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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I have marriage & baby fever...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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I'm dying to have my own babies. Unfortunately, my wonderful man is too patient and is in no hurry to have more kids.

I'm full time mom to his kids, sd6, ss8.  Ss8 has a lot of learning disabilities and is in special needs and is an overal huge challenge every day.  Sd6 is fairly easy to handle (most days).  They both treat me like their mom, and I think of them as my kids.  I love them dearly, but there is something to be said for the "biological connection" and knowing that its my fault that my kids are a mess, not someone that I hate's fault (their BM, a total loser).  My bf is in no hurry to get married either.  He married his ex because she got pregnant.  He and I knew each other and were close friends for a year or so before she got knocked up; I tried desperately to convince him that it was such a horrible idea to marry her just because she was pregnant.  All he could talk about was how much he wanted to get away from her.  Anyway, enough about that.

I'm 27 now.  I want kids.  Badly.  Like, ridiculously badly.  We're moving, hopefully into a house that we'll be buying, sometime between May and September 2013 after our lease is  up.  I would like to be married before we have children, but at the same time, I really don't want to wait much longer.  I can't express how terrified I am of discovering I might not be able to have my own children.  I got turned down from egg donation from two different places because I wasn't fertile enough.  They didn't tell me if it would have implications on my personal fertility or if it was just that I didn't produce enough eggs to harvest.  It makes me super nervous.  I think I would be totally devastated if we couldn't have kids.

Anyone have any advice to calm my anxiety?  I still feel embarassed that we aren't married, especially when I have his kids by myself.  They look enough like me that they pass for my kids - most people would never know if I didn't tell them.  I'm still old school enough to get annoyed by the ignorant comments and looks by people who just think I'm a slut (for those of you doing the math, I would have been 19 when my oldest was born).  That, and I'm getting "too old to not be married."  You get wierd vibes if you're my age and not permenantly tied down.  If I explain to him that its not about the jewelry and big ceremony he just gets annoyed.  I want the commitment, the stupid piece of paper and our own family.  Thats it!

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 22, 2012 at 12:51 PM
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