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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Here's a confession for you!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I just want to get it out. I've been with dh 15 years. I am bisexual and he has known from the beginning. Early in our relationship we had a threesome and we have done so many times with a few different women.
About ten years ago we were sleeping with a woman. She ended up living in our house for about 3 years. It became deeper than friendship and fun for her and I. Me and sh started having problems. I would not admit that I had feelings for her but he could see it. I ended up asking her to move out. We lost contact for the most part but I never stopped missing her.
A few months ago we started talking again. She started to come visit and the three of us would go to the bar together. One night dh invited her back to our house and we spent the night together. I told him it was a bad idea but when he asked why I didn't give him straight answers. We have been spending a lot of time together and a lot of nights together. She spent the night with us last night.
When she went home today I told dh we needed to talk. Our relationship is so much stronger now than when we were young. I told him I needed to be honest with him. I told him I was in love with her. It didn't mean I love him any less but I can't help my feelings for her. He told me that it's obvious. When we are together it's like we have tunnel vision, we only see each other. He thanked me for being honest and wanted to know where we go from here.
I told him if he wanted I would cut off contact with her. I told him I would be sad and I would miss her but our relationship is more important than anything. His response was that he loved me too much to ask me to do something that would hurt me.
I don't know what to do. I love them both. I'm hurting because I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to lose her. She doesn't know how I feel. I haven't told her. I don't know how she feels anymore either. But I suspect she still has feelings for me. As I said our connection is obvious we just haven't talked about it. Dh asked her who else she is sleeping with as we don't want to end up with anything. She told him she isn't sleeping with anyone else. She doesn't want to be with anyone sexually but us. My life is so normal other than this.
Go ahead and bash, I hurt anyway and I can't help how I feel.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 2, 2012 at 1:16 AM
Replies (31-38):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 2, 2012 at 2:07 AM
Ah, I see what you are saying, I misunderstood the point you were trying to make before.
I can be monogamous. If dh chooses not to continue with what's currently going on I will be monogamous. But, I don't want to because I love them both. I do feel bad and I am responsible for a lot of our situation. Ten years ago when I started to have strong feelings for her I should have been honest. I am willing to only have sex with dh. I can be faithful and do not have to have sex with someone other than dh. But we both enjoy it. So if it continues to work for us I am going to keep doing it.

Quoting WesAndNicksMom:

 But the main point was your feelings for your husband and her.  If you take out sexuality you're saying that you can't be monogamous.  I'm not trying to make you feel bad about it but that's what it comes down to.


Quoting Anonymous:

You are right but since my dh is not attracted to men I would not be in a position to have this happen with another man. I wasn't blaming it on being bi I was telling a story and the fact that I am sexually attracted to both genders played a large part in the story.


Quoting WesAndNicksMom:

It has more to do with your feelings for another person than being bi. If it were a man you wouldn't blame it on being hetero.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 2, 2012 at 2:11 AM
Thank you. I don't know anything about any of it lol. I just thought we would have a typical marriage with a little fun on the side lol. But then I met her and things changed. I will go read and learn!

Quoting ibelieveinpink:

If you want to go somewhere to learn more about it, ask questions, and get some support join fetlife.com. They have a lot of poly groups.

If you want you can friend me there. My sn is aDaddysgirl.




Quoting Anonymous:

It seems that is what we did before and basically what we are doing now except at this point we are having sex but not discussing a relationship. Maybe the difference is that even tho dh and I spent time with her without each other we don't have any sexual contact unless we are both there and involved.


I would be open to this kind if relationship, heck it would be exactly what I want. I am also confident that she would be open to it. She has said she is not seeing anyone else, she doesn't want to be involved with anyone other than us. I just don't know about dh. It must have been hard for him to hear me say that I was in love with someone else. He knew but I spent a lot of years denying it to him and myself. I don't think he is willing to call what we have going on a relationship yet but unless he decides to call it quits he is going to eventually come to terms that a relationship is exactly what we have.





Quoting ibelieveinpink:

Where the three of you are in a relationship together...







Quoting Anonymous:

Will you please explain what this means?









Quoting ibelieveinpink:

Is being poly an option for y'all? Or even trying it?
ibelieveinpink
by Platinum Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 2:18 AM
You're welcome. :)
And don't feel bad for anything. You can't help how you feel. The important part is that you have an understanding and open-minded Dh. You have already lived the lifestyle; I'm sure you could make it work again. :)


Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you. I don't know anything about any of it lol. I just thought we would have a typical marriage with a little fun on the side lol. But then I met her and things changed. I will go read and learn!



Quoting ibelieveinpink:

If you want to go somewhere to learn more about it, ask questions, and get some support join fetlife.com. They have a lot of poly groups.


If you want you can friend me there. My sn is aDaddysgirl.






