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is this legal? update×2

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

ok so i have a sd (17) will be 18 july 13th .i have a 3 year old and my husband is a truck driver hes only home for a day a week sometimes less .

in the end of march im going to england my dad and aunt are getting married and im taking my 3 year old with me .im going to be gone for a month i havent seen my family in over 2 years .

i cant take my sd with me not only can i not afford another 1400$ ticket she has her last bit of school before she graduates.

and because she has a history of blatant lying my family asked me to leave her home .il be staying with my mum .

right now sd  keeps telling me she will call cps for abondonment if i leave her for a month on her own (yes shes a bit of a drama llama and she hates me so she will do anything to piss me off ).

i want to know is that true can i get in trouble for leaving a almost 18 year old at home alone for a month even though her dad will be home every now and then ??? i googled it but i cant find what im looking for

anyone have any idea ? oh i live in missouri .



Update

OK so I called the cops and asked about the situation. Legally in my state
She is a adult at 17 so I wont get into trouble. But because she keeps whining about it I
Called dh and he's going to try to arrange something with either
SD friends family or sil.

Also just to clear this up my dad is not marrying my aunt they
Are marrying other people 3 weeks apart.

Also I'm sorry for my grammar and spelling I'm dyslexic. But I'm really trying to make this understandable so bear with me.

Update2

Sil has agreed to take SD for the time that I'm not home. Problem solved
Thanks to those that did not bash me.



Also I want to add I do love my SD. She's a mess and I dislike her behavior
But other wise she's a good kid.
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 21, 2012 at 9:24 PM
Replies (311-314):
sha_lyn68
by Platinum Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 4:49 PM

As I have already stated, she was denied because she was medically able to go to school. Yes she did the work. There was nothing to fight because she didn't qualify.

No, in my state hospital and homebound does not require that you be out of school for a minimum of 4 weeks. It requires that you will be out of school for a minimum of 10 school days. It is the only thing available in my state to teen moms who miss school due to having their babies (which you claimed independent studies is what teen moms do). Once again, independent study IS NOT available in all states.

Quoting bellawomen:

Any school has the right to deny the request if they feel the work will not be done.  I assume the mother did not have all her work from her first request complete before asking for another one.  Which is COMPLETELY reasonable.  I hope she fought it.

I have actually never seen independent study used more anywhere else than Texas.  I went to school there for 2 years and I was amazed.  Students would use it during farming season to be at home to help on the farms, during I don't know what you call it, but students go around to the fairs and show their animals for prizes and money.  It might not be called "indepedent study" but there is a program for it.  I quickly looked up your Homebound program and it is not the same as independent study because it requires a tutor/instructor to come directly to your home and supervise the learning. Its also only for those who are going to be out of school a MINIMUM of 4 weeks.  Independent study is generally the opposite.  It is indeed independent, with regular contact with the child's teacher(s), no tutor or help from the school, does not have to be for solely medical reasons, and usually not longer than 4-6 weeks.

My cousin had her 4 children out on independent study from TX in January for 6 school days, they were in 5th (maybe 4th), 8th, 9th, and 11th grades.  Their rules were a little more strict than for my son as they had to scan and email their homework in daily and the junior high and high school kids had to access their onlinie workbooks daily.  My son who was out of school for 4 weeks and we never had to check in once, but I did email his teacher a couple of times for clarification on a couple of assignments.  We just handed in all his homework on the day he returned.  We were all in IL, so it was impossible for us to have a tutor or teacher near us.  Most of her children had to wait to take tests upon their return, but one of her children had to go to the public library and take a test online and it had to be proctored.  My son was able to take 5 tests with me, including his weekly spelling test.  I am sure a LOT of it had to do with my son's being in 2nd grade not high school and also that I have a really good relationship with his teacher and volunteer a lot in his class.  She knows I would be honest about it.  My cousin in TX had already let her children miss the maximum amount of day allowed by her school district, so they had no trust in her.

OP never looked into schooling options, period.  She said they cannot afford a ticket, so money is obviously an issue for them.  So she is just trying to find reasons to justify her leaving the minor child behind so not to make herself look/feel bad for leaving her behind.  She had no reason to look for options because 

Quoting sha_lyn68:

No it is not available in all states. Why you are describing for teenage parents is typically called home and hospital or homebound and requires a medical excuse. Getting a waiver so that excesses absences are excused is not the same thing as independent study.


