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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

No "Santa" gifts for bad kids?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: Is taking a way "Santa" presents a bad idea?

Options:

Yes, it's a bad idea, give him presents

Nope, he shouldn't get Santa gifts

Other, cause...you know. And explain why!


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 45

View Results

My oldest son has been fairly badly behaved in school this year.  He went from A/B honor roll last year to almost all C's this year, and he's been sent to in-school detention (NOT in-school suspension) 5 times already.  All of his behavior is him being the class clown and getting in trouble for it, and he's a pretty good kid at home, for the most part.  

He is 13 (almost 14) and doesn't believe in "Santa" anymore, but he has a younger brother and sister who do.  I am considering not giving him any gifts from "Santa" this year (he'd still get gifts from everyone else, but just nothing from the North Pole).  

I don't know if this is too mean to do, and I want some opinions.

*Edit* Because several people have mentioned his already:  Even though he doesn't believe in Santa anymore, and hasn't for years, I've still given him "Santa" gifts in previous years.  

*Edit 2* I have tried other ways to correct his behavior.  I have grounded him, taken things away, changed his bedtime, given him more chores and more homework....I've done everything I can think of short of getting physical.  Nothing changes.


Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 30, 2012 at 9:19 AM
Replies (51-59):
ccnstanczak
by Gold Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:39 PM

 

*Edit 2* I have tried other ways to correct his behavior.  I have grounded him, taken things away, changed his bedtime, given him more chores and more homework....I've done everything I can think of short of getting physical.  Nothing changes.

those are all punishments. why is he acting out? thats what you need to figure out. something is going on. could be hes bored or peer pressure or dosnt understand the material or teenage angst or cant handle the pressure of being an a student anymore. or drugs? gasp. so unless you know what the problem is punishing the behavoir is going to get you know where. and thats true for any age but especially teenagers. remember you used to be one.

ARmomOf3
by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:48 PM

If you feel his actions warrant the removal of "santa" presents when he doesnt even believe, you should just take them all. If my parents had told me that because of how I acted, I won't be getting anything from Santa, knowing full well I no longer believed, I probably would have laughed, opened the REST of my gifts, and continued doing what I was doing because I didn't really have any consequences. I know its heartbreaking but if you feel that SOME can be taken, then all should. Otherwise figure out another way to punish him.

Quoting Anonymous:

You think that I shouldn't give him ANY presents on Christmas?  That seems cruel.  I'd have been DEVASTATED if I didn't get Christmas presents.  I know that's not what the holiday is about, but for a child?  Heartbroken.  

Quoting ARmomOf3:

So you want to take "some" gifts but not all? If you think he is being bad, it should be all or nothing so he takes your seriously.



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:58 PM

I have talked to him.  Sorry, I should have put that in there.  He is being funny.  He likes to make his friends laugh, so he does things that they'll think are funny.  Unfortunately, he does them at inappropriate times.   We've talked about how it's fine to want to make people laugh, but that there are appropriate times for it, and during class isn't one of those times.

Quoting ccnstanczak:

 

*Edit 2* I have tried other ways to correct his behavior.  I have grounded him, taken things away, changed his bedtime, given him more chores and more homework....I've done everything I can think of short of getting physical.  Nothing changes.

those are all punishments. why is he acting out? thats what you need to figure out. something is going on. could be hes bored or peer pressure or dosnt understand the material or teenage angst or cant handle the pressure of being an a student anymore. or drugs? gasp. so unless you know what the problem is punishing the behavoir is going to get you know where. and thats true for any age but especially teenagers. remember you used to be one.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:58 PM

Ok.  Thank you.

Quoting ARmomOf3:

If you feel his actions warrant the removal of "santa" presents when he doesnt even believe, you should just take them all. If my parents had told me that because of how I acted, I won't be getting anything from Santa, knowing full well I no longer believed, I probably would have laughed, opened the REST of my gifts, and continued doing what I was doing because I didn't really have any consequences. I know its heartbreaking but if you feel that SOME can be taken, then all should. Otherwise figure out another way to punish him.

