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RAPE is a horrendous crime committed by horrendous people who deserve to be in jail for life while tortured daily... HOWEVER

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Stop using the fact that you were raped in your life as an excuse to why you have made poor decisions. I see it daily on cafemom when someone is questioned about poor choices, the first thing they say is "well, I was raped so..."

Tragedies happen to people daily, yet those tragedies do not DEFINE who you are. Anytime post discuss PA, or education, or anything else remotely controversal, there's also the select few who have to mention they were a victim to rape as if it excuses every poor decision that has been made since.

I know how it feels to be raped and violated, however I chose not to let it define who I am and chose to exceed in life. I chose not to hold future men accountable or the race of the man ruin my perspective of that race.

If you feel the need to validate your poor choices by the tragedies in life than I truly feel sorry for you. This world has so many more opportunities than your horrible past.
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:55 PM
Replies (41-50):
vrbtnseele
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:25 PM
This. Few people know I was, because it's not an excuse and it doesn't need to be brought up in every convo. My friends dating a girl and she brings up her rape all the time as an excuse and to make people feel bad. Drives me nuts.


Quoting Anonymous:

I couldn't agree more and I was also raped.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:25 PM

 VERY VERY TRUE!!!!!!!!

Quoting Retrokitty:

Post traumatic stress disorder is a horrible thing. Rape can cause addiction, its not black and white.

 

ShesALady
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:26 PM
I'm so sorry you went through that and I hope one day you can find happiness in yourself. I'm sure it's not an easy road and it's wrong for someone else to make you feel bad for handling things differently. Just ignore them. So many women on this site think everyone should handle things the way they do because it's impossible for people to react differently than the way they do.

Quoting Anonymous:

Very well said. This post is pissing me off. These bitches do not know the circumstances of everyone's situation. Some people are stronger than others, trusted the violator, who knows. I didn't turn to drugs or alcohol, but wanted to die. I had many horrible things happen growing up and the rape of two friends who drugged me, was the tip of the iceberg. It has ruined my life.



Quoting ShesALady:

Everyone handles things differently. Someone who was raped repeatedly by a family member might have more issues than someone who was walking down the street and was raped by a stranger. I'm not saying one is worse than the other. I'm saying mentally things are different and handled differently. A woman who was raped as a child might have so much pain inside her she turns to drugs or alcohol just to numb the pain. She might not have respect for herself or body so she sleeps around. Some people don't have the support they need to get through it. Some people it was their own family that did that to them so the ones they should have been able to count on most for trust are the ones who broke them. You can't say well I've been through this and I'm fine so what's your excuse. Everyone is different. Seems like people would know this by now!!!
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Dominosmommy
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:27 PM

Agreed. This is not something I talk about but I never let it change me. I just sucked it up and moved on. I got stronger. I took self defense classes and carry pocket knives so it never happens again. I don't sit around doing stupid things and saying "whelp I was raped so its okay". 

fallenstars
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:27 PM
I just seen what you wrote and even tho I haven't been part of this conversation thus far I just wanted to say I'm sorry and also wanted to ask a question if its too much to answer just tell me ill understand but what's a mandatory rape conference?


Quoting Anonymous:

You do not understand what she is saying. I had counseling, medication, moved away. I did all I could. I was doing fine for years, then 15 years later I sit through a mandatory rape conference and it hits me hard all over again. Its been 5 years and I'm still trying to cope.



Quoting Anonymous:

If someone is having a difficult time because of a traumatic situation then they need to seek help. Not sit back and continue to make poor decisions. Doing so is only allowing that person to continue to be a victim for the rest of their life.





Doing nothing about a tragedy that has happened and not seeking help is choosing to remain a victim, therefore choosing to continue to make bad choices.





Quoting ShesALady:

Everyone handles things differently. Someone who was raped repeatedly by a family member might have more issues than someone who was walking down the street and was raped by a stranger. I'm not saying one is worse than the other. I'm saying mentally things are different and handled differently. A woman who was raped as a child might have so much pain inside her she turns to drugs or alcohol just to numb the pain. She might not have respect for herself or body so she sleeps around. Some people don't have the support they need to get through it. Some people it was their own family that did that to them so the ones they should have been able to count on most for trust are the ones who broke them. You can't say well I've been through this and I'm fine so what's your excuse. Everyone is different. Seems like people would know this by now!!!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:27 PM
It didn't take my life, it ruined it. There is a difference. I suffer daily mentally and physically because of all that happened.

