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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I invited my MIL to my homebirth...

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

And said she was "going to come anyways."

Why do people not think it is a big deal to invite someone to their birth whether it be out of hospital, in hospital or a birth center? Why do people just "expect" to be invited. It is an EXTREMELY intimate and EXTREMELY life changing experience to give birth rather it be c-section or vaginal.No matter how many times you give birth.

This is my second birth and she may not even make it since she lives 2,000 miles away.



Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:57 PM
Replies (21-30):
Kmary
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:17 PM

Yeah rude for sure.  When I had my oldest, we told our in-laws that we wouldn't be calling them when i was in labor, but that we'd call very very soon after and they were pissed too.  But to me it was a logistics issue.  Who knew how long I was going to be in labor?  And they live only 15 minutes away.  It's not like it'd be days until they got to see the baby.  We called them seriously about 30 minutes after he was born and they came right over.  It was no big deal and to us, birth and the first few moments are for the couple only.  But yeah, they were pretty put out.  People are odd.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:18 PM

Yeah, she is a wonderful woman..she is so sweet, accepting and loving. But, she is a bit controlling when it comes to some situations. I am afraid she will take control and ask questions, be too involved in it. She even went to so far to see if we were having a boy or girl from a psychic that she regularly goes to. She even takes kinda control over my son when she is in town to go as far to say, "your son needs to be a special preschool because he has a lisp." to "you need to cut off his drinks before bed time so he doesn't pee his bed". My son just turned 3. She basically thinks certain things are a no no and she tried to kinda overrule the situation.


Quoting Yogamom08:

Based on that, I would be worried that she expects to be there so she can control the situation. No thanks!

Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, when we were in Florida with her [my son and I] we went on vacation and she was talking about how a family friend was a having a homebirth and she expressed the "weirdness" and "freaked" out about it. She said it was not OK to have one due to the fact when an emergency arises. Shortly after, I became pregnant.  If she insists on being there, in the room, we are certainly going to have some rules. Don't talk, don't ask questions. Just watch. Make sure you are UNKNOWN to me.


Quoting Yogamom08:

Yeah, that would definitely weird me out.



Quoting Anonymous:

It is kinda weird she just expects it. You know, like she gets trump because she is my MIL. I don't want to be treated like a science project.





Quoting Yogamom08:

Wow that is weird of her.





Anyone who expects to be in the delivery room with DH and me is nuts.




Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:20 PM

Dear God, I would of kicked them all out by security at the hospital. Did the hospital say anything to them about too many people in the room?  Do you think your c-section was caused by the audience?

Quoting Anonymous:

When I was in labor with my first child, of course my husband was there, my parents came (which I was fine with), but then my MIL & FIL  AND my husband's aunt & UNCLE and their son (a 3 yr old), like seriously, in labor with the worse contractions (epidural failed on me) and I have them all in there, talking...wondering when I'd have the baby... I seriously felt like I had an audience, all the chairs in my L&D room were lined up like it was show.  So, after that, my mom and dh were the only people allowed in the room.  I ended up having 3 c-sections, but the first two I labored.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:21 PM

My mom was living 2,000 miles away from me and shecalled every 30 minutes until I started pushing. My mom had a very traumatic labor and was very woried about me but now she is like, "psssh, you can do this. you rock at birth." That is insane how close they live and called that many times and acted like you were withholding your newborn from them.

Quoting Kmary:

Yeah rude for sure.  When I had my oldest, we told our in-laws that we wouldn't be calling them when i was in labor, but that we'd call very very soon after and they were pissed too.  But to me it was a logistics issue.  Who knew how long I was going to be in labor?  And they live only 15 minutes away.  It's not like it'd be days until they got to see the baby.  We called them seriously about 30 minutes after he was born and they came right over.  It was no big deal and to us, birth and the first few moments are for the couple only.  But yeah, they were pretty put out.  People are odd.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:24 PM

That is VERY, VERY, VERY weird. I don't know how I would of handled that situation. That is awesome your hubby made you feel comfortable and prevented him from coming into the room. I would probably puke all over myself if my FIL insisted that.


Quoting CjEmmemommy:

My fil expected to see me give birth at our home birth. Even after we said no he headed over as soon as we called. Luckily he got stuck in traffic and showed up right as I started pushing and hubby kept him out of the room.


Yogamom08
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:26 PM
I would have a hard time handling an in law like that! I am sure she means well, but I am very independent and hate being told what to do or how to do it. I would definitely sit her down ahead if time and set boundaries

Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, she is a wonderful woman..she is so sweet, accepting and loving. But, she is a bit controlling when it comes to some situations. I am afraid she will take control and ask questions, be too involved in it. She even went to so far to see if we were having a boy or girl from a psychic that she regularly goes to. She even takes kinda control over my son when she is in town to go as far to say, "your son needs to be a special preschool because he has a lisp." to "you need to cut off his drinks before bed time so he doesn't pee his bed". My son just turned 3. She basically thinks certain things are a no no and she tried to kinda overrule the situation.



Quoting Yogamom08:

Based on that, I would be worried that she expects to be there so she can control the situation. No thanks!



Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, when we were in Florida with her [my son and I] we went on vacation and she was talking about how a family friend was a having a homebirth and she expressed the "weirdness" and "freaked" out about it. She said it was not OK to have one due to the fact when an emergency arises. Shortly after, I became pregnant.  If she insists on being there, in the room, we are certainly going to have some rules. Don't talk, don't ask questions. Just watch. Make sure you are UNKNOWN to me.



