I went to the beach then the park with my 4-year-old daughter. I wasn't actually planning on going to any park after the beach, just going home, (I live in cali where it's almost "always" sunny lol), but I decided to go bc they'd remodeled it and my daughter saw it and wanted to go to it. It was already kinda late, 445, but we went anwyay. She was having fun with these 3 boys, one was 3 and with a separate family, the other brothers about 6 and 7, and their parents spoke mostly Spanish and very little English. Anyways all the sudden I see my daughter getting upset and saying how she doesn't want to be the monster anymore, and they dont care. They said to her, "youre still the monster". I watched and observed, not sure weheteher to itnervene or not. My daughter started having a meltdown and began getting really angry and red then went from yelling to crying and running up to me. The boy who seemed to be the ringleader who was about 6 said "youre the crybaby monster now" and she got more uspet. I said to him, "Please don't call her names; that's really not nice." And I talked one-to-one with my daughter and told ehr to just ignroe the boys if she doesnt want to be the monster but dont yell at them bc it will only make them act worse to her. So a couple min later the 6 y/o boy is at it again, taunting ehr and saying "ahh here coems the monster!" and I finally spoke up and said nicely as I could to him, "Could you please not play that with her anymore? Bc she doesn't like being the monster so please stop it." He said "okay" and stopped for a minute or two then started up again. The dad was busy talking in Spanish with an older man probably the grandpa. There was a 12 y/o boy who was bored out of his mind and he appeared to be their older brother whow as watching and saying nothing. He might've even been older llike 13 or 14.
They started doing the monster game again, only even more malicious this time, 'saying you're the monster, you'll always be the monster, a crybaby monster too" and my daughter would just yell back at them saying "No you're the monster!" and the boy would only get fueled and amused at her anger and distress and keep saying it. I stood up and said to him, in a slightly more firm voice,"Stop palying that game with my daughter. She's not a monster and she doesn't wnat to play that game with you so stop calling her that." And he said "okay" but kept right on 2 secodns later. So finally I was losing it, seeing ym daughter get distressed and upseet by this eman boy and I finally said,out loud for the dad and granddad to hear., "I'm really sick of this little ugly brat bothering my daughter...I wills eriously beat him up if he says one more thing to her. I don;t care." mAnd the fatehr at that point, seemed to udnerstand me, and said to his son, "Vamos." Which emans "let go" in Spanish. And I glared at the boy really hard as he walked by, and I said out loud to my daughter, for him to hear, "Good those ltitle brats are leaving. Or else I would've torn them up." And my daughter laughed. Then I ehard the odler boy about 12 say out loud porbably for me to hear, "What's so abd about being a monster anyway? It's stupid" with an emphasis on the word "stupid". I said "Goodnight little monsters" and I told my daughter "say 'bye monsters' " and she did and we both laughed. the dad said back to me "good night" and I felt bad bc I thought maybe it was genuine. But then the 6 y/o boy who was the worst one said "have a bad thanksgiving" as he was getting packed in and I yelled back "you too you ltitle punk!" .
I felt a little embarassed, not guitly bc the boy WAS a brat with poor manners. I being a strange adult he should've listened to the first 3 times when I asked him nciely to stop teasing my daughter.
my husband thinks I was in the wrong when i told him about it bc they could've gotten violent with my daughter or me etc. I said in resposne if those boys layed a hand on my daughter i'd kick them in their balls so hard they'd never have kids. And likewise if the men tried to with me.
Anyways I'm still not sure I did the right thing. I personally think I shouldn't have had to tell the boy 3 times NICELY to stop, and that his dad or grandpa should've been mroe aware of his behavior. It's obvious he has problems if he can tell an adult "have a bad thanksgiving" right in`front of his own dad. I think he's a disrespectful ltitle punk and I hope to never see him or his family at that park again. However I dont know if I should've left instead or found a different way to deal with the situation and Ia dmit my emotions were elading me. I just saw ,my daughter being bullied and I saw red. I realize he's a child too but I still feel there's noe xcuse for his behavior and that somebody should teach him since his dad won't I will. However I do know that by calling him names back I'm not setting an example for my daughter of conflict resolution.
Any honest advice? Any other simialr stories where you reacted like this? For the record, this is the first time that naything like this has ever happened to me at a par, nor at her preschool that is a public preschool and very diverse.. It is not the first time my daughter has gotten upset, but usally we are able to resolve it, either through the other child stopping or the parent stepping in, or my daughter finding something else to do. It was hard to do that bc there was one main structure and she was forced to be near them on it. I think my daughter over-reacted a little as well but she's four and these boys were six. And if another child cries at that point it's time to show empathy and STOP playing with them. At that point it's time for the parent to intervene with their child for upsetting another child esp. a yougner smaller child than they. I know that my anger and reaction was justified in its own right but still no excuse.
Sigh---so tyypical of cafemom...you add a psot asking for some advice and helpful advice and alternatives as to what to do instead in a given situation...and all these women come on their high horse, saying how I'm bad and evil and calling me names all whhile getting down on me for calling names. You people who do that are ridiculous. Get off your high horse. I'm sure you've effed up in your life before. I was a human who showed some weakness...at elast i didnt actually follow through with my threat and I know I never would've...it was just said out of spite for them and their aprents. I admitted what is aid wasn't the ebst mdoe of aciton, but apparently people can't read...I diidn't ask "what else can you say to make me feel bad?" but HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING SIMILAR and WHAT SHOULD I/COULD I HAVE DONE INSTEAD?
I thank many people for their thoughtful and logical responses. For those on their high horse, you know who you are, i have nothing to say to you other than I stand corrected in what I did. I am aware my behvaior wasn't the best mode of action but nor do i feel guilty bc they honestly deserved it and I might've stopped a violent bully in the future in their tracks or then again maybe not. There's a way to disagree with someone's behavior without making cosndescending holier than thou remarks and that's what I mean by get off your high horse. I appreciate the input of the rational who are few and far in between and don't resort to calling me names to get their point across (kind of hypocritical, considering it's bc I called names). Furthermore, if those parents had been properly watching their kids, instead of chit-chatting away, then none of that would have escalated to that. I would've never needed to threaten their child. I always step in the moment I see another parent correct my child, bc not only is that my job and not theirs, but you never know when they're going to go Rebecca DeMorney in hand that rocks the cradle crazy on my kid...people are crazy these days and many will do extremes to protect their kids. Not that my daughter has ever been that cruel in the first place---she's very sweet but does have her moments like every other child and I am always there to nip anyything like that in the bud, unlike the father at this park who was too busy talking to abuelo to bother being a parent. So I took matters into my own hands. And furthermore that's why you watch your kids bc you never know when another parent might get mad at your child---and not everybody is as nice as me---some parents really will follow through on their threats.
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