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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Upset. In his mind i'm over reacting

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 46 Replies
I'll make this short. I started dating my dh in 08. He only had one other love. They dated on and off for a yr. She cheated on him in the first 2wks. She never stopped. She got pregnant. She wanted to abort. He begged her not to. She did. That put a lot of strain on their relationship. She kept cheating, so he would follow her around to make sure she was where she says she was. A few times he caught her at her ex's. Anyway he broke it off, tried to get back with her, but she was with someone eles she started talking to before they broke up. She did a few months later cheat on her new finace with my dh. She was like 19 he was 20.
So fast forward. I get with him. She's married to that guy. My dh and I are amazing. He treats me great, always wants to be around me. Talks to people about me. Hasn't had any contact with her in a yr. He wants to have a baby. We get pregnant. Life is amazing. Midway through I get insecure and don't know why, but let it go. He always wants to be around me, he has friends over, but doesn't like to go out with them. So I trust him
The day before i'm suppose to get induced we go out with one of his friends and one of mine. He gets a txt from another friend who I know is with his ex. All of the sudden my dh goes "hey so and so wants to hang. We are going to go to this store and hang." Are friends agree and he bends over and says "sorry I think, blank, is with him." That's when I know he still has feelings for her. My heart sinks. I tell him we're not going but he gets mad and says yes. We get to the store and i'm quiet, trying not to cry. He grabs me and pulls me in to an asile and says we're not staying long so to quit acting this way. He's never been remotely mean to me in the year i've been with him. Tge moment I see her and his other friend. I feel sick. But try to pull myself together cause sge talks trash about us all the time. When his friend who had been out with us earlier sees her, he even checksout and tells dh it's time to go. My dh is wont even speak a word to her and she had a baby 4 months ago so she's trying to give me,advice.
Anyways to move faster we get home I stay up till 5am crying then get ready to go to the hospital to be induced. I had a tramatic birth so it took me 3 months before I ever brought up that night. He admitted he loved her more than me, that he thinks about her constantly, that he imagines what they would have been like if she kept the baby. It tore me up. He said he did love me and that he knows hes messed up because im better than her and that all she did was drive him crazy. he said it was more like an obsession then love with her. That he wanted to be able to change her. He asked me to help him work through it and to stay. It was hard, but I did. He kept lying about his progress in moving on. He seen her once,at his work and said hi and never told me. Our agreement was is that if he ever sees her out he'll let me know. That neither him or his friends will bring her up. (he always said one of the biggest reasons he had trouble moving on is because they had all mutual friends. And gis friends would bring her up a lot or to hang out in the past) he said he agreed.
A yr later I found a very old note he hid of hers to him in his safe deposit box. He denied putting it in there. I told him if you keep lying to me, i'm,not going to trust you again.
One of our friends keeps mentioning her. my dh says please don't mention anything about her. After a while this friend keeps doing it, so he just stops talking to him. I never asked him to, and it was his only friend. I felt bad so after a yr I got them back together. My dh has bedn grear. I've gained most of my trust back. This friend has been great up till recently. he is super nice and I know he means no harm. On thanksfiving he sent a group message saying happy thanksgiving. My dh replies, and then gets a message from his ex saying whose this. My dh tells me and deletes the number. Well now this friend has mentioned her a few times now in front of us. Not her name, but like "oh I know a friend who is selling their mustang. You want to buy it?" I know this girl has that car. It's like he is keeping her name,out and just saying this friend of mine. And yes as stupid as it maybe I don't like it. So today I was talking to dh and asked that if he does it again, to please ask him not to do it. My dh flips out on me. Even when I dropped it and apologized he kept going on for 30 minutes, which just pissed me off. Just venting. I know it'll probably seem stupid.
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 30, 2012 at 4:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 30, 2012 at 4:44 PM

Eh...I'm torn.  Part of me thinks you're overreacting, but I also completely understand why you're upset.  (((Hugs)))  good luck

N_maricle
by Platinum Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 4:46 PM

Yes you are over reacting. These types of things will only push him away IMO.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 30, 2012 at 4:49 PM
Thank you


Quoting Anonymous:

Eh...I'm torn.  Part of me thinks you're overreacting, but I also completely understand why you're upset.  (((Hugs)))  good luck


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 30, 2012 at 4:50 PM

He doesn't really have any right to mistreat you over your feelings, they are valid ones to have. He told you flat out that he loves her more than you, always will, and that he thinks about her constantly. You were pregnant with HIS child when he did all of this terrible shit, how could that NOT fuck you and your relationship up?!? Not to mention the fact that he lies about still feeling this way now, hiding notes from her etc. He's lucky that you've stayed, most women wouldn't.

Acid
by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 4:53 PM

How dod you get into his safety desposit box?

They aren't allowed to let you open it unless he gives you permission.

Unless you meant a home safe.

The rest of this I couldn't understand....

Get over it?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 30, 2012 at 5:03 PM
Thank you. It took me a yr to move past the feeling I had of hurt. What hurt the most was him saying he thought about the family they could of had, when his daughter was right there in the next room. I feel like our agreement was for me to stay is that she wouldn't be mentioned. So it does hurt sometimes.


Quoting Anonymous:

He doesn't really have any right to mistreat you over your feelings, they are valid ones to have. He told you flat out that he loves her more than you, always will, and that he thinks about her constantly. You were pregnant with HIS child when he did all of this terrible shit, how could that NOT fuck you and your relationship up?!? Not to mention the fact that he lies about still feeling this way now, hiding notes from her etc. He's lucky that you've stayed, most women wouldn't.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 30, 2012 at 5:04 PM
I'm sorry. Yes it's a little saftey box at home that you need a code to get in to.


Quoting Acid:

How dod you get into his safety desposit box?

They aren't allowed to let you open it unless he gives you permission.

Unless you meant a home safe.

The rest of this I couldn't understand....

Get over it?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 30, 2012 at 5:08 PM

If that was your agreement he needs to follow through. He has no right to get pissed about you not wanting the friend bringing up her name constantly, if he wanted to keep you he'd stick to the agreement made. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you. It took me a yr to move past the feeling I had of hurt. What hurt the most was him saying he thought about the family they could of had, when his daughter was right there in the next room. I feel like our agreement was for me to stay is that she wouldn't be mentioned. So it does hurt sometimes.


Quoting Anonymous:

He doesn't really have any right to mistreat you over your feelings, they are valid ones to have. He told you flat out that he loves her more than you, always will, and that he thinks about her constantly. You were pregnant with HIS child when he did all of this terrible shit, how could that NOT fuck you and your relationship up?!? Not to mention the fact that he lies about still feeling this way now, hiding notes from her etc. He's lucky that you've stayed, most women wouldn't.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 30, 2012 at 5:10 PM

I haven't read this yet...but the first sentence I see is "I'll make this short." Then I scroll down and see the book that you wrote. I will go back and read it now.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 30, 2012 at 5:19 PM
Lol. I'm sorry. I tried to go in to little details, but I was upset.


Quoting Anonymous:

I haven't read this yet...but the first sentence I see is "I'll make this short." Then I scroll down and see the book that you wrote. I will go back and read it now.


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