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I resent my daughter

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post



Question: What should I do?


Give her to her father and force him to be a single parent.

Force her father to give up his rights and put her up for open adoption?

Continue to live life grudgingly, trying not to allow my disdain to affect my parenting.

Keep her and just plan on years of counseling for both of us.

Give her up while she's too young to remember

Just keep hoping this is a phase and she'll get easier and less annoying with time.

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I understand this is disturbing for most of you.  I explain a lot more on page 31.  I was depressed and extremely frustrated at the time I wrote the original post below.  Despite that, it's still true that I sometimes resent my daughter (for multiple reasons) and I'm trying to find a way past feeling that way.

Some people have been nice and offered advice that I hadn't thought of.  Others have been downright vicious, chosing not to even try to understand any of it - but resport to name calling and condemnation.  I am not a troll, just a mother who's been through a lot and is struggling to bond with an innocent child.  I am not the only person to experience this and I won't be the last.  It's a sensitive subject that is mostly avoided until someone starts talking about how much of a heartless b*tch their mother was and how they got no love.  For those of you who haven't filled it in yet - that's exactly what I don't want to happen with her.  I was a good mother to my son and the plan is the same for her.  I knew I was going to have trouble attaching to her.  I just didn't expect to still be having the problem almost 2yrs. later.

This is an unfortunate and f*cked up situation to say the least. Nothing good is going to ever come from it.

I made the genius decision to part from my normally over cautious nature and live life a little differently...stop playing everything so safe.


Extremely long story short: I ended up in a situation where I was denied the abortion I was desperate for, so I could just move on and forget.  I wanted the baby gone so I'd never have to deal with her father again, and because I knew I wouldn't bond with her.  My pregnancy was miserable.  My delivery was miserable.  The first few months home with her were miserable.

She's 22mos old, and I still don't feel connected to her.  I care for her. Take care of her. Am protective of her.  I just don't feel like I love her.  It's not her fault.  She didn't ask to be here and she shouldn't be here.  She annoys me to no end, partially because she's her father's child and she's like him in too many ways.  With me, she's a clingy, whiny brat (even when nothing's wrong and she's happy, she whines - grrrrugh!), and she's constantly climbing all over me  - with everyone else she's an independent, loving, happy, funny darling who just likes to seek attention.  I literally want to throw her across the room sometimes.  When she's gone I don't miss her and don't want her to come back.  When she's here I make sure she's okay, but ignore her.  I'm constantly debating kicking her father out and sending her with him.  If he wasn't such a fuck-up, I would.  But I'd never send a baby away with an irresponsible, self-centered alcoholic who can't keep a job and has no permanent address (and no, I didn't know any of this before she came along, I just had a feeling something wasn't right. He's an extremely manipulative pathological liar who is well practiced at hiding things from people and I didn't find out until after I was pregnant.)

I had to kick them both out today, just so I could find some peace, or I would have exploded.

I'm not here to be bothered by self-righteous critics.  If all you have to say is how wrong I am, save the effort and shove it up your a** before you even get started.  I already know how f*cked up it is, I'm living it, and i wouldn't be here talking about it if everything was okay.

Anyway, I'm trying to figure out what to do.  Most of the time, I wish I could just walk away and forget all of it ever happened, but I have too much of a conscience for that, and I'm adopted and know what it's like to wonder.  There's a LOT more to this story than I can tell here, volumes.  I just want to know that I'm not the only one who's ever felt like this and need to get it off my chest as ugly as it is.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 28, 2012 at 5:59 PM
Replies (21-30):
by Silver Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:09 PM
1 mom liked this
I never thought of abortion when i was pregnant with dd. I was 15 and her dad left me when i found out. First thought was adoption. Id talk to her dad and tell him u dont want her and tell him he can take her or she can be put up for adoption but she cant stay with u anymore.
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by Anonymous 6 on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:11 PM
1 mom liked this

Some people weren't meant to be parents.

If you know this is something you can't/shouldn't do you need to give her up to someone who will love her while she is still young. If her father is in the position to raise her obviously go that route first.

by Anonymous 7 on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:11 PM

Why were you denied the abortion?

by Ruby Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:11 PM
1 mom liked this
Holy fucking shit
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by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:12 PM
Thats awful, I wish i still had my daughter to love :(..
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by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:12 PM
2 moms liked this

Option (other) you may have PPD. I would get some help and at the very least talk to a therapist about what the best decision is.

by Anonymous 9 on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:12 PM
1 mom liked this

Dad is an alcoholic, you say?  don't give her to him, no way.  I was raised by an alcoholic father.  It sucked.

You should get some counseling.  You could attach to her still.

Or, Give her to me.  I'll raise her open adoption.  Seriously.  I have 3 girls.  Everyone says I am the best mother they've ever known.


by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:13 PM
Does her father love her? Would he sign over rights? I divorced my alcoholic ex and while it's not ideal, better than being hated by your mother. Either adopt her out or give dad custody.
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by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:13 PM
It sounds like you are severely depressed..You should give her up for adoption if you can't love your own daughter so She can have a good loving family to be happy with.
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by Gold Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:13 PM
Im not gonna bash you but why was adoption not an option? And maybe you should talk to your dr about your feelings they could help. Maybe give you an antidepressant or anti anxiety meds
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