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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

The "system" is screwed

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies
DH and I have custody of a child that is not biologically ours. The kid and his mom were living with us when his Mom went to jail. We took custody becuase we didn't want the kid to go to fostercare. We had the option of taking custody or garudianship. CPS convinced us to take custody. They told us it would be a long road of recovery for his mom and that guardianship was too easy for the mother to terminate.

So we took custody.

We have sacrificed a lot for the kid. And I don't regret it becuase we live him and he is family. We never asked for any state help - well except for Mediciad. But he was already on Mediciad prior to us having him and we couldn't have him on our insurance becuase he's not our child.

Okay so DH and I get pregnant while I was working. My job fires me shortly after. I applied for unemployment but was denied.

We thought we would be okay anyways, but now work has slowed down for DH. Literally our income has been cut in half not including the money I was making. We are struggling.

So I go down to the DHS office and see if we can apply for supplemental income since we have custody of the child that isn't ours. Someone told me that we may be able to get a check just like foster parents do. When I get down there I was told that if we had only garudianship we could get a non-custodial supplemental check or something like that. But since we have custody we have to apply for low income aide just like everyone else. I was told we could apply for TANF and food stamps..

I got a little upset because it was a CPS worker that told us to get custody over guardianship. When I wa talking to the caseworker I asked if there was anything else they could help us with. I even said something along the lines of how you would think they would want to help out since we are saving them money by keeping him out of foster care. The case workers exact words were
"You chose to take custody therefore the child is your finically responsibility. If you couldn't afford the finical burden you shouldn't have taken custody or decided to have more children."

Are these people trained to be bitches??

So my DH and I should be punished for doing the right thing by keeping a child out of foster care?

I take a foodstamps app and a TANF app and I left.

I filled out the TANF app for my non bio child. After doing some research I thought we would be able to qualify regardless of our income. They would first try to go after the kids sperm donor for child support. Which would be fine.

Well I bring the TANF app back and was told I couldn't apply becuase I am not his biological mother and her last address is listed as our address.

When she got out of jail she stayed with us for a little while and then did outpatient rehab. But she never really loved with us becuase she was always staying with her friends or boyfriend. She currently comes and goes but is gone more than she is here.

I told them that we have custody. She said it doesn't matter if the bio parent is around they have to spy for assistance and assistance we will rewarded to them. WTF?!?

This woman provides nothing for the kid. Yet she can apply and receive the assistance...

They did tell me I could apply for foodstamps.

Ugh. I don't know if we would qualify. My DHs income varries. Most of what he makes is cash. His checks are either feast or famine. He can go months of bringing home more the enough, but then he gets weeks were after paying our house note, we don't have enough for gas or anything else.

Right now we have $-25.86 in the bank. DH will get paid tomorrow but most of that will go to insurance.

My car payment is 2 almost 3 months behind and if we don't pay something on it by the first it will get repoed.

We have barely enough food to get through the week. I literally used evey penny I had yesterday at the grocery store. I shopped at ALDIs and bought just staple items.

I have a doctors appointment today and I had to go into my DS piggy bank to get money for gas.

I'm really considering putting on the FS application that DH makes $0. Everything he makes is cash so it would be hard to prove otherwise
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 20, 2012 at 11:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 20, 2012 at 11:57 AM

I suggest you look for a new job and dh too... Or dh look for a second job while you are looking for one.

And if you aren't sure if you will qualify for foodstamps, but yet don't have any money? If you are as broke as  you are claiming, you will qualify for food stamps. 

And if you no longer want custody of the child, sign over your rights to the mom or the state. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:01 PM
1 mom liked this

i would do it. i feel like there's still something you can do. maybe get back in contact with the caseworker? my son's sister's grandmother (yea... different moms) has custody of her two grandchildren and she gets like a 'paycheck' for each kid... vouchers for their clothing, food stamps for them, etc. she has complete custody too.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:52 PM
Have you ever tried looking for a job while you are 8 months pregnant?

No one wants to hire me.

I planned on going back to school after the be y is born as working from home. I could do a medical billing class online in 6 weeks but I need reliable Internet. Right now we are just tethering off of our phones.

DH works 18 hours a day as it is he couldn't do a second job.

Like I said its feast or famine. Some moths he brings home over 3K a month other she has barely $100 a week after he pays his crew and gas and what not.

He has applied for a job with Cattlepiller that they are building, but it will be another few months before it will be finished.


Quoting Anonymous:

I suggest you look for a new job and dh too... Or dh look for a second job while you are looking for one.

And if you aren't sure if you will qualify for foodstamps, but yet don't have any money? If you are as broke as  you are claiming, you will qualify for food stamps. 

And if you no longer want custody of the child, sign over your rights to the mom or the state. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:53 PM
I asked about that and was told that we could get anything like that... I don't know why....


Quoting Anonymous:

i would do it. i feel like there's still something you can do. maybe get back in contact with the caseworker? my son's sister's grandmother (yea... different moms) has custody of her two grandchildren and she gets like a 'paycheck' for each kid... vouchers for their clothing, food stamps for them, etc. she has complete custody too.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:57 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:01 PM

I don't think she was being a bitch by stating the obvious.  He is now your child. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:05 PM
We didn't adopt him. We just have custody.

She wa being a bitch. We didn't have a choice either take custody or let him go into foster care


Quoting Anonymous:

I don't think she was being a bitch by stating the obvious.  He is now your child. 


Kellyjude1
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:14 PM

 I am so sorry for what you must be going through.  I think it is wonderful you stepped in for that child and kept him out of foster care.  I am sure it was hard enough for him not having his mom anymore, then to rip him from the only place he knows to live in foster care would have been traumatic.  I hope everything will work out financially for you and your family.  You are so right the system is screwed. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:54 PM
It is so manipulative and corrupt. I realize that DHS has to be that way becuase others have abused it. It seems the only way to get any help is to lie!




Quoting Kellyjude1:

 I am so sorry for what you must be going through.  I think it is wonderful you stepped in for that child and kept him out of foster care.  I am sure it was hard enough for him not having his mom anymore, then to rip him from the only place he knows to live in foster care would have been traumatic.  I hope everything will work out financially for you and your family.  You are so right the system is screwed. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:03 PM
It also kills me how she can apply for cash assistance for him AND she can receive it even though she doesn't finically support him.
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