Quoting Anonymous:

It seems that is what we did before and basically what we are doing now except at this point we are having sex but not discussing a relationship. Maybe the difference is that even tho dh and I spent time with her without each other we don't have any sexual contact unless we are both there and involved.



I would be open to this kind if relationship, heck it would be exactly what I want. I am also confident that she would be open to it. She has said she is not seeing anyone else, she doesn't want to be involved with anyone other than us. I just don't know about dh. It must have been hard for him to hear me say that I was in love with someone else. He knew but I spent a lot of years denying it to him and myself. I don't think he is willing to call what we have going on a relationship yet but unless he decides to call it quits he is going to eventually come to terms that a relationship is exactly what we have.







Quoting ibelieveinpink:

Where the three of you are in a relationship together...









Quoting Anonymous:

Will you please explain what this means?











Quoting ibelieveinpink:

Is being poly an option for y'all? Or even trying it?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
WesAndNicksMom
by Platinum Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 2:23 AM

 From experience I can say that if you have feelings that strong about her, your feelings about him are luke warm (more like the way you enjoy how comfortable your bed is).  It sounds like you would settle for monogamy if you had to but if you had your way you'd be polyamorous.  My first marriage was an open one.  I learned after that ended that the reason wasn't some crazy desire I had for others (there was another guy I thought I was in love with too) but just a lack of enough desire for one person.  I was very confused for a long time and it turned out that I just hadn't found "the one" yet.  I really do wish you luck hun but you're going to HAVE to figure out what you want because there are two other people who could be hurt by your choices until then (and some little ones too since I'm guessing you have kids being on Cafemom and all lol).  This is something that only you can figure out no matter how much input you have from strangers who don't really know your situation.

Quoting Anonymous:

Ah, I see what you are saying, I misunderstood the point you were trying to make before.
I can be monogamous. If dh chooses not to continue with what's currently going on I will be monogamous. But, I don't want to because I love them both. I do feel bad and I am responsible for a lot of our situation. Ten years ago when I started to have strong feelings for her I should have been honest. I am willing to only have sex with dh. I can be faithful and do not have to have sex with someone other than dh. But we both enjoy it. So if it continues to work for us I am going to keep doing it.

Quoting WesAndNicksMom:

 But the main point was your feelings for your husband and her.  If you take out sexuality you're saying that you can't be monogamous.  I'm not trying to make you feel bad about it but that's what it comes down to.


Quoting Anonymous:

You are right but since my dh is not attracted to men I would not be in a position to have this happen with another man. I wasn't blaming it on being bi I was telling a story and the fact that I am sexually attracted to both genders played a large part in the story.


Quoting WesAndNicksMom:

It has more to do with your feelings for another person than being bi. If it were a man you wouldn't blame it on being hetero.

 

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 2, 2012 at 2:26 AM
He's awesome. I think I felt bad because I was always taught you can't be in love with more than one person so I had tons of guilt. But since we have been talking to and seeing her again I feel like my family is more complete. I always expected that I would get over it but we didn't talk hardly at all for 7 years and I never stopped missing her. I realize now I never stopped loving her. I want to make it work because I don't feel "complete" without both of them.

Quoting ibelieveinpink:

You're welcome. :)

And don't feel bad for anything. You can't help how you feel. The important part is that you have an understanding and open-minded Dh. You have already lived the lifestyle; I'm sure you could make it work again. :)




Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you. I don't know anything about any of it lol. I just thought we would have a typical marriage with a little fun on the side lol. But then I met her and things changed. I will go read and learn!





Quoting ibelieveinpink:

If you want to go somewhere to learn more about it, ask questions, and get some support join fetlife.com. They have a lot of poly groups.



If you want you can friend me there. My sn is aDaddysgirl.








Quoting Anonymous:

It seems that is what we did before and basically what we are doing now except at this point we are having sex but not discussing a relationship. Maybe the difference is that even tho dh and I spent time with her without each other we don't have any sexual contact unless we are both there and involved.




I would be open to this kind if relationship, heck it would be exactly what I want. I am also confident that she would be open to it. She has said she is not seeing anyone else, she doesn't want to be involved with anyone other than us. I just don't know about dh. It must have been hard for him to hear me say that I was in love with someone else. He knew but I spent a lot of years denying it to him and myself. I don't think he is willing to call what we have going on a relationship yet but unless he decides to call it quits he is going to eventually come to terms that a relationship is exactly what we have.









Quoting ibelieveinpink:

Where the three of you are in a relationship together...











Quoting Anonymous:

Will you please explain what this means?













Quoting ibelieveinpink:

Is being poly an option for y'all? Or even trying it?
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 2, 2012 at 8:44 AM

This is why you don't bring other people into your relationship....

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 2, 2012 at 8:48 AM
This is why open relationships never work. You make your bed, you lay in it!
singlemom1208
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 8:51 AM
There's a lot of people the have these types of relationships. Maybe she can become part of y'all's lives again
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