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i dont want to brake up her marraige, but i dont know if i can keep quiet.......

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 OK so over 2 years ago before i met my DH i was on a local dating site, it wasn't something i normally do but having just moved to another state and not knowing anyone i figured it was probably the easiest way to met someone. i did not post a picture as i dont believe in being looked at like a piece of meat, but it didn't stop guys from contacting me and before long i was contacted by a man who wanted to meet me, however after seeing a picture and talking with him a few times i decided he wasn't for me... i quickly forgot about him, met my DH and that was the end of that.

i almost completely forgot about the whole online dating thing until early this year when i reconized the man from the dating site and realized that he is someone that DH works with... i also found out that he also has a wife and 3 kids and while i don't know his wife all that well we have talked a few times. although i have tried to avoid her for the most part, many because i don't want to say anything about her husband. i don't know if she knows about him on the dating site, i don't know how good of a relationship they have. but either way i don't want to be the one to break them up or cause problems....

the thing is that she has been trying to be friends with me, she is friends with a lot of the other wives where DH works and keeps inviting me to join them when they go out. i have turned down the invites and for a while there wasn't a problem. until this afternoon when i ran into the wife and she asked me if i was going to the Christmas party she is hosting...  i really didn't know what to say to her, so i lied and said that i was only just hearing about it and that we already had plans. she looked upset but let it go and said that maybe some other time i should join her and the other ladies. i tried to smile and tell her that i would try to make it sometime......but i dont know how long i can keep lying to the woman because she is a really nice person. however everytime i see her or her husband i want to open my mouth and say something! DH tells me to just tell her and let her deal with it, but i feel bad for her....

if it was you, would you tell her ? i feel like im doing something wrong by keeping this from her and its really eating at me. advice?

 

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:13 AM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:48 AM
What exactly are you scared of? That she might be upset and yell a little?

Quoting Anonymous:

i dont know, i have never been in a place like this before, DH tells me that if i want to tell the wife then do it... but he isnt going to say anything because pretty much all the guys at work already know how the guy is.... i am not close to the wife, like i said i have been avoiding her for almost the last year while i try to figure out if i should say something or not....


i wish i could just forget the whole thing but i also know that if it was me i would want to know if my DH was hitting on women behind my back.... but then again at the same time im scared to death of telling her!!!!


Quoting Anonymous:


I understand the people saying to keep your mouth shut but what if you wind up becoming bf with her and years later this gets mentioned or brought out and she blames you for never telling her. Bad situation.



luvmykids08_10
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:50 AM
Nope. Keep that shit to yourself. I would be pissed if another female felt the need to tell me something about my husband. I would rather not know dammit! Lol awful to say but shit what I dont know wont hurt me, and if we happy right now lets leave it that way.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:51 AM
Agree


Quoting momofhnd:

No I wouldn't.. It's none of your business as far as you know they could have split up during the time he was on that site..

Caitlin1983
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:52 AM
No way! They could have been separated or something at that time. Or maybe she already found out and they have worked through it.
Don't say a word. Seriously!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
QueenBof6
by Ruby Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:53 AM
Lock that shit down

Stay out of it.

Keep your mouth shut.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
hello_kitty25
by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:57 AM

 No i would stay out of that

darnette
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:58 AM
Leave the past where it is and move on, make friends and enjoy yourself.
lovehimforever
by Gold Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:59 AM



Quoting Anonymous:

*break

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:00 AM

i think the other wives already think im a snub... not that i am! its pretty hard meeting new people and with the exception of the parents of my 2nd graders i dont really talk to many people... i dont want to hurt her or her family and i hate avoiding her. the only person that knows why im avoiding her is my DH and he's really no help in this.. i dont even know how to tell her, i mean how would you feel if your a middle aged woman and you have some woman that is almost half your age telling you that your husband was on a dating site and trying to hit you up?

Quoting Nicky2911:

Either way avoiding her might put you in bad standing with the wives of the men your husband works with... you don't want them to think your snubbing them. Trust me I had something like that happen in a neighborhood I lived in (they didn't realize that I was working multiple jobs and thought I was just stuck up) and no one would even talk to me after awhile. She is trying to include you and you don't want to have to keep brushing her off.

Quoting Tnkmommy:

Man that sucks. I would be pissed if I found out someone knew my husband did shit behind my back and no one said anything. I had a friend who knew my ex cheated on me and never told me until after we broke up. I was so mad. You have no personal ties to her so you wouldn't be putting a strain on your life by telling her. Yet it's kinda their business. It's a very hard situation. If it was me I would sit her down alone and explain to her why I've been dodging her. Your husband says its ok, which means he dosent care if this guy gets mad at him for you telling her so what do you have to lose. Worst case she knows nothing about his cheating ways and either is mad at you or never talks to you again or is thankful and wants to be your friend ooorrrr best case she knows about the cheating and they worked it out and she's either mad that you brought up bad history and never talks to you again or laughs explains it all to you and you guys become friends. I'm trying to help you out because I've been the girl in the dark before.. Not fun...

Quoting Anonymous:

i dont know, i have never been in a place like this before, DH tells me that if i want to tell the wife then do it... but he isnt going to say anything because pretty much all the guys at work already know how the guy is.... i am not close to the wife, like i said i have been avoiding her for almost the last year while i try to figure out if i should say something or not....

i wish i could just forget the whole thing but i also know that if it was me i would want to know if my DH was hitting on women behind my back.... but then again at the same time im scared to death of telling her!!!!

Quoting Anonymous:

I understand the people saying to keep your mouth shut but what if you wind up becoming bf with her and years later this gets mentioned or brought out and she blames you for never telling her. Bad situation.

 

 

 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:04 AM
You don't really know their situation at the time you met him online. They could've been seperated or whatever. And you've been avoiding her for a year. So she could get offended that when you finally want to talk to her, it's something bad about her Dh. Idk. I guess it's a damn if you do, damn if you don't kinda thing. She may not want to be friends with you after it. Thats tricky. More like awkward. Idk, if it was me, I would keep quiet about it. Have you looked up that site to see if he is still on there? Maybe he took himself off of it. If he's still on there and posting recent stuff, then maybe reconsider and tell her. Or maybe when you do see her just say something like "Your Dh looks like someone I talked to on a dating online site a long time ago" (something like that). That way she's aware but it also doesn't seem like your butting in (I know your not tring to but you don't know how she'll react). Sorry if I'm not being helpful. This is hard to say.
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