Quoting Anonymous:

It has Not ruined your life, you are still Alive ;)



Quoting Anonymous:

Very well said. This post is pissing me off. These bitches do not know the circumstances of everyone's situation. Some people are stronger than others, trusted the violator, who knows. I didn't turn to drugs or alcohol, but wanted to die. I had many horrible things happen growing up and the rape of two friends who drugged me, was the tip of the iceberg. It has ruined my life.





Quoting ShesALady:

Everyone handles things differently. Someone who was raped repeatedly by a family member might have more issues than someone who was walking down the street and was raped by a stranger. I'm not saying one is worse than the other. I'm saying mentally things are different and handled differently. A woman who was raped as a child might have so much pain inside her she turns to drugs or alcohol just to numb the pain. She might not have respect for herself or body so she sleeps around. Some people don't have the support they need to get through it. Some people it was their own family that did that to them so the ones they should have been able to count on most for trust are the ones who broke them. You can't say well I've been through this and I'm fine so what's your excuse. Everyone is different. Seems like people would know this by now!!!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:27 PM

Some people have been through way too much to ever be able to come out of it.   Unfortunately, I don't buy this statement at all.   I went through a bad delivery and the baby was stillborn - had lots of issues, pictures I will never get out of my mind. Yes, I was broken for a long time, however I CHOSE not to drink or do drugs to lessen the pain.  It took 9 months of anger and crying, but I finally dealt with the death of my child.  However, I will see people who have miscarried and they will get a doctor's excuse so they don't have to work because they are 'disabled by depression'.  WHAT?!  That shit ticks me off!   I live in GA and have followed the girl who lost her hands, 1 leg and 1 foot to a flesh eating bacteria. That girl has suffered more than most of us, but you know what?  She is hopelessly optimistic. She is finishing school and learning to live a new life.   I am not discounting anyone's tragedy but I do think you have a responsibility as a human being to move on.  To take drugs, drink, make more bad choices is just not the answer.  That is what CM is here so we can kick you in the ass to get you on the right track.

ShesALady
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:28 PM
Some people don't have the will to get better so no it doesn't always work. You are a very close minded person so good luck with this post anon...

Quoting Anonymous:

Not true. I believe every sane individual can be rehabilitated.
Sad you don't agree. But if you don't, then I don't ever expect you to understand this posts concept
Quoting ShesALady:

I understand that, but some people didn't have that choice to seek help. Especially if it started as a child and their family did not help them. At that point they might already turn to drugs. That's hard to get past. And therapy is not magic. It doesn't always work. Some people have been through way too much to ever be able to come out of it. Maybe they aren't strong enough. Yes people are responsible for their own choices and its up to them to make the right choices, but some people don't have those tools and its not ok to judge people or lump all rape victims into one group.

Quoting Anonymous:

If someone is having a difficult time because of a traumatic situation then they need to seek help. Not sit back and continue to make poor decisions. Doing so is only allowing that person to continue to be a victim for the rest of their life.





Doing nothing about a tragedy that has happened and not seeking help is choosing to remain a victim, therefore choosing to continue to make bad choices.







Quoting ShesALady:

Everyone handles things differently. Someone who was raped repeatedly by a family member might have more issues than someone who was walking down the street and was raped by a stranger. I'm not saying one is worse than the other. I'm saying mentally things are different and handled differently. A woman who was raped as a child might have so much pain inside her she turns to drugs or alcohol just to numb the pain. She might not have respect for herself or body so she sleeps around. Some people don't have the support they need to get through it. Some people it was their own family that did that to them so the ones they should have been able to count on most for trust are the ones who broke them. You can't say well I've been through this and I'm fine so what's your excuse. Everyone is different. Seems like people would know this by now!!!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Brandyns87
by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:29 PM

Discussing one's trauma helps some people. It doesn't help everyone, but it helps some. Everyone copes with trauma differently. There's no right or wrong way to do it.

meagn3388
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:31 PM

Well said! If anything, they should try to find some good in it. A way to help other people who have also been a victim of rape or molestation. Make it into something positive instead of letting affect every aspect of their lives!

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