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SAHM's Really do Have it Way Easier

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

It wasn't a problem so much with one kid, but working with two or more is awful. I stayed home the last year (after I had the baby). Now its back to work. My job isn't even hard. One kid hates me because I lack the time or energy to hang out or take her to events etc, and the other I bearly get to see awake.

I absolutly hate my life. I wish I never had kids. Working sucks. Its just constant "go,go,go!" Before and after work. I don't have the energy to cook or clean. The house is a gross mess. The sink is full of dishes. I ended up failing my classes. I hate everything. SO helps when he can, but he works full time+.

I miss my days of planning nice meals for the family, the time I spent crawling on the floor with the little one, or taking her for walks. Now, I'm just constantly stressed (and starving). My feet are killing me. I love my kids, but I can't do this. Id rather be in a homeless shelter.

I work 6 days a week and time off isn't an option ( I would def take a day off if I could, don't even care about getting paid). No staying home isn't really an option, SO wants me working. I'm ready to roll over and die, this is awful.

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 4, 2012 at 7:46 PM
Replies (101-107):
by Anonymous 19 on Dec. 4, 2012 at 10:24 PM
I agree! I just don't see how anyone can think its easier, you have so much more to do AND take care of your home and children.
It really shouldn't be made into a contest, it really matters to nobody but "you". It being harder to be a working mom does than you're a better or worse mother. The argument is just silly!

Quoting Anonymous:

Yea that was an interesting statement.

I think that people who think that working is easier maybe don't have patience to deal with children? Or maybe they are bored with their lives. i dunno. But after doing both, Staying home, I find, is far less stressful.

Quoting Anonymous:

What? Leave her dh and be a single mom! How does that change anything?
Working moms do all that single moms do PLUS work. IT IS EASIER being a sahm! How can anyone really say it isn't?
How is it easier to be a working mom?

Quoting Anonymous:

Just b/c your life sucks doesn't mean sahms have it easier. Then leave your so and be a single mom.

by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 10:29 PM

Ok, then rotate days that you guys take the kids to school, heck, my husband takes the kids to school on his days off. I see it as more quality time. If he can't cook, introduce him to, they will give him step by step instructions. As for laundry, sort it out yourself. Let him know only whites go in hot water and so fourth. Men are sometimes like kids so if I have to leave a post it for him, I will. It helps, trust me. As for the kitchen and dishes I have no advice. Well actually my biggest advice with that is clean as you go. I try to have all my dirty dishes in the dishwasher before we even eat, that way all I do is rinse and load four of everything at the end. It helps a whole lot.

Quoting Anonymous:

He does help when he can, but he leaves about the same time I do in the am to drop the little one off and doesn't get home till we're all asleep. (if he starting banging dishes around at that hour I would kill him lol) on the eekends he does more, but he cant cook to save his life and laundry is better done by me. I considered asking him to do his own laundry, but that seems kinda mean/bitchy/unfair.

Quoting melissa916:

I agree with you. I've been a sahm for about 10 years. It was harder when the kids were younger, but now they are both in school full time (one is 14 the other is 7), so this makes my day super easy. I mean I still have to do all the cooking and cleaning, plus all the transportation, which does get tiring, but I'd much rather do this than go to work. There would be no way I could do both. I'm sorry this is your situation, but maybe you need to talk to your SO and make him start helping with the chores and kid time. You both work so there's no excuse why he can't. Even if he works more hours, you're both working so I feel the duties at home should DEFINITLEY be shared. No if ands or buts.... I hope you catch a break soon.

by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 10:29 PM
1 mom liked this

I haven't slept more than 4 hours a night in 3 months. I haven't bathed since Saturday and it's Tuesday night. Trying to figure out how to maintain a grocery list that satisfies my family of 5 when I have fussy vegetable-hating toddlers and a nearly vegetarian preteen is nerve racking. Food costs me over $200 per week and I cook from scratch as much as possible - if I didn't, our bill would be more. I have to cut the kids' hair because we can't afford professional ones, and I think i'll have to groom our dogs again for lack of funds and they're way harder than the kids. I've had a cold. My dh has had to work o/t that I'm thankful he's getting, though amidst rumors of layoffs right before xmas. I had to buy my kids xmas presents at a good will type store and am just looking for the time when they can't see me clean them up and test the batteries to see if things still work.

