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I invited my MIL to my homebirth...

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

And said she was "going to come anyways."

Why do people not think it is a big deal to invite someone to their birth whether it be out of hospital, in hospital or a birth center? Why do people just "expect" to be invited. It is an EXTREMELY intimate and EXTREMELY life changing experience to give birth rather it be c-section or vaginal.No matter how many times you give birth.

This is my second birth and she may not even make it since she lives 2,000 miles away.



Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:57 PM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:40 PM
I just don't understand people wanting to be in the delivery room or really even visiting while in the hospital.
Your in the hospital to rest, not entertain visitors

When I had DD last year my inlaws family just couldn't understand why my inlaws didn't want to be at the hospital with me.
They had paraded every family member threw the hospital when their DD was in labor and then after. My MIL said their DD looked dead tied.
My inlaws came up once to drop DS off with my Dh and visit for a minute after I had her.
My mom came to my house a few days after I got home. She doesn't believe in being bothered while a new mother is still recovering.
Maybe we are a weird family. You have a life time with the child, why do you need to butt in when a baby is so young and a new mom needs her rest.

When my child have children I may visit the hospital but 20 minutes tops. I would never assume I would be in the room, if they asked I would go.
Whisper85
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:40 PM

My FIL had to be escorted off of the property because he insisted on being there even when I told him no. He said it's his grandchild. It was really sad, being in labor and he was having a fit like a damn 2 year old cuz he couldn't watch. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:40 PM

I do not blame you. Too bad so many people feel like it is expected. Only in America. I didn't want to tell my Grandmother about the way we were choosing to birth our baby this time around because my cousin had one two years ago and she was appaled at the shape of her daughters head because she didn't do counted pushes and her baby came out with an extreme cone head. I told her "that is completely normal" and to this day she blames it all on the way she chose to give birth - at home. I eventually did tell her and she loves calling and hearing about my midwife appointments.


Quoting Roxygurl:

I hung up on him. Giving birth is a stressful and highly personal thing and I don't want my father there. I tried explaining that to my cousin and got no where so just let him go and that will be the end of the conversation with him on that subject.

I WILL get my way even if I have to lie to my father about when my due date is.


Quoting Anonymous:

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! My jaw dropped when I read that! Holy shit. I would not be able to handle that from a cousin.



Quoting Roxygurl:

Yeah my cousin called me an ungrateful cunt because when my fiancé and I have our child my father will not be invited, he can come AFTER I've given birth.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:44 PM

I am a naked birther haha but I don't like my vagina being the one on display like a movie. My midwife I don't feel bad going spread eagle for but my MIL, FIL, even my mother...so weird.


Quoting Yogamom08:

I am not modest when it comes to medical staff...but my family or DH's....no thanks lol

Quoting Anonymous:

I mean, yes your modesty goes down during childbirth but man..it's so weird when you have people staring at your vagina expecting something. It's so freaking weird and distracting. I don't even want to hear her voice at all during the entire thing.



Quoting Yogamom08:

LOL I definitely feel ya there! You shouldn't even notice her presence while pushing!



Quoting Anonymous:

I am so extremely indepdendent and very stubborn when it comes to my health, and my children and sanity. I do not take it lightly when someone tries to trump my parenting ideals. Her son, my husband has my back no matter what and he just tells me "just ignore her. you know we are doing fine and we are doing an excellent job." It sounds like I am going to have to when she comes here in December so she knows howeever she books her ticket she needs to find something else to do while i labor and push. I do not want her looking at my vagina. 




Quoting Yogamom08:

I would have a hard time handling an in law like that! I am sure she means well, but I am very independent and hate being told what to do or how to do it. I would definitely sit her down ahead if time and set boundaries





Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, she is a wonderful woman..she is so sweet, accepting and loving. But, she is a bit controlling when it comes to some situations. I am afraid she will take control and ask questions, be too involved in it. She even went to so far to see if we were having a boy or girl from a psychic that she regularly goes to. She even takes kinda control over my son when she is in town to go as far to say, "your son needs to be a special preschool because he has a lisp." to "you need to cut off his drinks before bed time so he doesn't pee his bed". My son just turned 3. She basically thinks certain things are a no no and she tried to kinda overrule the situation.





Quoting Yogamom08:

Based on that, I would be worried that she expects to be there so she can control the situation. No thanks!







Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, when we were in Florida with her [my son and I] we went on vacation and she was talking about how a family friend was a having a homebirth and she expressed the "weirdness" and "freaked" out about it. She said it was not OK to have one due to the fact when an emergency arises. Shortly after, I became pregnant.  If she insists on being there, in the room, we are certainly going to have some rules. Don't talk, don't ask questions. Just watch. Make sure you are UNKNOWN to me.





Quoting Yogamom08:

Yeah, that would definitely weird me out.









Quoting Anonymous:

It is kinda weird she just expects it. You know, like she gets trump because she is my MIL. I don't want to be treated like a science project.








Quoting Yogamom08:

Wow that is weird of her.











Anyone who expects to be in the delivery room with DH and me is nuts.







Yogamom08
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:45 PM
Agreed! I hope she is understanding and respects your wishes, and that you have a wonderful experience :)

Quoting Anonymous:

I am a naked birther haha but I don't like my vagina being the one on display like a movie. My midwife I don't feel bad going spread eagle for but my MIL, FIL, even my mother...so weird.



