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I invited my MIL to my homebirth...

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

And said she was "going to come anyways."

Why do people not think it is a big deal to invite someone to their birth whether it be out of hospital, in hospital or a birth center? Why do people just "expect" to be invited. It is an EXTREMELY intimate and EXTREMELY life changing experience to give birth rather it be c-section or vaginal.No matter how many times you give birth.

This is my second birth and she may not even make it since she lives 2,000 miles away.



Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:57 PM
Replies (31-40):
mommy_me
by ~The Three B's~ on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:31 PM

 Self entitlement at its best

Roxygurl
by Emerald Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:32 PM
Yeah my cousin called me an ungrateful cunt because when my fiancé and I have our child my father will not be invited, he can come AFTER I've given birth.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:33 PM

I am just opposed to her watching my vagina, and then also talking too much which includes questions, and trying to not let me concentrate on what work I will be doing. I would love her to be there for my son also and help with him. But, I do not want her to be actively known in the room. During labor, I have a tendency to not be able to concentrate and relax unless I have absolute silence and be able to crawl inside myself.


Quoting msalice_21:

I dont know expected but it is her grandbaby. I would be very hurt if i wasnt invited to witness my grandbaby being brought into the world. Even if it were out in the lobby.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:34 PM

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! My jaw dropped when I read that! Holy shit. I would not be able to handle that from a cousin.


Quoting Roxygurl:

Yeah my cousin called me an ungrateful cunt because when my fiancé and I have our child my father will not be invited, he can come AFTER I've given birth.


Yogamom08
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:34 PM
LOL I definitely feel ya there! You shouldn't even notice her presence while pushing!

Quoting Anonymous:

I am so extremely indepdendent and very stubborn when it comes to my health, and my children and sanity. I do not take it lightly when someone tries to trump my parenting ideals. Her son, my husband has my back no matter what and he just tells me "just ignore her. you know we are doing fine and we are doing an excellent job." It sounds like I am going to have to when she comes here in December so she knows howeever she books her ticket she needs to find something else to do while i labor and push. I do not want her looking at my vagina. 



Quoting Yogamom08:

I would have a hard time handling an in law like that! I am sure she means well, but I am very independent and hate being told what to do or how to do it. I would definitely sit her down ahead if time and set boundaries



Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, she is a wonderful woman..she is so sweet, accepting and loving. But, she is a bit controlling when it comes to some situations. I am afraid she will take control and ask questions, be too involved in it. She even went to so far to see if we were having a boy or girl from a psychic that she regularly goes to. She even takes kinda control over my son when she is in town to go as far to say, "your son needs to be a special preschool because he has a lisp." to "you need to cut off his drinks before bed time so he doesn't pee his bed". My son just turned 3. She basically thinks certain things are a no no and she tried to kinda overrule the situation.




Quoting Yogamom08:

Based on that, I would be worried that she expects to be there so she can control the situation. No thanks!





Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, when we were in Florida with her [my son and I] we went on vacation and she was talking about how a family friend was a having a homebirth and she expressed the "weirdness" and "freaked" out about it. She said it was not OK to have one due to the fact when an emergency arises. Shortly after, I became pregnant.  If she insists on being there, in the room, we are certainly going to have some rules. Don't talk, don't ask questions. Just watch. Make sure you are UNKNOWN to me.




Quoting Yogamom08:

Yeah, that would definitely weird me out.







Quoting Anonymous:

It is kinda weird she just expects it. You know, like she gets trump because she is my MIL. I don't want to be treated like a science project.







Quoting Yogamom08:

Wow that is weird of her.









Anyone who expects to be in the delivery room with DH and me is nuts.





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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:34 PM

I will never understand it. She doesn't get trump because she is Grandma.


Quoting mommy_me:

 Self entitlement at its best


Roxygurl
by Emerald Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:35 PM
I hung up on him. Giving birth is a stressful and highly personal thing and I don't want my father there. I tried explaining that to my cousin and got no where so just let him go and that will be the end of the conversation with him on that subject.

