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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

i dont want to brake up her marraige, but i dont know if i can keep quiet.......

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 OK so over 2 years ago before i met my DH i was on a local dating site, it wasn't something i normally do but having just moved to another state and not knowing anyone i figured it was probably the easiest way to met someone. i did not post a picture as i dont believe in being looked at like a piece of meat, but it didn't stop guys from contacting me and before long i was contacted by a man who wanted to meet me, however after seeing a picture and talking with him a few times i decided he wasn't for me... i quickly forgot about him, met my DH and that was the end of that.

i almost completely forgot about the whole online dating thing until early this year when i reconized the man from the dating site and realized that he is someone that DH works with... i also found out that he also has a wife and 3 kids and while i don't know his wife all that well we have talked a few times. although i have tried to avoid her for the most part, many because i don't want to say anything about her husband. i don't know if she knows about him on the dating site, i don't know how good of a relationship they have. but either way i don't want to be the one to break them up or cause problems....

the thing is that she has been trying to be friends with me, she is friends with a lot of the other wives where DH works and keeps inviting me to join them when they go out. i have turned down the invites and for a while there wasn't a problem. until this afternoon when i ran into the wife and she asked me if i was going to the Christmas party she is hosting...  i really didn't know what to say to her, so i lied and said that i was only just hearing about it and that we already had plans. she looked upset but let it go and said that maybe some other time i should join her and the other ladies. i tried to smile and tell her that i would try to make it sometime......but i dont know how long i can keep lying to the woman because she is a really nice person. however everytime i see her or her husband i want to open my mouth and say something! DH tells me to just tell her and let her deal with it, but i feel bad for her....

if it was you, would you tell her ? i feel like im doing something wrong by keeping this from her and its really eating at me. advice?

 

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:13 AM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:23 AM

Check the dating site and see if he's still on it. If not, keep it zipped.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:25 AM

ugh. Sorry you're in that position. My friend/I got stuck in an awkward one. Found out my younger 19 year old sister was having an affair with my good friend/next door neighbors older 29 year old brother who was married with two kids. Talk about a crazy month. My friend was cool with me but she had the hardest time figuring out if she should tell her sister in law or not since they were so close. I wish I could tell you what to do. I told my friend that she should tell her brother that he has a week to tell his wife or she was going to. He never did.. and she never did. I think her sister in law still doesn't know to this day. That might be something you could try doing if you get in contact with the guy. Let him know it's either coming from him or from you but at least he has his chance to say something. That is if it's even still active and assuming they weren't seperated at that time. Good luck with whatever you decide.

VintageWife
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:25 AM

I think eventually I'd be tempted to tell her that while I really like her a lot, I'm uncomfortable around her because I dated her husband a few years back before I met mine. That leaves it open for her to deduce that they were married at the time and it gives you a chance to tell her that you never knew he was married until your husband started working there and you figured it out.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:25 AM
No dilemma here. Keep your mouth shut and go about your normal life.
1boy1girlmama
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:26 AM

Nope. It was a long time ago, I would just let it go. For all you know they could have been separated. Just be nice to the chick and let it go.

Lindsey1126
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:31 AM
I would act like nothing ever happened
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ShellGardner
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:34 AM
If you can't see her without saying anything then just tell her already.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:36 AM

i didn't meet with her husband, i was really uncomfortable talking to him. he wanted to know a lot of very personal sexual things and even mentioned a few things he was into before i refused to contact him again...  he doesn't know that i know him from the site but every time i see him i can just feel my skin crawl! from what DH has told me the guy has a habit of hitting on female co-workers and that he isn't well liked... i don't know how much the wife knows but i just cant look at her or talk to her without wanting to run away...

Quoting VintageWife:

I think eventually I'd be tempted to tell her that while I really like her a lot, I'm uncomfortable around her because I dated her husband a few years back before I met mine. That leaves it open for her to deduce that they were married at the time and it gives you a chance to tell her that you never knew he was married until your husband started working there and you figured it out.


ncbirdie
by Gold Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:36 AM
1 mom liked this

If you feel that strongly about it, perhaps you should have a conversation with her.  I know that if I were in her shoes, I would be grateful if someone were to talk to me about it.  If, as others have mentioned, my DH and I were split up or our relationship were open to us dating other people for whatever reason I would still be grateful that someone was looking out for me even though they didn't really know me.  If I was under the impression that our relationship has always been peaches and cream, I would be upset, but I'd be thankful that someone had the guts to tell me that it really wasn't.

However, before you approach her, you had best be CERTAIN that this was him.  Are you able to bring up your old account?  Print out proof that he was contacting you?  If you haven't given it much thought since you stopped contact 2 years ago, your memory may be playing tricks with you.  Do not approach her with this unless you are 100% certain and are able to back yourself up.

VintageWife
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:38 AM
2 moms liked this

I'm personally the kind that would tell because I'd want someone to do the same for me.

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