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RAPE is a horrendous crime committed by horrendous people who deserve to be in jail for life while tortured daily... HOWEVER

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Stop using the fact that you were raped in your life as an excuse to why you have made poor decisions. I see it daily on cafemom when someone is questioned about poor choices, the first thing they say is "well, I was raped so..."

Tragedies happen to people daily, yet those tragedies do not DEFINE who you are. Anytime post discuss PA, or education, or anything else remotely controversal, there's also the select few who have to mention they were a victim to rape as if it excuses every poor decision that has been made since.

I know how it feels to be raped and violated, however I chose not to let it define who I am and chose to exceed in life. I chose not to hold future men accountable or the race of the man ruin my perspective of that race.

If you feel the need to validate your poor choices by the tragedies in life than I truly feel sorry for you. This world has so many more opportunities than your horrible past.
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:55 PM
Replies (71-73):
by Anonymous 26 on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:00 PM

I was sexually abused throughout various times of my childhood and perhaps that made me more easy to become a victim of abuse in my adult relationships but that still didn't make me spiral out of control. I've met dozens of victims and while all their stories are tragic very few made excuses for their poor decisions, a few who did turn to drugs after their abuse admitted they started because it was easier than dealing with the reality of what happened to them but also said after awhile it wasn't about making it through the day anymore, it was all about the high and had nothing to do with the pain they suffered from their past.

Personally I never turned to drugs, I did much more damaging things like getting involved with a sociopath (that was his actual diagnosis after he finally ended up in the psych ward). I allowed myself to be a victim for years but when I become a mother that changed. I had a reason to be real again, a reason to have a life. With the support and strength of my family behind me I really fixed myself. I see the poor souls who allowed drugs to take them over, to weak to take a stand  and that was their choice. They chose to live in a state of numbness, of nothing because it was easier than living. Life is hard, tragedies happen, it's up to the individual to decide what you make of it.

I finished college, found an amazing man, bought a house, got married, had more kids. My life is blessed. Now while I don't use my past to make excuses for myself those experiences do play a part in who I am. Every single person is defined by their experiences in life, good and bad. The way those things affect you, what they make you into is a personal choice. At some point every person has to take responsibility for their choices, I chose to take my pain, my anger, my shame, everything and turn it into strength. I let it make me a better person.

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:10 PM

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and other mental disorders that are caused by traumatic events such as rape can lead a person to make poor decisions. Rape surviviors can experience PTSD, social anxiety, agoraphobia, and a huge variety of mental complications or disorders as a result of their experiences. 

Furthermore, when a person is struggling to heal from sexual assault, they often get stuck in patterns of problematic thinking. That is to say, they are stuck in a vicious cycle of thinking that often looks someething like, "something bad (rape) happened to me, so I must have done something to deserve it. I am a bad person". These patterns of problematic thinking affect EVERY aspect of a person's life.

In addition to problematic thinking, psychologists also suggest that we directly affect our environments, just like our environments directly affect us. Self fulfilling prophecies suggest that we are what we expect to be, and our life consists of events that we expect to happen. For example, if you wake up and expect that day to be a bad day, chances are it will be a bad day. This connects to rape victims because when a person is stuck in those problematic patterns of thought, thinking "I am bad", "I am worthless", "It was my fault", or "My life has no meaning", these things tend to come to be.

The bottom line is, the depression and potential mental disorders that are often a product of being raped CAN and do affect the rest of a person's life through problematic patterns of thinking and self fulfilling prophecies. So yes, rape can cause a person to make bad decisions. And without professional help, some people are just unable to move beyond their past. 

by Ruby Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:15 PM

Good for you. HOWEVER, not everyone is like you. For some, it breaks who you are and does become part of who you are. It does define you to an extent. It causes you to make poor decisions that can change the entire course of your life. I am glad you were able to remain in control of your life. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to handle it that well. We all react differently to trauma.

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