He left for good last night *LONG* update
- 139 Replies
Let me start off by saying I am bipolar and manic depressive. I am on meds but we just have not found the right combination or dosage yet.
We have always known I was bipolar but as a kid my Mom didn't have the resources to help me. She made too much to qualify for medicaid but didn't make enough to afford insurance. We were lucky to have food at times.
It wasn't until I got with DH and he took the time to help me. I went to a shrink and got put on meds. All they did was make me extremely sick. DH lost his job and we lost our insurance so I had to stop. I learned a lot of ways of dealing with it over the years without the use of meds. We got damn good at telling when I was getting in a manic low and were able to bring me out of it. But by this August we couldn't do it anymore. I went to the DR and was put on 150 mg of Seroquel XL. I ended up having a severe allergic reaction to it and ended up in the hospital. So for the next month I couldn't take any meds until we could make sure I didn't have any lasting side effects from it.
I was put on 300 mg of Lithium and 250 mg of Depakote. It seemed to be doing the trick. My mood drastically improved and I was truely happy. Or so I thought
During all of this DH had made a friend. She was somebody we both knew as she worked at our Chiropractor's office. We all hung out together. Well DH and her started spending a lot of time together without me. He would take off on weekends and spend them at her house. Only coming home long enough to sleep and shower before he left again. I felt myself getting worse and told him how I was feeling. He basically told me to quit being a jealous whore and get over myself.
On October 14th I totally lost it. I went for a gun to kill myself. He got to me just in time and took me to the hospital. I was commited for 4 days. They adjusted my meds and released me. I was feeling good again. But on November 4th DH decided to take the kids and move out. He moved in with her. I was heartbroken. I had just lost everything that I had ever loved. He told me that when I could get my shit together and fix myself they would come back.
So I have been floating through the past few weeks like I'm in a fog. I don't sleep more than a few hours a night and I have zero appetite. When I do eat I end up throwing it all up. I have lost almost 50 pounds since August.
I had another bad episode last night and completely lost it. I begged him for help. Begged like a damn dog to help me get the help I need. And he walked away. He told me he was done with me and my psychotic ass. He won't let me see my kids until I get my shit fixed. My kids are all I have left in this world and he is taking them from me.
I am so broken and defeated. All I want to do is just curl up in a ball and die. I have nothing left in this world to live for. He took everything I had to live for. I'm just so confused right now. Do I fight for my family? Or do I just let it go and let them move on with their lives?
No need to comment. I just really needed to vent to someone as I don't have any friends anymore. They have all sided with him..
Several people have commented on the gun situation. While I was in the hospital, all guns were removed from the house and taken to my Dad's and put in his gun safe. I do not have access even if I wanted to.
I never tried to kill myself last night. I stated that I had a bad episode. Bipolar sucks ass. And if you have never dealt with it personally you have no idea just how bad it is.
I have NEVER tried to harm my kids. My kids are everything to me. I was going to kill myself that night so that DH would have his dream family with the other woman and not have to worry about me getting in the way. We have 4 kids. I have a DD who lives with her dad in Florida, he has 2 boys that we have custody of and we have a DS together. The only boy I have any legal right to is the youngest. Although I have been mom to the others for almost 11 years as their biomom abandoned them.
I get that he is afraid of the kids seeing me in a "low" but in all honesty the kids have been what keeps me "normal" for the most part. He has agreed to let me see them every day after school for 2 hours. He will be there of course but will back off and let me spend time with them.
I go first thing Monday morning to see the outpatient at the hospital I was admitted to. I am thankful that they are 24/7 so I could talk to them today. They said they might have to readmit me for up to 14 days to refigure my meds. And I'm totally ok with that. He already said he would bring the kids to see me whenever possible.
BUT..he is using my illness as a reason to leave me and not feel guilty. He told me today that he still loves me but he is has not been IN LOVE with me for years. He admitted that he has been thinking about leaving since January and was just waiting until she left her abusive husband and filed her divorce papers and found a place for them to live and get approval from her landlord for him and the boys to move in.
I have every intention of taking my meds continuously. I know how important they are to me.
And so is depression . U need a swift kick in the ass to find some reality.
Quoting momof2grls629:
Seriously can you blame him for leaving? Would you stay with you? Do you have any idea how mentally, physically and emotionally draining this must be in him? Good for him getting the kids the hell out of there. You don't need meds you need a good swift kick in the ass. Bipolar and depression are a crutch people use to act ridiculous. Only you can change you. Start acting normal and maybe you'll get a second chance. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and tell your hubby you are sorry and will change. Stop burdening him and your kids with your mental issues.
Quoting Anonymous:Quoting redhead-bedhead:
*hugs* Stay on your meds and consult a lawyer about him keeping your children away from you and living with his mistress.
That's the best advice you are going to get. And I completely agree. Don't let him keep the kids from you. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope it is all worked out as soon as possible.