I WILL get my way even if I have to lie to my father about when my due date is.


Quoting Anonymous:

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! My jaw dropped when I read that! Holy shit. I would not be able to handle that from a cousin.



Quoting Roxygurl:

Yeah my cousin called me an ungrateful cunt because when my fiancé and I have our child my father will not be invited, he can come AFTER I've given birth.


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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:36 PM

WOW, that is insane that it was diagnosed AFTER you had your babies! That is nuts. I can't imagine the pain your tailbone and butt went through. Whenever I be a couch potato for too long my tailbone hurts due to poor posture.


Quoting Anonymous:

Oh-no, I failed to dilate...and the reason being, I found out AFTER I had my 3rd child.  I slipped and fell down the stairs.  I was barefoot holding a hamper of dirty clothes, on carpeted stairs, I only had 4 stairs left  when I fell hitting my tailbone soooo hard, I sobbed for an hour, called my DH at work, told him I needed to see a doctor.  I found out that I dislocated my tailbone, but...an internal specialist reviewed the xrays and said, it looks as though I've always had a dislocated tailbone and that was most likely the cause of not being able to give birth vaginally.  Effin' strange, right?  He's like, "you could get surgery to fix that and be able to have kids vaginally." I said, "too late, hubby had a vasectomy, and I've had 3 very complicated pregnancies and c-sections."  I wish I knew that before getting pregnant with my first...I would have never tried for a VBAC with my 2nd child.  I was two weeks late, 5 days of labor and only went to 6cm and ended up failing the VBAC and begging for a c-section, it was the scariest days of my husband's life, he said.  

With my first, my daughter actually popped back up during labor.  My OB said she must be hitting something, he thought pelvic bone was too narrow, and...when she was born via csection after 16 hours of  induced labor, she had this huge indentation in the crown of her head and was starting to get a "cone-head" look, but, she never dropped,I only dilated to a 4cm.  She looked as though she was starting to crown, but that whole time she was bonking her head on the stupid deformed tailbone of mine...  

It's funny though, my 2nd child (son) didn't have an indentation and I had consistant contractions for 5 days...guess he was positioned differently.

Sorry this is so long...I got carried away, lol.  But yeah, I hated having that audience in there, I didn't open my mouth, I felt outnumbered by DH's family.  I didn't have the heart to kick them out.  But that is why I made sure my other labors were different.  You live and learn.

Quoting Anonymous:


Dear God, I would of kicked them all out by security at the hospital. Did the hospital say anything to them about too many people in the room?  Do you think your c-section was caused by the audience?

Quoting Anonymous:

When I was in labor with my first child, of course my husband was there, my parents came (which I was fine with), but then my MIL & FIL  AND my husband's aunt & UNCLE and their son (a 3 yr old), like seriously, in labor with the worse contractions (epidural failed on me) and I have them all in there, talking...wondering when I'd have the baby... I seriously felt like I had an audience, all the chairs in my L&D room were lined up like it was show.  So, after that, my mom and dh were the only people allowed in the room.  I ended up having 3 c-sections, but the first two I labored.




Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:38 PM

I mean, yes your modesty goes down during childbirth but man..it's so weird when you have people staring at your vagina expecting something. It's so freaking weird and distracting. I don't even want to hear her voice at all during the entire thing.


Quoting Yogamom08:

LOL I definitely feel ya there! You shouldn't even notice her presence while pushing!

Quoting Anonymous:

I am so extremely indepdendent and very stubborn when it comes to my health, and my children and sanity. I do not take it lightly when someone tries to trump my parenting ideals. Her son, my husband has my back no matter what and he just tells me "just ignore her. you know we are doing fine and we are doing an excellent job." It sounds like I am going to have to when she comes here in December so she knows howeever she books her ticket she needs to find something else to do while i labor and push. I do not want her looking at my vagina. 



