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Ugh! My mil told dd she is a "porker"

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Dd is 11. She is not overweight but has put on some weight over the last few months. I think it is because her hormones and body are starting to change. Today she ate a normal size plate and then asked for a slice of pie for dessert. My mil said to her "you really shouldn't eat too much, you are already a little porker". I was extremely angry and snapped. She is already self-conscious over gaining the weight and starting to develop. I do not want her to have a negative body-image. She is beautiful and not fat at all. I am so angry that my mil said that. She wasn't joking, it was said in a rude way. Every time I think about it, I get more and more upset! My sil said she was always critical of her looks and weight when she was younger.
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 23, 2012 at 2:00 AM
Replies (41-50):
nelliesmommy
by NoTtOdaY:) on Nov. 23, 2012 at 2:50 AM
Yeah, that would have pissed me off to. Your child could develop an eating disorder because of those words alone. How mean.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 23, 2012 at 2:51 AM
Thanks. We will continue to talk about it. I told her that it is perfectly normal for her body to have these changes. She sees her friends changing also, so she knows it's not just her. Even though she knows that, it still is hard especially when her grandmother said that. :(


Quoting Anonymous:

That just breaks me heart for your dd! Just reiterate to her that her grandma is the one with issues not her! You can also tell her that it is common to put on a little weight as her body changes which just means that she is right around the corner from taking on a womanly figure, which she should be excited about, not self conscious! I was always stick thin but developed later than most peers. My cousin however put on some weight at her age then the summer she turned 13 it just fell off and she turned into a beautiful teen! It was amazing how different and grown up she looked! I hope you are able to get through to her!



Quoting Anonymous:

Dd went to her room in tears. Her feelings were crushed and she kept saying "I'm so ugly". We talked about it and I basically told her that nana is just a bitch (i didn't use that word). Dh and I told her that she is absolutely beautiful and perfect the way she is. I don't know what to do to help her love herself. I want to get it under control now because there are always going to be critical assholes in this world.






Quoting bullemhead:

 Wow. That's so harsh! Your poor daughter.



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 23, 2012 at 2:51 AM

Yea my MIL is a regular fruitcake!

Quoting mommieof3_752:

WOW. that seems crazy. At least your baby was smart enough to not take it..woulda been even more awkward....imagine your 6 yr old walkin around with a sippie. My son will be 3 in jan. and he doesnt even use a sippie. He has one of those cups with the little flip up straw for in the car, he hasnt use a sippie in 7 months

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

Family sucks. My MIL is a moron. our son is 3 and she REFUSES to let the kid go pee on the toilet.  He has not seen her in a month and when we went over there for thanksgiving #2 she was so shocked he did not wet his clothes all day. Oh and the WTF look he gave when she handed him a sippy cup. Was a "I do not drink baby cups!" The boy has not used a sippy cup since he was 2...She is a nut. 

My son was that way too. he is 6 and my grandma tried to give him a sippy cup last time we were there and he actually said "Gigi, I'm a school ager, I dont need a lid anymore...." my grandma was maaaad when I didnt make him take it.... I told her she was the reason I almost needed braces at 12 (she encourages the bottle till 2-3 and sippys until like 9... we lived with her most of my childhood...)



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 23, 2012 at 2:55 AM

I think it's awesome you stood up for your DD. At that age I had barely put on a few pounds and got teased for being chubby. My grandparents were raising me and when I told them about it they just shrugged it off. I eventually developed an emotional eating disorder and now as an adult, I'm way overweight; I'd get depressed and figure, "Why does it matter, I'm already ugly and fat anyways, why bother watching what I eat." I just ate my feelings. Looking back at pictures from that age makes me want to cry... I was SO THIN. I'm so mad that people said those things and even madder I didn't have any support.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 23, 2012 at 2:56 AM

I could write a book! But for your daughters sake you remind her that she is beautiful inside and out. All you can really ask of her is to be healthy. I was a overweight kid and everyone teased me. I used food to cope and i gained more. If my parents would have told me how important it is to be healthy i probably would have handled it better. EVERYONE teased me. Friends, family, classmates. Eating healthy and physical is key no matter what weight/size you are.

Quoting Anonymous:

That is crazy!


Quoting Anonymous:

Family sucks. My MIL is a moron. our son is 3 and she REFUSES to let the kid go pee on the toilet.  He has not seen her in a month and when we went over there for thanksgiving #2 she was so shocked he did not wet his clothes all day. Oh and the WTF look he gave when she handed him a sippy cup. Was a "I do not drink baby cups!" The boy has not used a sippy cup since he was 2...She is a nut. 



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 23, 2012 at 2:58 AM
I wish she would have told her how it felt. She was embarrassed and just walked away. She told me later that she wished she would have smashed the pie in her face. She would never do anything like that but I know it made her giggle when she said it. I think I will encourage dd to write her a letter to tell her how it made her feel. Even if mil doesn't apologize, at least dd will be able to express herself.


