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is this legal? update×2

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

ok so i have a sd (17) will be 18 july 13th .i have a 3 year old and my husband is a truck driver hes only home for a day a week sometimes less .

in the end of march im going to england my dad and aunt are getting married and im taking my 3 year old with me .im going to be gone for a month i havent seen my family in over 2 years .

i cant take my sd with me not only can i not afford another 1400$ ticket she has her last bit of school before she graduates.

and because she has a history of blatant lying my family asked me to leave her home .il be staying with my mum .

right now sd  keeps telling me she will call cps for abondonment if i leave her for a month on her own (yes shes a bit of a drama llama and she hates me so she will do anything to piss me off ).

i want to know is that true can i get in trouble for leaving a almost 18 year old at home alone for a month even though her dad will be home every now and then ??? i googled it but i cant find what im looking for

anyone have any idea ? oh i live in missouri .



Update

OK so I called the cops and asked about the situation. Legally in my state
She is a adult at 17 so I wont get into trouble. But because she keeps whining about it I
Called dh and he's going to try to arrange something with either
SD friends family or sil.

Also just to clear this up my dad is not marrying my aunt they
Are marrying other people 3 weeks apart.

Also I'm sorry for my grammar and spelling I'm dyslexic. But I'm really trying to make this understandable so bear with me.

Update2

Sil has agreed to take SD for the time that I'm not home. Problem solved
Thanks to those that did not bash me.



Also I want to add I do love my SD. She's a mess and I dislike her behavior
But other wise she's a good kid.
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 21, 2012 at 9:24 PM
Replies (301-310):
bellawomen
by Summer on Nov. 24, 2012 at 2:24 AM

I would never support "telling off" a child.  Thats rude and disrespectful and doesn't solve anything.  Power struggles never end well and don't earn you respect.

She can do independent study.  Its has to be offered at every school in every state as long as you give 24 hours notice.  Even testing can be done over independent study when set up properly.  But of course, if you would have talked to the school already, you would know this.

Trust me, I am in no way excusing her behavior, but you have to see how she go to be how she is and you are no better than her biological parents.  She has parent issues and its overflowing into every other area of her life.  She has no structure.  Kids NEED structure and beg for structure as much as they will swear they hate it.

I find it so weird that this wedding is so important, yet you are leaving your half of your family behind to go.  You are only taking your flesh and blood with you.  Not your husband, not your step-daughter.  That is weird.

Quoting Anonymous:

The main reason she can't go is because of school. If the weddings were during summer she would come with us even if my parents did not want her to come too .I only mentioned my parents not inviting her because that gives you a idea of how badly she behaves. We have tried taking SD to counseling and many many talks with her. She would talk and act normal for a few days before going back to being her "lovely" self.
also this isn't "somepeoples" wedding its my dad. And then mu aunt after. I also want to see where my bff was hurried who died in July and see my grandad before he dies too. I don't like that she was not invited but I do understand why. But like I've said she is not aware of that fact and the main reason is she still has school .when my 3 year old acts out she gets punished. Life has consequence. My SD has never been punished for anything. Neither of her parents know what to do when she does wrong. I'm not raising my child to be like that. That is partly why SD tells people that I'm abusive because I put my 3 year old in timeout. My dh has also told me "she's my daughter not yours so you can't tell her off its not your place"



Quoting bellawomen:

Biochild or step-child, your primary responsibility is to PARENT not to be at someone's wedding and "get a break".  You don't get a break from parenting.  Basically, if all of your children can't go, you shouldn't be going.  You are a package deal, or at least you should be.  She is the way she is because she hasn't had anyone around her to parent her and love her.  When your 3 year old misbehaves, do you just cast her aside too?  Like the quoted poster says, I bet you don't.  I bet you demand better fathering out of your SO for her than he gave/gives his other daughter too.