Quoting Yogamom08:

Yeah, that would definitely weird me out.





Quoting Anonymous:

It is kinda weird she just expects it. You know, like she gets trump because she is my MIL. I don't want to be treated like a science project.






Quoting Yogamom08:

Wow that is weird of her.







Anyone who expects to be in the delivery room with DH and me is nuts.




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AlwaysKISA
by Ruby Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:28 PM
Idk. My whole family knows automatically that they are invited. No one has to be told. Maybe it's a hispanic thing but we make it a huge family gathering!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:28 PM

Oh-no, I failed to dilate...and the reason being, I found out AFTER I had my 3rd child.  I slipped and fell down the stairs.  I was barefoot holding a hamper of dirty clothes, on carpeted stairs, I only had 4 stairs left  when I fell hitting my tailbone soooo hard, I sobbed for an hour, called my DH at work, told him I needed to see a doctor.  I found out that I dislocated my tailbone, but...an internal specialist reviewed the xrays and said, it looks as though I've always had a dislocated tailbone and that was most likely the cause of not being able to give birth vaginally.  Effin' strange, right?  He's like, "you could get surgery to fix that and be able to have kids vaginally." I said, "too late, hubby had a vasectomy, and I've had 3 very complicated pregnancies and c-sections."  I wish I knew that before getting pregnant with my first...I would have never tried for a VBAC with my 2nd child.  I was two weeks late, 5 days of labor and only went to 6cm and ended up failing the VBAC and begging for a c-section, it was the scariest days of my husband's life, he said.  

With my first, my daughter actually popped back up during labor.  My OB said she must be hitting something, he thought pelvic bone was too narrow, and...when she was born via csection after 16 hours of  induced labor, she had this huge indentation in the crown of her head and was starting to get a "cone-head" look, but, she never dropped,I only dilated to a 4cm.  She looked as though she was starting to crown, but that whole time she was bonking her head on the stupid deformed tailbone of mine...  

It's funny though, my 2nd child (son) didn't have an indentation and I had consistant contractions for 5 days...guess he was positioned differently.

Sorry this is so long...I got carried away, lol.  But yeah, I hated having that audience in there, I didn't open my mouth, I felt outnumbered by DH's family.  I didn't have the heart to kick them out.  But that is why I made sure my other labors were different.  You live and learn.

Quoting Anonymous:


Dear God, I would of kicked them all out by security at the hospital. Did the hospital say anything to them about too many people in the room?  Do you think your c-section was caused by the audience?

Quoting Anonymous:

When I was in labor with my first child, of course my husband was there, my parents came (which I was fine with), but then my MIL & FIL  AND my husband's aunt & UNCLE and their son (a 3 yr old), like seriously, in labor with the worse contractions (epidural failed on me) and I have them all in there, talking...wondering when I'd have the baby... I seriously felt like I had an audience, all the chairs in my L&D room were lined up like it was show.  So, after that, my mom and dh were the only people allowed in the room.  I ended up having 3 c-sections, but the first two I labored.



msalice_21
by Platinum Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:29 PM
I dont know expected but it is her grandbaby. I would be very hurt if i wasnt invited to witness my grandbaby being brought into the world. Even if it were out in the lobby.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:30 PM

I am so extremely indepdendent and very stubborn when it comes to my health, and my children and sanity. I do not take it lightly when someone tries to trump my parenting ideals. Her son, my husband has my back no matter what and he just tells me "just ignore her. you know we are doing fine and we are doing an excellent job." It sounds like I am going to have to when she comes here in December so she knows howeever she books her ticket she needs to find something else to do while i labor and push. I do not want her looking at my vagina. 


Quoting Yogamom08:

I would have a hard time handling an in law like that! I am sure she means well, but I am very independent and hate being told what to do or how to do it. I would definitely sit her down ahead if time and set boundaries

Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, she is a wonderful woman..she is so sweet, accepting and loving. But, she is a bit controlling when it comes to some situations. I am afraid she will take control and ask questions, be too involved in it. She even went to so far to see if we were having a boy or girl from a psychic that she regularly goes to. She even takes kinda control over my son when she is in town to go as far to say, "your son needs to be a special preschool because he has a lisp." to "you need to cut off his drinks before bed time so he doesn't pee his bed". My son just turned 3. She basically thinks certain things are a no no and she tried to kinda overrule the situation.



Quoting Yogamom08:

Based on that, I would be worried that she expects to be there so she can control the situation. No thanks!



Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, when we were in Florida with her [my son and I] we went on vacation and she was talking about how a family friend was a having a homebirth and she expressed the "weirdness" and "freaked" out about it. She said it was not OK to have one due to the fact when an emergency arises. Shortly after, I became pregnant.  If she insists on being there, in the room, we are certainly going to have some rules. Don't talk, don't ask questions. Just watch. Make sure you are UNKNOWN to me.



Quoting Yogamom08:

Yeah, that would definitely weird me out.





Quoting Anonymous:

It is kinda weird she just expects it. You know, like she gets trump because she is my MIL. I don't want to be treated like a science project.






Quoting Yogamom08:

Wow that is weird of her.







Anyone who expects to be in the delivery room with DH and me is nuts.





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