ETA: In Texas Independent Study is an expensive private  high school program through the TX University system. So technically it is available, but it isn't what you think it is.


ETA: I just read the Hospital and Homebound policy for my state and it clearly says The student’s inability to attend school for medical or psychiatric reasons must be certified by the licensed physician or licensed psychiatrist who is currently treating the student for the diagnosis presented.

I actually know one teen mother that ended up dropping out of school because they refused to extend her hospital and homebound while her newborn was in NICU. Since she was medically able to attend school they said she could not longer be enrolled in the program.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:53 PM
1 mom liked this
Also I don't think telling a teenager "hey don't do that behavior " is rude or disrespectful its called guidance
and if necessary discipline I think should be upto the Bio parent but neither are here so sometimes I have to atleast try to correct her. You obviously don't have teenagers ! Even teens need discipline.
Quoting bellawomen:

I would never support "telling off" a child.  Thats rude and disrespectful and doesn't solve anything.  Power struggles never end well and don't earn you respect.

She can do independent study.  Its has to be offered at every school in every state as long as you give 24 hours notice.  Even testing can be done over independent study when set up properly.  But of course, if you would have talked to the school already, you would know this.

Trust me, I am in no way excusing her behavior, but you have to see how she go to be how she is and you are no better than her biological parents.  She has parent issues and its overflowing into every other area of her life.  She has no structure.  Kids NEED structure and beg for structure as much as they will swear they hate it.

I find it so weird that this wedding is so important, yet you are leaving your half of your family behind to go.  You are only taking your flesh and blood with you.  Not your husband, not your step-daughter.  That is weird.

Quoting Anonymous:

The main reason she can't go is because of school. If the weddings were during summer she would come with us even if my parents did not want her to come too .I only mentioned my parents not inviting her because that gives you a idea of how badly she behaves. We have tried taking SD to counseling and many many talks with her. She would talk and act normal for a few days before going back to being her "lovely" self.

also this isn't "somepeoples" wedding its my dad. And then mu aunt after. I also want to see where my bff was hurried who died in July and see my grandad before he dies too. I don't like that she was not invited but I do understand why. But like I've said she is not aware of that fact and the main reason is she still has school .when my 3 year old acts out she gets punished. Life has consequence. My SD has never been punished for anything. Neither of her parents know what to do when she does wrong. I'm not raising my child to be like that. That is partly why SD tells people that I'm abusive because I put my 3 year old in timeout. My dh has also told me "she's my daughter not yours so you can't tell her off its not your place"







Quoting bellawomen:

Biochild or step-child, your primary responsibility is to PARENT not to be at someone's wedding and "get a break".  You don't get a break from parenting.  Basically, if all of your children can't go, you shouldn't be going.  You are a package deal, or at least you should be.  She is the way she is because she hasn't had anyone around her to parent her and love her.  When your 3 year old misbehaves, do you just cast her aside too?  Like the quoted poster says, I bet you don't.  I bet you demand better fathering out of your SO for her than he gave/gives his other daughter too.

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm not vilifying her I don't need to. I didn't let them tell me that she can't come. She really really pissed them off. I told my mum to try to forgive and forget and let her come but when we found out when both weddings are (during school) it doesn't matter riven if my parents weren't angry at her she can't go. I'm glad I'm getting a break yeah I think after everything I deserve one. Also if she was my Bio child she would be at a behavioural center and would still not be going.







Quoting luckysevenwow:

My take is that I would not leave any of my children home for that long on their own. I sure as heck would not leave a child with issue's home alone that long. 

I also hate how you vilify your SD, is she innocent? Probably not, she's a teenager who had abandonment issue's. I also would never....I don't care how rotten my child/step child is let my family  tell me to leave them home. I guarantee had she been your blood your wouldn't either. You'd be beyond pissed, but of course she is only your step child. 



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
bellawomen
by Summer on Nov. 25, 2012 at 7:05 PM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't consider "hey don't do XYZ" telling a child off.  There is a difference between the two and how you say "hey don't do XYZ" can be considered telling a child off if you lose your control.  I worked with at-risk teenagers/teen parents for 6 years, trust me I know teenagers need discipline.  Teen parents are even harder because they are still children in a parenting role of their own.  Hard balance.