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm not vilifying her I don't need to. I didn't let them tell me that she can't come. She really really pissed them off. I told my mum to try to forgive and forget and let her come but when we found out when both weddings are (during school) it doesn't matter riven if my parents weren't angry at her she can't go. I'm glad I'm getting a break yeah I think after everything I deserve one. Also if she was my Bio child she would be at a behavioural center and would still not be going.



Quoting luckysevenwow:

My take is that I would not leave any of my children home for that long on their own. I sure as heck would not leave a child with issue's home alone that long. 

I also hate how you vilify your SD, is she innocent? Probably not, she's a teenager who had abandonment issue's. I also would never....I don't care how rotten my child/step child is let my family  tell me to leave them home. I guarantee had she been your blood your wouldn't either. You'd be beyond pissed, but of course she is only your step child. 



HisTechnoAngel
by Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 2:18 AM

I think if it was a week or two, she'd be fine... but a month is a LONG time to be left to one's own devices. I would definitely have your husband find a family member to stay with her or at least check in on her.

BOOGIETHEBOOG
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 5:04 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Anonymous:

I think it is wrong to leave any minor home for that period of time...Grow up be a parent and take your child with you

It is not her child. It is her husband's child.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 53 on Nov. 25, 2012 at 5:26 AM
Regardless if your family has issues with her or not, I would still take her. That's way to long to leave her alone...I think it would be alot to ask of a friend to have her stay with for a months time. Seriously, what 17 year old doesn't act up. She's in the stage where she is trying to find her place in the world...and on top of that her mom left her? Teenage years are when girls need their moms the most...imagine being in her shoes for a day. It's your responsibilty to be there for her now too. I think even if its legal to leave her home for a month alone, it still doesn't make it right. If you can't find someone to have her stay with for that long, you need to suck it up and bring her with. And tell your family regardless of their feelings for her, she's a part of the family too.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 25, 2012 at 10:51 AM
1 mom liked this
Look you don't know me or SD you have no idea what you're talking about. My SD can't go she has school and we can't afford another ticket I've said this ten times. Dh can't go because he has to work he understands that I need to see my family of course my dads wedding is important to me he's my dad. I'm very close to my dad. And aunt. I'm a sahm too so my toddler is going to have to come with me. Its not necessary for SD to come or dh though I think it would be good if they were.

Quoting bellawomen:

I would never support "telling off" a child.  Thats rude and disrespectful and doesn't solve anything.  Power struggles never end well and don't earn you respect.

She can do independent study.  Its has to be offered at every school in every state as long as you give 24 hours notice.  Even testing can be done over independent study when set up properly.  But of course, if you would have talked to the school already, you would know this.

Trust me, I am in no way excusing her behavior, but you have to see how she go to be how she is and you are no better than her biological parents.  She has parent issues and its overflowing into every other area of her life.  She has no structure.  Kids NEED structure and beg for structure as much as they will swear they hate it.

I find it so weird that this wedding is so important, yet you are leaving your half of your family behind to go.  You are only taking your flesh and blood with you.  Not your husband, not your step-daughter.  That is weird.

Quoting Anonymous:

The main reason she can't go is because of school. If the weddings were during summer she would come with us even if my parents did not want her to come too .I only mentioned my parents not inviting her because that gives you a idea of how badly she behaves. We have tried taking SD to counseling and many many talks with her. She would talk and act normal for a few days before going back to being her "lovely" self.

also this isn't "somepeoples" wedding its my dad. And then mu aunt after. I also want to see where my bff was hurried who died in July and see my grandad before he dies too. I don't like that she was not invited but I do understand why. But like I've said she is not aware of that fact and the main reason is she still has school .when my 3 year old acts out she gets punished. Life has consequence. My SD has never been punished for anything. Neither of her parents know what to do when she does wrong. I'm not raising my child to be like that. That is partly why SD tells people that I'm abusive because I put my 3 year old in timeout. My dh has also told me "she's my daughter not yours so you can't tell her off its not your place"







Quoting bellawomen:

Biochild or step-child, your primary responsibility is to PARENT not to be at someone's wedding and "get a break".  You don't get a break from parenting.  Basically, if all of your children can't go, you shouldn't be going.  You are a package deal, or at least you should be.  She is the way she is because she hasn't had anyone around her to parent her and love her.  When your 3 year old misbehaves, do you just cast her aside too?  Like the quoted poster says, I bet you don't.  I bet you demand better fathering out of your SO for her than he gave/gives his other daughter too.

