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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Shouldn't it be up to me if she moves in?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 137 Replies

 

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Question: Who should keep DH's grandma

Options:

MIL

SIL

me

Other


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Total Votes: 205

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My DH's grandmother is not going to be able to stay in the nursing home she is in, she is in the assisted living section but she needs WAY more care then that now. She is very senile and needs help going to the bathroom and being changed and showering. Unfortunately, the nursing home doesn't have any room in the area with the level of care she now needs. They are putting her on a waiting list and it could be anywhere from a few months to a few years.The problem is, DH's family needs to find somewhere for her to stay in the meantime. His mother says she "just can't do it" and his sister is "too busy" (yes, she works full time but she doesn't have any children) so everyone assumes she should come live with us because I am a SAHM with 5 kids (ages 1 year to 13 years). DH feels like we should take her and has been pressuring me to agree, the only problem is "we" wouldn't be the one caring for her I would. DH works a lot so I most of her care would be left to me. I just don't have the time and quit frankly, she is not my grandma so I don't think I should have to be the one wiping her butt. My MIL works part time and I just don't see why she can't take care of her own mother, especially since she is leaving MIL just about everything in her will.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ilovemykids323
by Platinum Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:20 PM

 hmmm...well i think if it is going tobe you that is going to be taking care of her for the most part and you dont want to then you need to put your foot down. Good Luck! It would be different if you didn't have any young kids to takecare of as well.

SuperPickle
by Gold Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:20 PM

Take a look around for other skilled nursing facilities. Dealing with someone with dementia is far from an easy task and it should not be put on you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:22 PM

Well, why don't we just put these type of old folks down, like we do with dogs we can't deal with anymore??????????????

Then you won't be bothered!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:22 PM
4 moms liked this

Why hasn't the family looked for other care centers with the level of care she needs? If there are truly no other options in your area, I don't see why you all can't work together as a team. You while everyone is at work, Mil when she gets off her PT job and SIL can help during other hours as well as your DH when he gets home from work. She may not be your grandmother but she is your husbands so she's family as we sometimes do what we don't want to do for family.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:23 PM


Quoting SuperPickle:

Take a look around for other skilled nursing facilities. Dealing with someone with dementia is far from an easy task and it should not be put on you.

They all have waiting lists just as long or longer then the one for the home she is currently in

MrsRinehart2010
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:23 PM

 Im sorry but I have just two kids an I wouldnt beable to care for another adut who is pretty much another child too much at once. I mean it would be one thing if maybe they could get you a nurse to come in once in the mornign shit an one over night? I know they have those , an insurae my cover some if not all of it. I would tell you husband if he can get a nurse in then maybe. Also if she oculd be a risk for your children then it would be a no.

kjfamily
by Gold Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:24 PM
3 moms liked this
His mother needs to step up , what a bitch.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:24 PM

I am sorry that I can't handle her with everything else but I just think it's unfair that it's assumed I will care for her when her DD or GDD, neither of whom have anyone else they are taking care of, could do it.

Quoting Anonymous:

Well, why don't we just put these type of old folks down, like we do with dogs we can't deal with anymore??????????????

Then you won't be bothered!


SuperPickle
by Gold Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:25 PM

you may have go out of your immdiate area. We had to put my FIL in a nursing home over an hour away to begin with. It sucked but it was the best we could do for him...

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting SuperPickle:

Take a look around for other skilled nursing facilities. Dealing with someone with dementia is far from an easy task and it should not be put on you.

They all have waiting lists just as long or longer then the one for the home she is currently in


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:25 PM

Don't do it.  My mom had to take in my dad's mother and it has been so hard on the marriage.  Like you she is a SAHM as well and the responsibility falls on her.  Don't do it and put your foot down.

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