Help me calm down, please.
- 162 Replies
I am pissed. I found out that DD's father locked her and his son in the bathroom of his apartment during his last visit. They were being difficult, and he got sick of it, so he locked them in there with Candyland to play with so he and his (now ex) girlfriend could have some alone time. Who the fuck does that? I had her write down everything that happened as she remembered it (she is almost 11). She started crying and saying she doesn't want Daddy to be in trouble. I tried to reassure her the best I could, but he really SHOULD be in trouble. Also, he asked her not to tell anyone and now she says she feels like she has betrayed his trust. Ugh. I have a friend coming over who is a CASA volunteer (children's advocate who works with the court system) to talk to both of us. I think she will be able to explain to DD that she wasn't getting Daddy in trouble by telling (IMO he got himself in trouble by doing this) and she can advise me on what to do. I need to calm down so I don't call him up and bitch him out before I talk to my friend. I also want to remain calm when I call him because he is scary when he gets defensive/pissed off and gets very verbally abusive with me. I really don't want to deal with more drama from him than is necessary. But I know I have to address this with him so that he realizes that what he did was unacceptable and that I will not let him do anything like that again. Has anyone got any advice or maybe some words to help me calm down and deal with this as rationally as possible?
EDIT: Some of you women astound me. If I posted "Hey, I locked my two kids in the bathroom so I could fuck my boyfriend" you people would be calling it abuse and saying CPS should be called. But I say her father did it and I am going to talk to a friend who is an expert in child neglect/abuse about it and I am overreacting? Also, I forgot to add in the OP that she called out she was hungry while she was in there and he told her she had to wait, because he wasn't done with his alone time with his gf.
That's awful, I would see if you could get immediate custody...or whatever it's called.
I am not trying to prosecute him. I want to make sure that I document it in case he ever wants to modify visitation. I also am planning to have a talk with him and tell him it is unacceptable. My friend will be talking to us because she deals with kids who feel like they have betrayed their parent by reporting this kind of stuff all the time. She also knows what does and does not constitute neglect/abuse, so she can help me know how seriously I should take this.
Quoting 2love:
I would be pissed but trying to prosecute the man? I'm not so sure about that?
I think maybe now you have an edge..some evidence to show a family court that perhaps he needs supervised visitation or none at all. Consider this a new page for you to get this custody arrangement changed or visitation arrangement changed. This is hard but the courts need evidence if you want a change. And it looks like your kid NEEDS this change.
Wow. You're right, that's completely unacceptable. I don't know what to tell you, but I'm worried for your daughter if he gets verbally abusive with you, what will he do the next time he has her, when he knows she told you? I think you are right not to call him until you've calmed down and your friend have advised you on how to proceed with this. Just make sure you discuss it with him rationally and calmly. Just because he (from what it sounds like) flies off the handle doesn't mean you need to do it too.
I wouldn't like it either, but honestly...maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think it's THAT big of a deal. How long were they in there? Is it a bathroom the size of a closet, or a large one? Our master bath is almost as large as a bedroom, so honestly, putting a kid in there with a board game for misbehaving wouldn't be something I would consider abuse. I wouldn't ever do it, and I wouldn't like it if someone else did it, but taking legal action? That seems a little extreme to me.
Until this happened, I didn't think so. He has changed for the better in many ways over the past few years. But this is just unacceptable. My DD will be 12 next year and he has been pressuring her to come live with him (at 12 the court will allow the child some say in the decision). I was willing to consider it, as much as it would break my heart, if she really wanted it (she has expressed that she would prefer to stay with me, but I know that her feelings may change) but now I don't think so! You are right, this does finally give me some evidence to use in court. In the past he has done some things that would really have an effect in court, but unfortunately there was never any proof. I am very disappointed in him though, I had thought that he had really been turning himself around as a man and as a father.
Quoting divinedimension:I think maybe now you have an edge..some evidence to show a family court that perhaps he needs supervised visitation or none at all. Consider this a new page for you to get this custody arrangement changed or visitation arrangement changed. This is hard but the courts need evidence if you want a change. And it looks like your kid NEEDS this change.
Plus, what kind of bathroom has a lock on the outside? How did he lock them in?
Being a SAHM for the past 5 yrs has made me