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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

No "Santa" gifts for bad kids?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: Is taking a way "Santa" presents a bad idea?

Options:

Yes, it's a bad idea, give him presents

Nope, he shouldn't get Santa gifts

Other, cause...you know. And explain why!


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 45

View Results

My oldest son has been fairly badly behaved in school this year.  He went from A/B honor roll last year to almost all C's this year, and he's been sent to in-school detention (NOT in-school suspension) 5 times already.  All of his behavior is him being the class clown and getting in trouble for it, and he's a pretty good kid at home, for the most part.  

He is 13 (almost 14) and doesn't believe in "Santa" anymore, but he has a younger brother and sister who do.  I am considering not giving him any gifts from "Santa" this year (he'd still get gifts from everyone else, but just nothing from the North Pole).  

I don't know if this is too mean to do, and I want some opinions.

*Edit* Because several people have mentioned his already:  Even though he doesn't believe in Santa anymore, and hasn't for years, I've still given him "Santa" gifts in previous years.  

*Edit 2* I have tried other ways to correct his behavior.  I have grounded him, taken things away, changed his bedtime, given him more chores and more homework....I've done everything I can think of short of getting physical.  Nothing changes.


Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 30, 2012 at 9:19 AM
Replies (41-50):
Babujai
by Gold Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:13 PM

 He was 7.  I think he still believed in Santa at that point.  The funny part is after all the gifts were opened he took those rocks and created a game with them.  His little brother (3 at the time) came running into the kitchen to complain that his brother wasn't sharing his rocks...LOL!  Eventually I took the rocks and put them in a glass vase on my mantle as decoration.

Quoting Anonymous:

How old was he when you did this?  Did he still believe in Santa?  I'm curious, because a lot of people are saying that it won't effect him at all if he already doesn't believe in Santa.

Quoting Babujai:

Santa brought my ODS a box of rocks one year when he was having a lot of behavioural issues in school.  He got a few other gifts, too, but I made sure that was the first one he opened.  It was a sobering and eye-opening experience for him, probably more than not getting a Santa gift at all.


 

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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:16 PM

Ugh, I don't know what is wrong with my brain!  I fixed it (hopefully it actually makes sense now)

Quoting lovelife350:

your poll is messed up , the yes answer and the no answer both lead to him getting gift from santa


Schleetle
by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:21 PM
Oh gosh I understand! My almost 10 year old has been impossible this year. It's so hard to debate between purely enjoying the holiday traditions, and not rewarding bad behavior. At the end we decided to get him his big Santa gift anyway, and if behavior doesn't improve he will lose the privilege to play with it (nintendo 3ds). I want Christmas to be positive regardless, and I hope having something new that he doesn't want to lose will motivate him somewhat to have a better year in 2013.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
zoegirlsmom
by Platinum Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:24 PM

I think you should still give him Santa gifts, I am not a soft parent by any means, but I don't think taking that away you will accomplish anything.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:24 PM

I've considered that, as well.  The thing is, taking things away from him doesn't seem to affect him at all.  I've taken away his iPod (which he LOVES) and it doesn't seem to faze him.  The only thing that actually seems to get to him is earlier bedtime, but he's already going to bed at 8 (before his younger brother, which is what makes him mad).  I can't move it up much more, lol.

Quoting Schleetle:

Oh gosh I understand! My almost 10 year old has been impossible this year. It's so hard to debate between purely enjoying the holiday traditions, and not rewarding bad behavior. At the end we decided to get him his big Santa gift anyway, and if behavior doesn't improve he will lose the privilege to play with it (nintendo 3ds). I want Christmas to be positive regardless, and I hope having something new that he doesn't want to lose will motivate him somewhat to have a better year in 2013.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:25 PM

I'm beginning to come to that conclusion, too.  Thanks :)

Quoting zoegirlsmom:

I think you should still give him Santa gifts, I am not a soft parent by any means, but I don't think taking that away you will accomplish anything.


Schleetle
by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:27 PM
Nothing is working here either, but I know not giving a Santa gift will only make us all feel badly on Christmas that (for us) wouldn't solve anything either. If you think it will help to not give the Santa gift go for it. We have been moving a lot the past couple years so I know that is the biggest issue here, I need to get my son back in Martial arts that is really what helped the most.

Quoting Anonymous:

I've considered that, as well.  The thing is, taking things away from him doesn't seem to affect him at all.  I've taken away his iPod (which he LOVES) and it doesn't seem to faze him.  The only thing that actually seems to get to him is earlier bedtime, but he's already going to bed at 8 (before his younger brother, which is what makes him mad).  I can't move it up much more, lol.

Quoting Schleetle:

Oh gosh I understand! My almost 10 year old has been impossible this year. It's so hard to debate between purely enjoying the holiday traditions, and not rewarding bad behavior. At the end we decided to get him his big Santa gift anyway, and if behavior doesn't improve he will lose the privilege to play with it (nintendo 3ds). I want Christmas to be positive regardless, and I hope having something new that he doesn't want to lose will motivate him somewhat to have a better year in 2013.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ARmomOf3
by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:27 PM

So you want to take "some" gifts but not all? If you think he is being bad, it should be all or nothing so he takes your seriously.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:32 PM
1 mom liked this

I think that a big part of me would feel TERRIBLE if I left him with no gifts or fewer gifts on Christmas day.  The whole day is supposed to be about giving and loving, not punishment.  I'm glad you replied, you've actually been very helpful, thank you.

I'm getting my son more involved in things beginning next year (2013).  It's too late to register for any sports right now, but he wants to do soccer in the spring and there is a vet clinic that he wants to volunteer at to help with them animals (he LOVES animals).  Hopefully having projects and activities will help his behavior.  

Best of luck to you!

Quoting Schleetle:

Nothing is working here either, but I know not giving a Santa gift will only make us all feel badly on Christmas that (for us) wouldn't solve anything either. If you think it will help to not give the Santa gift go for it. We have been moving a lot the past couple years so I know that is the biggest issue here, I need to get my son back in Martial arts that is really what helped the most.

Quoting Anonymous:

I've considered that, as well.  The thing is, taking things away from him doesn't seem to affect him at all.  I've taken away his iPod (which he LOVES) and it doesn't seem to faze him.  The only thing that actually seems to get to him is earlier bedtime, but he's already going to bed at 8 (before his younger brother, which is what makes him mad).  I can't move it up much more, lol.

Quoting Schleetle:

Oh gosh I understand! My almost 10 year old has been impossible this year. It's so hard to debate between purely enjoying the holiday traditions, and not rewarding bad behavior. At the end we decided to get him his big Santa gift anyway, and if behavior doesn't improve he will lose the privilege to play with it (nintendo 3ds). I want Christmas to be positive regardless, and I hope having something new that he doesn't want to lose will motivate him somewhat to have a better year in 2013.



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:34 PM

You think that I shouldn't give him ANY presents on Christmas?  That seems cruel.  I'd have been DEVASTATED if I didn't get Christmas presents.  I know that's not what the holiday is about, but for a child?  Heartbroken.  

Quoting ARmomOf3:

So you want to take "some" gifts but not all? If you think he is being bad, it should be all or nothing so he takes your seriously.


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