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I'm spending Thanksgiving alone because..

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I think I'm actually going to leave DF for good. 

Long story short , My mother died last thanksgiving. It was sudden, she was young & I was 9 months pregnant. I haven't been taking it very well. Fast forward to this morning.. I went to sleep really late because i was prepping for Thanksgiving last night. DF woke up early, asks me what time I went to bed, then went downstairs. Very soon after DD1 (Age 11m) woke up. (Btw, the cribs are in my room for reasons that I'd rather not go into right now) DF comes in, picks her up and realizes she  has a poopy diaper and that's why she is crying. He doesn't like to do poopy diapers so he sticks my screaming baby in bed with me knowing that she's going to wake me up and I'll change her. Dick move, right? She woke not only me, but my DD2 (2yo) up also. I'm going on 4 hours of sleep and now have two screaming kids to deal with because he couldn't suck it up and change her diaper.. I was overtired and furious. We got into a fight and he walked out the door.  He left around 9am.

Throughout the day I never heard from him. At first I was just pissy because he had our only car and he knew I needed to run to the store for a few last minute things. By 5pm though, I started to worry. It wasn't like him to leave and not at least contact me. I ended up putting two and two together and figured out that he was at his ex wife's house. She's about 15 mins away from us, they have two children together. At this point I was furious. He finally showed up around 8pm. Before he could get to the door, I told him that I didn't care where he's been all day but to go back. He said okay and hopped back into the car. A few minutes later he was knocking at my door saying "Last chance.. do you want to be alone on Thanksgiving??" I opened the door, held back my toddler who was eagerly trying to get to her Daddy (he didn't even notice) and told him no. I lied and said my sister was picking the girls and I up in the am.  I sighed and closed the door. He left. I haven't heard from him since. 

Now I know some of you may think I'm over-reacting but put yourself in my shoes.. This man who loves me so much, wants to marry me, has seen me go through hell all year and knew how depressed I've been all week because of Thanksgiving, left me and escaped to his ex-wife's house for almost 12 hours and didn't even have the decency to call me. The funny part of this whole story is that I would have went to my sister's but I already declined because DF doesn't get along with her. 

I'm feeling 100 motions at once. This isn't the first time DF has let me down, but by far the worst. I'm happy that tomorrow will bring me so much to do that I won't have much time to think about all this but tonight I am lost. I hate him for figuring out the one possible way he could make tomorrow worse for me. Before anyone starts hating on me for not putting my children first in this, I have. This isn't the first time he missed a holiday with them. Last Christmas he spent Christmas Eve at her house and didn't come home until almost noon. Also, his kids come here to visit often. He knows me. He could have gone up there and used his ex's phone to call me. He could have brought his kids down there. Say what you want, no man has any right spending alone time with his ex wife for that amount of time after he's started another with someone else. I'm tired of my kids being put on the backburnerl 

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 22, 2012 at 2:08 AM
Replies (151-157):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 23, 2012 at 11:09 PM

Oh, she wants him to spend time with her??

Quoting white_wolf454:

for us its him to spend time with her .

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh yeah, my df's ex is the same way. She holds the kids over his head constantly to get her way. Usually for money. Lol

Quoting white_wolf454:

I am glad your calm now . I honestly was worried about you . and we have similer situations just he never leaves to go seem his kids she shows up and tries to tell me how i raise my kid with SO and if SO dont want to do something she tells him she dont want him to see his kids and it scares him I cant share photos where she might see or she will show and scream at us wake our child and is a nightmare at times shes better now ,the people on our street call her crazy lady . so mostly i cant even share things of so and us and i go insane cause i dont have my mom to confide in shes gone . I know its silly but i truly felt for you and really just want to hug you and let you let it out . :) I am glad your better now 

Quoting Anonymous:

I absolutely was a beehive of emotions the last 48 hours, lol. I still am although I've managed to calm myself down a bit more since yesterday is over. Looking back at this post I am grateful for everyone that posted, no matter what they said. It didn't fuel me as much as it acted like a vent and a branch for support, and I really needed both :) I'm sorry about your situation, whatever it may be :(



Quoting white_wolf454:

what I think your a bee hive of emotion and these woman seem to be stiring your anger more and more and by the way I been in your shoes in fact i think mines worse ....for reasons i dont want to get into




Anonymous
by Anonymous 22 on Nov. 23, 2012 at 11:09 PM
I think he has an ex for a reason. If she wants his lazy butt, let her have him. They won't last when she realizes WHY they broke in the first place. Child support, dear, child support.
white_wolf454
by Platinum Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 11:13 PM

yup she does 

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh, she wants him to spend time with her??

