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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Anyone else married to a selfish pig?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Whatever my husband can do to put himself first is what he does. Day after day I give him the benefit of the doubt and day after day I am disappointed. He spends the majority of his time at home on his Ipad playing stupid childish games. He never thanks me or tells me he appreciates me. I am always telling him thank you and how much I appreciate him. Even if he does something like take out the trash (on rare occasions) I am there to tell him thank you. I've talked to him about it and he tells me he has a hard time sharing his feelings. Well, come on, after 7 years of marriage you'd think he'd catch on and grow up a little bit. He's still the same person he was when he was 25 and he's now 32. I take care of the house, the kids, go to school, and did work full time until I had our son 10 weeks ago. He works for a cable company in our area, knocking on doors or standing in walmart selling cable. He is so damn lazy, does hardly a thing around the house when he's home and expects to be catered to. I am so sick of it. I am sick of being his last priority. Here's an example, a few nights in a row I gave him a back rub with lotion for half an hour at a time. Last night I hinted a few times until he said, "Come sit in front of me, I'll give you a back rub" but rather than just giving me one, he's got his Ipad on his lap and continually stops to poke at it and play his games. Heres another example: yesterday after noon he tells the kids he's going to play bean bag toss with them after lunch, next thing you know he's on the phone....for an hour!. Day before: I find a sitter and ask him if he wants to go out to dinner, I want to go somewhere romantic, intimate, so we can be close and talk and just have a good time. He wants to go to...Old Country Buffet! Thats where we end up. As soon as we get home, I"m thinking we can spend some time together, hang out, maybe play a game or something. He turns on the TV and turns on a show he knows I don't like! WTF??I have tried being extra nice, I have tried subtle hints, I've tried ignoring him to see how he feels, I've tried being blunt about. He always gets defensive and won't talk to me. Acts like its my fault. Well, now I'm at the point where I just want to get through this holiday season and then hand him divorce papers. I'd rather be alone and happy than married and miserable. I don't think he'll ever come around. I don't think I ask too much, but he sure seems to think so. Sorry so long. I'm just so frustrated!

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 19, 2012 at 2:32 PM
Replies (41-50):
wineisfine
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:19 PM

 You are every bit playing the victim, it is all about how he is a jerk and you have tried everything and nothing works. He is doing what he does to you because you are allowing it, and if this is what gets you off then continue. I would sell his Ipad and take a day at the spa, then I would stop doing anything for him until I had his attention. Then I would let him know I am willing to work with him if I see change happening, if I see any back stepping he is gone. You are the one who determines how you are treated, and you are getting something out of this......playing the victim. Deep down you probably like being able to paint him as a horrible guy, and you are the poor picked on wife and I call BS.

You are a woman so act like it, step up and change your situation because nobody else is going too. Stop bitching, and start doing!

Quoting Anonymous:

How do you suggest I stop him from playing on his Ipad? Take it away from him? Turn off the TV? I am definitely not playing the martyr. Apparently you didn't read my whole post, or any of the conversation that has gone on during the post. I have done plenty to try and change it, like I said...kill him with kindness, subtle hints, bluntly. He is too thick headed to get it. He thinks going to work and stopping for groceries on occasion is enough.

Quoting wineisfine:

 You are good at playing the martyr, how about instead of complaining to a bunch of women you get his butt in gear. The reason he acts the way he does is because you allow it, if you put your foot down and stop the behavior he can't do it. I feel no sympathy for women who play the victim, but do nothing to change it!

 

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:20 PM
Are you telling me my husband has a long-lost twin?!?

I blame his upbringing. I refuse to let my sons to be brought up the ae way!
AmandaMaeBell
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:21 PM

I'm in the exact same boat as you are.  It's like I'm farthest from him mind, always.  Sorry Momma :(

armstrong7984
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:37 PM

ya he does build me up everyday, he says im perfect and beautiful and opens doors for me and doesnt let me carry the groceries into the house..he loves on me, cuddles with me and everything, but when it comes to him DOING anything it either takes me 50X telling him until he does it or i just do it. I wont divorce him i love this man more than anything in this world, he is my best friend, i just wish i knew HOW to make him realize and make him start doing things, hes a major procrastinator too and im just the opposite.

so what do i do when i ask him to let the dogs outside and two hours later they still havent been outside??  then he spanks our puppy for peeing on the floor and puts her in the kennel, i just wish he KNEW to take them outside and i didnt have to ask or do it. Hes 32 for damn sakes.


 

Quoting wineisfine:

 Stop doing anything for him, do for you and your children. Let him know that if things do not improve that you will be gone, if he is willing to work on it then work with him. If he is unwilling to see his behavior then leave, we allow people to treat us the way you do and whether you like it or not he does these things because you let him. Do not be his doormat anymore, or just walk away because life is too short to be someones slave. A real man will build you up, not stomp on you like you are shit on the bottom of his foot.

Quoting armstrong7984:

my dh is also very very lazy when it comes to doing anything around the house. I ask him to do things and he forgets or puts it off then i do it, then he gets mad at me for doing it, but says that he hates when i nag. I dont know what to do so any suggestions would be great. I do all cleaning, cooking, taking care of our dogs and cat, you name it i do it all then he gets mad at me for doing it all but he doesnt do it. one time he said dont touch the garbage well it sat literally for three days in the kitchen until i brought it into the garage. nothing gets done unless i do it. He works for hard at work but when he comes home he gets on his video games and thats it.