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm not vilifying her I don't need to. I didn't let them tell me that she can't come. She really really pissed them off. I told my mum to try to forgive and forget and let her come but when we found out when both weddings are (during school) it doesn't matter riven if my parents weren't angry at her she can't go. I'm glad I'm getting a break yeah I think after everything I deserve one. Also if she was my Bio child she would be at a behavioural center and would still not be going.





Quoting luckysevenwow:

My take is that I would not leave any of my children home for that long on their own. I sure as heck would not leave a child with issue's home alone that long. 

I also hate how you vilify your SD, is she innocent? Probably not, she's a teenager who had abandonment issue's. I also would never....I don't care how rotten my child/step child is let my family  tell me to leave them home. I guarantee had she been your blood your wouldn't either. You'd be beyond pissed, but of course she is only your step child. 



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 25, 2012 at 10:53 AM
She's not my child or a child. Legally



Quoting BOOGIETHEBOOG:


Quoting Anonymous:

I think it is wrong to leave any minor home for that period of time...Grow up be a parent and take your child with you

It is not her child. It is her husband's child.

sha_lyn68
by Platinum Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 11:03 AM
1 mom liked this

You obviously have no idea what you are talking about. No independent study does not have to be offered in every state. As a matter of fact, I believe CA is the only state to offer it. In many states, absences without a Dr's note are unexcused (I have been told that death of a close family member is up to the discretion of the principal). In my state, if the OPs stepdaughter missed 3 weeks to go out of the country she wouldn't just automatically fail,  she would be reported to juvenile court as being truant. The OP's husband could even get up to 30 days in jail (eta: I just reread the law and at 17 it would be the student that could serve time. Parents are not prosecuted if the student is over 16).

Quoting bellawomen:

I would never support "telling off" a child.  Thats rude and disrespectful and doesn't solve anything.  Power struggles never end well and don't earn you respect.

She can do independent study.  Its has to be offered at every school in every state as long as you give 24 hours notice.  Even testing can be done over independent study when set up properly.  But of course, if you would have talked to the school already, you would know this.

Trust me, I am in no way excusing her behavior, but you have to see how she go to be how she is and you are no better than her biological parents.  She has parent issues and its overflowing into every other area of her life.  She has no structure.  Kids NEED structure and beg for structure as much as they will swear they hate it.

I find it so weird that this wedding is so important, yet you are leaving your half of your family behind to go.  You are only taking your flesh and blood with you.  Not your husband, not your step-daughter.  That is weird.


bellawomen
by Summer on Nov. 25, 2012 at 2:40 PM

I don't know what state OP is in, but independent study is available in all states.  Its required as an option for students to get credit for attendance without being at school.  Upon return and grading of course work, the school also gets their funding as if the child was actually in the physical classroom.  Its exactly what teenage parents do to try to keep up on classwork after the birth of a baby or when people need to leave town for an extended period of time (I think 5 days is the shortest period of time).  There does not need to be a medical excuse for it, but it can be denied if the school finds reason to believe the work would not be completed.

Earlier this year when my step-grandpa died, I used it for 4 weeks to get my son out of school to go with me (CA), my cousins used it for their children too for 1 week and they are from TX, KY, FL, and IL.   There is a limit to the maxiumum amount of days you can use and that is set up by the state, but the minimum is 3 weeks.  In California we can go as much as 30 school days at a time.  When my step-grandpa died, I knew I was going to spend a lot of time with my grandma to get her settled in and help do some remodeling.  Thats why I looked into my options.  I didn't know independent study was available to everyone until I talked to my son's principal.  Thats when I looked into independent study for my cousins, two of them who had already maxed out their childrens' absenses by the end of December and otherwise couldn't have gone to Illinois for the funeral.

