His BM pretty much left him on my DHs door step when he was a month old. She asked my DH to watch him while she ran to the store. They weren't ever in a relationship. DH was still trying to establish paternity. He had never denied him, but in our state you have to establish paternity and legitimize a child if the parents aren't married. So he technically didn't have any rights.
Anyways she asked for money for diapers and formula before she left. She was suppose to be back later that night but never returned.
DH and I had just started dating. We were neighbors and I was the one who helped him get a nursery set up when he found out he was going to be a dad. I was single mom and had been there and done that. He was deemed a bachelor for life.
But we bonded as I helped guide him into parenthood. We fell in love.
Things progressed quickly after BM disappeard. None of DHs family was around to help and he definitely needed the help. He had a newborn baby and a full time job and was in way over his head. We moved in together when DS was three months old.
It just seemed like the right thing to do. We were practically living together anyways since my oldest DS and I were always over there anyways. Why pay rent and utilities for two places when you can narrow it down to one?
We were married by the time DS was 5 months old. In my divorce papers with my ex there was that pesky little clause about not living with boyfriends and my ex threatened to take me back to court.
Not long after that I got pregnant. Then I quit my job at DHs suggestion. My job was physically demanding and didn't pay enough to cover daycare for 3 kids. Plus I wasn't happy at my old job and DH could see that. He thought I would be happier staying at home with the kids...
And I was at first.
But there are days like today when my nerves are shot.
My DS is not even here. He is at his dads. It should be a relaxing day. But it's not.
The "baby" (he's not even really a baby anymore) has been up since 5 am. He's been grouchy all day. Hitting me and biting me if he doesn't get his way. I put him in his room and he stood at the gate and screamed. I tried to rock him to sleep and he fought me the whole way to the point that I was scared he was going to hurt the baby in my belly.
My DS wasn't like this. He wasn't this hard to handle. He didn't throw fits or bite or scream. He played well by himself. He loved it when I rocked him. He napped well during the day and slept all night. He was an easy baby and oh how I wish I could have been home with him more.
This DS is a terror. He screams and hits and bites. He is 18 months old and is still not sleeping through the night. He has a temper from who knows where. He refuses to play with toys and is into EVERYTHING.
Today I just had enough. I didn't hit him, but for the first time ever I wanted to.
I went into his room where he was in his bed and repeated told him to hush.
I walked out of there in tears.
I feel like the worst mom ever.
I know I love this baby. He needs my love. He needs a mom. But I hate him at the same time.
He takes so much from me. He takes time away from my DS. He drains the energy out of me. And for what?
His birth mom could could come back at any second and he would be gone. Sometimes I wish she would.
But then my husband and even my son would be devistated. I probably would be too.
Idk what the point of this was.
Go ahead and bash away I know I deserve it