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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

What Actions Constitutes A divorce?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: Should A Woman Divorce Just Because She Is Unhappy?

Options:

Yes,because it is her business and her right.

No,unless of abuse or cheating

Maybe,it depends on all the facts of the relationship


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 345

View Results

 Sometimes I feel like some women are quick to get a divorce instead of really trying to work out their marriage.I have a friend who is contemplating a divorce and has a laundry list of complaints.All of which seem petty and workable to me?

I just feel like if a man is not beating on you or cheating you should really try before tearing apart your family.I am not saying be in a miserable marriage.I am just saying all marriages have up times and down times.My friend says that women should not stay if unhappy and should have high expectations for companionship.I say what about the kids and the constitution of marriage?For better or worse and in sickness and health?

What are your feelings on divorce and marriage?

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 22, 2012 at 6:41 AM
Replies (21-30):
lullabylily
by Silver Member on Nov. 22, 2012 at 7:49 AM
1 mom liked this
I personally think Abuse-Addiction-Adultery are the ground for divorce. I do not know how being unhappy in a relationship, especially with children, can not be resolve with therapy and counseling. We got married because we were in love and want to spend the rest of our live with our SO.

My best friend of 20 years had asked for a divorce because of that very reason, unhappiness in her marriage. Her husband cried and try to hold on to her, asked and begged her how can he make her happy, but she refuse to continue the marriage, refuse to do counseling, refuse therapy. She love him but feel that the marriage is not going anywhere. One day out of the blue she told me flat out "I am getting a divorce, I need you to back me up, to be my witness for irreconcilable difference" no one commit the 3As in their 6 years of marriage. She was just unhappy and feel that she could have done better with life. In the end, after the divorce were settled (they have 1 child) she met someone. Married him, move to England. Got another divorce. Met another guy. Marry him again. So in the last 5-6 years she has been divorced twice and married 3 times. I hope she can finally be happy but deep down I dont think she will until she make peace with herself and able to define what is 'HAPPY' to her.
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Tea4Tas
by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 8:06 AM


Quoting ButterMeUp:

Why do you feel the need to prove me wrong? You didn't anyhow, I would consider that emotional abuse.

Quoting Tea4Tas:

 


Quoting ButterMeUp:

IMO the only reason you should devorce is because of abuse or cheating. All other reasons seem to point to two people marrying before they really knew eachother and were not mature enough.

LOL-you do know that people can CHANGE right? I was married for 20 YEARS before I got divorced.  How can that be me not knowing him well enough? He changed-he became mentally ill, and while I agree with in sickness and in health-when 5 years of counseling doesn't convince you you have a problem and need medication, what will?

He became an angry unhappy man. Who needed medication for both depressiona nd anger management. Never laid a hand on me-although he came close to being overly forceful with my daughter.  The only thing stopping him was he KNEW I would have him arrested if he ever hit any of us.  JUST before we divorced my Father had to intervene when he was being VERY forceful with my oldest. He was trying to DRAG her across the room ( the morning after this she was hospatilized for 10 days because she was SICK)  My Father stepped in and picked her up and said C'mon honey let's go up to your room now. He was in his early 70's and he carried her 13 year old 100 pound body all the way upstairs.....

Mywasbund was never left alone with her after that incident. In fact he wasn't granted visitation with her.

No way I could have stayed and risked him hurting her.

LOL-how was he emotionally abusing me by being unhhappy and losing his temper?  He never said one rude word to me-never called me any names, never denigrated my abilities, nothing.  Unless you call complaining about having to take his turn cooking dinner as emotionally abusive..... Or bitching if I left items off of the grocry list.

ALL of the issues stemed from his depression-which he refused to treat.  Strictly speaking he was ill-but refused treatment.  My guess is if he HAD gotten treatment and turned back into the smart funny witty man I married-we would still be together.

RoseBlossom
by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 8:16 AM

i believe that to get divorced should be contingent on how much both put into the marriage. they are vows for a reason. however to be unhappy is not a good thing at all. i say instead of divorce in that case, separate for a time and try to figure out why you both got together in the first place. i have been married and divorced twice. the first was initiated by my ex husband because he wanted out. i couldnt do anything, and although we had gotten married because we became pregnant, i was in it for life. the second sadly was because he was abusive mentally, emotionally and i became a shell of what i was before. i really didi try to work it out though. it became too much and i was going to have a nervous breakdown. so we separated and he got a girlfriend right away and it was over, so i initiated the divorce.

my df and i have had some bad times with marriage. his ex wife cheated on him and got pregnant with the mindset that the kid she was carrying wasnt my df's and didnt tell him till later. so he was afraid of marriage as well. we are taking it slow because we want our vows to mean something. i wouldnt divorce until all options were exhausted, unless it was beacuse they cheated or abuse. even with addiction i would be there for them and try to help them through it.