Quoting Yogamom08:

I would have a hard time handling an in law like that! I am sure she means well, but I am very independent and hate being told what to do or how to do it. I would definitely sit her down ahead if time and set boundaries



Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, she is a wonderful woman..she is so sweet, accepting and loving. But, she is a bit controlling when it comes to some situations. I am afraid she will take control and ask questions, be too involved in it. She even went to so far to see if we were having a boy or girl from a psychic that she regularly goes to. She even takes kinda control over my son when she is in town to go as far to say, "your son needs to be a special preschool because he has a lisp." to "you need to cut off his drinks before bed time so he doesn't pee his bed". My son just turned 3. She basically thinks certain things are a no no and she tried to kinda overrule the situation.




Quoting Yogamom08:

Based on that, I would be worried that she expects to be there so she can control the situation. No thanks!





Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, when we were in Florida with her [my son and I] we went on vacation and she was talking about how a family friend was a having a homebirth and she expressed the "weirdness" and "freaked" out about it. She said it was not OK to have one due to the fact when an emergency arises. Shortly after, I became pregnant.  If she insists on being there, in the room, we are certainly going to have some rules. Don't talk, don't ask questions. Just watch. Make sure you are UNKNOWN to me.




Quoting Yogamom08:

Yeah, that would definitely weird me out.







Quoting Anonymous:

It is kinda weird she just expects it. You know, like she gets trump because she is my MIL. I don't want to be treated like a science project.







Quoting Yogamom08:

Wow that is weird of her.









Anyone who expects to be in the delivery room with DH and me is nuts.






Yogamom08
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:39 PM
I am not modest when it comes to medical staff...but my family or DH's....no thanks lol

Quoting Anonymous:

I mean, yes your modesty goes down during childbirth but man..it's so weird when you have people staring at your vagina expecting something. It's so freaking weird and distracting. I don't even want to hear her voice at all during the entire thing.



Quoting Yogamom08:

LOL I definitely feel ya there! You shouldn't even notice her presence while pushing!



Quoting Anonymous:

I am so extremely indepdendent and very stubborn when it comes to my health, and my children and sanity. I do not take it lightly when someone tries to trump my parenting ideals. Her son, my husband has my back no matter what and he just tells me "just ignore her. you know we are doing fine and we are doing an excellent job." It sounds like I am going to have to when she comes here in December so she knows howeever she books her ticket she needs to find something else to do while i labor and push. I do not want her looking at my vagina. 




Quoting Yogamom08:

I would have a hard time handling an in law like that! I am sure she means well, but I am very independent and hate being told what to do or how to do it. I would definitely sit her down ahead if time and set boundaries





Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, she is a wonderful woman..she is so sweet, accepting and loving. But, she is a bit controlling when it comes to some situations. I am afraid she will take control and ask questions, be too involved in it. She even went to so far to see if we were having a boy or girl from a psychic that she regularly goes to. She even takes kinda control over my son when she is in town to go as far to say, "your son needs to be a special preschool because he has a lisp." to "you need to cut off his drinks before bed time so he doesn't pee his bed". My son just turned 3. She basically thinks certain things are a no no and she tried to kinda overrule the situation.





Quoting Yogamom08:

Based on that, I would be worried that she expects to be there so she can control the situation. No thanks!







Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, when we were in Florida with her [my son and I] we went on vacation and she was talking about how a family friend was a having a homebirth and she expressed the "weirdness" and "freaked" out about it. She said it was not OK to have one due to the fact when an emergency arises. Shortly after, I became pregnant.  If she insists on being there, in the room, we are certainly going to have some rules. Don't talk, don't ask questions. Just watch. Make sure you are UNKNOWN to me.





Quoting Yogamom08:

Yeah, that would definitely weird me out.









Quoting Anonymous:

It is kinda weird she just expects it. You know, like she gets trump because she is my MIL. I don't want to be treated like a science project.








Quoting Yogamom08:

Wow that is weird of her.











Anyone who expects to be in the delivery room with DH and me is nuts.






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