Teens definitely need discipline and structure.  Every child does, period.  Which is what this child is severely lacking.  Everyone just walks away from her.  That why she acts they way she does.  She doesn't have anyone providing her either of those consistently.  If you are not able to discipline her equally to the level that he biological parents are, then you need to have a talk with her father.  You shouldn't be responsible for her care if you can't be responsible for her discipline.  Thats not fair to you.  That will earn you no respect from her.  Her behavior will only worsen because she knows you have no control and no ability to enforce any consequences.  Thats a shitty situation.  I am not trying to be mean, I am trying to offer some advice, but you seem unwilling to change anything.

Quoting Anonymous:

Also I don't think telling a teenager "hey don't do that behavior " is rude or disrespectful its called guidance
and if necessary discipline I think should be upto the Bio parent but neither are here so sometimes I have to atleast try to correct her. You obviously don't have teenagers ! Even teens news discipline.

Quoting bellawomen:

I would never support "telling off" a child.  Thats rude and disrespectful and doesn't solve anything.  Power struggles never end well and don't earn you respect.

She can do independent study.  Its has to be offered at every school in every state as long as you give 24 hours notice.  Even testing can be done over independent study when set up properly.  But of course, if you would have talked to the school already, you would know this.

Trust me, I am in no way excusing her behavior, but you have to see how she go to be how she is and you are no better than her biological parents.  She has parent issues and its overflowing into every other area of her life.  She has no structure.  Kids NEED structure and beg for structure as much as they will swear they hate it.

I find it so weird that this wedding is so important, yet you are leaving your half of your family behind to go.  You are only taking your flesh and blood with you.  Not your husband, not your step-daughter.  That is weird.

Quoting Anonymous:

The main reason she can't go is because of school. If the weddings were during summer she would come with us even if my parents did not want her to come too .I only mentioned my parents not inviting her because that gives you a idea of how badly she behaves. We have tried taking SD to counseling and many many talks with her. She would talk and act normal for a few days before going back to being her "lovely" self.

also this isn't "somepeoples" wedding its my dad. And then mu aunt after. I also want to see where my bff was hurried who died in July and see my grandad before he dies too. I don't like that she was not invited but I do understand why. But like I've said she is not aware of that fact and the main reason is she still has school .when my 3 year old acts out she gets punished. Life has consequence. My SD has never been punished for anything. Neither of her parents know what to do when she does wrong. I'm not raising my child to be like that. That is partly why SD tells people that I'm abusive because I put my 3 year old in timeout. My dh has also told me "she's my daughter not yours so you can't tell her off its not your place"







Quoting bellawomen:

Biochild or step-child, your primary responsibility is to PARENT not to be at someone's wedding and "get a break".  You don't get a break from parenting.  Basically, if all of your children can't go, you shouldn't be going.  You are a package deal, or at least you should be.  She is the way she is because she hasn't had anyone around her to parent her and love her.  When your 3 year old misbehaves, do you just cast her aside too?  Like the quoted poster says, I bet you don't.  I bet you demand better fathering out of your SO for her than he gave/gives his other daughter too.

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm not vilifying her I don't need to. I didn't let them tell me that she can't come. She really really pissed them off. I told my mum to try to forgive and forget and let her come but when we found out when both weddings are (during school) it doesn't matter riven if my parents weren't angry at her she can't go. I'm glad I'm getting a break yeah I think after everything I deserve one. Also if she was my Bio child she would be at a behavioural center and would still not be going.





Quoting luckysevenwow:

My take is that I would not leave any of my children home for that long on their own. I sure as heck would not leave a child with issue's home alone that long. 

I also hate how you vilify your SD, is she innocent? Probably not, she's a teenager who had abandonment issue's. I also would never....I don't care how rotten my child/step child is let my family  tell me to leave them home. I guarantee had she been your blood your wouldn't either. You'd be beyond pissed, but of course she is only your step child. 




Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 25, 2012 at 9:47 PM
Your right she lacks discipline. Neither her mom or dad ever have disciplined her for anything. She hates me because I'm the only one that does and she doesn't like it. The flact I'm not her Bio mom just makes it harder. Her parents back her up when she does wrong and tell me its not my place to say anything or do anything discipline wise. And dh even tells sd that I'm not allowed to discipline her. So she's taking advantage. She's also convinced that she is not doing anything wrong by lying about me. I think because dh by not dealing with her is making HR think she can say/do whatever to me she'll always get away with it. Its ruining our marriage and my relationship with SD and my family she tells this stuff to. Plus it really hurts me. I'm not running from her though as much as it pisses her off I'm here .

