Spending the holiday with a molester? (long-ish) Edit for clarity
Okay, ladies. I am stressing big time about something I just found out about two hours ago. I need some advice on how the hell to proceed.
All right, DH, our 14 month old DS and I all live with DH's mom and dad. Today, my MIL comes into the living room and tells me that my FIL's younger brother is invited to our house for the Christmas get-together this year.
I'm like, "Okay, cool." I have never met him, and DH hasn't seen him in ten years. DH has always talked about his uncle in a positive light, though DH's (maternal) grandmother hates the guy's guts and refuses to be in the same room as him.
My MIL then enlightens me to this uncle's past. Back in 1980, when he was 14, he molested my DH's 6 y/o male cousin. She told me that my FIL's sister (the mother of the boy who was molested) never pressed charges against her brother (Which, I am totally fucking APPALLED by this!!), and in fact she didn't tell FIL and MIL until years later, when the uncle came to live with them and DH (who was around 2 years old). MIL then goes on to say that he never got any kind of treatment, but he got a job as a school bus driver and was later fired for saying inappropriate things to the students. She said that a couple times, this uncle came to live with them, but she made sure DH and the uncle were never alone together.
Now, to me, this sounds so completely ridiculous. I'm sorry, but I wouldn't let a child molester live with me and my son. She laughed it off and said, "We forgive him for what he did, but that doesn't mean we're going to be stupid about it!"
I am totally stunned. I have no idea what to say about this. I have an awful knot in my stomach just thinking about being in the same room as this guy, who happens to be DH's favorite uncle, apparantly!
I feel like if I'm here with DS, I won't be able to relax the whole time that this guy is visiting. What would you ladies do? I'm worried this will open the door to future visits. I worry about causing a rift between DH and me if I go to my parents' house while the uncle is here, but I think that is the only way I will have peace of mind. I just keep looking at my DS and thinking how awful it would be to have anything happen to him.
What do you gals think about this? Does anybody else have a family secret like this??
Eta: I haven't spoken with DH about this yet, and he doesn't yet know that his uncle has been invited. I don't think he felt it necessary to tell me what the deal was because he never really planned on me meeting the uncle.
I would go somewhere else while he was there, my child's safety is more important then anything else!
Ok. What does your husband say? Does he know?
Quoting Quatrekins:He's only going to be here for a few hours one day.
Quoting Anonymous:I would come over to visit for the days but sleep at my parents house. That way I could have down time from being crazy vigilant.
I am worried about how a talk with DH will go; Years ago (long before marriage and children) I asked DH why his grandma hated his uncle, and he told me something along the lines of, "I don't want to say; If I tell you, you won't be able to look at him the same." I had always assumed it was something like domestic abuse or adultery, since he's been divorced three times (he is currently married, the wife is invited as well)
Quoting areyouatroll:
I'd talk to my dh and go to my mothers.
I would go else where and not give a single flying flip about causing rifts. If you protecting your son causes drama with him that is on him. He should be the one who wants to protect his child. If he doesn't want to do that. Well, sadly I'd consider if I truly want to stay married to him. My child's safety comes before all else.
are you ok with another woman calling your husband "hun" or "babe"
- Quatrekins
on Nov. 26, 2012 at 5:08 PM