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I resent my daughter

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post



Question: What should I do?


Give her to her father and force him to be a single parent.

Force her father to give up his rights and put her up for open adoption?

Continue to live life grudgingly, trying not to allow my disdain to affect my parenting.

Keep her and just plan on years of counseling for both of us.

Give her up while she's too young to remember

Just keep hoping this is a phase and she'll get easier and less annoying with time.

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Total Votes: 828

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I understand this is disturbing for most of you.  I explain a lot more on page 31.  I was depressed and extremely frustrated at the time I wrote the original post below.  Despite that, it's still true that I sometimes resent my daughter (for multiple reasons) and I'm trying to find a way past feeling that way.

Some people have been nice and offered advice that I hadn't thought of.  Others have been downright vicious, chosing not to even try to understand any of it - but resport to name calling and condemnation.  I am not a troll, just a mother who's been through a lot and is struggling to bond with an innocent child.  I am not the only person to experience this and I won't be the last.  It's a sensitive subject that is mostly avoided until someone starts talking about how much of a heartless b*tch their mother was and how they got no love.  For those of you who haven't filled it in yet - that's exactly what I don't want to happen with her.  I was a good mother to my son and the plan is the same for her.  I knew I was going to have trouble attaching to her.  I just didn't expect to still be having the problem almost 2yrs. later.

This is an unfortunate and f*cked up situation to say the least. Nothing good is going to ever come from it.

I made the genius decision to part from my normally over cautious nature and live life a little differently...stop playing everything so safe.


Extremely long story short: I ended up in a situation where I was denied the abortion I was desperate for, so I could just move on and forget.  I wanted the baby gone so I'd never have to deal with her father again, and because I knew I wouldn't bond with her.  My pregnancy was miserable.  My delivery was miserable.  The first few months home with her were miserable.

She's 22mos old, and I still don't feel connected to her.  I care for her. Take care of her. Am protective of her.  I just don't feel like I love her.  It's not her fault.  She didn't ask to be here and she shouldn't be here.  She annoys me to no end, partially because she's her father's child and she's like him in too many ways.  With me, she's a clingy, whiny brat (even when nothing's wrong and she's happy, she whines - grrrrugh!), and she's constantly climbing all over me  - with everyone else she's an independent, loving, happy, funny darling who just likes to seek attention.  I literally want to throw her across the room sometimes.  When she's gone I don't miss her and don't want her to come back.  When she's here I make sure she's okay, but ignore her.  I'm constantly debating kicking her father out and sending her with him.  If he wasn't such a fuck-up, I would.  But I'd never send a baby away with an irresponsible, self-centered alcoholic who can't keep a job and has no permanent address (and no, I didn't know any of this before she came along, I just had a feeling something wasn't right. He's an extremely manipulative pathological liar who is well practiced at hiding things from people and I didn't find out until after I was pregnant.)

I had to kick them both out today, just so I could find some peace, or I would have exploded.

I'm not here to be bothered by self-righteous critics.  If all you have to say is how wrong I am, save the effort and shove it up your a** before you even get started.  I already know how f*cked up it is, I'm living it, and i wouldn't be here talking about it if everything was okay.

Anyway, I'm trying to figure out what to do.  Most of the time, I wish I could just walk away and forget all of it ever happened, but I have too much of a conscience for that, and I'm adopted and know what it's like to wonder.  There's a LOT more to this story than I can tell here, volumes.  I just want to know that I'm not the only one who's ever felt like this and need to get it off my chest as ugly as it is.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 28, 2012 at 5:59 PM
Replies (31-40):
by Platinum Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:14 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

My "mother" hated me, too..... she was a selfish, self absrbed sack of shit who fed me, clothed me, took me to the doctor, put bandaids on my boo-boos, helped me with my homework.....but never loved me, never talked to me, never hugged me, never laughed with me..... never said I love you, and the older I got the more resentful she got. By the time I was a preteen I knew she never wanted me, wanted to abort me, wished I never came into her life............

I have serious self esteem issues because of her.......... never felt confident enough to make friends, get a job, get my lisence, nothing........... I slept around desperately trying to find love...... someone ... anyone to love me.... or show me affection...... I had several miscarraiges..... prayed one pregnancy would take..... even god hates me...... now I have HIV and can't have children..... but Im here on CM because I was pregnant 7 times..... lost my last baby at 5 months.........

some advice for you...... give your baby up for adoption if you aren't a troll

 I am sor sorry :*(

by Anonymous 9 on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:15 PM

Quoting Anonymous:

Dad is an alcoholic, you say?  don't give her to him, no way.  I was raised by an alcoholic father.  It sucked.

You should get some counseling.  You could attach to her still.

Or, Give her to me.  I'll raise her open adoption.  Seriously.  I have 3 girls.  Everyone says I am the best mother they've ever known.


I'm registered to license/adopt through my State already...

by Sapphire Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:15 PM
As an unwanted child I say you need to do something, you're setting her up for some issues.

Can you seek counseling now? If not I'd look into putting her up for adoption. You have to do what's best for her.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:15 PM
Give her to someone who will love her.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:15 PM
Adoption period.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Anonymous 10 on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:16 PM
Give her up for adoption.
by Gold Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:17 PM
1 mom liked this
What happened to your daughter? :c

Quoting juggamomma:

Thats awful, I wish i still had my daughter to love :(..

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:17 PM
1 mom liked this
Idk what you should do, but she deserves better. I'll take her!
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:17 PM
1 mom liked this

I've never felt that way so I don't know what to tell you. Except for this: that child knows you resent her. Kids pick up on those things. She'd be better off with someone who actually loved her...being raised by you could give her some major problems that will last into adulthood.

by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:17 PM

Open adoption seems like the best answer here... you don't want her, and you want to part ways with her father, and he's too irresponsible to raise her on his own (according to what you've said).  With the right open adoption you and her father will still have the option for contact (at least through letters and such) if you'd like, and it will make it easy for her to search for you later in her life if she desires.  She will be with a loving family that WANTS her and she'll be a lot happier.  You're in a tough spot, but you should decide quickly before she's old enough to remember you completely. 

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