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i dont want to brake up her marraige, but i dont know if i can keep quiet.......

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 OK so over 2 years ago before i met my DH i was on a local dating site, it wasn't something i normally do but having just moved to another state and not knowing anyone i figured it was probably the easiest way to met someone. i did not post a picture as i dont believe in being looked at like a piece of meat, but it didn't stop guys from contacting me and before long i was contacted by a man who wanted to meet me, however after seeing a picture and talking with him a few times i decided he wasn't for me... i quickly forgot about him, met my DH and that was the end of that.

i almost completely forgot about the whole online dating thing until early this year when i reconized the man from the dating site and realized that he is someone that DH works with... i also found out that he also has a wife and 3 kids and while i don't know his wife all that well we have talked a few times. although i have tried to avoid her for the most part, many because i don't want to say anything about her husband. i don't know if she knows about him on the dating site, i don't know how good of a relationship they have. but either way i don't want to be the one to break them up or cause problems....

the thing is that she has been trying to be friends with me, she is friends with a lot of the other wives where DH works and keeps inviting me to join them when they go out. i have turned down the invites and for a while there wasn't a problem. until this afternoon when i ran into the wife and she asked me if i was going to the Christmas party she is hosting...  i really didn't know what to say to her, so i lied and said that i was only just hearing about it and that we already had plans. she looked upset but let it go and said that maybe some other time i should join her and the other ladies. i tried to smile and tell her that i would try to make it sometime......but i dont know how long i can keep lying to the woman because she is a really nice person. however everytime i see her or her husband i want to open my mouth and say something! DH tells me to just tell her and let her deal with it, but i feel bad for her....

if it was you, would you tell her ? i feel like im doing something wrong by keeping this from her and its really eating at me. advice?

 

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:13 AM
Replies (21-30):
ack86
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:39 AM
I would have to agree with this.

Quoting momofhnd:

No I wouldn't.. It's none of your business as far as you know they could have split up during the time he was on that site..
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:42 AM
1 mom liked this

I'd tell her, I feel it's wrong to keep that from someone. For all you know they were having troubles at that time and she already knows about it, then you'd be avoiding her for nothing. 

Oostera
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:45 AM

This exactly, OP. I would want to know, I don't care HOW long ago it was. If they were split at the time, then it wouldn't be an issue, right? Just ask yourself, can you let this nice woman continue on in the dark? Doesn't she deserve better? Don't we always hear women that have been cheated on say that they are embarrassed and feel so stupid because EVERYONE knew and no one told them? I would sit with her, in an intimate one on one setting, and tell her the truth.

Quoting ncbirdie:

If you feel that strongly about it, perhaps you should have a conversation with her.  I know that if I were in her shoes, I would be grateful if someone were to talk to me about it.  If, as others have mentioned, my DH and I were split up or our relationship were open to us dating other people for whatever reason I would still be grateful that someone was looking out for me even though they didn't really know me.  If I was under the impression that our relationship has always been peaches and cream, I would be upset, but I'd be thankful that someone had the guts to tell me that it really wasn't.

However, before you approach her, you had best be CERTAIN that this was him.  Are you able to bring up your old account?  Print out proof that he was contacting you?  If you haven't given it much thought since you stopped contact 2 years ago, your memory may be playing tricks with you.  Do not approach her with this unless you are 100% certain and are able to back yourself up.


atlshine
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:49 AM
I'd tell my husband about it and ask him if dude was separated at some point.
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velvetkitty
by Gold Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:51 AM

I would just keep it to myself and carry on.  She's trying to be your friend.  I wouldn't say anything if that much time has passed.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:54 AM

i can get back on the site and i think i may even have an old email from the guy... but i do know it was him! he sent me a picture of himself standing outside the work place and its pretty hard to not know the place. also he is the only red head guy that DH works with and he looks a lot like my brother so there is no way i can mistaken him for someone else. the first time i saw him at DHs work place i knew him from the site... i am very good at remembering peoples faces....

 i told DH and showed him the guy's picture that's when i found out about him hitting on female co-workers! he said that the guy isn't well liked and that the other guys kinda already know about stuff with him, but no one wants to say anything to the wife... i feel stuck in the middle and i don't know what to do about it...

Quoting ncbirdie:

If you feel that strongly about it, perhaps you should have a conversation with her.  I know that if I were in her shoes, I would be grateful if someone were to talk to me about it.  If, as others have mentioned, my DH and I were split up or our relationship were open to us dating other people for whatever reason I would still be grateful that someone was looking out for me even though they didn't really know me.  If I was under the impression that our relationship has always been peaches and cream, I would be upset, but I'd be thankful that someone had the guts to tell me that it really wasn't.

However, before you approach her, you had best be CERTAIN that this was him.  Are you able to bring up your old account?  Print out proof that he was contacting you?  If you haven't given it much thought since you stopped contact 2 years ago, your memory may be playing tricks with you.  Do not approach her with this unless you are 100% certain and are able to back yourself up.


Fields456
by Ruby Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:07 AM
Exactly


Quoting momofhnd:

No I wouldn't.. It's none of your business as far as you know they could have split up during the time he was on that site..

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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:10 AM
Not your place. Leave it alone...
Pink.Frosting
by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:14 AM

You hardly know her.  I wouldn't say anything.  Besides, for all you know, she may already have found out about the dating site.  Maybe they worked through their issues and it's now in the past.  The last thing she needs is some random person bringing it up to her.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:18 AM

I understand the people saying to keep your mouth shut but what if you wind up becoming bf with her and years later this gets mentioned or brought out and she blames you for never telling her. Bad situation.

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