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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

What Actions Constitutes A divorce?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: Should A Woman Divorce Just Because She Is Unhappy?

Options:

Yes,because it is her business and her right.

No,unless of abuse or cheating

Maybe,it depends on all the facts of the relationship


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 345

View Results

 Sometimes I feel like some women are quick to get a divorce instead of really trying to work out their marriage.I have a friend who is contemplating a divorce and has a laundry list of complaints.All of which seem petty and workable to me?

I just feel like if a man is not beating on you or cheating you should really try before tearing apart your family.I am not saying be in a miserable marriage.I am just saying all marriages have up times and down times.My friend says that women should not stay if unhappy and should have high expectations for companionship.I say what about the kids and the constitution of marriage?For better or worse and in sickness and health?

What are your feelings on divorce and marriage?

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 22, 2012 at 6:41 AM
Replies (41-50):
MommyKir
by Kay on Nov. 22, 2012 at 9:34 AM

I believe if you are absolutely miserable with that person, to the point where you are just far too different and you can't reach a middle ground, someone cheated, or was emotionally/physically abusive. Those are ALL decent reasons for a divorce. But ultimately it is up to the current people in that marriage on what are deal breakers for them. But i also think (other then for cheating and abuse), that you should take steps to work on the marriage before ending it. such as counseling, communication, date nights, etc...

Maks1mommy
by Emerald Member on Nov. 22, 2012 at 9:35 AM
2 moms liked this
I don't believe that.


Quoting RoseBlossom:

there are different kinds of love, and one can always fall back in love with someone if they truly try


Quoting Maks1mommy:

I think one should get divorced when they are no longer in love. If there's no chance at ever getting that back then leave. Everybody deserves life time happiness, not just a few years of it.



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lowencope
by Platinum Member on Nov. 22, 2012 at 9:35 AM
1 mom liked this
Well if the bad times way outweigh the good time, I'd say its time for a divorce.
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momof2boy2girl
by Valerie on Nov. 22, 2012 at 9:37 AM

What is the root of the unhappiness? Is it that he isn't buying her the car she wants? Is it that one wants childrena and the other doesn't? Both of those are completely different and I find one as grounds and the other not. My first husband never told me about his vasectomy. I wanted more than one child, and he had had the vas before he met me. I could not stay in that marriage (I was 19, he was 36). I was too young to say that I did not want more children. Then he decided to get back with his ex girlfriend (the mother of his youngest child), so the divorce was agreeable.

Second marriage ended due to abuse and serial cheating. That took longer to go through because he didn't want a divorce and kept asking the judge for more time.

So, I'm one of those whores that's been married several times. This is my third and final marriage. I learned from the first two. We are on the same page child wise. I am now more leery of the early signs of abuse (seriously hindsight is 20/20 and I should have seen the signs). I have grown up a lot over the years.

This is Vince's first marriage as he has never wanted a divorce, so he is just as committed to I am to this marriage.

RoseBlossom
by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 9:38 AM

have you ever tried? it sounds unbelievable, and it is hard, but it is so worth it in the end.

Quoting Maks1mommy:

I don't believe that.


Quoting RoseBlossom:

there are different kinds of love, and one can always fall back in love with someone if they truly try


Quoting Maks1mommy:

I think one should get divorced when they are no longer in love. If there's no chance at ever getting that back then leave. Everybody deserves life time happiness, not just a few years of it.




La_Vie_en_R0se
by Gold Member on Nov. 22, 2012 at 9:39 AM

If you marry for the wrong reasons or made a mistake when you were barely a grown up yourself, then I don't think you should have to pay for that decision for the rest of your life.  My first marriage ended after only a year...we married because we had a son together.  I was only 21, in college, and thought I was doing the best thing possible.  It was such a mistake...we were not compatable, we fought all the time.  I literally cried all the way home everyday when I was finished with school or work because I just hated my life.  Loved my son to pieces, but did not want to be married to my then husband.  We are very good friends now and have been since the divorce many, many years ago.  It was the best decision for my son too, he would not have liked to grow up in that home.  There was no abuse, just constant bickering and arguing. 

Fast forward to now, I have been married 10 years and I would never leave my husband except for the reasons you stated, which I can never fathum happening anyway. 

Quoting ButterMeUp:

IMO the only reason you should devorce is because of abuse or cheating. All other reasons seem to point to two people marrying before they really knew eachother and were not mature enough.


rosaleeandtwo
by Gold Member on Nov. 22, 2012 at 9:42 AM

I think if you aren't happy for a consistent period or time, or know why (and know its not going to change) you should divorce. 

I dont think its right for ME to decide what another woman or man can or cannot take in their relationship.  Having kids makes it obviously a bit more complicated, but I dont agree with staying together for the sake of the kids.  I have an aunt and uncle that have done that and their kids say they could always sense the tension. 

Also, if I marry again, I'm not doing traditional vows so all the "for better or worse" stuff wont apply :)

Maks1mommy
by Emerald Member on Nov. 22, 2012 at 9:45 AM
No, I've never fallen out of love before.


Quoting RoseBlossom:

have you ever tried? it sounds unbelievable, and it is hard, but it is so worth it in the end.


Quoting Maks1mommy:

I don't believe that.





Quoting RoseBlossom:

there are different kinds of love, and one can always fall back in love with someone if they truly try



Quoting Maks1mommy:

I think one should get divorced when they are no longer in love. If there's no chance at ever getting that back then leave. Everybody deserves life time happiness, not just a few years of it.






Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
slm047
by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 9:48 AM
I cannot judge for I am not in her marriage. People tell me that even though i dealt with abuse, i should stay with my husband. You never know what someone is going through. But life is too short to stay unhappy.
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momof2boy2girl
by Valerie on Nov. 22, 2012 at 9:48 AM
1 mom liked this

My husband's parents never even shared a room when he was growing up. Vince has theories, but he doesn't know for sure what happened. His father is an alcoholic and he used to abuse and mistreat his mom until Vince was old enough to stand up for her. He also cheated on her a lot. We think his cheating is what led to them having seperate rooms. When he was 18 and ready to move out, he helped his mom leave for good (she didn't want to leave him with his dad). They have been seperated for 12 years now.

his mother is one of the most amazing women I have ever met, his father is a drunken asshole. Vince does not even like the person his father is, he loves him, and we care for him; but he does not like his father. Vince has had to learn that affection is normal between a couple. In the beginning hw was afraid to even hold hands in front of the kids or sit where he was touching me at all. Now he knows that it is normal for kids to see their parents show affection. We don't grind against each other or make out lmao, but he will give me a peck or hug me when the kids are in the room.

Quoting Mabuka:

My parents were also married for 30 years and were completely miserable the whole time! They never hugged or kissed or said I love you to one another. I grew up thinking it was normal. When I found out that wasn't the case, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
My mother is insane!


Quoting AngryBob:

I can't really judge. I have definite deal breakers for my marriage, such as infidelity or abuse, but my parents have had an unhappy marriage for thirty years. My mom was always complaining that if she had to do it over, she wouldn't have married my dad. Thanks, mom, that makes me feel good about myself. It's healthier for kids to see their parents happy with their life choices.

But you also have a point, op. People are so quick to throw their marriages away.


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