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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

RAPE is a horrendous crime committed by horrendous people who deserve to be in jail for life while tortured daily... HOWEVER

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Stop using the fact that you were raped in your life as an excuse to why you have made poor decisions. I see it daily on cafemom when someone is questioned about poor choices, the first thing they say is "well, I was raped so..."

Tragedies happen to people daily, yet those tragedies do not DEFINE who you are. Anytime post discuss PA, or education, or anything else remotely controversal, there's also the select few who have to mention they were a victim to rape as if it excuses every poor decision that has been made since.

I know how it feels to be raped and violated, however I chose not to let it define who I am and chose to exceed in life. I chose not to hold future men accountable or the race of the man ruin my perspective of that race.

If you feel the need to validate your poor choices by the tragedies in life than I truly feel sorry for you. This world has so many more opportunities than your horrible past.
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:55 PM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:22 PM
I've been molested and raped, I do not let them define who I am, nor do I use it as an excuse for poor choices I've made.

My actions are my responsibility.
ShesALady
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:22 PM
I understand that, but some people didn't have that choice to seek help. Especially if it started as a child and their family did not help them. At that point they might already turn to drugs. That's hard to get past. And therapy is not magic. It doesn't always work. Some people have been through way too much to ever be able to come out of it. Maybe they aren't strong enough. Yes people are responsible for their own choices and its up to them to make the right choices, but some people don't have those tools and its not ok to judge people or lump all rape victims into one group.

Quoting Anonymous:

If someone is having a difficult time because of a traumatic situation then they need to seek help. Not sit back and continue to make poor decisions. Doing so is only allowing that person to continue to be a victim for the rest of their life.



Doing nothing about a tragedy that has happened and not seeking help is choosing to remain a victim, therefore choosing to continue to make bad choices.



Quoting ShesALady:

Everyone handles things differently. Someone who was raped repeatedly by a family member might have more issues than someone who was walking down the street and was raped by a stranger. I'm not saying one is worse than the other. I'm saying mentally things are different and handled differently. A woman who was raped as a child might have so much pain inside her she turns to drugs or alcohol just to numb the pain. She might not have respect for herself or body so she sleeps around. Some people don't have the support they need to get through it. Some people it was their own family that did that to them so the ones they should have been able to count on most for trust are the ones who broke them. You can't say well I've been through this and I'm fine so what's your excuse. Everyone is different. Seems like people would know this by now!!!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:23 PM

I agree.   The point is you are more than a 'rape victim' and that should be your focus.  the majority of us have had awful, terrible, even horrendous things happen to us, but the goal is to NOT let that 1 thing become the main focus in your life.     We are women and we are strong and powerful. So many of us forget that and search for a label such as abused, raped, fatherless, orphan, etc...to explain away so much other stuff.   The goal of this life to learn to deal with the bad and good and move on, to become better and stronger.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:23 PM
If this post pisses you off, then you have obviously not taken control of your horrible tragedy and sought help. I am also a rape victim, and I am telling you absolutely nothing different than what the therapist and pyschiatrist teaches.

If this post upsets you, then take it as a red flag that you haven't healed and you need to take charge I your future to seek help so that you can thrive and no longer be a victim to your past
ktinaza
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:23 PM
Good for you! Very strong mama.

Quoting Anonymous:

i was raped and i kept the baby and created a better life as a survivor

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:23 PM
You do not understand what she is saying. I had counseling, medication, moved away. I did all I could. I was doing fine for years, then 15 years later I sit through a mandatory rape conference and it hits me hard all over again. Its been 5 years and I'm still trying to cope.

Quoting Anonymous:

If someone is having a difficult time because of a traumatic situation then they need to seek help. Not sit back and continue to make poor decisions. Doing so is only allowing that person to continue to be a victim for the rest of their life.



Doing nothing about a tragedy that has happened and not seeking help is choosing to remain a victim, therefore choosing to continue to make bad choices.



Quoting ShesALady:

Everyone handles things differently. Someone who was raped repeatedly by a family member might have more issues than someone who was walking down the street and was raped by a stranger. I'm not saying one is worse than the other. I'm saying mentally things are different and handled differently. A woman who was raped as a child might have so much pain inside her she turns to drugs or alcohol just to numb the pain. She might not have respect for herself or body so she sleeps around. Some people don't have the support they need to get through it. Some people it was their own family that did that to them so the ones they should have been able to count on most for trust are the ones who broke them. You can't say well I've been through this and I'm fine so what's your excuse. Everyone is different. Seems like people would know this by now!!!
Brandyns87
by Gold Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:24 PM

They have a mental illness. The illness is not triggered for everyone after a rape, because not everyone is the same.

fallenstars
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:24 PM
Never been in that situation so I don't feel I have any right to comment on this
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:25 PM
Not true. I believe every sane individual can be rehabilitated.
Sad you don't agree. But if you don't, then I don't ever expect you to understand this posts concept
Quoting ShesALady:

I understand that, but some people didn't have that choice to seek help. Especially if it started as a child and their family did not help them. At that point they might already turn to drugs. That's hard to get past. And therapy is not magic. It doesn't always work. Some people have been through way too much to ever be able to come out of it. Maybe they aren't strong enough. Yes people are responsible for their own choices and its up to them to make the right choices, but some people don't have those tools and its not ok to judge people or lump all rape victims into one group.

Quoting Anonymous:

If someone is having a difficult time because of a traumatic situation then they need to seek help. Not sit back and continue to make poor decisions. Doing so is only allowing that person to continue to be a victim for the rest of their life.





Doing nothing about a tragedy that has happened and not seeking help is choosing to remain a victim, therefore choosing to continue to make bad choices.





Quoting ShesALady:

Everyone handles things differently. Someone who was raped repeatedly by a family member might have more issues than someone who was walking down the street and was raped by a stranger. I'm not saying one is worse than the other. I'm saying mentally things are different and handled differently. A woman who was raped as a child might have so much pain inside her she turns to drugs or alcohol just to numb the pain. She might not have respect for herself or body so she sleeps around. Some people don't have the support they need to get through it. Some people it was their own family that did that to them so the ones they should have been able to count on most for trust are the ones who broke them. You can't say well I've been through this and I'm fine so what's your excuse. Everyone is different. Seems like people would know this by now!!!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Baybeelove88
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:25 PM
Kudos to you! I am fortunate to have not endured such things, but I have to agree, you don't have to let it define you, it's sad that so many women do
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