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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Is it really necessary to actually see the family?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 20 Replies
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I've noticed a lot of people on a local news stations FB page wanting to donate to people for Thanksgiving or Christmas, which is great.  But most don't want to donate to an organization they want to physically deliver the food and see the family or actually place the toys in the child's hands.  Why is this necessary?  Why can't you just give and let them retain some dignity and privacy?  I've worked with a local charity and when people came in to get their gifts some were so ashamed they cried.  It hurts to realize that you've done all you could and it wasn't enough, I knew the stories of some of them so I knew they weren't scamming.  Is it really necessary to see the person crying and expressing thanks in order to teach your child about giving?  My own children were there one night and they were deeply saddened by the lady hugging her bag and crying.  Hell I came home in tears some nights.  I just don't understand why people think its better to see the person to "prove" their in need and provide them even more discomfort.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 21, 2012 at 7:03 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 21, 2012 at 7:57 PM

Bump! I'm really curious if there are others with this line of thinking.  I prefer giving in secret, its more fun and I don't have to put the family through the awkwardness.  I donate to a friend who runs a toy drive and help out when I can.  I feel uncomfortable being thanked because that's not why we do it.  I think you diminish a good deed if you do it with expectations.

LectioDivina
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 7:58 PM

We donate to PATH, which is a homeless shelter out here... I have no Idea how it's handed out

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 21, 2012 at 8:01 PM

Whenever I give to charity I don't need to see the person.  Unfortunately there are a lot of scammers these days who lie and abuse the kindness of other's so that is probably where wanting to see where the charity is going comes from.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 21, 2012 at 8:07 PM

I can understand that, there are a lot of people who scam.  People are checked against a list around here so they can't go to multiple groups.  It helps a little.  These people said that actually having their child give the gift to another child would help them understand the importance of giving to others better.  My children have known what Toys for Tots boxes and Angel Trees were since they were little, I can't understand why its such a hard concept to teach.  Part of the purpose of these programs is so that little ones can still believe in Santa and receive something from mom and dad.  That's not really possible if someone feels they have to hand the gift to them personally a few days early.

Quoting Anonymous:

Whenever I give to charity I don't need to see the person.  Unfortunately there are a lot of scammers these days who lie and abuse the kindness of other's so that is probably where wanting to see where the charity is going comes from.


Schleetle
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 8:09 PM
I've never requested to meet families we've donated to. We donate to the organizations, and let them do what they need to do to get it to the family.
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Derari
by :::Achtung::: on Nov. 21, 2012 at 8:11 PM

I know what you mean, you are right they should be able to have thir dignity in tact. The sad thing is so many people cheat others, and nowadays when people want to help...they want "proof" of need. It's so sad on both sides of the matter.

ATALHEA
by Bronze Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 8:24 PM

I totally agree with you. Especially if someone is giving a christmas gift to a child. It should go under the tree from santa. As a foster mom sometimes our foster kids got angel tree gifts or something through social services. It went under the tree from santa. One time a family adopted our family at christmas time. We weren't poor. We bought gifts for our kids but we didn't have a lot so we were grateful. Social services recommended our family to be adopted because we had 5 children in our home, 3 were new foster children and one was currently undergoing chemo treatments. The family who adopted us wanted to come by and give the gifts to the kids. It was odd, we were uncomfortable and I really didn't want strangers around the sick baby but I reluctantly agreed.

alwayskk
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 8:26 PM

I agree, although I don't think the reason people do this is JUST because they are suspicious of the families. They could be suspicious of the charity itself.

They could also just want to experience that warm and fuzzy altruistic feeling.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 21, 2012 at 8:29 PM

I can't believe the group that heads the Christmas adoptions would even allow them to ask that.  We met a mom we adopted two years ago to give her gifts for her children.  I didn't want to and was perfectly happy to leave them with our coordinator but with mom's schedule and how crazy things were for the group it made more sense for us to take them to her.  She wanted to tell her children that nice people gave them Christmas and I asked her to please reconsider.  I won't post their story but they had been through a lot and I asked her to please do Christmas as they would have done it before.  People keep mentioning scammers and I can totally understand that, but that's not the issue with these people.  They want to take the gifts to the child so their children can fully understand what they're doing and be a part of it.  It really makes me wonder if they've thought it through or if they have a need for validation and a pat on the back for donating.

Quoting ATALHEA:

I totally agree with you. Especially if someone is giving a christmas gift to a child. It should go under the tree from santa. As a foster mom sometimes our foster kids got angel tree gifts or something through social services. It went under the tree from santa. One time a family adopted our family at christmas time. We weren't poor. We bought gifts for our kids but we didn't have a lot so we were grateful. Social services recommended our family to be adopted because we had 5 children in our home, 3 were new foster children and one was currently undergoing chemo treatments. The family who adopted us wanted to come by and give the gifts to the kids. It was odd, we were uncomfortable and I really didn't want strangers around the sick baby but I reluctantly agreed.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 21, 2012 at 8:47 PM

I thought about that too, and that's what makes me wonder if they've thought it through.  On one hand a family gets to feel good about themselves and all warm and fuzzy, and another family gets another reminder of how bad things are and now might get to explain to their children why there are no gifts from Santa and why those people gave them all the stuff.

Quoting alwayskk:

I agree, although I don't think the reason people do this is JUST because they are suspicious of the families. They could be suspicious of the charity itself.

They could also just want to experience that warm and fuzzy altruistic feeling.


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