Quoting white_wolf454:

for us its him to spend time with her .

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh yeah, my df's ex is the same way. She holds the kids over his head constantly to get her way. Usually for money. Lol

Quoting white_wolf454:

I am glad your calm now . I honestly was worried about you . and we have similer situations just he never leaves to go seem his kids she shows up and tries to tell me how i raise my kid with SO and if SO dont want to do something she tells him she dont want him to see his kids and it scares him I cant share photos where she might see or she will show and scream at us wake our child and is a nightmare at times shes better now ,the people on our street call her crazy lady . so mostly i cant even share things of so and us and i go insane cause i dont have my mom to confide in shes gone . I know its silly but i truly felt for you and really just want to hug you and let you let it out . :) I am glad your better now 

Quoting Anonymous:

I absolutely was a beehive of emotions the last 48 hours, lol. I still am although I've managed to calm myself down a bit more since yesterday is over. Looking back at this post I am grateful for everyone that posted, no matter what they said. It didn't fuel me as much as it acted like a vent and a branch for support, and I really needed both :) I'm sorry about your situation, whatever it may be :(



Quoting white_wolf454:

what I think your a bee hive of emotion and these woman seem to be stiring your anger more and more and by the way I been in your shoes in fact i think mines worse ....for reasons i dont want to get into





Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 23, 2012 at 11:17 PM

Yeah that wouldn't happen here.. lol.. Aside from today, the kids are usually here or I go up there with him. Then we  usually get into pissing contests with each other..  So DF tries to keep us separated lol

Quoting white_wolf454:

yup she does 

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh, she wants him to spend time with her??

Quoting white_wolf454:

for us its him to spend time with her .

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh yeah, my df's ex is the same way. She holds the kids over his head constantly to get her way. Usually for money. Lol

Quoting white_wolf454:

I am glad your calm now . I honestly was worried about you . and we have similer situations just he never leaves to go seem his kids she shows up and tries to tell me how i raise my kid with SO and if SO dont want to do something she tells him she dont want him to see his kids and it scares him I cant share photos where she might see or she will show and scream at us wake our child and is a nightmare at times shes better now ,the people on our street call her crazy lady . so mostly i cant even share things of so and us and i go insane cause i dont have my mom to confide in shes gone . I know its silly but i truly felt for you and really just want to hug you and let you let it out . :) I am glad your better now 

Quoting Anonymous:

I absolutely was a beehive of emotions the last 48 hours, lol. I still am although I've managed to calm myself down a bit more since yesterday is over. Looking back at this post I am grateful for everyone that posted, no matter what they said. It didn't fuel me as much as it acted like a vent and a branch for support, and I really needed both :) I'm sorry about your situation, whatever it may be :(



Quoting white_wolf454:

what I think your a bee hive of emotion and these woman seem to be stiring your anger more and more and by the way I been in your shoes in fact i think mines worse ....for reasons i dont want to get into






white_wolf454
by Platinum Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 11:19 PM

lol we do that to

Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah that wouldn't happen here.. lol.. Aside from today, the kids are usually here or I go up there with him. Then we  usually get into pissing contests with each other..  So DF tries to keep us separated lol

Quoting white_wolf454:

yup she does 

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh, she wants him to spend time with her??

Quoting white_wolf454:

for us its him to spend time with her .

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh yeah, my df's ex is the same way. She holds the kids over his head constantly to get her way. Usually for money. Lol

Quoting white_wolf454:

I am glad your calm now . I honestly was worried about you . and we have similer situations just he never leaves to go seem his kids she shows up and tries to tell me how i raise my kid with SO and if SO dont want to do something she tells him she dont want him to see his kids and it scares him I cant share photos where she might see or she will show and scream at us wake our child and is a nightmare at times shes better now ,the people on our street call her crazy lady . so mostly i cant even share things of so and us and i go insane cause i dont have my mom to confide in shes gone . I know its silly but i truly felt for you and really just want to hug you and let you let it out . :) I am glad your better now 

Quoting Anonymous:

I absolutely was a beehive of emotions the last 48 hours, lol. I still am although I've managed to calm myself down a bit more since yesterday is over. Looking back at this post I am grateful for everyone that posted, no matter what they said. It didn't fuel me as much as it acted like a vent and a branch for support, and I really needed both :) I'm sorry about your situation, whatever it may be :(



Quoting white_wolf454:

what I think your a bee hive of emotion and these woman seem to be stiring your anger more and more and by the way I been in your shoes in fact i think mines worse ....for reasons i dont want to get into







Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Nov. 24, 2012 at 12:13 AM
Good luck mama!! I hope you find peace and happiness, wherever it may be.