Quoting MommiE8983:

When people say mean or hurtful things to my dd (not often since shes only 3) I encourage her to stand up for herself and tell that person, Hey you hurt my feelings I wish you wouldn't say that again. Maybe granny will apologize if she realizes how much she hurt her grand child. I'm sorry your dd had to go through that. I would be livid too.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 23, 2012 at 2:59 AM
Like I said my first three were super easy. They said they were ready and in a matter of days they were full on trained. I didn't realize how lucky I was! Now that I have my youngest, headstrong little man I can see the work it can take and I would not create more work for myself for her! I wouldn't let her derail your work/effort! I know nights out are nice but your son pays for it with the confusion. Again, not judgment I promise! We haven't had a babysitter in quite some time but when we did we found an AWESOME sitter from the daycare by our house. Our kiddos never went to daycare but we called the director of one (after doing research on the daycare) and they had a college student that worked there that babysat outside of work. Maybe you can try that? That way you can get a night out and have someone that respects your wishes! I am all for grandmas being an important part of your kids life but if she just cannot respect your parenting and really your kids best interest maybe you need to step back until she will? It's a tough spot I know. My parents are AWESOME with my kids but my mom just doesn't respect my dh's parenting but she will at least try if I speak to her about it. Like I said, I know it's tough, she is his grandmam and your dh's mom but you as mom have to have the final say! My dh's mother passed away when my first born was four months old but she was great, I never realized how tough a mil could be to live with until CM. I guess we are learning what not to do when our day comes as a MIL :)

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh not a probelm. I honestly have no idea how her brain works. We have been working on potty training for about a year now and he has been "ready" for the past 6 months. Dh used to pull the whole "You deserve a break" bullshit to get her to babysit. We have been distant to overnight stays for 8 months now. I think she just wants to baby him. He still has a night time diaper but when at home he is in his big boy underwear. I worry about him missing, but i would rather clean a toilet and bathroom and be proud he is growing up then just change a diaper. I think its just her being lazy. We have another baby coming soon and i will be dammed if i will have to change 2 in diapers. 1 is bad enough. She baby's him big time. And the cup thing, why more work? If you hand the kid a cup and tell him when he is done it goes on the table he will put it back where he is shown. Im telling you, she is a basket case.

banging head into wall

Quoting Anonymous:

Wow! I would be one unhappy momma in that situation! Does she do this when you're there as well or just if she babysits? My ds is two and a half and we are struggling with him potty training. He is our fourth kid and all of my kids were PT by this age and he just isn't ready and I would much rather not have to change diapers! I can't imagine preferring a diaper! Is she afraid he will miss or does she have some deeper issues? Is she trying to keep him a baby? I would have to put my foot down on that one! Do you let her put him in diapers? Does it hinder his PT? No judgement! I'm just curious!



Quoting Anonymous:

She would rather change a diaper on a 45lb soon-to-be 4 year old. I mean you bring him to the toilet, pull down his pants and underwear, watch him pee. MAYBE help him aim by shifting his back but he pees, flushes and "makes bubbles". We made hand-washing a game. She buys him diapers. 

Quoting Anonymous:

What?nshe won't let your son use the bathroom or did I misunderstand that?





Quoting Anonymous:

Family sucks. My MIL is a moron. our son is 3 and she REFUSES to let the kid go pee on the toilet.  He has not seen her in a month and when we went over there for thanksgiving #2 she was so shocked he did not wet his clothes all day. Oh and the WTF look he gave when she handed him a sippy cup. Was a "I do not drink baby cups!" The boy has not used a sippy cup since he was 2...She is a nut. 



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 23, 2012 at 3:05 AM
Thank you! I would never be able to stand by and let someone hurt my kids. I'm sorry that people are such assholes and your family didn't support you through that! I never want my kids to feel like that. Even if they were to become overweight, I would try to help them in a loving way and support them completely. I want them to love themselves for who they are on the inside and be comfortable in their own skin, no matter what size they are. Did your grandparents ever try to help? Do you think they shrugged it off because the didn't know how to deal with or because they didn't think it was a big deal?


Quoting Anonymous:

I think it's awesome you stood up for your DD. At that age I had barely put on a few pounds and got teased for being chubby. My grandparents were raising me and when I told them about it they just shrugged it off. I eventually developed an emotional eating disorder and now as an adult, I'm way overweight; I'd get depressed and figure, "Why does it matter, I'm already ugly and fat anyways, why bother watching what I eat." I just ate my feelings. Looking back at pictures from that age makes me want to cry... I was SO THIN. I'm so mad that people said those things and even madder I didn't have any support.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 23, 2012 at 3:07 AM

We tried but when ds was ready he just went in the bathroom and did it. It was his "Ah ha" moment. My mom totally understands my parenting style and is the only one who has him overnight. But she lives far so thats not but every few months. I honestly do not need the break but after the first rocky month with dh i have made it easier when he asks. I just tell him oh hun you can have a break and play video games, i will lay him down. We turned mil sleepovers to mommy-son date nights with popcorn and story time. He loves playing. and dh gets his night off.

