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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I resent my daughter

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: What should I do?

Options:

Give her to her father and force him to be a single parent.

Force her father to give up his rights and put her up for open adoption?

Continue to live life grudgingly, trying not to allow my disdain to affect my parenting.

Keep her and just plan on years of counseling for both of us.

Give her up while she's too young to remember

Just keep hoping this is a phase and she'll get easier and less annoying with time.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 828

View Results

I understand this is disturbing for most of you.  I explain a lot more on page 31.  I was depressed and extremely frustrated at the time I wrote the original post below.  Despite that, it's still true that I sometimes resent my daughter (for multiple reasons) and I'm trying to find a way past feeling that way.

Some people have been nice and offered advice that I hadn't thought of.  Others have been downright vicious, chosing not to even try to understand any of it - but resport to name calling and condemnation.  I am not a troll, just a mother who's been through a lot and is struggling to bond with an innocent child.  I am not the only person to experience this and I won't be the last.  It's a sensitive subject that is mostly avoided until someone starts talking about how much of a heartless b*tch their mother was and how they got no love.  For those of you who haven't filled it in yet - that's exactly what I don't want to happen with her.  I was a good mother to my son and the plan is the same for her.  I knew I was going to have trouble attaching to her.  I just didn't expect to still be having the problem almost 2yrs. later.

This is an unfortunate and f*cked up situation to say the least. Nothing good is going to ever come from it.

I made the genius decision to part from my normally over cautious nature and live life a little differently...stop playing everything so safe.

Worst.mistake.ever.

Extremely long story short: I ended up in a situation where I was denied the abortion I was desperate for, so I could just move on and forget.  I wanted the baby gone so I'd never have to deal with her father again, and because I knew I wouldn't bond with her.  My pregnancy was miserable.  My delivery was miserable.  The first few months home with her were miserable.

She's 22mos old, and I still don't feel connected to her.  I care for her. Take care of her. Am protective of her.  I just don't feel like I love her.  It's not her fault.  She didn't ask to be here and she shouldn't be here.  She annoys me to no end, partially because she's her father's child and she's like him in too many ways.  With me, she's a clingy, whiny brat (even when nothing's wrong and she's happy, she whines - grrrrugh!), and she's constantly climbing all over me  - with everyone else she's an independent, loving, happy, funny darling who just likes to seek attention.  I literally want to throw her across the room sometimes.  When she's gone I don't miss her and don't want her to come back.  When she's here I make sure she's okay, but ignore her.  I'm constantly debating kicking her father out and sending her with him.  If he wasn't such a fuck-up, I would.  But I'd never send a baby away with an irresponsible, self-centered alcoholic who can't keep a job and has no permanent address (and no, I didn't know any of this before she came along, I just had a feeling something wasn't right. He's an extremely manipulative pathological liar who is well practiced at hiding things from people and I didn't find out until after I was pregnant.)

I had to kick them both out today, just so I could find some peace, or I would have exploded.

I'm not here to be bothered by self-righteous critics.  If all you have to say is how wrong I am, save the effort and shove it up your a** before you even get started.  I already know how f*cked up it is, I'm living it, and i wouldn't be here talking about it if everything was okay.

Anyway, I'm trying to figure out what to do.  Most of the time, I wish I could just walk away and forget all of it ever happened, but I have too much of a conscience for that, and I'm adopted and know what it's like to wonder.  There's a LOT more to this story than I can tell here, volumes.  I just want to know that I'm not the only one who's ever felt like this and need to get it off my chest as ugly as it is.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 28, 2012 at 5:59 PM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:18 PM
Send her to me I'll raise her. Poor girl needs to feel loved
Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:18 PM
4 moms liked this
Your a piece of heartless crap.
YzmaRocks
by Ruby Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:18 PM
I agree. She needs to be in a home where she is loved, not hated.

Quoting kaysha:

Adoption would be the best. For her and for you.
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juggamomma
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:18 PM
She was a still born at 7&1/2 months :(.... It was in 2010 i still miss her :(


Quoting sophiesister2:

What happened to your daughter? :c




Quoting juggamomma:

Thats awful, I wish i still had my daughter to love :(..


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:18 PM
1 mom liked this
Please give her to someone who will love her.
My mom didn't give two shits about me, tried to kill me often.
My dad fought for custody of me and got granted it after she sliced me with a knife but the next day he died in a car accident. So I got emancipated.
Kaybean
by Ruby Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:19 PM
5 moms liked this
Would you seriously be 100% fine if you put her up for adoption and never saw her again? If so, then she's better off gone with a family who will hug her, kiss her and cherish her. She's young enough now to where she would be okay. If you have any emotion at all of letting her go and never knowing her again, then I urge you to seek some serious professional help and try intensive counseling and work as hard as you can to bond with her. I wouldn't send her with her dad because it doesn't sound like she would be raised right by him either. I feel incredibly sad for her. Poor little girl. I can't imagine not wanting to hold and kiss my boys and have them wrap their little arms around me and tell me they love me. My heart aches for her. Would you maybe want an open adoption, or would you not even want to know anything about her?
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Maks1mommy
by Emerald Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:20 PM
I'll take her!
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sophiesister2
by Gold Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:20 PM
Im so so sorry :( i cant even imagine how hard that is. My friend had a stillborn at 36weeks. Baby boy. it was so sad. We have a walk and raise money to help people who lose their children every year in the summer.


Quoting juggamomma:

She was a still born at 7&1/2 months :(.... It was in 2010 i still miss her :(




Quoting sophiesister2:

What happened to your daughter? :c






Quoting juggamomma:

Thats awful, I wish i still had my daughter to love :(..



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:20 PM
1 mom liked this
I say whatever option gets her away from you. Not to be mean...buy if you suck it up you may end up snapping and hurting her. Please do the right thing.
CutieCrab
by Jen on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:21 PM
This

Quoting othermom:

Maybe look in to counsling or check in to adoption. That is a tough situation

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