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Shouldn't it be up to me if she moves in?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post



Question: Who should keep DH's grandma






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My DH's grandmother is not going to be able to stay in the nursing home she is in, she is in the assisted living section but she needs WAY more care then that now. She is very senile and needs help going to the bathroom and being changed and showering. Unfortunately, the nursing home doesn't have any room in the area with the level of care she now needs. They are putting her on a waiting list and it could be anywhere from a few months to a few years.The problem is, DH's family needs to find somewhere for her to stay in the meantime. His mother says she "just can't do it" and his sister is "too busy" (yes, she works full time but she doesn't have any children) so everyone assumes she should come live with us because I am a SAHM with 5 kids (ages 1 year to 13 years). DH feels like we should take her and has been pressuring me to agree, the only problem is "we" wouldn't be the one caring for her I would. DH works a lot so I most of her care would be left to me. I just don't have the time and quit frankly, she is not my grandma so I don't think I should have to be the one wiping her butt. My MIL works part time and I just don't see why she can't take care of her own mother, especially since she is leaving MIL just about everything in her will.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:17 PM
Replies (131-137):
by Platinum Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:19 PM

With 5 young kids, you are the last person who should take care of her, imo.    You have your hands full and a chaotic house, which may be just too much for Grandma.

Have you looked into home health care?   If she lives with your MIL, perhaps she can hire in home health care (also covered by medicare-medicaid in some cases).

by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:21 PM
Assisted living is way difference than a nursing home.

Assisted living lets seniors and elderly people still have their freedom while having someone there if they need help.

Also sometimes people with dementia need more care than you can provide.

Quoting khloemum:

 I wouldnt DARE put my mother in a assisted living unit.. if she needed the care I would most def step up and do so.... so your MIL needs to suck that shit up and take care of HER ill mother! imo

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by Anonymous 24 on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:21 PM

thats a hard one. im kind of in a similar situation. my MIL and FIL are about to lose thier house to forclosure and it looks like theyll be coming here. granted they are still able to care for themselves so i wont have to be doing any of that kind of stuff (atleast not yet) but dh and i are in the best position in our family to take them in. i dont really feel like it should all be on us. he has 2 sisters one is a sahm to 4 kids ages 1-8 but has literally NO room AT all. their family of 6 is living in a 1 bedroom house as it they really cant take them in. the other sister is mentally handicapped and is barely able to live on her own. shes on disability though so shes home all the time. dh and i have 2 kids and we both work. we dont have the room right now but weve been looking at moving and we could probably do a 4 bedroom house and be able to take on his parents. it sucks though especially because my mother is not in good health and im pretty sure were gona end up with her once she gets to that point too.....but i also feel like you know what, its not gonna be easy. its gonna suck big time but they are all family and to me thats just what u do for family. we realize that even thought we dont particularly want to take it all on, we are in the best position to do so and im not gonna turn family away. yes it sucks that since dh works youll be the one caring for her but if u are in the best position to help out then i think u need to. (however i should add if the other daughter is working maybe she could step up and help pay to get someone to come to the thouse and help out atleast a few days a week. that way u get to have a break. )

by Platinum Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:22 PM
Take her for awhile whilst you find a good center for her. To those ladies that criticized her for not wanting to take her in go and work for one month in the alzheimers or dementia unit at a nursing home and then get back to me. While you are helping out for no more than a couple weeks hubbh must pitch in 100% no matter how tired or what time of day it is. If granny needs bathed or cleaned etc, he will be doing it, not you. He needs an eye opener.
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by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:25 PM

I agree with you. As cold as it sounds....I would not do it either. 

by Gold Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:26 PM

I told hubby I would be happy to have his mother move in with us if she needed it.  But I told his sisters  - those who take care of her, get the checks.  They'll never even let her near us with an overnight bag, much less to live with us.

by Anonymous 25 on Nov. 30, 2012 at 1:12 PM

Some of the replies are ignorant.Its silly to say shame on you for not wanting to do it when you already have a full time job with 5 kids.I don't see how you would have the time to properly give her the care she needs already having your hands so full.Family or not,if you cant properly take care of her,she wouldn't be better off there.I would step up and tell my husband that I will not do it.If he has any respect for you at all,he will understand.His mother should be the one taking care of this,not you.

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