Quoting sha_lyn68:

You obviously have no idea what you are talking about. No independent study does not have to be offered in every state. As a matter of fact, I believe CA is the only state to offer it. In many states, absences without a Dr's note are unexcused (I have been told that death of a close family member is up to the discretion of the principal). In my state, if the OPs stepdaughter missed 3 weeks to go out of the country she wouldn't just automatically fail,  she would be reported to juvenile court as being truant. The OP's husband could even get up to 30 days in jail (eta: I just reread the law and at 17 it would be the student that could serve time. Parents are not prosecuted if the student is over 16).

Quoting bellawomen:

I would never support "telling off" a child.  Thats rude and disrespectful and doesn't solve anything.  Power struggles never end well and don't earn you respect.

She can do independent study.  Its has to be offered at every school in every state as long as you give 24 hours notice.  Even testing can be done over independent study when set up properly.  But of course, if you would have talked to the school already, you would know this.

Trust me, I am in no way excusing her behavior, but you have to see how she go to be how she is and you are no better than her biological parents.  She has parent issues and its overflowing into every other area of her life.  She has no structure.  Kids NEED structure and beg for structure as much as they will swear they hate it.

I find it so weird that this wedding is so important, yet you are leaving your half of your family behind to go.  You are only taking your flesh and blood with you.  Not your husband, not your step-daughter.  That is weird.



sha_lyn68
by Platinum Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 2:48 PM

No it is not available in all states. Why you are describing for teenage parents is typically called home and hospital or homebound and requires a medical excuse. Getting a waiver so that excesses absences are excused is not the same thing as independent study.


ETA: In Texas Independent Study is an expensive private  high school program through the TX University system. So technically it is available, but it isn't what you think it is.


ETA: I just read the Hospital and Homebound policy for my state and it clearly says The student’s inability to attend school for medical or psychiatric reasons must be certified by the licensed physician or licensed psychiatrist who is currently treating the student for the diagnosis presented.

I actually know one teen mother that ended up dropping out of school because they refused to extend her hospital and homebound while her newborn was in NICU. Since she was medically able to attend school they said she could not longer be enrolled in the program.

Quoting bellawomen:

I don't know what state OP is in, but independent study is available in all states.  Its required as an option for students to get credit for attendance without being at school.  Upon return and grading of course work, the school also gets their funding as if the child was actually in the physical classroom.  Its exactly what teenage parents do to try to keep up on classwork after the birth of a baby or when people need to leave town for an extended period of time (I think 5 days is the shortest period of time).  There does not need to be a medical excuse for it, but it can be denied if the school finds reason to believe the work would not be completed.

Earlier this year when my step-grandpa died, I used it for 4 weeks to get my son out of school to go with me (CA), my cousins used it for their children too for 1 week and they are from TX, KY, FL, and IL.   There is a limit to the maxiumum amount of days you can use and that is set up by the state, but the minimum is 3 weeks.  In California we can go as much as 30 school days at a time.  When my step-grandpa died, I knew I was going to spend a lot of time with my grandma to get her settled in and help do some remodeling.  Thats why I looked into my options.  I didn't know independent study was available to everyone until I talked to my son's principal.  Thats when I looked into independent study for my cousins, two of them who had already maxed out their childrens' absenses by the end of December and otherwise couldn't have gone to Illinois for the funeral.

Quoting sha_lyn68:

You obviously have no idea what you are talking about. No independent study does not have to be offered in every state. As a matter of fact, I believe CA is the only state to offer it. In many states, absences without a Dr's note are unexcused (I have been told that death of a close family member is up to the discretion of the principal). In my state, if the OPs stepdaughter missed 3 weeks to go out of the country she wouldn't just automatically fail,  she would be reported to juvenile court as being truant. The OP's husband could even get up to 30 days in jail (eta: I just reread the law and at 17 it would be the student that could serve time. Parents are not prosecuted if the student is over 16).