Quoting Anonymous:

As of right now, he's sleeping on my couch. I'm still extremely upset with him and his behavior the past two days my first instinct is to throw him to the curb, I'm alot more calm now that yesterday is over. i still have to get past a few more days to get through that are going to be really tough. thanksgiving was the 22nd this year, but it was the 25th last year. Today we started getting letters of condolences from people that received her organs and cards :( At this point it will only make me feel worse and it will sure as hell hurt my kids if Daddy goes bye bye right now. They pretty much mauled him when he walked in this morning. He's an insensitive asshole for what he's said and done. He's lazy and terrible at managing his time between his two different sets of kids. But, he also was the one that carried me through her funeral and the week week following. I don't believe he cheated on me (she has a live in DF herself) but there's obviously issues that I need to address with him and give him some choices to make, but I'm not going to even try until I get over this hump with my Mom. Thank you for all your support guys :)



Quoting Anonymous:

She made no allegations of abuse that I read. My advice would differ, obviously if she were being abused.


To my understanding, they fought on a really emotional day for her and he made a jerk move or two, or five.


The decision to leave him affects her and her and her children for the rest of their lives, that is not a decision to make in tears on the anniversary of a death. That decision should be made after weighing everything with a cool head.


Again, OBVIOUSLY my advice would change if she were being abused and I saw no claim of that.






Quoting devastatedhurt:

Your right Dr Phil. This guy isn't even her husband a much as i know. There is a reason for that. But I'm not gonna argue with a woman who obviously has been in s similar situation as this one here. You must have settled for some type of abuse at some point in your lifefor the"sake of your kids". You don't do your children any favors by staying with a man who skips out whenever things get hard. Trust me. staying in a broken home is much worse than coming from one.








Quoting Anonymous:

You can make all the assumptions about her life that you want from one cafe mom post, I will never be convinced that making a rash decision when you are emotional is a good choice.




You don't know the half of this persons problems and you are encouraging what is DEFINITELY a life changing decision.




I did not encourage one or the other, only rationality and thought.




You can make assumptions and give so/so advice, I will continue to encourage people to use their brains, thank you.










Quoting devastatedhurt:

*rolls eyes* obviously her husband is cheating in her. He leaves her alone on the anniversary of her mothersdeath, and didn't care about her children as much as he cars for his other kids, and tests her with disrespect. Now tell me how it would a be bad decision to leave? Life changing decisions would be to stay, and put her kids thru this longer, and to feel like she can't trust her husband when she gets in s fight cuz he might go cheat with his ex wife. Your right, that's much more reasonable












Quoting Anonymous:

I like how listening to your voice of reason and waiting to make life changing decisions when you are less emotional is bad advice.






*rolls eyes*






No one is telling her to stay in the situation, only to make sure she's making the decision she truly should make.














Quoting devastatedhurt:

No. This is the worst advice ever. So you should stay with him and remain a victim of this abuse becuz he is the father of you're children??? So you shouldn't have respect and standards for yourself becuz you are emotional right now?? You had a moment of clarity when you realized you should leave him becuz he treats you less than what you deserve. Your daughters need to see mommy doesn't let men treat her like trash. I'm sorry this is such a hard day for you. That alone should have been a reason for him to stay. Send him packing to be with his ex
















Quoting Anonymous:

I agree. Be as pissed off as you need to mama, just remember your voice of reason and try to consider it.








Have you both talked about this?


















Quoting Anonymous:

Ugh Im trying to wait it out and sleep on it but the more I think about it, the more pissed off I get. In my eyes, my children mean very little compared to his other two because if he cared even in the slightest he would have fought harder to stay. Your right.. My emotions are running heavy right now but his behavior is uncalled for.




