Quoting Yogamom08:

I am not modest when it comes to medical staff...but my family or DH's....no thanks lol



Quoting Anonymous:

I mean, yes your modesty goes down during childbirth but man..it's so weird when you have people staring at your vagina expecting something. It's so freaking weird and distracting. I don't even want to hear her voice at all during the entire thing.




Quoting Yogamom08:

LOL I definitely feel ya there! You shouldn't even notice her presence while pushing!





Quoting Anonymous:

I am so extremely indepdendent and very stubborn when it comes to my health, and my children and sanity. I do not take it lightly when someone tries to trump my parenting ideals. Her son, my husband has my back no matter what and he just tells me "just ignore her. you know we are doing fine and we are doing an excellent job." It sounds like I am going to have to when she comes here in December so she knows howeever she books her ticket she needs to find something else to do while i labor and push. I do not want her looking at my vagina. 





Quoting Yogamom08:

I would have a hard time handling an in law like that! I am sure she means well, but I am very independent and hate being told what to do or how to do it. I would definitely sit her down ahead if time and set boundaries







Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, she is a wonderful woman..she is so sweet, accepting and loving. But, she is a bit controlling when it comes to some situations. I am afraid she will take control and ask questions, be too involved in it. She even went to so far to see if we were having a boy or girl from a psychic that she regularly goes to. She even takes kinda control over my son when she is in town to go as far to say, "your son needs to be a special preschool because he has a lisp." to "you need to cut off his drinks before bed time so he doesn't pee his bed". My son just turned 3. She basically thinks certain things are a no no and she tried to kinda overrule the situation.






Quoting Yogamom08:

Based on that, I would be worried that she expects to be there so she can control the situation. No thanks!









Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, when we were in Florida with her [my son and I] we went on vacation and she was talking about how a family friend was a having a homebirth and she expressed the "weirdness" and "freaked" out about it. She said it was not OK to have one due to the fact when an emergency arises. Shortly after, I became pregnant.  If she insists on being there, in the room, we are certainly going to have some rules. Don't talk, don't ask questions. Just watch. Make sure you are UNKNOWN to me.






Quoting Yogamom08:

Yeah, that would definitely weird me out.











Quoting Anonymous:

It is kinda weird she just expects it. You know, like she gets trump because she is my MIL. I don't want to be treated like a science project.









Quoting Yogamom08:

Wow that is weird of her.













Anyone who expects to be in the delivery room with DH and me is nuts.







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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:46 PM

100% agree. I got two vistors the entire time at the hospital for only about 10 minutes each. I didn't want to be bothered because soon, I was going to have to go home and deal with regular life again. I don't mind people coming after I have the baby but I don't want, you know, over 20 minute visits. Come over and bring me food, hold the baby and go home.


Quoting Anonymous:

I just don't understand people wanting to be in the delivery room or really even visiting while in the hospital.
Your in the hospital to rest, not entertain visitors

When I had DD last year my inlaws family just couldn't understand why my inlaws didn't want to be at the hospital with me.
They had paraded every family member threw the hospital when their DD was in labor and then after. My MIL said their DD looked dead tied.
My inlaws came up once to drop DS off with my Dh and visit for a minute after I had her.
My mom came to my house a few days after I got home. She doesn't believe in being bothered while a new mother is still recovering.
Maybe we are a weird family. You have a life time with the child, why do you need to butt in when a baby is so young and a new mom needs her rest.

When my child have children I may visit the hospital but 20 minutes tops. I would never assume I would be in the room, if they asked I would go.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:47 PM

I always see the crazy MIL being in the room posts and never about the FIL and father. I would of freaked! I cannot believe he acted like that. My jaw drops whenever someone mentions their dad of father so far in this thread.


Quoting Whisper85:

My FIL had to be escorted off of the property because he insisted on being there even when I told him no. He said it's his grandchild. It was really sad, being in labor and he was having a fit like a damn 2 year old cuz he couldn't watch. 


Whisper85
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:54 PM

My FIL was crazy, he passed away 2 weeks ago. But if my MIL was alive, he never would have acted that way. I could write a book about all the crazy stuff he has pulled!

Quoting Anonymous:

I always see the crazy MIL being in the room posts and never about the FIL and father. I would of freaked! I cannot believe he acted like that. My jaw drops whenever someone mentions their dad of father so far in this thread.


Quoting Whisper85:

My FIL had to be escorted off of the property because he insisted on being there even when I told him no. He said it's his grandchild. It was really sad, being in labor and he was having a fit like a damn 2 year old cuz he couldn't watch. 



bug licking

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:56 PM

Usually women hold their men together. I CANNOT imagine what you've delt with.


Quoting Whisper85:

My FIL was crazy, he passed away 2 weeks ago. But if my MIL was alive, he never would have acted that way. I could write a book about all the crazy stuff he has pulled!

Quoting Anonymous:

I always see the crazy MIL being in the room posts and never about the FIL and father. I would of freaked! I cannot believe he acted like that. My jaw drops whenever someone mentions their dad of father so far in this thread.


Quoting Whisper85:

My FIL had to be escorted off of the property because he insisted on being there even when I told him no. He said it's his grandchild. It was really sad, being in labor and he was having a fit like a damn 2 year old cuz he couldn't watch. 




mummy1990
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:57 PM

You might be over analyzing it, and maybe being a little overly sensitive. She probably meant it jokingly, saying that she was going to come anyways. I doubt she actually thinks that she was just going to BARGE ON IN and be there...that just seems ridiculous.

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