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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

DH never wants sex any more and it is really getting to me :(

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

To start off with I know he is not cheating...He goes to work and comes home...we have access to each others emails, passwords, cellphones ect..

DH would rather sit on the couch and stare at the damn TV then to be intimate with me :( I have tried to speak with him, I have tried to ask him for sex, I have tried to come on to him, I have bought lingerie and still he just doesn't seem interested..

It makes me feel undesired..I spend alot of nights on the couch crying because it just makes me feel like he is no longer interested in me...I have now gave up asking or trying to get him in the mood do to fear of rejection..I just no longer know what to do

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:02 AM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:23 AM

 i dont have advice I'm dealing with the same thing with my df.  Here is a bump for you though

katiew2012
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:24 AM

My dh and I sometimes go through this. I know when he's not feeling it, there is something stressing him out.

I also know he's not cheating. The last time he turned me down, it ate me alive all night as I thought about it. Normally we talk through stuff before sleep so that we don't loose sleep over it. Well, I was stubborn and didn't talk to him.

The next morning he asked what was wrong and I told him I had gotten excited at the thought of making love that night and then I was turned down. He felt bad and understood. I cried my eyes out.

Anyway, maybe he is stressed about work, or money for Christmas. Maybe he does have low testosterone. Is there a clinic that would take monthly payments?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie, proud wife of a railroader, and a future mother-to-be! 

I only reply if I've been quoted, or I happen to look and see a response. So, if you want to discuss with me, please quote me. :) Thank-you and good day!


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:24 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

My relationship is the same way. In the beginning it hurt a lot and I just wanted him to be like other men, always wanting it, because I always want it. But I just had to face the fact that that's not who I married. It still gets frustrating, but sex doesn't have to be a part of a healthy relationship.

I disagree that sex doesn't have to be part of a healthy relationship. Obviously there are exceptions because there are people out there who cannot have sex, for various reasons. However those relationships still have a level of intimacy. Intimacy is vital to a healthy relationship.

OP - Does he work long hours or have a physically demanding job? Is he exhausted when he gets home? Is he physically healthy?

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:30 AM

I felt the same way about the closeness. Being intimate with him was my way of reconnecting as a couple and de stressing from being a busy wife and mom, and I think he gets that it's important for me, but his issue is that he takes medication that has not just lowered, but killed his sex drive. It's just not something he ever thinks about, and is no longer a natural reaction for him to be "in the mood". I just had to make other things in our relationship important. Our communication, spending time away from the kids in non sexual ways like going to movies and out to eat. I started focusing more on myself as an individual rather than a couple. I do my thing, he does his, and once in a while we come together and hang out. It sounds funny, but it's what works for us. I just stopped using our sex life to determine my worth in our relationship. I assume that most couples after years and years of marriage just stop having sex as they age, and other factors get in the way, we just happened to stop sooner than most. Not everyone can as easily just give up that part of a relationship, and there's nothing saying you have to. You really need to get him to open up and make it clear to you why he's not interested. I know my husband's reason, yours really needs to communicate with you, especially if he sees how much it's hurting you.

Quoting Anonymous:

How did you get through? How did you get over the way it made you feel and the pain of it? I know sex doesn't have to be a major part in a healthy relationship, but my problem is making love to him is the only time I get to feel the closeness with him and the love from him...I feel hurt all the time because of the rejection and I don't understand why he would rather watch TV then to make love to me :(

Quoting Anonymous:

My relationship is the same way. In the beginning it hurt a lot and I just wanted him to be like other men, always wanting it, because I always want it. But I just had to face the fact that that's not who I married. It still gets frustrating, but sex doesn't have to be a part of a healthy relationship.

 


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:33 AM

Intimacy and sex aren't the same for me. I find many ways to have intimate encounters with my husband that aren't sexually motivated.

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

My relationship is the same way. In the beginning it hurt a lot and I just wanted him to be like other men, always wanting it, because I always want it. But I just had to face the fact that that's not who I married. It still gets frustrating, but sex doesn't have to be a part of a healthy relationship.

I disagree that sex doesn't have to be part of a healthy relationship. Obviously there are exceptions because there are people out there who cannot have sex, for various reasons. However those relationships still have a level of intimacy. Intimacy is vital to a healthy relationship.

OP - Does he work long hours or have a physically demanding job? Is he exhausted when he gets home? Is he physically healthy?


Snapdragon88
by Platinum Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:39 AM
There is always at least one ignorant person in these types of posts that seem to think any time a man has an issue with libido, they're automatically cheating.

There are a TON of explanations for this problem... cheating doesn't have to be at the top of the list.


Quoting Anonymous:

You would be surprised on how men find the time to cheat dear.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:42 AM

I completely agree that they are not the same thing.

I also think, that for most couples, sex is a large part of intimacy and marriage. Sex is also a great way to connect with your partner, releive stress, and feel good about yourself. I could not imagine being in a sexless marriage, and I don't think that most couples stop having sex at some point.

Quoting Anonymous:

Intimacy and sex aren't the same for me. I find many ways to have intimate encounters with my husband that aren't sexually motivated.

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

My relationship is the same way. In the beginning it hurt a lot and I just wanted him to be like other men, always wanting it, because I always want it. But I just had to face the fact that that's not who I married. It still gets frustrating, but sex doesn't have to be a part of a healthy relationship.

I disagree that sex doesn't have to be part of a healthy relationship. Obviously there are exceptions because there are people out there who cannot have sex, for various reasons. However those relationships still have a level of intimacy. Intimacy is vital to a healthy relationship.

OP - Does he work long hours or have a physically demanding job? Is he exhausted when he gets home? Is he physically healthy?



Melissa_4
by Ruby Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:43 AM

Have you told him straight out how it's making you feel?

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:44 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

You would be surprised on how men find the time to cheat dear.

Just men? Lol women are usually better at it and don't get caught.

gardengirl23
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:45 AM

My advice is to get off the couch and stop crying.  Get dolled up and go out with your girlfriends.  Have a dynamic interesting amazing life. Your confidence will shine through and he will want some of that.  If not, then you will have a dynamic interesting amazing life and can leave him if he doesn't shape up.

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