Quoting bellawomen:

I would never support "telling off" a child.  Thats rude and disrespectful and doesn't solve anything.  Power struggles never end well and don't earn you respect.

She can do independent study.  Its has to be offered at every school in every state as long as you give 24 hours notice.  Even testing can be done over independent study when set up properly.  But of course, if you would have talked to the school already, you would know this.

Trust me, I am in no way excusing her behavior, but you have to see how she go to be how she is and you are no better than her biological parents.  She has parent issues and its overflowing into every other area of her life.  She has no structure.  Kids NEED structure and beg for structure as much as they will swear they hate it.

I find it so weird that this wedding is so important, yet you are leaving your half of your family behind to go.  You are only taking your flesh and blood with you.  Not your husband, not your step-daughter.  That is weird.




bellawomen
by Summer on Nov. 25, 2012 at 4:07 PM

Any school has the right to deny the request if they feel the work will not be done.  I assume the mother did not have all her work from her first request complete before asking for another one.  Which is COMPLETELY reasonable.  I hope she fought it.

I have actually never seen independent study used more anywhere else than Texas.  I went to school there for 2 years and I was amazed.  Students would use it during farming season to be at home to help on the farms, during I don't know what you call it, but students go around to the fairs and show their animals for prizes and money.  It might not be called "indepedent study" but there is a program for it.  I quickly looked up your Homebound program and it is not the same as independent study because it requires a tutor/instructor to come directly to your home and supervise the learning. Its also only for those who are going to be out of school a MINIMUM of 4 weeks.  Independent study is generally the opposite.  It is indeed independent, with regular contact with the child's teacher(s), no tutor or help from the school, does not have to be for solely medical reasons, and usually not longer than 4-6 weeks.

My cousin had her 4 children out on independent study from TX in January for 6 school days, they were in 5th (maybe 4th), 8th, 9th, and 11th grades.  Their rules were a little more strict than for my son as they had to scan and email their homework in daily and the junior high and high school kids had to access their onlinie workbooks daily.  My son who was out of school for 4 weeks and we never had to check in once, but I did email his teacher a couple of times for clarification on a couple of assignments.  We just handed in all his homework on the day he returned.  We were all in IL, so it was impossible for us to have a tutor or teacher near us.  Most of her children had to wait to take tests upon their return, but one of her children had to go to the public library and take a test online and it had to be proctored.  My son was able to take 5 tests with me, including his weekly spelling test.  I am sure a LOT of it had to do with my son's being in 2nd grade not high school and also that I have a really good relationship with his teacher and volunteer a lot in his class.  She knows I would be honest about it.  My cousin in TX had already let her children miss the maximum amount of day allowed by her school district, so they had no trust in her.

OP never looked into schooling options, period.  She said they cannot afford a ticket, so money is obviously an issue for them.  So she is just trying to find reasons to justify her leaving the minor child behind so not to make herself look/feel bad for leaving her behind.  She had no reason to look for options because 

Quoting sha_lyn68:

No it is not available in all states. Why you are describing for teenage parents is typically called home and hospital or homebound and requires a medical excuse. Getting a waiver so that excesses absences are excused is not the same thing as independent study.


ETA: In Texas Independent Study is an expensive private  high school program through the TX University system. So technically it is available, but it isn't what you think it is.


ETA: I just read the Hospital and Homebound policy for my state and it clearly says The student’s inability to attend school for medical or psychiatric reasons must be certified by the licensed physician or licensed psychiatrist who is currently treating the student for the diagnosis presented.

I actually know one teen mother that ended up dropping out of school because they refused to extend her hospital and homebound while her newborn was in NICU. Since she was medically able to attend school they said she could not longer be enrolled in the program.

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