when your husband's an alcoholic and won't get help - UPDATE 11/26 - He Is Going To Treatment!
...That's me. I wish I could just up and leave bc im at the end of my rope. But I am not going to screw up my schooling . Last night at his company xmas party he got so shitfaced, and his whole family was there - the older aunt,s, cousins, etc bc they all manage/own it. And between him and two other guys there, they started fighting. My husband was 10x worse, going after anyone he felt looked at him wrong or was talking badly to him. Really people were just rying to calm him dow. I was SO EMBARRASED. I'm still sick over it. He went after this one guy and he literally shoved me really hard - i guess to get my out of the way to go after him. he didnt even know what he was doing. and then his family flipped out on him trying to control him beause he put his hands on me...I'm sooo embarrassed that I deleted my facebook. He remembers stuff, but his perception of it is COMPLETELY FALSE. I've been telling him he has a problem with alcohol for a while now, and he is in denial. Today he hugged me and said he is done with drinking. Problem is, he has said this before, more than once, and quit for a while, but the problem is he is an alcoholic because he cannot have just one or two. he drinks to become completely annihilated. Before he went to the party he was downing 4-5 beers an hour with a FUNNEL/TUBE (yes like a frat boy) that he made at our friends house where they were watching a big football game. So if he quits it has to be forever, and he REALLY needs to go to AA at the least but he downright refuses to "go to something like that" and "I'm just gonna quit drinking". Emotionally I've checked out. Financially I cannot check out because I'm still getting my degree and cannot provide or support ym children at all.
I really think he is going to lose his job after last night. I sure as hell wouldnt' keep him as an employee.
== OKAY, After about 90% of repliers advised me to go to al-anon, I did find some local meetings and am going to go to the on on tuesday morning. I am going to ask my MIL to watch DD (other two are in school) and tell her it is so I can go to a work meeting or something like that.
11/26 update -
This morning DH called me from work, and was upset. Basically he realized I mean it that if he EVER drinks again then I am leaving him. He was all "So when we go to a NYE party, and everyone's drinking, you're telling me that I can't drink?" "I'm telling you that that's your choice and I'm not living like this anymore, that if you CHOSE alcohol over your family, then sobeit and I will do what I have to do" and now he's upset that I'm trying to control him and force him to quit something, just like I forced him to quit smoking weed before. And he;s just going on and on about ths and that and evading facing the problem.
So, I talked to my dad this morning and my dad (who is a nurse and former alcoholic (yea, I know - always an alcoholic but hasn't had a drink in 13 years) and he says he needs inpatient treatment but since he's refusing and all that, my dad is clearing out the other bedroom. There's two bedrooms there at his place for me and my kids. It's a huge leap for me and I'm trying to ignore the terrified feeling.
So I think its hitting him that Im making all the arrangements to go to my dads and its hurting him that hes about to lose me. So he is swearing over and over again that he is quitting but is refusig any kind of professional help, not even a simple therapist. He really needs rehab and AA but won't even see a simple therapist. finally got him to say that if he fails trying it alone then he will go get some help .
Is it wrong that I will only accept him getting professional help?
After hours of talking to him, going back and forth, I made it very, very clear that I won't accept anything less than professional help for him.
He agreed and on his own called his EAP and they set him up at a comprehensive treatment place for this Friday afternoon, and AA as well.
I have also made it clear that if he doesn't follow through or ever picks up another drink again, we're outta here no questions no talking, it's just over.
So although I'm not getting my hopes up, I will be supportive, going with him to meetings if he needs me to, etc.