I would still be going to England even if we got along. I'm homesick and I need to see where my bestie was burried. And ofcourse go to my dads wedding and my aunts. Its going to be a difficult trip for me everything I see is going to remind me of my bestie.

Quoting bellawomen:

I wouldn't consider "hey don't do XYZ" telling a child off.  There is a difference between the two and how you say "hey don't do XYZ" can be considered telling a child off if you lose your control.  I worked with at-risk teenagers/teen parents for 6 years, trust me I know teenagers need discipline.  Teen parents are even harder because they are still children in a parenting role of their own.  Hard balance.

Teens definitely need discipline and structure.  Every child does, period.  Which is what this child is severely lacking.  Everyone just walks away from her.  That why she acts they way she does.  She doesn't have anyone providing her either of those consistently.  If you are not able to discipline her equally to the level that he biological parents are, then you need to have a talk with her father.  You shouldn't be responsible for her care if you can't be responsible for her discipline.  Thats not fair to you.  That will earn you no respect from her.  Her behavior will only worsen because she knows you have no control and no ability to enforce any consequences.  Thats a shitty situation.  I am not trying to be mean, I am trying to offer some advice, but you seem unwilling to change anything.

Quoting Anonymous:

Also I don't think telling a teenager "hey don't do that behavior " is rude or disrespectful its called guidance

and if necessary discipline I think should be upto the Bio parent but neither are here so sometimes I have to atleast try to correct her. You obviously don't have teenagers ! Even teens news discipline.



Quoting bellawomen:

I would never support "telling off" a child.  Thats rude and disrespectful and doesn't solve anything.  Power struggles never end well and don't earn you respect.

She can do independent study.  Its has to be offered at every school in every state as long as you give 24 hours notice.  Even testing can be done over independent study when set up properly.  But of course, if you would have talked to the school already, you would know this.

Trust me, I am in no way excusing her behavior, but you have to see how she go to be how she is and you are no better than her biological parents.  She has parent issues and its overflowing into every other area of her life.  She has no structure.  Kids NEED structure and beg for structure as much as they will swear they hate it.

I find it so weird that this wedding is so important, yet you are leaving your half of your family behind to go.  You are only taking your flesh and blood with you.  Not your husband, not your step-daughter.  That is weird.

Quoting Anonymous:

The main reason she can't go is because of school. If the weddings were during summer she would come with us even if my parents did not want her to come too .I only mentioned my parents not inviting her because that gives you a idea of how badly she behaves. We have tried taking SD to counseling and many many talks with her. She would talk and act normal for a few days before going back to being her "lovely" self.


also this isn't "somepeoples" wedding its my dad. And then mu aunt after. I also want to see where my bff was hurried who died in July and see my grandad before he dies too. I don't like that she was not invited but I do understand why. But like I've said she is not aware of that fact and the main reason is she still has school .when my 3 year old acts out she gets punished. Life has consequence. My SD has never been punished for anything. Neither of her parents know what to do when she does wrong. I'm not raising my child to be like that. That is partly why SD tells people that I'm abusive because I put my 3 year old in timeout. My dh has also told me "she's my daughter not yours so you can't tell her off its not your place"











Quoting bellawomen:

Biochild or step-child, your primary responsibility is to PARENT not to be at someone's wedding and "get a break".  You don't get a break from parenting.  Basically, if all of your children can't go, you shouldn't be going.  You are a package deal, or at least you should be.  She is the way she is because she hasn't had anyone around her to parent her and love her.  When your 3 year old misbehaves, do you just cast her aside too?  Like the quoted poster says, I bet you don't.  I bet you demand better fathering out of your SO for her than he gave/gives his other daughter too.

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm not vilifying her I don't need to. I didn't let them tell me that she can't come. She really really pissed them off. I told my mum to try to forgive and forget and let her come but when we found out when both weddings are (during school) it doesn't matter riven if my parents weren't angry at her she can't go. I'm glad I'm getting a break yeah I think after everything I deserve one. Also if she was my Bio child she would be at a behavioural center and would still not be going.







Quoting luckysevenwow:

My take is that I would not leave any of my children home for that long on their own. I sure as heck would not leave a child with issue's home alone that long. 

I also hate how you vilify your SD, is she innocent? Probably not, she's a teenager who had abandonment issue's. I also would never....I don't care how rotten my child/step child is let my family  tell me to leave them home. I guarantee had she been your blood your wouldn't either. You'd be beyond pissed, but of course she is only your step child. 




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