Quoting Anonymous:

I'm going to branch out and give you my honest opinion.










Sounds like a douche move on his part, BUT... You are emotional (totally understandably) you were furious first thing in the morning on a tumultuous day.. Sounds like the guy retreated, obviously.










Not that your being emotional is an excuse, but you should remember that your feelings are not balanced on today of all days.










I would wait before making a decision as rash as leaving the father of your children.










I'm sorry about your current problems and I'm sorry you lost your mother. I will think happy thoughts for you tomorrow!









devastatedhurt
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 1:46 AM
Yeah. I agree it would be something she needs to think about before making a rash decision... BUT a man who stays out that late and does it often with his ex wife without calling is a red flash that he is cheating.... And THEN he did it on an anniversary of her mothers passing.... Does that scream that he cares for her and her kids? Idc what i have done to my husband, he never would have left me on the day my mother died. That's just being human. So if he did all that... There had been alot of worse things. Imo. And not all abuse is physical. Physical abuse heals, but emotional does not.


Quoting Anonymous:

She made no allegations of abuse that I read. My advice would differ, obviously if she were being abused.

To my understanding, they fought on a really emotional day for her and he made a jerk move or two, or five.

The decision to leave him affects her and her and her children for the rest of their lives, that is not a decision to make in tears on the anniversary of a death. That decision should be made after weighing everything with a cool head.

Again, OBVIOUSLY my advice would change if she were being abused and I saw no claim of that.




Quoting devastatedhurt:

Your right Dr Phil. This guy isn't even her husband a much as i know. There is a reason for that. But I'm not gonna argue with a woman who obviously has been in s similar situation as this one here. You must have settled for some type of abuse at some point in your lifefor the"sake of your kids". You don't do your children any favors by staying with a man who skips out whenever things get hard. Trust me. staying in a broken home is much worse than coming from one.






Quoting Anonymous:

You can make all the assumptions about her life that you want from one cafe mom post, I will never be convinced that making a rash decision when you are emotional is a good choice.



You don't know the half of this persons problems and you are encouraging what is DEFINITELY a life changing decision.



I did not encourage one or the other, only rationality and thought.



You can make assumptions and give so/so advice, I will continue to encourage people to use their brains, thank you.








Quoting devastatedhurt:

*rolls eyes* obviously her husband is cheating in her. He leaves her alone on the anniversary of her mothersdeath, and didn't care about her children as much as he cars for his other kids, and tests her with disrespect. Now tell me how it would a be bad decision to leave? Life changing decisions would be to stay, and put her kids thru this longer, and to feel like she can't trust her husband when she gets in s fight cuz he might go cheat with his ex wife. Your right, that's much more reasonable










Quoting Anonymous:

I like how listening to your voice of reason and waiting to make life changing decisions when you are less emotional is bad advice.





*rolls eyes*





No one is telling her to stay in the situation, only to make sure she's making the decision she truly should make.












Quoting devastatedhurt:

No. This is the worst advice ever. So you should stay with him and remain a victim of this abuse becuz he is the father of you're children??? So you shouldn't have respect and standards for yourself becuz you are emotional right now?? You had a moment of clarity when you realized you should leave him becuz he treats you less than what you deserve. Your daughters need to see mommy doesn't let men treat her like trash. I'm sorry this is such a hard day for you. That alone should have been a reason for him to stay. Send him packing to be with his ex














Quoting Anonymous:

I agree. Be as pissed off as you need to mama, just remember your voice of reason and try to consider it.







Have you both talked about this?
















Quoting Anonymous:

Ugh Im trying to wait it out and sleep on it but the more I think about it, the more pissed off I get. In my eyes, my children mean very little compared to his other two because if he cared even in the slightest he would have fought harder to stay. Your right.. My emotions are running heavy right now but his behavior is uncalled for.


















Quoting Anonymous:

I'm going to branch out and give you my honest opinion.









Sounds like a douche move on his part, BUT... You are emotional (totally understandably) you were furious first thing in the morning on a tumultuous day.. Sounds like the guy retreated, obviously.









Not that your being emotional is an excuse, but you should remember that your feelings are not balanced on today of all days.









I would wait before making a decision as rash as leaving the father of your children.









I'm sorry about your current problems and I'm sorry you lost your mother. I will think happy thoughts for you tomorrow!









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