Quoting wineisfine:

 You are good at playing the martyr, how about instead of complaining to a bunch of women you get his butt in gear. The reason he acts the way he does is because you allow it, if you put your foot down and stop the behavior he can't do it. I feel no sympathy for women who play the victim, but do nothing to change it!

 

 


armstrong7984
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:39 PM

god my dh was brought up like a working horse country boy and went on to be high rank special forces in the army...and hes now hes sooooo lazy and procrastinates so bad! HIS LONG LOST TWIN lol.

Quoting Anonymous:

Are you telling me my husband has a long-lost twin?!?

I blame his upbringing. I refuse to let my sons to be brought up the ae way!


meagn3388
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:42 PM

is he an only child by any chance??

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:52 PM

EXACTLY! Hubby tells me he loves me, kisses me, tells me I'm pretty and tells the kids he loves their mommy. He is not abusive or mean, just lazy and selfish. Puts himself as his #1 priority when it comes to doing anything, and then work is #2. He's always gotta do something for himself before he does something for someone else. It is exaserbated right now because he's in the process of quitting smoking (it's been 7 days today) but so am I. I am taking wellbutrin, he refuses. I think it gives him an excuse to be a butthead! Words mean nothing with no actions behind them. Thats my opinion. He can tell me he loves me and I'm pretty all he wants to, but without showing it, I'm not sure I believe it anymore!

Quoting armstrong7984:

ya he does build me up everyday, he says im perfect and beautiful and opens doors for me and doesnt let me carry the groceries into the house..he loves on me, cuddles with me and everything, but when it comes to him DOING anything it either takes me 50X telling him until he does it or i just do it. I wont divorce him i love this man more than anything in this world, he is my best friend, i just wish i knew HOW to make him realize and make him start doing things, hes a major procrastinator too and im just the opposite.

so what do i do when i ask him to let the dogs outside and two hours later they still havent been outside??  then he spanks our puppy for peeing on the floor and puts her in the kennel, i just wish he KNEW to take them outside and i didnt have to ask or do it. Hes 32 for damn sakes.


 

Quoting wineisfine:

 Stop doing anything for him, do for you and your children. Let him know that if things do not improve that you will be gone, if he is willing to work on it then work with him. If he is unwilling to see his behavior then leave, we allow people to treat us the way you do and whether you like it or not he does these things because you let him. Do not be his doormat anymore, or just walk away because life is too short to be someones slave. A real man will build you up, not stomp on you like you are shit on the bottom of his foot.

Quoting armstrong7984:

my dh is also very very lazy when it comes to doing anything around the house. I ask him to do things and he forgets or puts it off then i do it, then he gets mad at me for doing it, but says that he hates when i nag. I dont know what to do so any suggestions would be great. I do all cleaning, cooking, taking care of our dogs and cat, you name it i do it all then he gets mad at me for doing it all but he doesnt do it. one time he said dont touch the garbage well it sat literally for three days in the kitchen until i brought it into the garage. nothing gets done unless i do it. He works for hard at work but when he comes home he gets on his video games and thats it.

Quoting wineisfine:

 You are good at playing the martyr, how about instead of complaining to a bunch of women you get his butt in gear. The reason he acts the way he does is because you allow it, if you put your foot down and stop the behavior he can't do it. I feel no sympathy for women who play the victim, but do nothing to change it!


 



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:54 PM

Nope, has 2 younger sisters. Was raised to help the family, do chores, be proper and respectful. He just got lost along the way. I've talked to him about not being happy. If he's not happy with us, we can do what it takes to change. If he's depressed, we can work through it and get help. He just says he's fine and goes back to what he's doing. His famous words are "such is life" and "we'll figure it out".

Quoting meagn3388:

is he an only child by any chance??


Chasesmum3109
by Platinum Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:01 PM
Let him read this. Some men understand better when it's written drown and not verbalized. It'll hit him. Men are simple creatures, you need to tell him what you want from him and be proactive about it. Men are far from mind readers. So hinting just isn't going to work. I'm honestly not trying to be mean or harsh. But I've been to a few seminars on this subject and it's really helped our relationship. Good luck hun. I hope this doesn't destroy your marriage.

Try reading the book men are from mars and women are from venus. It'll help you understand men and their way of thinking.
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meagn3388
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 11:26 AM

Maybe now that he's married he expects you to take care of him and everything else all the time and that it's his "turn" to be lazy after helping the family and doing chores in his younger years. Some people don't understand that even when you grow up and get married, be responsible doesn't change. Life doesn't stop after a man marries a woman. Unfortunately, a lot of them think that way though. Maybe you two can go to couseling? Tell him you think it would really help and if he wants to spend some time alone with the therapist to talk privately with him/her then he can do so and vice versa. I hope this all works out for you in the end. Chin up!!

Quoting Anonymous:

Nope, has 2 younger sisters. Was raised to help the family, do chores, be proper and respectful. He just got lost along the way. I've talked to him about not being happy. If he's not happy with us, we can do what it takes to change. If he's depressed, we can work through it and get help. He just says he's fine and goes back to what he's doing. His famous words are "such is life" and "we'll figure it out".

Quoting meagn3388:

is he an only child by any chance??

 


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