Quoting Anonymous:

Like I said my first three were super easy. They said they were ready and in a matter of days they were full on trained. I didn't realize how lucky I was! Now that I have my youngest, headstrong little man I can see the work it can take and I would not create more work for myself for her! I wouldn't let her derail your work/effort! I know nights out are nice but your son pays for it with the confusion. Again, not judgment I promise! We haven't had a babysitter in quite some time but when we did we found an AWESOME sitter from the daycare by our house. Our kiddos never went to daycare but we called the director of one (after doing research on the daycare) and they had a college student that worked there that babysat outside of work. Maybe you can try that? That way you can get a night out and have someone that respects your wishes! I am all for grandmas being an important part of your kids life but if she just cannot respect your parenting and really your kids best interest maybe you need to step back until she will? It's a tough spot I know. My parents are AWESOME with my kids but my mom just doesn't respect my dh's parenting but she will at least try if I speak to her about it. Like I said, I know it's tough, she is his grandmam and your dh's mom but you as mom have to have the final say! My dh's mother passed away when my first born was four months old but she was great, I never realized how tough a mil could be to live with until CM. I guess we are learning what not to do when our day comes as a MIL :)

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh not a probelm. I honestly have no idea how her brain works. We have been working on potty training for about a year now and he has been "ready" for the past 6 months. Dh used to pull the whole "You deserve a break" bullshit to get her to babysit. We have been distant to overnight stays for 8 months now. I think she just wants to baby him. He still has a night time diaper but when at home he is in his big boy underwear. I worry about him missing, but i would rather clean a toilet and bathroom and be proud he is growing up then just change a diaper. I think its just her being lazy. We have another baby coming soon and i will be dammed if i will have to change 2 in diapers. 1 is bad enough. She baby's him big time. And the cup thing, why more work? If you hand the kid a cup and tell him when he is done it goes on the table he will put it back where he is shown. Im telling you, she is a basket case.

banging head into wall

Quoting Anonymous:

Wow! I would be one unhappy momma in that situation! Does she do this when you're there as well or just if she babysits? My ds is two and a half and we are struggling with him potty training. He is our fourth kid and all of my kids were PT by this age and he just isn't ready and I would much rather not have to change diapers! I can't imagine preferring a diaper! Is she afraid he will miss or does she have some deeper issues? Is she trying to keep him a baby? I would have to put my foot down on that one! Do you let her put him in diapers? Does it hinder his PT? No judgement! I'm just curious!



Quoting Anonymous:

She would rather change a diaper on a 45lb soon-to-be 4 year old. I mean you bring him to the toilet, pull down his pants and underwear, watch him pee. MAYBE help him aim by shifting his back but he pees, flushes and "makes bubbles". We made hand-washing a game. She buys him diapers. 

Quoting Anonymous:

What?nshe won't let your son use the bathroom or did I misunderstand that?





Quoting Anonymous:

Family sucks. My MIL is a moron. our son is 3 and she REFUSES to let the kid go pee on the toilet.  He has not seen her in a month and when we went over there for thanksgiving #2 she was so shocked he did not wet his clothes all day. Oh and the WTF look he gave when she handed him a sippy cup. Was a "I do not drink baby cups!" The boy has not used a sippy cup since he was 2...She is a nut. 




Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 23, 2012 at 3:12 AM
We tell her she is beautiful all of the time. We normally eat pretty healthy but not on Thanksgiving lol. I think that's one of the few times you should be able to eat whatever! We take walks together, ride bikes, play basketball etc. Dd can't play team sports or anything that is contact sports or too physically demanding because of a kidney condition she has. I try to make sure we do other physical activities regularly to make up for that.


Quoting Anonymous:

I could write a book! But for your daughters sake you remind her that she is beautiful inside and out. All you can really ask of her is to be healthy. I was a overweight kid and everyone teased me. I used food to cope and i gained more. If my parents would have told me how important it is to be healthy i probably would have handled it better. EVERYONE teased me. Friends, family, classmates. Eating healthy and physical is key no matter what weight/size you are.

Quoting Anonymous:

That is crazy!





Quoting Anonymous:

Family sucks. My MIL is a moron. our son is 3 and she REFUSES to let the kid go pee on the toilet.  He has not seen her in a month and when we went over there for thanksgiving #2 she was so shocked he did not wet his clothes all day. Oh and the WTF look he gave when she handed him a sippy cup. Was a "I do not drink baby cups!" The boy has not used a sippy cup since he was 2...She is a nut. 





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