen until i brought it into the garage. nothing gets done unless i do it. He works for hard at work but when he comes home he gets on his video games and thats it.

Quoting wineisfine:

 You are good at playing the martyr, how about instead of complaining to a bunch of women you get his butt in gear. The reason he acts the way he does is because you allow it, if you put your foot down and stop the behavior he can't do it. I feel no sympathy for women who play the victim, but do nothing to change it!

 

 

CeeGee81
by CanadaGirl on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:18 PM

No.  Mine is 110% selfless 110% of the time.

I'm sorry yours is so selfish.  Has he always been like this? If so, why did you marry someone so selfish?

If he was like this when you married him, which it sounds like he was.....are you realy surprised he is still the same person?  Marriage doesn't change men.  Men are who they are.

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