RoseBlossom
by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 8:22 AM
2 moms liked this

this is the problem of 'first world' marriages. it is all about how happy the other person makes you. its all about taking and not giving. i have done extensive reading from all kinds of marriage books, some are religious based, others are not. there is no prince charming that can be charming all the time. ppl change, they grow up, their behavior and personalities can change as well when kids come along. no one will be happy forever. the spark will leave eventually. this is where the real work of marriage comes in , and sadly many ppl will leave at this time. it is most rewarding when one has fought through the phase of not feeling love or happiness anymore and has come out the other side with more respect and a real love for their spouse.

Quoting lullabylily:

I personally think Abuse-Addiction-Adultery are the ground for divorce. I do not know how being unhappy in a relationship, especially with children, can not be resolve with therapy and counseling. We got married because we were in love and want to spend the rest of our live with our SO.

My best friend of 20 years had asked for a divorce because of that very reason, unhappiness in her marriage. Her husband cried and try to hold on to her, asked and begged her how can he make her happy, but she refuse to continue the marriage, refuse to do counseling, refuse therapy. She love him but feel that the marriage is not going anywhere. One day out of the blue she told me flat out "I am getting a divorce, I need you to back me up, to be my witness for irreconcilable difference" no one commit the 3As in their 6 years of marriage. She was just unhappy and feel that she could have done better with life. In the end, after the divorce were settled (they have 1 child) she met someone. Married him, move to England. Got another divorce. Met another guy. Marry him again. So in the last 5-6 years she has been divorced twice and married 3 times. I hope she can finally be happy but deep down I dont think she will until she make peace with herself and able to define what is 'HAPPY' to her.


CrimsonRose01
by ~Cassandra~ on Nov. 22, 2012 at 8:23 AM
1 mom liked this

I think people should try to work on their marriages unless there is abuse or constant cheating going on. I would try every option out there to save my marriage before giving up and divorcing. 

Bethsunshine
by Emerald Member on Nov. 22, 2012 at 8:27 AM

For me, the only valid reasons for divorce are the 3 "A"s-Adultery, Abuse and Addiction. I think I could handle anything else.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 22, 2012 at 8:27 AM
If two people fall in love and celebrate their love through a celebration of marriage,their love should be strong enough to talk about any issues,I personally believe in the vows of marriage and keeping those promises through thick and thin.I also believe in not rushing things,don't get married after only being together for less then a year,WAIT!!!! If your truly in love and meant to be together,why rush,get to know each other more,don't look for the bad signs but recognize them before saying I do.imo if couples would stop rushing into marriage they would know who the person really is and then choose to stay or leave
notjstasocermom
by Emerald Member on Nov. 22, 2012 at 8:35 AM


Quoting ButterMeUp:

IMO the only reason you should devorce is because of abuse or cheating. All other reasons seem to point to two people marrying before they really knew eachother and were not mature enough.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Nov. 22, 2012 at 8:46 AM
I agree with you. I got married at 17 to a guy I had only known 6mo and who I was 3mo pregnant by. We married because I was pregnant. We divorced because he hated the family life. He was only 18 and he just wasn't ready to be a father of 2. He was emotionally abusive to my oldest son, calling him names, telling him he was bad, even telling at him when he hurt him. He slapped him in the face once for dropping a soda on the couch. I had him up against a wall in a choke hold less than 30 seconds later. I knew then, that we needed to leave. The last straw was 3 weeks before Christmas when he came home from work and told my oldest he was a little fucker and a price of shit because he peed on the toilet seat. Mind you he was 2.5 at the time. I called my mom and told her I was staying home when we came out for Christmas. Best thing I ever did for my kids. Anyway, I don't think he is a bad person in general, he just wasn't ready for the stress of parenting. He remarried and had another baby 2weeks after our divorce was finalized. His wife tells me her woes when I see her and I just tell her good luck. I foresee a divorce in their future but I wish them the best. I'm hoping to marry my SO soon. We've been together 2yrs and he and I will be together forever.

Jeez sorry for the rant lol. I went a tad off topic.
Maks1mommy
by Ruby Member on Nov. 22, 2012 at 8:47 AM
1 mom liked this
I think one should get divorced when they are no longer in love. If there's no chance at ever getting that back then leave. Everybody deserves life time happiness, not just a few years of it.
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