I'm sure some of you are going to freak out, but I would suggest pot. It will help with the skick feeling, and the loss of appetite..as well as help mellow you out when you get manic, and make you giggle when you're depressed. I was diagnosed a long time ago and HATED the meds they put me on. Pot is the only thing that helps me. *If you are going to have a shitfit for me "self-medicating" and "telling her to break the law"...then please feel free, but wipe up after yourself. I don't condone anyone usuing pot to smoke themselves into a permanent blob on the couch...but occasional use is the BEST thing I've ever found. Just a suggestion..I'm very passionate about this.
Quoting Dimples04:
If she isn't stable herself then she doesn't need to be alone with the kids.
There is no evidence that she is unstable. Upset about having her husband leave is not 'unstable' - I've read plenty of non-bipolar women say far more dramatic things than she's said. MOST women indicate they have very strong feelings of upset and panic when a husband leaves, and MANY of them state thoughts of self harm - during the initial crisis.
The key is that they get themselves back together and move forward. Being mentally ill doesn't automatically mean a person can't cope.
In fact, in my experience, mentally ill people are often EXTREMELY tough and very much able to cope with the ups and downs that life throws at them. Sometimes quite a bit more than other people. After all, they've already had the biggest problem a person can have thrown at them - they know how to deal with difficulty already.
Keep in mind that people don't get disorders like bipolar or schizophrenia because of some character flaw or weakness or inability to cope. These disorders are DISEASES, and they can happen to ANYONE. They don't occur because of some flaw in the person. They simply occur. They are neurological diseases, NOT character flaws or signs of weakness.
Far, far too many people have their fallacies about mental illness painfully revealed when they start to discuss such situations - oh you must give up the kids they immediately start crowing, you're weak, unstable, flawed, blah blah blah.
NOT SO. In fact, I know quite a few parents who have mental illness and are GREAT parents. The key is finding treatment that works and sticking with it. Fully 65-70% of people with bipolar and schizophrenia have 'moderate to mild' disease and are very, very functional and capable every single day. You only hear about the people who don't. In reality there are people who work, function, raise kids and go about their daily business and EVEN COPE WITH DIVORCE - and have mental illness.
Having a mental illness does not automatically mean someone is unstable or can't take care of children.
And don't you believe for even one SECOND that the courts or divorce lawyers can push such an agenda.
Under the law, it is a very, very VERY basic principle of law that NO ONE can be automatically assumed to be a bad parent or 'unstable' JUST BECAUSE they are diagnosed with a mental illness - ANY mental illness, that includes schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, etc.
In fact, quite a few parents have bipolar disorder and manage their children very, very well. My aunt had it and you would have to look very far to find a better mom. Those kids were fed, cleaned, churched, educated and most of all loved and hugged just as much as any other kids.
This gal is being VERY responsible despite having a great deal of stress in her life, which is absolutely awesome- and you keep it up, girl. Keep taking your medication, keep successfully managing your illness - you have the same rights as any other parent.
Most divorces today involve shared custody. But in fact, in view of your husband's conduct, he may not get any custody of the children at all - he has very nearly kidnapped the children and been deceptive and irresponsible with them. Judges are guided in their decisions about custody by looking at both parent's resources - their finances, housing, and what they have been able to do in the past. Mental illness does NOT mean a father can automatically remove children from the home.
Basically...He left you to see if the grass was greener on the other side aka to be with her because he's in lust with her, and he's using your mental illness as a justification to not only excuse his choices, but to string you along so if he needs to, he can fall back on you.
He's still an ass for moving in with his mistress KNOWING it would send you into a low... marriage counceling would have been a more appropriate route, but it is what it is. At least he is allowing you to see the children so he's not a total douche, but I would go ahead and write him and your "friend" (his mistress) off... you don't need a partner that is willing to run away instead of putting in more effort to work on your relationship, and it sounds like he really doesn't care about just how much he hurt you by doing it. I'm so glad you are getting help... it will make you so much happier when you are able to find your balance again. Remember that you have other people in your life that care about you and want you to be happy besides him!
Quoting Anonymous:
Why those are her kids she is sick !
Just take her kids away I'm sure shall get better
Quoting Anonymous:
You need to be committed somewhere until you can get it together. I wouldn't want you around my kids either. Not trying to be mean but it's the truth.
Quoting Anonymous:
Until she gets her sickness jnder control, they can visit her in a controlled environment. Crackheads are sick too. Should they get their kids?? Again, not trying to be mean, but I don't want my kids around a bipolar person that is not correctly medicated.
Quoting Anonymous:
Why those are her kids she is sick !
Just take her kids away I'm sure shall get better
Quoting Anonymous:
You need to be committed somewhere until you can get it together. I wouldn't want you around my kids either. Not trying to be mean but it's the truth.
Do you ever get hit on even looking a mess?
Why inflict this silly cosmetic pain on a baby!?!