I love my children. I would not want to work. I would not want them with someone else all day, because even though I have to handwash dishes and cook from scratch which reduces my ability to play with them directly - even though that- I can still talk to them, take breaks to hug them, and raise them with the family values that we have. They have security and consistency in me, and my motive is love for them, not a paycheck as a daycare nanny.

I've worked before them, and it's not that hard. I think it would be hard, however, to force kids into a work schedule and ship them off to daycare on cue every day. I'm lucky that I can let them have pajama days, or let them take their time a little. The life of children should be one of ease and learning, going at their own pace.

But my point is, my life as a sahm is not easy although rewarding knowing this is best for them. I get to be with them which is all that matters. It makes our sacrifices worth it, which are financial sacrifices that not only amount to doing without luxuries and non-necessities,but more work at doing things ourselves.

It can be really difficult. I just don't think you can compare. But I wish every mom could be, and wanted to be, a stay home mom. Because that phrase of "stay home mom" should not be, and for eons before this generation was not, a label that even made sense. Up until the industrial age, a sahm was just a mom. Women belong with their kids. It's normal, natural, healthy and not in any way a detriment to a woman as a human being. It's hard work with love that enhances the strength of women, and to get through it, if one can and has the fortune to be one, is the ultimate feminism.

I hope you can find a way to be the kind of mom you want to be. Just know that being a "sahm" is not as easy as people think, although, it is best for the children, the mom and the family. It's healthy. I hope you can do it. Good luck.

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 4, 2012 at 10:34 PM

I like being a mom, I like working. I don't like doing both. I do like my job. When I'm there I'm happy, I enjoy it. but its the stressful-ness of having to be a mom on top of that. I can be a really good mom, I love cooking for everybody, real cooking, not canned and processed but scratch cooking. I loved having the time to clean the inside of the washing machine (ever look in the grooves? gross.) and other things like that. I like taking the kids to the park on early summer days while its still cool. but I feel like cn't efficently do both.

Quoting sydjademom24:

I do agree in a sense. I love being home with my kids. I wouldn't want someone else raising them, spending precious time with them. I want them to remember me always around and there for them growing up. I did work after I had my first daughter, and I HAAATTTEEEDDDD it with a passion. I tried doing some part time work for a law firm a few months ago. That lasted 1, count it 1 day! I had forgotten how much I hate working in the last 5 years. And, no there is no need for me to work husband makes plenty of money to support us and then some. I was trying to broaden my horizons...I thought I wanted something different. That day made me realize even more than being a stay at home mom is what I WANT to do....what I want to be. I love waking up in the morning...getting my daughter ready for school, making lunches, getting breakfast, doing dishes, playing in the backyard, reading books, going to mcdonalds for playdate, watching Nick Jr. making dinner, cleaning the house even....yes, I LOVE it....ALL of it. I will be sad when my youngest is in school, cause then I have no reason to stay home. I may foster kids then, or watch some other kids out of our house so I can keep doing what I love so much.

by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:33 PM

I am kind of in the same boat. My husband doesn't make very much and we are currently trying to buy a house so I had to find some kind of job without putting my daughter into daycare. I just recently started working from home and I can actually make my own hours and work when I want to. I'm sorry about your situation, but if you would like I can give you some information on my company so you could work on that part time until this job supplements your current income.

by Anonymous 24 on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:36 PM
Maybe you should have thought about the before have more kids!

Now either live with it or get a job where you can be home more!
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:43 PM
I have been on both ends of this, a SAHM and a working mom. As a SAHM I had the energy to play with the kids and go on family outings. Now that I am back to work full time I do find it difficult doing all the things I used too and we definately eat out more. This month I am laid off tho and have been able to rest more, catch up on laundry and cleaning and cooking meals for the family. I'm also trying to figure out WTH I used to do before. Cleaning and cooking only take a few minutes
out of my day so I mostly sit around watching tv. I might start exercising again.

Anyways I understand how you feel, working full time AND being a full time mom and wife is tough,but remember that it is in th best interest of your family.
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