Quoting Anonymous:

You think that I shouldn't give him ANY presents on Christmas?  That seems cruel.  I'd have been DEVASTATED if I didn't get Christmas presents.  I know that's not what the holiday is about, but for a child?  Heartbroken.  

Quoting ARmomOf3:

So you want to take "some" gifts but not all? If you think he is being bad, it should be all or nothing so he takes your seriously.




Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:59 PM

Given his age, and the fact that you would still be allowing him to celebrate Christmas, I see nothing wrong with him not receiving Santa gifts this year.

ccnstanczak
by Gold Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 1:21 PM

 whats really funny is getting bad grades and its hilarious when you dont graduate. its hysterical not going to college but your freinds do so you end up working some dead end job, and live in moms basement till you are 40. thats really funny. i bet you and your dh are lauging your asses off.  if hes such a comedian maybe he should try out for the school drama club instead of acting out in class.

seriously tho, im glad its not a serious issue. being funny is not funny if it gets him in this much trouble. does he not care about his grades. are these new friends hes trying to impress? wow thats frustrating. are his friends getting in trouble too? cause that would suck if hes taking all the fall for this just to make his friends giggle.

 i would avoid using holidays as punishments, personally. however its time to get creative. does he have any incentives to work towards?

Quoting Anonymous:

I have talked to him.  Sorry, I should have put that in there.  He is being funny.  He likes to make his friends laugh, so he does things that they'll think are funny.  Unfortunately, he does them at inappropriate times.   We've talked about how it's fine to want to make people laugh, but that there are appropriate times for it, and during class isn't one of those times.

Quoting ccnstanczak:

 

*Edit 2* I have tried other ways to correct his behavior.  I have grounded him, taken things away, changed his bedtime, given him more chores and more homework....I've done everything I can think of short of getting physical.  Nothing changes.

those are all punishments. why is he acting out? thats what you need to figure out. something is going on. could be hes bored or peer pressure or dosnt understand the material or teenage angst or cant handle the pressure of being an a student anymore. or drugs? gasp. so unless you know what the problem is punishing the behavoir is going to get you know where. and thats true for any age but especially teenagers. remember you used to be one.


 

rgba
by Ruby Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 7:35 PM
No need to get snarky with someone who is trying to help :/

Yes, I think tying punishment to santa claus for a 13 year old is silly and "clever."

Instead of just focusing on the punishments, try to spend more time talking to him about how things are going. See if you can get him interested in activities.

I went from an A student to a C student in jr high because I was trying really hard to fit in with peer. I actually hung out with the "mean girls" for awhile. Yet, I was still the same nice kid at home.

Then I found some sports that I loved (swimming and skiing), joined the high school team, and found peers that I related to. Starting at the end of 8th grade, I then got straight As all through high school and college.

It sounds like he's a good kid that's just a little lost. Try to find him a good path.

Quoting Anonymous:

Following through on the whole "Santa's watching so you'd better behave" crap is a clever punishment?

Do you really think that I've made no attempt to fix the problem?  I've tried everything short of smacking him to fix the problem.  I've grounded him, I've taken his favorite things away from him, I've taken away other things that don't matter as much, I've given him more homework, more chores, earlier bedtime....nothing has worked.  Do you have a suggestion for another (not clever) punishment?

Quoting rgba:

Yep.

I think your too worried about a clever punishment, when really you need to fix the problem.





Quoting ccnstanczak:

 



Quoting 702girly:



I don't see how that's a punishment at all. He's a teenager. He doesn't believe in Santa anymore. If you're going to spend the same amount of money do you really think he gives a damn if the tag says from Santa?



 this.



and id be trying to figure out what the real root of the problem of why his grades dropped and why hes acting out and figure out solutions to get him back on track. simply punishing him at Christmas is a mistake and sends the wrong message. (not saying you are but jmo)






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Summerlion1123
by Platinum Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 7:37 PM
If nothing else it might teach the other kids a lesson when they see him not get presents from Santa for being naughty lol.
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Summerlion1123
by Platinum Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 7:42 PM
Maybe he doesn't get enough attention and rewards when he does good. Perhaps focus less on punishment and more on motivation. Also, sitting down and having a one on one talk about what's going on might help too. Work together on a solution. See what he thinks might help him improve his behavior.
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