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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My daughter actually said, what i feared she would say

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 22 Replies

 My daughter is 13 about about 8 months ago we told her the truth about my husband not being her real father. For a couple of years since she was 10 she was asking why her last name was different and i just told her i would explain it to her when she was older. Well about 8 months ago, she got mad and started screaming that she was adopted,  at that moment my husband decided to go tell her the truth, i didn't want her to know and i started crying and ran outside, he told her, i heard her crying and i came back inside because i had to be there for her. we talked to her and we all cried and i explain stuff to her and that was the end of it.

Here is the back story. When my daughter was a baby her bio was abusive and on drugs, we split up before her first birthday, he stalked me and i had to leave state to get away from him, i tried letting him be a part of her life at the beginning when we split up until i found out he was doing drug around her.  Well i moved to Florida she was about a year old. I met my now husband. He was 21 single, no children, no responsibility. when i met him she clinged to him, we got together, moved into together and  started taking care of her as if she was his own. He come home from work one night she walked up to him with her arm in the air saying daddy, daddy. From that moment on he became her daddy. she called him daddy, he has always loved her like a daddy would. we went on to have another child together and getting married and he always treated the same as our son.

Now: she is 13 at that age where she is getting really difficult, the attitude, screaming, fighting with us all the time. tonight he told her to make her bed and she started screaming, and then they started arguing. then she yelled out " you are not even my real daddy" ! OMG, that was my fear, the reason why i didn't want her to know yet. i got mad and told her that i don't ever won't her say that again because that man has and always will be here daddy, he takes  care of her, feeds her, clothes her, buys her christmas present and loves her, he has always been her daddy. i told her that he took on a job that he didn't have to but he did because when he met me he not only fell in love with me but he fell in love with her too. He told her, before we met all he cared about was partying but when we met he stop because he had a daughter. No matter what she will always be his daughter.

I knew this was going to happen, that is why i didn't want her to know, this is why i ran outside when he told her. I know she only said it because she knew it would hurt him but i hurt me too, because i know he loves her. He loves her just as much as any dad could love his daughter. i told her that  she need to think about how many of her friends don't have daddy in their life, she has one, it may not be the man who got me pregnant but he is her daddy. Any man can make a baby it takes a real man to be a daddy.

Thanks i just had to let it out.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 23, 2012 at 9:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
T-Rentsmommy06
by Gold Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 10:02 PM
Aww, that is rough. Teenagers. :( She will appreciate him more as the years pass and he will know he made the right decision to be there as her father.
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mybabytristan
by Bronze Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 10:04 PM
this broke my heart for your husband :( i am sorry you are dealing with this
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Teacher101
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 10:05 PM

Although I understand your frustration I think you should have not chewed her out for what she said.

She is frustrated too.

I think she would have come to that same conclusion on her own, but now it seems forced.

Of course this is just my opinion.

LuvMyBrennaBean
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 10:06 PM

It is typical. You cannot get mad, she is angry and feels like her trust in you has been betrayed. As much as those statements hurt, you can't let her know it. She'll keep using them. Just stand by her side and let her know who is there, and who loves her. If she asks about her bio dad, and its feasible, let her contact him, make her own decisions of him. I am saying this as one who received this news myself. I was 6 when my mom told me... personally, I think you waited too long. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 23, 2012 at 10:07 PM
1 mom liked this

 The next time she asks him for something, he should say, "sorry, I'm not your real daddy." and just walk away. I bet she would never say it again.

cherib82
by Post Killer on Nov. 23, 2012 at 10:08 PM
1 mom liked this

 Teenagers a special breed of crazy.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 23, 2012 at 10:12 PM

 

Quoting LuvMyBrennaBean:

It is typical. You cannot get mad, she is angry and feels like her trust in you has been betrayed. As much as those statements hurt, you can't let her know it. She'll keep using them. Just stand by her side and let her know who is there, and who loves her. If she asks about her bio dad, and its feasible, let her contact him, make her own decisions of him. I am saying this as one who received this news myself. I was 6 when my mom told me... personally, I think you waited too long. 

 i have no clue where he is at. i haven't heard from him since 2003 when he called and threaten to kidnap her. I don't even know if he is even alive. i told her when we told her about it that if she has any question i will answered them, she only ask what his name was and i told her. She said she don't want to meet him. I didn't tell her everything about him just enough to let her know why i left and moved to florida and why we split up, not all details.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 23, 2012 at 10:18 PM
Aw see that's why you should always tell the truth.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 23, 2012 at 10:23 PM

 i wanted her to be old enough to understand because my relationship with the bio was a really bad relationship, i didn't want her to think that i just wanted to take her from him. when i told her my son heard it all and he started crying because he didn't even understand and he was 9. I had to explain to him that she was still his sister and explain stuff to him. It has been 8 months since she was told and this is the first time she has said anything and she only said it to mean because before she said it, she told him i can say something that will hurt your feeling and then she said that.

Quoting Anonymous:

Aw see that's why you should always tell the truth.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 23, 2012 at 10:24 PM

I am so sorry.   She will regret it, someday.           I always feared my son would say the same thing to my DH, who was his step dad until he legally adopted him.    He has never said it, Thank God!

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